chaewonlover
she/herdni if not ill
90 posts
Latest Posts by chaewonlover
i think i have to accept i’m building muscle
pros are burning cals at rest but cons are A HIGHER WEIGHT ON THE SCALE ARFGHG
when i was eating normally last week i probably started growing smth but still
is the wellness lifestyle for me?? xx
body positivity activists when you’re shaped somewhere in between thin and average
do you guys ever feel like there's something fundamentally wrong with you? I constantly feel like I'm too much, or not enough. I'm too fat or too thin, too loud or too quiet, too little or too big, too young to feel the way I do, old enough to know better, I care too much or not enough and it hurts
cannot wait until i find myself a drug dealer later and immediately ask for a tub of adderal
tw long ana rant
i’m so pissed off rveruday is a battle to convince myself that i need help, that i’m not a wannarexic, that my body is normal maybe a little skinny, that it’s not abt what i eat but how i think but i can’t fucking believe ANYTHING
i can’t thr0w up to save my life i can’t relate when ppl say “i could never eat all that” bc ik damn well i could. i could eat that entire plate and still be hungry for seconds. for desert.
no matter how many times i remind myself i’m literally -ving, that i’m weak and knee-deep into this ed i can’t believe it
bc i don’t look sick enough. no one can tell i’m fucked up except for my friends who probably know by now. only they know i refuse to eat yet the second i break my fast i’ll gorge on anything near me.
not all of my bones are showing yet, only the normal ones that every skinny person alr has.
no matter how many hours i’ve fasted i’ve never fainted once. sure, maybe i’ve come close to that at times but that still means no one will ever know bc they’ve never seen me do it.
every time i come into school it’s the same bullshit every. single. day i’m so tired of it
i see thinspo in all of my classes and they all wish they weren’t skinny, talking abt how they wish they looked healthier or smth
“i skipped breakfast this morning bc i forgot/wasn’t hungry”, “stop i eat sooo much idk how i’m so skinny!”, “we’re such big backs for eating chips”
SHUT UPPP
who the hell loses their appetite when they’re stressed. who loses their appetite at ALL and why does it never happen to me whether i’m binging or -ving???
when i move out i’m gonna have a big fridge full of nothing
parents coming back home saved me from a terrible binge at 7am sharp
god what is wrong with me
the problem is i can follow instructions on recipes so i create delicious deserts that are now in my face 24/7
take these blueberry muffins for example. ohmigod they’re the best sensory experience ever n i never thought muffin batter was yummier than cookie dough
thank u sammie
https://sugarspunrun.com/blueberry-muffins-from-scratch/
never forgiving human evolution for making it so that the less you weigh the less you burn
me bc unfortunately i need male validation for motivation. sometimes
he will soon have to see you in a bikini, lock in!!
recovery will never be an option i fear
i’m so destroyed mentally that i’ll just feel worse if i fix my relationship w food bc i’ll still be lacking everywhere else in my life
i’ll always be anxious, a people pleaser and terribly jealous of everyone else
my stomach is flat from being -ved but the bottom. it won’t fucking LEAVE
it’s like i can’t even wear a crop top bc it looks so off
daily affirmations:
i'm not chopped
a burger is not going to kill me
the opinions of my classmates don't matter because i'm not gonna see them after we graduate
i do not have a secret crush on my teacher
i'm not a pedophile and smiling at someone younger than me doesn't make me a pedophile
i am not secretly being filmed
i'm not a secret serial killer
nobody is stalking me
it's not a bad life, it's just a bad day
I went grocery shopping with my dad and stepmom today and all I could think about was what I’m going to buy when I’m older
broke my fast with cookie dough again who’s surprised
if i ever had to omad only one food for the rest of my life it would be these cookies
they take up literally all of my afternoon every time i make them but they’re so worth it
also ignore the 500cal per cookie i need u to ignore them so u won’t go insane
pls try them on days u don’t feel awful abt food i beg
idk why i run to the mirror every time i go to the bathroom thinking im gonna get the bc of the century
what day even is it
this is why i do terrible things to myself
th1nsp0 icons
every monday i go on crumbl's site and look at all the cals in the weekly lineup cookies like im clocking in for a job
you could've sworn i was recovered with the way easter has me breaking my fast 10 hours earlier with super-sized chocolate bunnies
I'm miserable when I'm eating normally and when I'm starving and when I'm binging so I might as well starve because at least I'll be miserable and skinny
something comforting about seeing the same workers at my local grocery store and making them scan my 4th sugar-free pudding mix of the month
why do everytime I eat, even if it’s like 50 calories, feel like i’m not sick enough? or is it just me
hello universe i am reaching out to you to lock me in an apartment in nyc with no food and just a clingy cat to lounge with on the living room floor all day long
or am i supposed to get a job
because after every despicable action that i will commit i will still be holding onto my skinnyness to save me
no cuz why is it lowk embarassing to admit that I have an £d. Like ooh no, calories.
heavyy on the first two bc fasting can get so boring at school
How to romantacize wl :
Dieting :
Pretend ur a trainee who, in order to debut needs to be at ur gw until deadline(eg 1 august)
Fasting:
pretend ur a supermodel who needs to fast in order to partacipate in a runaway
Workout:
Pretend ur a bodybuilder and you workout to win a competition
Running:
pretend ur running a marathon and youll win a prize if you run (number) kilometers
Walking:
Pretend ur walking with your lover
men are so hot, I wish they were also good people.