Love When I Get Dysregulated By A Trigger And The Rest Of My Night Until Sleep Is Anxiety And Being In

figuring out how to get rid of screen addiction is like trying to figure out how to stop a nicotine addiction while also having a job centered around smoking cigarettes and having half your social life be in smoke breaks

When my ex-therapist couldn't pull through on something or needed to reschedule I remember being normal about it on the outside but feeling this real anger on the inside. A great sense of indignance towards her. (I've graduated therapy for the time being which is why she's an ex, nothing bad happened. She is great at what she does.)

Now that I think about it, I think it's transference. She's the parental figure and I'm finally being able to safely yell and scream WHY THE FUCK DON'T YOU DO THIS SHIT FOR ME!!! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!!! for the first time. I could never vocalise the betrayal of having opportunities sabotaged or denied but I can get real mad at someone in a therapeutic relationship for not responding to an email in time (internally, of course). She's literally a chill ass Polish woman doing her thing and I'm copy pasting my parents over her and chimping out at her in my head. Very liberating to be able to connect the dots in my behaviours like that. I think I will write letters I won't send and use her to air my grievances a little more, see how the inner child and teenager go after that.

anyways thnx Daria for letting me normalise myself a bit more.

I've been able to get past it for the most part since I've been doing my placement and not getting the chance to dwell or ruminate much. Now that my schedule is slowing down and placement is ending, I have more time in the day to be preyed upon by myself. Fuck yeeeeaaaaaah

When I say there are some days where I dont even get the opportunity to fuck my morning up, that the first thought of the day can be either a trigger to worse thoughts or something my unconscious vomited into the conscious sphere first opportunity it gets, I'm not kidding.

watching yt essays on oyasumi punpun and watching punpun's mindset be described as fundamentalist has clicked something in place deep within me

this husband on the real housewives of new york city has marquis de sade's birth and death years on a t-shirt

Good app

the kind of people who make it an entire part of their personality that they're "kind" are always the people who do the most heinous abusive shit to you and they can never acknowledge it because to do so would go against their self conception of themselves as ontologically good people. they're always people who have like "be kind <3 just trying to make my way through the world as a little sunflower <3" as their bio or whatever and they're always the same people who will do shit like unperson someone over the most casual interpersonal conflicts. also they are almost always remarkably racist liberals.

i’m burning the candle at ends you’ve never heard of

My bf is currently worrying about mystery money transfers out of his account into some random other bank account we are not familiar with. It doesn't affect our finances, more so his personal spending. Still concerning.

Why is it that I'm still suddenly a little kid freaking out that someone around me is upset and I have to fix it because the distress of other people is unsafe? Wack

I can provide him emotional and practical support but beyond that it is not my problem to solve. It is not my responsibility to fix.

(he's not asking or even expecting me to fix this problem, he's organising it all. I'm just built traumatised)

One of the worst things about being codependent is having to remind yourself over and over again the inherent healthy separation between Self and Other

how do you feel about being autistic? i always struggled with it but i love seeing you talk about it so openly in a positive way

being autistic is amazing when im alone and horrible around other people