How To Handle Having TOO MUCH To Do

The Famine That Follows: “It Follows” as a depiction of trauma in multiple forms

hi guys, i wrote an 8 page essay on my read of the movie “it follows” as a metaphor for the ever present specter of trauma in one’s life, something ive been threatening to do for uhhh years. i finally sat down and slammed it out today, so here’s a link to the full thing if you would like to read it. i would like you to read it very much. 

>>>READ IT<<<

And after a while you just stop. You stop watering your plants. You stop watching netflix. You stop reading. You stop replying to your friends as fast as you used to. You stop buying yourself nice things. You stop putting an effort into how you look. You stop taking care of yourself like you used to. You stop sleeping. You stop eating healthy foods. You stop petting your dog. You stop socializing.

You stop with everything. You find yourself sitting in your room for hours on end, without doing a single thing. Days feel like years. And you think you can’t do it for much longer.

Someone: Omg you’re so skinny! What is your secret?

Me: Oh I just eat healthy and exercise…

My ED:

Diagrams Showing Overlapping Symptoms

ADHD and Autism

ADHD and PTSD

ADHD, Autism and PTSD

ADHD, PTSD and Depression

ADHD, Anxiety, and Depression

Anxiety and Autism

Anxiety and Depression

I've seen Blackfish quite a few times now. I honestly don't consider it too disturbing or shocking - just sad and angry at SeaWorld's response.

Another short documentary called Inside the Tanks featured a french Sea Park that had orcas. The guy working at the park who actually came out to talk with the filmcrew about the animal's wellfare? For all I disagree with him on, he actually did what SeaWorld should have done with Blackfish: give their side. That he agrees life could be better for the animals and a better program would be ideal is a step in the right direction, and that is: getting the sea parks and the whale experts on the same page and work together to help their animals! It's the parks who own the whales and have all their veterinary care. It would be ideal to have the same trainers around especially for the whale born in captivity. If they were open to change - real genuine change, there'd still be room to complain but it would be SOMETHING.

Instead, SeaWorld went on the war-path against Blackfish, refused to give the doc their take and called everything in it a lie. Their failure is their own. They had the opportunity to change but that would be an admittance of guilt and that's BAAAD meanwhile Disney parks operate just fine despite ALL the fatalities that happened at their parks. It's like they know not to wear that shit as a badge and spin it like it's always the fault of the victims which is what SeaWorld absolutely did to it's employees. It's not good when you're making Disney look better, SeaWorld!

If you haven't seen Blackfish yet, you should. The most misleading part of the documentary is using footage of wales that aren't actually being described the interviewees ((the baby whale Jon Crow talked about capturing in the beginning of the doc is NOT Tilikum, but Lolita)). That's it though. The rest of it is honestly pretty forgiving of SeaWorld's employees and legacy considering the circumstances - especially the first 10 or so minutes. This isn't some PeTA shit, folks. This movie is sad not only for the orcas but because it makes you feel for these trainers who love these animals and eachother and have been utterly betrayed by the industry.

What symptoms of depression actually look like

Increased irritability and/or anger when you don’t know why

Feeling numb or having muted emotions in response to upsetting or exciting situations

Lack of interest or passion, in general, for things you once loved

Inability to concentrate or stay focused

Change in sleep patterns, be it not getting enough sleep, having trouble falling asleep, or sleeping far too much and not feeling rested

Exhaustion overall, even for “no reason”

Missing deadlines for projects or assignments

Withdrawing from social activities

Feeling guilty for missing deadlines or withdrawing from social activities

Needing “the rest” because you’re so exhausted, but feeling worse because you stay in bed or on the couch most of the day

No motivation to actually get up and do basic tasks

Hating yourself for not responding to your friends or to important emails on time, but not being able to force yourself to do it

A passing desire to die or just not exist, but not being full-blown suicidal

Not an exhaustive list by any means. What other ways does depression manifest?

A - D

I find it fascinating that people who choose not to have children are generally assumed to feel really strongly about not having children (or even to feel really strongly against children, anyone’s children, in general). I am probably not going to have children, not because I REALLY REALLY HATE the idea of having children, but because I don’t really really love it. Out of all the major decisions I will make in my life, this one is the only irreversible one. I can sell a house, quit a job, divorce a spouse, whatever. I cannot unhave a child. I cannot opt out of being a parent once I become a parent. I can’t even take a step back for the sake of self-care or whatever, or else my child will suffer.

So for me, having children is fuck yes or not at all. The default will be to remain childfree. Having children should be an opt-in decision, not an opt-out one. Until/unless I develop really strong feelings about wanting to have children, I won’t have them, even if that means I never end up having them at all.

some concept playlists;

sitting alone in a cafe on a rainy gray day watching raindrops running down the window.

it’s a gentle day in spring and a warm sunny breeze blusters in through the curtains.

when ur lying on the floor at 3AM with a cough syrup buzz.

a scenic highway drive on a foggy sunday morning through the forest thinking about life.

feeling like a badass walking down the street in a leather jacket and sunglasses while combing your hair back.

middle school emo phase.

angsty songs for when ur lying on the floor dissociating at 4 AM.

late 2000s/early 2010s upbeat songs for artsy hipsters with thick-rimmed glasses and scarves

songs that get me through the bad days

edit: pt. II (these were all requests);

riding in the car late at night and it’s raining but you’ve got no place to be, just hours of road ahead of you.

staying at home late at the night with the person you love most and letting go of all your troubles and worries, if only for that one night.

sitting alone in a kitchen laden with snack bowls while a wild house party occurs in the surrounding rooms, the music is muffled by the walls and you don’t remember ever learning the lyrics to these songs but you somehow know them, this is the only place in the whole house where you can run away to be alone.

gearing up to take your opponents down on the battlefield. the odds of survival are very unlikely but you’re going to fight anyway.

a guide to horror and the spooky season by me, a tired nineteen year old who lives for bad and underappreciated horror films. inspired by this post here enjoy the scary season and carve a pumpkin (dont @ me that some of these movies aren’t good sorry not everything is the shining)

thrillers 

the shining 

panic room 

silence of the lambs

rosemary’s baby

the green room

get out

a cure for wellness

the ward

under the skin

not your standard horror

the babadook

the witch

children of the corn

it follows

it comes at night

goodnight mommy

the neon demon

teeth

raw (2017)

the wickerman (1973)

hereditary

midsommar

the ritual (2018)

strong females (aka the use of evil ladies or final girls/there’s more than just these btw like scream and halloween)

alien

gone girl (it’s a thriller but same idea)

you’re next (home invasion)

ready or not (in theaters highly rec)

revenge (rape tw off screen but that’s its subgenre)

american mary 

ginger snaps

jennifer’s body (horror comedy)

the craft

carrie

the loved ones

high tension

the descent (all female cast / can also be put into psychological + creatures)

all cheerleaders die (more of a horror comedy)

all the boys love mandy lane (slasher/thriller + it has amber heard)

when a stranger calls

horror comedies 

zombieland

shaun of the dead

army of darkness

tremors

cabin in the woods (also creature)

life after beth

what we do in the shadows (90% comedy) 

killers / slashers

friday the 13th pt 1&2 (two is w/ jason)

scream (1-4)

halloween

candyman

black christmas (original)

nightmare on elm street (original)

wes craven’s new nightmare

i know what you did last summer

us (2019)

more slashers (but it’s a lot of fucked up families lmao)

the hills run red (its a b movie so keep in mind that its very cliche)

the hills have eyes

texas chainsaw massacre (original if you want a more suspenseful/2003 if you want more slasher action)

leatherface

wrong turn (it’s literally the hills have eyes in the woods)

the crazies (remake)

child’s play

the strangers: prey at night

creature features

the thing (1982/no jumpscares if that ain’t your thing/warning body horror)

cloverfield

jeepers creepers (don’t pay for it the director is a nasty man sO)

IT (i highly rec the remake)

an american wolf in london (werewolves obvi)

the howling (werewolves)

late phases (werewolves)

let the right one in (original / vampires)

fight night (vampires)

stake land (vampires)

30 days of night (vampires)

28 days later (zombies)

28 weeks later (zombies)

train to busan (zombies)

resident evil (zombies)

night of the living dead (zombies)

cujo 

anaconda (not really a horror film but)

jaws (sharks)

the shallows (sharks)

birdbox

a quiet place

psychological (+some are realistic horror if that is what you are looking for idk the name of that so i put them in here)

psycho 

misery

the girl next door

frozen (phobia based)

buried (same as above)

the strangers (home invasion)

intruders (home invasion)

hush (home invasion + it’s on netflix)

wolf creek (college kids trips go wrong)

the ruins (could also be considered creature feature i guess???)

anthology

trick r treat

vhs 

vhs 2

creepshow

grindhouse (sort of anthology)

abc’s of death

demons 

sinister (fuck sinister two)

the exorcist

the exorcism of emily rose 

the possession

the last shift

insidious

devil

the omen

paranormal

the conjuring

the conjuring 2

oujia 2

paranormal activity (also found footage)

the ring

thir13en ghosts

grave encounters

the grudge

poltergeist (the original)

oculus 

i don’t know where tf to put these

the purge (whichever you want there’s like 4 and are all the same)

final destination

from dusk till dawn (super campy but i love it)

pet cemetery 

contracted (body horror)

the fly (body horror)

suspiria

found footage

blair witch project

rec (2007)

silent house (i think??? its fucked up tho)

unfriended

the houses october built

as above so below

the den

gore fest (anything eli roth is kind of hard core)

hostel (cliche and has lil plot other than violence)

cabin fever 

green inferno (i haven’t seen it it’s not my thing but it’s supposed to be similar to cannibal holocaust which i also have not seen sorry)

evil dead (both original and 2013 remake)

saw series (it’s deliberately placed the first is more of a thriller)

i spit on your grave (much triggering and very disturbing)

the last house on the left (2009 it’s disturbing and gets very violent towards the end)

hellraiser (it’s very 80′s but it’s good it has a lot of body horror fair warning)

matrys

high tension

terrifier (on netflix really gross)

family friendly 

bob’s burgers halloween specials are all real cute

gremlins

it’s the great pumpkin charlie brown

hocus pocus 

halloween town 1 and 2

twitches

goosebumps (campy 90′s horror show for kids)

are you afraid of the dark (same as above)

scooby doo on zombie island

scooby doo and the witch’s ghost

scooby doo and the alien invaders

coraline

the nightmare before christmas

the corpse bride

beetlejuice

ghostbusters

monster house

harry potter

the adams family

monsterhouse

spooky / creepy others

from dusk till dawn (tv series + on netflix)

hemlock grove (on netlifx + made by eli roth)

bates motel (tv series/psycho prequel)

american horror story (horror anthology show)

teen wolf (tv show)

scream (tv series)

stranger things (netflix series/sci-fi esqe)

buzzfeed unsolved (crime/paranormal series on youtube)

welcome to nightvale (podcast)

mr nightmare (scary story youtube channel)

deadmeat (horror youtube channel/horror podcast too!)

jurassic park (horror adjacent)

predator (horror adjacent)