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Not my sister having a fucking stalker or smt at our house right fucking now hahahaahahaha
I feel as though my mind is barren. Like I can't produce more for my writing. Even the simplest of lines are starting to fascinate me now.
Writing was supposed to be therapeutic...
.. not this.
So I have this crush on one of my friends and when I told her, she said she wasn’t ready to be in a relationship but maybe there was a chance for us to be together in the future.
This week she said she liked me. I started panicking and I asked her what she meant, she said she didn’t know and that she was confused because of my charms, I ask what charms she was talking about because she’s the one who’s amazing, we then started insulting each other while trying to get the other to admit how perfect they were…
And now I’m just confused
I feel this way a lot, especially as someone who never thought I was gonna live to be 18. But it’s crazy to me realizing that I was 13 and 14 when I really thought that way, honestly I still do feel that way. And the only thing keeping me going on in this shitty country is that it would cause a whole lotta problems for my family if I did die, especially this far along in my life.
sometimes the feeling of wanting to unalive myself are super strong, other times it sneaks up on me- especially when someone says something that might not seem so big to them, but actually really hurts me, happens and next thing I now I’m suddenly super quiet and thinking that they would be a lot happier if I wasn’t in the picture-.
sometimes i just get hit with the feeling
i wasnt supposed to make it this far
also what do i do now