Im Tired

im tired

i dont want to go on anymore

all i do is try and it's never enough

but death isn't an option

so what should i do?

i thought about praying to god for help or guidance

but not only do i feel like shit for thinking about god only when i need god but i also feel so worthless..

is this all i exist for?

to rely on god on everything?

surely there's more to it

surely there's more to my religion

surely..

but what does it matter

that doesn't change anything honestly

i still feel like shit

im still just going to be the same

no motivation

same old lazy piece of shit who can't get anything right

the same piece of shit whose efforts are futile and will never be seen

the same piece of shit who's always just going to end up being useless,

who's never going to do anything correctly,

always being a burden no matter how much they tried

.

.

.

.

.

it's tiring

all i do is try

but it's never enough

i always end up being the same piece of shit

but again death isn't an option so i dont know what to do

i dont know who to reach out to

im so fucking tired already

but im not ready to die

but at the same time i've always thought about how i wont make it far in living and how i'll die at an early age,

so i dont even know what to look forward to

my life feels meaningless

i feel as is i have no purpose

an empty shell

a puppet without a puppeteer

a robot with no coding or programming

.

.

.

.

what do i do?