Did Some Say Guide To The Top 10 ATP Players Plus Notable Others? No? Well Here It Is Anyway. Please

but wait there’s more…

in conclusion: please watch tennis

stay tuned for our next presentation (and tell us which of your faves you want us to badly describe)

with love and memes,

@markmcmorron & @vergne & @dieschwartzman & @livelongandfangirling & @couldntthinkofagoodpun <3

LAST WEEK WE CAN USE THIS SOMEONE HIT THE PANIC BUTTON

Canada defeats Russia to advance to the Finals of the Davis Cup | Nov 23rd, 2019

Excuse me whilst I am sad until grass court season

Tennis players when someone breaks inside their house

Novak Djokovic: Greets the robbers with a hunting rifle. Proceeds to hunt them down around the house. The police arrest them all.

Sascha Zverev: Grabs his dogs, hides in a closet and texts Mischa that he loves him, and that he has to take care of the dogs when he’s dead. Mischa has to call the police, because it obviously won’t occur to Sascha to do it.

Gael Monfils: Constructs a series of booby traps, Home Alone style. Has the fun of his life. Two robbers nearly die in the process. The third one is traumatized for life.

Rafael Nadal: Tries to explain to the robbers that what they are doing is really bad, and they should never do it again. They cry and leave.

Stefanos Tsitsipas: Liveblogs the whole thing, films the robbers from underneath the bed. The police are very happy about the evidence provided. Not so much about Stefanos taking a selfie with the arrested robbers. Keeps vlogging about the incident for three months.

Denis Shapovalov: Totally sleeps through them getting in, so they find him in bed. Begs the robbers not to kill him. Two start crying, the third considers adopting him.

Dominic Thiem: Can’t find his phone, so he hides in the closet. Refuses to come out even when the police arrive, because he thinks they are fake policemen.

Nick Kyrgios: Kills the robbers without hesitation.

Daniil Medvedev: Throws money at the robbers, because he finds it funny that they actually want the change he has at home.

Andrey Rublev: Hears the robbers breaking in through the door. Exits by the window, waits for them outside with the police. Gives them a judging look as they’re being arrested.

Jeremy Chardy: Entirely confused. Asks the robbers what they are doing there. They are confused. They don’t know what they are doing there. They all have wine.

Grigor Dimitrov: Stands in front of his closet and yells: “Take my money, but leave the clothes alone!” Judges the robbers’ fashion style. Black balaclavas went out of style in the 90s.

Andy Murray: Calls the police, then complains about them not coming quickly enough. The system is terrible, indeed, somebody could die.

Roger Federer: Hides and calls the police, as any normal person would.

A few years ago Rafa did a feature on his website where he talked about some of the most important matches in his life. It was deleted when his website was updated but I’ve just found a copy of it!

Some highlights (all real quotes):

“In the semi-finals, I faced Federer, and it is true that I felt plethoric on clay… as true as the match seemed intimidating, I felt respect. I am not saying fear. Never. My start was explosive. I knew that Rogerio (as I friendly call him) was not used to hitting so high and would take a few games to get used to my lifting.” - RG 05

“Another final against Federer. I correct. It is never ‘another’, it is never ‘one more’. Every meeting is the first and the last, and this would be no exception: a victory of sweat and courage, with flashes of great tennis.” - Monte Carlo 06

“I jumped on to court in front of more than 15,000 people. I looked at my parents and then at Federer. I was ready, or that is what I thought. Roger gave me a real thrashing in the first set. He soon got 5-0 up, and showed tremendous solvency and serenity: drives along the line, a concluding, resolving backhand at the net.” “Federer is not only a champion, but also a gentleman and an elegant rival. He did not try to humiliate me, he did not draw blood. I don’t think he wanted to win like that against a frightened opponent who hardly put up any resistance. He wanted to win against Rafa Nadal.” - RG 06

“I know Federer beat me in the final, although as far as I am concerned, I played the best tennis of my career. Wimbledon was Rogerio’s garden, his private domain. He strolled around the court sweeping away any opponent who dared to tread on his grass with overwhelming superiority.” “The game that Fed-Ex develops on grass is… well, you know what I am talking about. I am not going to write an ode (he has got his own web for that, hasn’t he? ;-D) though sometimes I felt the impulse to stay there watching his technique.” “Roger, an extraordinary fellow with or without his racquet, spared me no praise in his declarations, congratulating me for a great match and addressing me a few words that consoled any twinge of disappointment, ‘you also deserved it.’” - Wimbledon 07

“I am not capable of putting into words what this victory meant to me. Maybe I need perspective, maybe I still haven’t taken it in. Since I came on to the professional circuit, even before his, I related the word 'Wimbledon’ with 'Roger Federer’. It is something subconscious and automatic: the All England’s Club court is something like his garden.” “Nothing around me was important, time stopped, the voices faded and the stands were no more than mist. Roger and I were alone.” “I was aware that Roger and I had just played the best tennis match of all time; that I had just won the most prestigious tournament on the circuit; that… I had made my dream come true.” - Wimbledon 08

A French tennis player was slapped with a violation at the US Open on Tuesday for taking off her shirt to readjust it while on the court.

The tournament, held in Queens, New York, has been plagued by an unrelenting heat wave with temperatures soaring upward of 96 degrees Tuesday, with a heat index making it feel like over 100 degrees at times.

The players were given a 10-minute break to cool off and rehydrate, during which Alizé Cornet put on a fresh shirt. When she returned to the court, she realized her shirt was on backward. She quickly took off the shirt and put it back on, prompting umpire Christian Rask to hit her with a code violation.

Women’s Tennis Association rules dictate that players may only remove shirts while off-court. No such rules apply to male players, who took their shirts off frequently Tuesday, to deal with the blistering heat.

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