WAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA - Blog Posts

collu2iion2

1 month ago

> JOHN: Read Dave's messages.

Egbert’s phone flashes red, making his face glow. An arrow points to him, saying: unfazed.

You open Dave’s message, and are flashed with a large wall of red texts, as per usual. When are you ever NOT expecting to be blinded by a red screen?

Dave is sitting at his desk as he draws on his tablet.

TG: wakey wakey balls and dicky
TG: got the whole fanfare crew bustin into your room and blastin your ears off with them annoying ass trumpets
TG: they make this path for the messenger but the messenger in question is a comically large birthday cake
TG: and youre gonna be like
TG: "oh BOY a huge cake just for me? yippee ki yay!"
TG: then whip out a fork knife and bib outta thin air

Dave jumps out of the cake with a blue speedo on, the onomatopoeia “BAM!” describing it. The carapacians play their trumpets; the words “beep!” and “toot” describes it.

TG: and just when youre fixing to dig in licking your lips and shit
TG: BAM!
TG: i come bustin outta the cake wearing nothing but a speedo
TG: (dont ask why)

Egbert’s room becomes a stadium. Green aura surrounds the crowd (except around Egbert and Dave), “shit stank” describing it.

TG: then all of a sudden your room transforms into a sold out stadium full of musty fans

Dave stands in front of Egbert with his speedo on, along with fishnets, high heels, and a cape.

TG: everyone claims to be a devoted fan with their lying asses

John is looking up at Dave as Dave points at him.

TG: but you
TG: yes you dont look around actin all surprised
TG: YOU are the biggest fan of all
TG: bigger than those assholes who only sing the chorus to one song and then stand around looking dumb as hell for the rest of the concert

Dave pulls Egbert up stage one panel. In another panel, he stares at him, and the third panel is of him singing to Egbert. Egbert says “wow…”.

TG: i pull you up on the stage
TG: stare into those beady eyes of yours
TG: and start singing this groundbreaking quadruple platinum birthday song
TG: no autotune no lip syncing just raw angelic vocals

Dave and John look at the shadow of mysterious person on stage.

TG: but wait hold up whats this
TG: some guy is up here spitting straight gold about super mario
TG: but not just any guy
TG: get ready to sit down so you can stand up when you hear

It is revealed that T Dub is standing there, rapping his lyrics from Mario Be Playin’.

TG: mother
TG: fuckin
TG: T DUB
T DUB: ‘Cause no ones going to hit it like me
T DUB: ‘Cause Mario has a big C

Egbert and Dave walk up to T Dub excitedly as T Dub dances. The crowd is screaming and crying.

TG: thats right
TG: t dub in the flesh
TG: the crowd goes BANANAS seeing that dude up there im talkin guys taking their panties off and girls doing moshpits yknow what i mean?

A plate of cake made out of wax sits on the floor. It is bitten out of.

TG: after that shits over your room just reverts back to normal as if nothing ever happened
TG: stadium? gone
TG: t dub? outta there. hes a busy man
TG: fanfare dudes? wheeling me and the cake outta your house

TG: oh yeah and before you fuss about not keeping the cake
TG: i saved you a slice
TG: jk its not really cake
TG: its candle wax
TG: some cornball accidentally bit into it
TG: dont know who though

Dave smirks as he continues to draw on his tablet while listening to music.

TG: what im trying to say is
TG: happy birthday dude
TG: we got something cooked for you
TG: youre gonna shit your pants clean off your body when you see it later
TG: so yeah
TG: peace dawg
TG: ps
TG: peep the masterpiece i drew for you
TG: http://tinyurl.com/egberday
TG: aight peace dawg x2

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

You click on the link to check what award winning piece Dave made this time, and great God you're blown away by his talent. If you could print this out and put the whole thing on the fridge, you definitely would.

You plan on replying to Dave’s shenanigans in person, just so you can discuss T Dub and that wonderful comic he made for you. But for now, it’s time to move on to the next friend’s messages, don’t you think?