Monte Carlo, Population: Every Single Tennis Player Ever

Davis Cup Finals teams announcements

Rafa on the bench, a living meme

A few years ago Rafa did a feature on his website where he talked about some of the most important matches in his life. It was deleted when his website was updated but I’ve just found a copy of it!

Some highlights (all real quotes):

“In the semi-finals, I faced Federer, and it is true that I felt plethoric on clay… as true as the match seemed intimidating, I felt respect. I am not saying fear. Never. My start was explosive. I knew that Rogerio (as I friendly call him) was not used to hitting so high and would take a few games to get used to my lifting.” - RG 05

“Another final against Federer. I correct. It is never ‘another’, it is never ‘one more’. Every meeting is the first and the last, and this would be no exception: a victory of sweat and courage, with flashes of great tennis.” - Monte Carlo 06

“I jumped on to court in front of more than 15,000 people. I looked at my parents and then at Federer. I was ready, or that is what I thought. Roger gave me a real thrashing in the first set. He soon got 5-0 up, and showed tremendous solvency and serenity: drives along the line, a concluding, resolving backhand at the net.” “Federer is not only a champion, but also a gentleman and an elegant rival. He did not try to humiliate me, he did not draw blood. I don’t think he wanted to win like that against a frightened opponent who hardly put up any resistance. He wanted to win against Rafa Nadal.” - RG 06

“I know Federer beat me in the final, although as far as I am concerned, I played the best tennis of my career. Wimbledon was Rogerio’s garden, his private domain. He strolled around the court sweeping away any opponent who dared to tread on his grass with overwhelming superiority.” “The game that Fed-Ex develops on grass is… well, you know what I am talking about. I am not going to write an ode (he has got his own web for that, hasn’t he? ;-D) though sometimes I felt the impulse to stay there watching his technique.” “Roger, an extraordinary fellow with or without his racquet, spared me no praise in his declarations, congratulating me for a great match and addressing me a few words that consoled any twinge of disappointment, ‘you also deserved it.’” - Wimbledon 07

“I am not capable of putting into words what this victory meant to me. Maybe I need perspective, maybe I still haven’t taken it in. Since I came on to the professional circuit, even before his, I related the word 'Wimbledon’ with 'Roger Federer’. It is something subconscious and automatic: the All England’s Club court is something like his garden.” “Nothing around me was important, time stopped, the voices faded and the stands were no more than mist. Roger and I were alone.” “I was aware that Roger and I had just played the best tennis match of all time; that I had just won the most prestigious tournament on the circuit; that… I had made my dream come true.” - Wimbledon 08

IS THAT A PURSE?

Tennis players in the Hunger Games

Novak Djokovic - Acts all funny before the games, turns quite psycho in the arena. Could kill anyone. Wants to form an alliance with Rafa and Roger, but gets rejected, which hurts his feelings and he targets them first. Weapon of choice: throwing knives - fast, quiet, and effective.

Roger Federer - His brains are the most dangerous thing about him. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t have the skills, he has the most skills in the arena. Everyone expected him to be in an alliance with Rafa, so they didn’t even ask - except Novak. His weakness: kind of expects others to play fair. Weapon of choice: bow and arrows, but a spear also goes - aim and accuracy are the key.

Rafael Nadal - He’s the muscles of the pair. Very hungry for survival, has the skills, but sometimes acts before he thinks. The traps of the arena are a bigger deal for him than the tributes. Weapon of choice: something that requires brute force, an axe probably.

Dominic Thiem - Too nice to kill anyone and anything, especially animals. Lives on berries and hopes everyone will kill each other and forget about him somehow. Refused alliance with Sascha because he thought he’d slow him down, regrets it ever since. Weapon of choice: pocket knife to cut berries and tree bark, what else would he need it for?

Alexander Zverev - The golden boy, Capitol loves him, he actually loves the Capitol (the food and all). Killing is no problem, not getting killed is trickier. Has two weak points: his clumsiness, and Dominic. Weapon of choice: sword - he’s not really inconspicuous, so one-on-one fights will inevitably happen, and sword looks cool, too.

Denis Shapovalov - Extremely fast. Lives by Rue’s motto “If they can’t catch me, they can’t kill me.” Looks sweet and innocent, but once he’s in the Games and he will bite if he has to. Weapon of choice: poison darts - small to carry, can be used from the distance, quiet enough not to attract attention to him.

Andrey Rublev - The silent killer in the arena. Lone wolf, fends for himself, alliance is out of question. Doesn’t look like he can do much, but is actually pretty lethal. Weapon of choice: knife - can be used for many things, not just killing.

Nick Kyrgios - Very likely to win the games, unless he does something stupid. Ruthless killer, no feelings at all, will form an alliance and then kill his ally in their sleep. Weapon of choice: anything that can be used as a weapon. He doesn’t care, really. Won’t say no to a machete, though.

Stefanos Tsitsipas - Plays the mysterious guy that never reveals his secrets, which works with the Capitol folk, but is quite useless in the arena. Hopes he will become the symbol of the revolution like Katniss. Nobody’s told him he has to win first, apparently. Weapon of choice: bow and arrows - he doesn’t want to come too close to his victims. Blood is gross, so…

David Goffin - Very quiet and inconspicuous, but actually very skillful. Prefers not to kill people directly, but relies on their stupidity. Has a very clear strategy. Weapon of choice: electricity and explosives - “let them kill themselves” is his motto.

Grigor Dimitrov - His charisma is his main strength here - he won’t get hungry because he has many sponsors to send him food, doesn’t have to fight for a weapon in the bloodbath, because he will obtain one otherwise. Wants to win for the fame. Weapon of choice: a fancy bow he got from his sponsors.

Jérémy Chardy - His strategy is to run and hide, and just pretend he doesn’t exist. Weapon of choice: net and rope - to make traps for animals. He’s not there to kill people, but he has to eat something.

John Isner - He’s too tall, so everyone can see him from afar, dammit, they should have made the trees higher in the arena. Nice guy, but will kill in self defense. Weapon of choice: slingshot - he likes serving things at his opponents at high speed, so…

Pierre-Hugues Herbert - Not made for this stuff. Too pure. Will probably die as soon as he gets off the platform.

Another iconic interview moment from Osaka

Guess Who’s Who in Kids’ Drawings

Vasek vs denis next omg fuck