I Hate Myself I Hate Myself Beyond Comprehension I Genuinely Just Fucking Hate Myself I Can’t Do It

I’m so repulsive to Everyone I know everyone would just love Me better if I had a cock nobody loves me for who I am they all want me to be someone I’m not and I can’t fucking change that I can take hormones and everything but it still won’t change the fact I won’t have a dick I wish I could fucking Die I am so unlovable and ugly to everyone I hate my self I hate myself so fucking much I wish I was a man I wish I was a fucking man I hate this so fucking much I hate my fucking body I hate my genitals I hate myself I hate myself I wish that I Could just be a fucking man

I’m legitimately going crazy and I feel like I’m out of control. I need friends. I need a life. I need to get better. My borderline and OCD control everything. I can’t go days without wanting to be off the face of the earth. I am legitimately so close to just ending it. I want to be better and I know how to be better but it feels everything that is thrown at me is meant to tear me down and to discourage me and keep me in one place. I can’t stand being like this anymore. I need help. I need a fucking life. I’m safe right now but the thoughts are still there and all it does is keep me in my bed and completely empty inside knowing that it would all be better if I just went away.

J don’t even like dressing up anymore

I’m experiencing the feeling I felt when I found out she looked at other people sexually and lied to me about it

I just want to kill myself . I feel like the most weakest most worthless most vulnerable little kid in the entire world. I feel like a helpless child. I feel so worthless. Please just kill me

I thought things were going okay but I guess not. My friend just told me she feels guilty for talking to me ever since the whole incident happened last week and also my friend right now is acting fucking weird and makes me want to split on him really bad. He isn’t laughing or anything and says he’s tired but he’s acting weird and it’s pissing me off. It’d probably be better if I was just at home.

I just hope I stop feeling this way. I dont want to keep ruining my friendships. I don’t even know why she feels guilty. It’s not her fault im this way!!!! Stop being my friend out of fucking pity!!!!! Be my actual friend!!!!! Stop feeling sorry for me!!!!!!

Being a victim isn’t fucking fun and this shit messes with me every single day. I dont want you to feel bad for me. I just want you to talk to me like a normal person. It’s not my fault I am this way. I want you to see me past my flaws that make me act the way I do anyways. Yet you’re just paying extra attention and that fucking hurts. Please just talk to me normally. Stop being weird towards me.

All of this hurts

Suicide is something I am surprised you have never went through. Despite all your hardships in your life, there you are, standing tall and breathing. You’re accepting whatever life throws at you. This is something I will always love about you. Your strength. Your ability to say fuck you to issues that may be a really big deal to you, and to move forward. I wish that I would’ve been more like you.

I am sorry that I failed you. I am sorry that I did just give up. I’m Sorry that I had to disappoint you this way. I’m sorry that I made you feel ashamed, embarrassed, or uncomfortable with me when I was alive. I know a lot of the choices that I had made were not the best ones, that I made a lot of stupid choices on what to do with myself and who I involved myself with and everything, but I was just trying to escape. I was afraid to come to you because I know a lot of this stuff seems over dramatic, but it’s so real to me mom. It’s so real to me. And I was scared. I shouldn’t of been, but I was. There are so many things that I have not told you about that has spiraled me into these delusions. This isn’t your fault.

I’m sorry that I had made your life so much harder when I was born. I know that we got better as we grew up but I know that I weighed down heavy on you. I was a really big issue. I know that you would’ve preferred to be bothered by me than seeing me gone from your life forever, and im Sorry I’ve decided to make this choice. It isn’t your fault.

I will always forgive you. For every thing you’ve called me, for the years of depression you faced resulting in neglect, for all the arguments we’ve gotten into—every single bad thing that’s happened with us, it is behind me now. I will always love you. There really is nothing you could’ve done to ever make me stop loving you. You were my sunshine during rainy days even if you were the cause of the rain sometimes. You are only human and you make mistakes.

I will love you forever, all mistakes included. I am so lucky that I got the privilege to be your child. I’m so lucky that I was able to grow up with a mother like you. I’m so glad you raised me. I know it wasn’t perfect, but I’d rather have this fucked up life with you instead of having a perfect one with someone else.

I will always love you forever. My love for you will never go away, even into the afterlife. You will always be my best friend. You could never change that no matter what you may have done. I’m sorry that this happened. I’m sorry I didn’t come to you.

I love you mom. I don’t know where I will be if there is an afterlife, but I hope that one day I can open my eyes and see you again. I hope that you go to Heaven if it’s real, even if that means I will never see you again. Never forget how much I appreciated you. Never forget that I will always love you from my entire being. I won’t leave your side, even in the afterlife. I love you mom. I always will.

I love you.

I hate being schizophrenic because I was straight up so paranoid I was pregnant and it added onto my breakdown yesterday I beat the fuck out of my uterus and now I’m cramping and I don’t know if I work right down there anymore

I want to relapse over and over and over again I don’t know why I don’t I just want to fucking die

Why have I been in sk many near death situations and haven’t gone away yet why do I have to do it why can’t I just be taken out god praying for death DOESNT work and it’s obvious Everytime I try I fail I can’t take it god please whoever is up there get me out of here I don’t care if it’s Heaven or hell I deserve to rot in hell I’m disgusting oh my god I’m going to die alone even in the afterlife L.O.L😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂I am miserable and venting about it like this makes me feel even more selfish