Can't Wait To Be Skinny Enough To Not Feel Like I'm Embarassing My Friends While I'm Hanging Out With

the calories aren't worth it

Eating multiple course meals <<<<<<<<

Rants w Arcane | pt. 2

I know this isn't my usual content, my I just wanted to get it off my chest. Maybe it brings some comfort to ppl in similar situations.

My education is very important to me. My main form of validation is academic, and while I wasn't a top student in high school, I was happy I graduated and found it a flex that I finished high school in a different country, in a different language. Now I'm an university that ranks top worldwide. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I had failed all my exams in january. Looking back, my study methods were just really not right and that's why I didn't do well. It obviously took a toll on how I viewed myself. Thus, the past semester, I've been in a constant toxic cycle of putting particularly high expecations of what I should do/what I should achieve by overworking myself, attending all my classes and student society (already 9 hours in a day) and studying an extra 4 hours in between and working out whenever I could. On top of that, I had fueled my £d as much as I could, pushing myself to get worse.

Dealing with the pressure of school, an £d, a relationship and going home every weekend where my relationship with my parents isn't the best obviously took its toll on me. After about 4 to 5 months of that, it seems like my brain finally is giving up. My anxiety is getting bad again and I might need meds again, if I don't get better. I don't want to bother people with it, but it is also something I cannot just keep hidden. I hope that things will get better soon and I should take better care of myself.

For anyone else in a similar situation, know you're not alone and you deserve to take care of yourself. It's ok to step on your pride and do things that'll help you feel better.

What I find stupid is the amount of calories in sugar. While you can justify the amount of calories in a lot of foods (like oil) in one way or another, you can't really do that with sugar. It doesn't really have something nutritional in it like f.e. olive oil would. It's just making you fat for no reason.

Not to sound like a pick me but I don't like ppl I know irl reminding me of an e.d. only my boyfriend and best friend know abt it and while my friend doesn't really mention it, my boyfriend used to. He'd bring up calories and shit when picking what to have for dinner and it's just like, shut up?? I already obsess over it and it's genuinely draining me, it's not a quirky thing to lose weight and be healthy. Don't remind me even more.

Exam season is coming around, which means I should make sure I'm not weak, but I can also use the excuse that I forgot to eat, because of the workload.

I'm gonna vomit, I'm seeing my friend next friday and she can't see me so fat

don't eat don't eat don't eat don't eat don't eat don't eat don't eat don't eat don't eat don't eat don't eat don't eat don't eat don't eat don't eat don't eat don't eat don't eat don't eat don't eat don't eat don't eat don't eat don't eat don't eat don't eat

I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin

I've been on and off fasting for 12 to 24 hours the past week and a half or so and low key, it's a vibe. I'm then more tolerant of what I eat, esp when I have one meal a day. My exams are starting on monday, so I might eat a bit more through the day (like, more than 1 meal).

As much as I love ana, I value my education more than anything.