Just My Thoughts - Blog Posts

Do you ever think that the planets just look at all the stuff that is happening on earth and go, "Damn the fuck happened to you?"

We drove out of the city towards the river. My friend was concentrating on driving, but I could feel her worried and warm gaze on me from time to time.

I cried in the passenger seat and just kept repeating to her, "Well, what an idiot I am... I mean, there's not a single reason not to think that I'm an idiot..."

Her voice was calm, soft, even maternal (I had no such support in my life, but I instinctively felt it). "You're not an idiot. Don't even think like that... You just have a very big and kind heart... You share your warmth, there's enough for everyone, Dear. You see... For your family, your friends, and even..." here she stopped talking for a second and added, "you have to keep sharing and..."

"I don't want to," I whispered to her, clearly aware of why.

"You are so... And your heart is so... You have to keep sharing... Things will get better..."

At that moment I was so grateful to her and to myself that I wasn't alone.

One day I'll tell the whole truth about this trip...

One day I'll probably write something about it...

But today...

Today it's important to breathe, to fill my lungs with cold air.

Does anyone think that Reginald did log tests on the children , like voice logs so he keeps track of how far they are training their powers and that. How do you think he would start the voice log , also who would have the most like training tests on them??

Like would also talk about the side effects of each power and how he would "tackle" them

I think he would ,especially with Christopher , man is literally a cube

Please comment your thoughts on this, cause I'm curious about if anyone else thought this (probably not)

hear me out guys. bottom!will solace isn’t just hot. it’s a full-on character study.

we always see him written as the calm one. the steady one. the one who holds everything together. and that absolutely makes sense—he’s the camp’s head medic, he keeps people alive, he’s responsible, dependable, always putting others first. he’s the one who drags Nico out of the shadows and doesn’t flinch. he’s strong. he’s in control.

but what if all of that control is exhausting?

what if Will—who spends all day making decisions, fixing people, managing crises—actually wants to let go when he’s with someone he trusts? not because he’s weak or submissive in a simplistic way, but because it’s the only time he gets to stop holding the world up. it’s the only time he gets to focus on what he feels instead of what he needs to do.

he’s a child of Apollo, raised to shine, to soothe, to be the golden boy. and that can be a heavy role. he carries so much pressure, not just from the world but from himself. he’s the kind of person who people expect to be okay all the time, who makes himself okay for other people. that builds up. and the more he tries to control it all, the more you know he probably craves a space where he doesn’t have to.

and that’s where bottom!Will becomes something intimate and powerful. not just sexy, but safe. because to give up control, you need trust. to let someone else take the lead, you need to feel completely seen and accepted. that kind of surrender becomes emotional. vulnerable. and no one makes more sense for that than Nico.

because Nico is the one person who doesn’t expect anything from Will except for him to be real. he’s not afraid of Will’s darkness or messiness. he doesn’t want him to be perfect. and Will knows that. he trusts that. so of course he’d feel safe enough with Nico to give up the act, to stop being the healer or the bright one or the caretaker, and just exist in someone else’s hands for once.

that’s not weak. that’s not soft in a diminishing way. it’s deep. it’s powerful. it’s one of the clearest signs of love and trust we could get from a character like Will.

so yeah. give me bottom!Will who shudders when the tension leaves his body. who’s used to carrying everyone else and finally gets to be held. who gets to feel instead of fix. who gets to fall apart a little and know he won’t be left behind.

to me, that’s not just smut. that’s a love story.

@onetiny-inkdropuniverse I know u share my vision!!

Everytime I say a nice thing about myself I think “believe it!” in a naruto voice in my head

I don’t believe my body is a temple. My body is a piece of art and I am its artist. I dress it up like a paper doll as I see fit. Makeup and hair dye and tattoo ink are the paints on my palette. I carve it like a marble statue and sculpt it like clay until I see my form emerge. My appearance is mine to control and delight in

I think if Dazai got a psych diagnosis it would be Borderline Personality Disorder. Hear me out. He hits just about every sympton listed on the Mayo Clinic's website. Suicidal and feelings of emptiness are shown throught BSD. We see him being involved in risky behavior (gambling, drinking, literally putting himself in dangerous situations/harms way). Inappropriate, strong anger is a bit harder to catch since his isn't physical or loud like Chuuya, instead Dazai tends to get sarcastic and bitter as we see in 15 or he gets "even," if someone one ups him he attempts to destroy them as we see with Fyodor and as shown with the quote Oda had about Dazai’s enemies. His relationships are rather unstable (don't think anyone will argue with me there) and there is an argument that he has abandonment issues which is why he keeps people at arms length, kinda a "you didn't leave me, I pushed you away" deal. If you're paying attention you can also catch when he's manic and when he's masking. Most of the time, he's masking. One exception is at Lupin Bar with Oda and Ango. He's not as over the top like when he's masking, but he's also much more excitable than usual. It's a subtle difference and I've found that it's not shown in the anime as much as it is the novels.

Please note: I say this as someone who is diagnosed neurospicy, so my personal experience may be at play in my analysis.

there are two sides of the Danny phantom Phandom

the ‘let’s be canon compliant but not Phantom Planet, we’re here for a good time ^^’

and then the ‘The ghost of a 14-year-old boy has to hide from his parents, who want nothing more that to destroy him’

It’s funny really

I hate the feeling that my mouth is too dry, the feeling that my tongue doesn't fit in my mouth. Being aware of my body, having a healthy nervous system is a blessing compared to not having control over my body. But the feeling that I AM my body, what I am made of, how chemical reactions work, feeling the weight of my brain, the awareness of wet bones, itchy skin, sweating in cold rooms. How my skin sticks to me... I probably should be grateful for a healthy body, but I'm kind of not. It is most likely part of growing up. If only I could be a cloud though..

At the same time I love the feeling of tummy filled with warm food for example tomato soup. I love tomato soup with rice! I like feeling the weigh of my cats when we cuddle. I live scent of the fresh air. I love hearing voice of my close ones. I enjoy satisfying feeling of cracking bones. I love being alive, I only need to adapt.

I even add a dot at the end of the sentence 🤓☝️

OH GOSH CONSCIOUSNESS

im tired

i dont want to go on anymore

all i do is try and it's never enough

but death isn't an option

so what should i do?

i thought about praying to god for help or guidance

but not only do i feel like shit for thinking about god only when i need god but i also feel so worthless..

is this all i exist for?

to rely on god on everything?

surely there's more to it

surely there's more to my religion

surely..

but what does it matter

that doesn't change anything honestly

i still feel like shit

im still just going to be the same

no motivation

same old lazy piece of shit who can't get anything right

the same piece of shit whose efforts are futile and will never be seen

the same piece of shit who's always just going to end up being useless,

who's never going to do anything correctly,

always being a burden no matter how much they tried

.

.

.

.

.

it's tiring

all i do is try

but it's never enough

i always end up being the same piece of shit

but again death isn't an option so i dont know what to do

i dont know who to reach out to

im so fucking tired already

but im not ready to die

but at the same time i've always thought about how i wont make it far in living and how i'll die at an early age,

so i dont even know what to look forward to

my life feels meaningless

i feel as is i have no purpose

an empty shell

a puppet without a puppeteer

a robot with no coding or programming

.

.

.

.

what do i do?

Well that’s good to know😏

I will sleep with all the beautiful people I can. I will do the stupidest things that would horrify my mother if she knew. I will make the most of being young in the only ways I know how.

I just want life. Maybe it’s the naivety of youth that makes me search for it in the warmth of other’s bodies, at the bottom of an empty glass, on the coldest nights while speeding down dark roads.

Truly I am merely a fool, but I think I could live quite well being dumb and happy.

My alternative ending/wishes for the bad batch:

So my idea would have been that the bad batch get caught on the planet and brought back to Kamino.

Now, they don’t kill them there, because they use them as leverage on order to get Omega.

We know that Omega is a good strategist, so she puts one and one together and decides to use Cid’s contacts in order to get into contact with Fennec (or Nala Se, who is on Kamino gets into contact with Fennec and tells her to find Omega)

(We also know from prior episodes that Fennec is still new in the bounty hunting business so chances are low she knows Boba Fett, but who knows…)

Together (and maybe with allies [how about Hondo ;)]) they embark on a rescue mission with high stakes. Maybe we would see Commander Cody fighting the batch for extra angsty feelings.They make it out, take crosshair with them, take out his chip and we get a nice reunion!

Just my thoughts… what do you guys think? :)

To my defense, I really tried to reduce the amount of screenshots, but I absolutely need you to see all of these! The point will follow.

Just look at this soft boy! I can't! (๑>◡<๑)💕

Ahem. Now to the point… 👉🏻👈🏻

I keep thinking about these early camp scenes with Astarion – and I still can’t get over how much warmth he already shows from the very beginning.

I don’t know how anyone can call this man weak when he’s endured such horrors and came out deeply scarred, but never broken. For two centuries, Cazador did everything in his power to crush him – and failed.

And then, on the very first night, just after he escaped (with the help of the Nautilouid, of course), Astarion is already reaching out – so sweet and sincere, sharing his thoughts, offering to take the watch, wishing you sweet dreams. It’s not a performance. He’s genuinely excited. Giddy, almost!

The contrast with Gale struck me recently. During his first night in camp, he’s already carrying so much – he’s been prepared to die soon, and now he’s stuck with yet another dangerous condition. It’s overwhelming.

To be honest, during my second playthrough when I romanced Gale, I missed that early scene. I remembered him as cheerful and chatty in Act 1, so seeing that moment afterward gave me a deeper understanding of how low he actually felt in the beginning. It’s the connection with others, with Tav, that pulls him back to the light.

But Astarion? He’s glowing that night. He’s finally free, and that feeling is so vast not even any fear about the tadpole can spoil it. He’ll worry about that tomorrow. But right now, he’s just... here. And free.

There’s no seduction yet. No manipulation. Just a raw and honest joy, and a warmth that’s easy to miss but unforgettable once you’ve seen it.

Astarion’s resilience is something incredible.

He hasn’t given up – not on himself, not on the world.

He has the strongest love of life. He wants to live, no matter what.

And no matter what life throws at him, he doesn’t let it break him – he immediately stands into the position, ready to strike, to fight till the last beat – with this fierce determination to insist on being there.

And even after everything, he still chooses to connect. He still cares. If you meet him with patience and sincerity, he readily lets you in – and that trust feels like the most meaningful gift.

His light was dimmed – but it never stopped shining.

Not in Cazador’s dungeon, not ever.

So, aparently and according to Closer, Travis is having doubts about Taylor and their relationship. The articule says he still loves her but the public talking about how they may be pr and the rumour about her marriage with Joe (that is confirmed by Tree Pain to not be true) are messing with him.

The articule is very detailed, almost as if they read the mind of Kelce, and I cannot help but ask, how would they know? What I am trying to say is, this really looks like they are trying to craft a narrative around their relationships. The magazine is most likely not making that up, but been told by sources from Taylor and Travis team.

This is all really campy and reminds me of the Tom Hiddleston pre-reputation pr stunt, and it completely makes sense for them to do that.

If we take a closer look to Taylors public persona during the re recording era, she really tried and recreate her public dating life for the time of the albums original release when the re recording was going to be released. Previously to Speak Now TV she dated Matty Healy, a really cuestionable guy that swifties dont like. Pre 1989TV release she started being a lot more public with friends and starting dating Kalce out of the blue, which really draws paralels to her girlsquad and her relationship with Harry Styles or Calvin Harris, I am not really sure which one she might be recreating (and maybe Kelce is the mix of both Styles and Harris).

Now, in the pre reputation era, and if this pattern is not me reading a lot into her every move, it makes a lot of sense that Kelce has now gone from the character of Styles/Harris of 1989 to the Tom Hiddleston of reputation, all public and unashamed.

I dont know where she is going with all this public performances she is making, and maybe Travlor is a real, genuine, happy relationship (which good for her because everyone deserves true, happy, genuine love) but that is my take on it.

It's Only You

Sebek Zigvolt x GN!Reader

Synopsis: You'd never thought how difficult it could be to love someone without receiving affection back. The daunting realization of your unrequited love led you to leaving him. You never meant much anyways- you were always just there and he was sure you'd return. Time flew by as he waited for your return.

TW: Angst, mentions of death, depression, mentions of unhealthy relationships.

The pitter and patter of rain filled the silence enveloping the room. It was unusual for Sebek to be so silent for he was usually so boisterous, if not impulsive. Whether he was enraged, content, or glum, he was always loud- reckless. It was odd- this thick, suffocating silence that pierced through your skin. A shiver traveled down your spine, your lips forming a thin, straight line.

"Sebek, I said something."

You spoke up, as if offended by his lack of reaction. Never once was he so apathetic. You expected more, much more by an individual who was usually so reckless, so volatile. If not verbally than through expressions, you wanted a reaction- it was a given, you confusion, considering this side was something you'd never seen, no one had ever seen. Yet, there was no response merely a wide-eyed gaze he sent your way.

"If you won't respond then I guess the feeling's mutual."

You spoke up once more, irritation present in your words. A sigh left your lips, his olive gaze still fixed on you. It wasn't as if he didn't speak to spite you- no, it was quite the opposite. He was speechless. Everything was fine, nothing was out of place- both of you were alright, perfectly content together. Then why had you just said you wanted to end it? Was your relationship that meaningless? Did he mean nothing? Was your bond that fickle?

The rain continued to pour down as you packed, taking your things one by one. You presence vanished little by little leaving him alone- in solitude. He stood in the same spot as you removed yourself from his life- his home. His eyes were glassy, not that you noticed.

"Goodbye Sebek."

That was the last thing you said before leaving, suitcase in hand.

He came back to his senses, his voice returning to him as the door shut with a loud 'thud'. He called out your name several times, shouting at the top of his lungs. As if to mock him, the rain pattered against the windows even harder, silencing him. Without a thought he ran outside, his usually neat hair now wet and tousled. His eyes searched for you, his heart drumming inside his chest- his throat was raw from screaming, his vision blurry. His body was soaked, his tears camouflaging- becoming one with the drops of rain. His body shook, a shiver running down his back; it was now he realized that you had left. It wasn't a nightmare, nor a delusion, and it definitely wasn't a joke. This was reality.

Even if he found you, begged you to stay- your answer would remain the same. You were tired. You were sick of being a second option- no, a last resort. Someone or something always came before you. Whether it was his loyalty for Malleus or his affection for knighthood. You were never number one. Frankly, you had been alright with that, knowing your relationship with Sebek was fairly one-sided; you'd begged for his love, had you not? In his eyes you had. Not that he didn't care at all, but just not to the level you did. You were useful to him, always there when he needed you to be. Never once did you think of your own needs- neither did he. That was until you did. There was only so much you could ignore before you felt lonely- alone.

No matter how selfish it sounded, you wanted to bask in his affection. He was your spouse, wasn't he? He made vows to you, didn't he? He was your soulmate, was he not?

Then why were you ditched for his loyalty to Malleus? Then why had he made it clear that you could be replaced, Malleus couldn't? Then why were you never never first- not once?

Why didn't you mean anything to him, who meant everything to you?

Your love was unrequited, to an extent at least. You knew you had agreed to something of this sort upon falling for him- yet this daunting realization hurt more than you wanted it to. You wished for everything to go back to how it was- you wanted to be blind once more. You wanted to unsee this new vision, to go back to your old perception of reality.

You wanted to mend this broken relationship. As if you were a child who had just noticed that life was not, in fact, perfect you tried convincing yourself that it was. You were better off believing in the false perfection of the world- of your relationship. You didn't want to believe that he didn't care. You were not being neglected. You couldn't be.

You just had to communicate, that would fix everything.

You spoke up, he didn't listen. You spoke up once more, he had better things to do. You spoke up again and as expected, he couldn't care less.

It poured down as you spoke up for the last time, this time adding that you were simply leaving. His opinion didn't matter anymore- too many chances had been missed. You weren't a doormat, not any more.

You waited far too long for someone who wouldn't come around. That realization daunted upon him- he was guilty of a crime he wished he hadn't committed.

His body coiled up, quivering as his garments clung to his skin. He sat on the wet road, the sky darkening as the rain roared down. His eyes were fixed on the ground, shameless tears trickling down his face. If Malleus saw him like this- no, if anyone saw him in such a state, he wouldn't mind. He was confused to have such thoughts- he should mind, should he not? You were gone. It shouldn't affect him so much, not at all. What were you? A spouse, but only in name. Then why did his heart pang so loudly? Why was your sweet voice playing in his mind? Why was it now that he saw your pain? Why now, when it was far too late?

His life was different from there on. You had an affect on his life and took on such an important role, yet never realized - if you had, maybe you wouldn't have left. He wished both of you had remained blind, playing house forever- no matter how suffocating it got. Maybe then he wouldn't be so melancholic.

Days passed by.

His halls were empty, signifying his solitude. The little knick knacks you used to keep were gone, those stupid little hand-drawn doodles he used to find on random pieces of paper were all in the past. The times you cooked for him, no matter whether he he liked it or not- he missed it. The scent of your shampoo never lingered around the house anymore, neither did the sound of your sweet voice.

He would stand at the door everyday yet no one came to greet him once he returned home, neither did he have anyone to greet. No one played music that hurt his ears anymore- he never thought he'd miss that. He still made portions for two everyday, leave it on a plate only for the food to go stale. He still clung onto the last bit of hope that you would return- that he wouldn't have to be alone. Yet, everyday you proved him wrong.

Weeks passed by.

Was this how you felt? Was this how your heart ached? He wished he had listened to your rambles, that he'd paid attention to whatever stupid show you used to watch. Maybe if he had then he could watch those shows to remind himself of you- yet he didn't remember. He never thought he could cry so freely, never once had he been someone so sensitive. What else could he even do? There was no one to scold, to scorn at to scream at- he was rendered silent within these walls, isolation along with silence were his only resorts. He had lost his old self, grief took over his previously exuberant self. "He deserved it", he thought.

Your separation from him was his separation from himself. His memory of your was the only thing keeping him going. Every little thing you used to do reminding him of his mistakes, of what could have been. He'd underestimated your worth- he'd underestimated how irreplaceable you were.

Months passed by.

His previous priorities became second while you became number one. The only difference was that you weren't there to witness that. Wherever you were, away from him- you were happier. At least he hoped you were. His door was always open for you though, his heart too. Maybe if he'd cherished you, he wouldn't have lost you.

Despite all his lingering thoughts, he'd realized it was just "if's" now. There was no mending what he'd broken and there was no apologizing for what he did, not when you had clearly severed ties with him.

Was it illicit to hope you'd crawl back to him? That you'd beg him to take you back? It was wrong and he knew it but he couldn't help but delude in such thoughts despite knowing the only one who who'd beg for the other would be him, as of now. Though, he didn't mind begging if it meant you'd return. He knew he was being delusional- you'd never return. He knew that was the best for you, for if you did return- he wouldn't be able to let go no matter how difficult it got for you. He might've gone mad.

A decade passed by.

Years later he saw you, clinging onto another man as you pranced around at a store- one you used to speak of quite often as if urging him to take you. He never did.

As you and the unknown man walked inside the store he couldn't help but follow, silent as ever as he simply observed. He broke the moment he saw you picking a suit for the man beside you. You weren't his and maybe you never were.

He walked out of the store, his eyes stinging as he returned home. You weren't there waiting for him and no one ever would- he wouldn't replace you, not that he could. That would be another insult to your name.

He stood near the same window, on the exact spot where he watched you leave. Just like that day, it was pouring and the room was silent. He called out your name a few times, hoping you'd appear. Was he mad? Surely. Maybe he should drink again- doing so could help him hallucinate of you and if not, at least it would numb the pain.

He sighed as he sat down.

You were incomplete when with him while he was incomplete when without. You meant more than he had previously thought, so much so that it was only you he wanted to live for and with. If that was impossible, why live at all?

Note: If you enjoyed this, please interact with this post, my blog, and reblog! Any kind gestures are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

Note 2: I hope Sebek wasn't too fanon/off, I just really wanted to explore a different side.

Note 3: Any unhealthy behavior depicted in this fic is not condoned nor encouraged by me. If you are facing any mental/physical abuse, please seek help immediately!

TWST Rambles #1

Random thought but like why does Leona and Malleus' rivarly/whatever the word is for this- remind me of draco malfoy and harry potter. Like idk much abt harry potter but why does Leona remind me of draco and Malleus of harry (kinda).

"Draco: POTTER"

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Leona: LIZARD LOOK I'M BETTER AT POTIONS THAN YOU HAH

Malleus: Son of a beast- It's not a competition (It is)

ORRRRRRR

Leona: LIZARD LOOK AT HOW REFINED I AM UNLIKE YOU I DON'T HAVE HORNS

Malleus: My horns are far more refined than your ghastly ears, thank you very much

ORRRRRRRRR

Leona: LIZARD I'LL BE WINNING THE SPELLDRIVE TOURNAMENT THIS TIME ROUND

Malleus: *Does that hot smirk thing* Oh yeah? We shall see about that.

*After the competition (malleus won)*

Malleus: It's true, you're just all bark no bite

Leona: ......

Leona: fuck u IM GONNA GO NAP

LIKEEEEE SOMETHING???? ANY CORRELATION OR IS IT JUST ME???

why do i feel like leona just wants to be frnds with malleus but is bitching and moaning abt it cuz he like got rejected/malleus didn't get the memo cuz leona also never straight up told him. (They're both too arrogant sometimes which is a given cuz they're so high in status)

but just my opinon