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im tired
i dont want to go on anymore
all i do is try and it's never enough
but death isn't an option
so what should i do?
i thought about praying to god for help or guidance
but not only do i feel like shit for thinking about god only when i need god but i also feel so worthless..
is this all i exist for?
to rely on god on everything?
surely there's more to it
surely there's more to my religion
surely..
but what does it matter
that doesn't change anything honestly
i still feel like shit
im still just going to be the same
no motivation
same old lazy piece of shit who can't get anything right
the same piece of shit whose efforts are futile and will never be seen
the same piece of shit who's always just going to end up being useless,
who's never going to do anything correctly,
always being a burden no matter how much they tried
.
.
.
.
.
it's tiring
all i do is try
but it's never enough
i always end up being the same piece of shit
but again death isn't an option so i dont know what to do
i dont know who to reach out to
im so fucking tired already
but im not ready to die
but at the same time i've always thought about how i wont make it far in living and how i'll die at an early age,
so i dont even know what to look forward to
my life feels meaningless
i feel as is i have no purpose
an empty shell
a puppet without a puppeteer
a robot with no coding or programming
.
.
.
.
what do i do?