Jack Lowden As River Cartwright Slow Horses – S01E03 – Bad Tradecraft

Slow Horses, S02E02 - From Upshott with Love

dr. sharp angles and dr. soft curves

(hidden angst explained in tags)

Top 5 most sexual moments of The Pitt season 1:

5. Shen sips his iced coffee.

4. Santos stabs Garcia in the foot and Garcia walks it off.

3. Robby recites the Shema.

2. Whittaker snaps the rat's neck.

1. Abbot takes off his prosthetic foot.

Honorable mention: Langdon fidgets his way through a moment of silence for a recently deceased patient.

Thoughts inspired by @saulbetter's recent posts.

This show is kind of sold or discussed as "spies! but they suck at being spies!" But the thing that all the slow horses actually have in common isn't that they're bad spies, it's that they're people without social capital. They actually range from competent to excellent at the technical aspects of their work (Ho, Catherine, Marcus, Shirley, Coe, and even River are all good at the hard skills of their jobs. We are told Louisa screwed up but in both show and books she is shown to be one of the most reliable performers on the team). But they don't have friends or patrons to protect them when things go sideways.

The reason they're the rejects is because they're loners who struggle to connect with other people for all their various reasons (childhood trauma, job-related PTSD, addiction, personality disorder, inherent temperament). So they're playing checkers when their internal opponents at Regent's Park are playing chess. To the extent that they even realize that the social/political game exists (Ho and Catherine mostly don’t), they're bad at it (Coe, Lech) and/or think they shouldn't have to play it (Marcus, Shirley). River impressively manages to be deficient in all three aspects: totally naive to the politics of advancement within the Park, bad with people, and so committed to his own view of himself as a Boy Scout that he thinks he shouldn't have to sully his hands with any of it.

This is why the show is such a brilliant office drama. This one is for all the folks who are good on paper but bomb in interviews, for all the people who are promoted based on their technical mastery and then shit the bed as managers because they're illiterate at reading people. This is why it's such a stroke of genius that River's ascendant career is cut off at the knees by tailing Taverner. He's so full of himself and such a try hard that he mistakenly thinks doing an unrequested extra credit assignment about his boss makes him clever instead of creepy, annoying, and red flagged as a potential troublemaker.

Unfortunately, because Mick Herron is unable to let the story or the characters grow, this excellent premise results in some deep weirdness later in the book series. (Weirder than the deadbeat dad child soldier sex cult plotline, you say? Idk, you be the judge.)

Book spoilers under the cut.

First, let’s talk about Lech Wicinski. (I know, no one wants to talk about Lech Wicinski, but he is the curly-haired insomniac introvert of my heart so I’m going to talk about him.) I love Lech but parts of his origin story are so stupid. He’s just a normal guy who is comfortable in his niche and relatively unambitious and gets screwed by ambitious people’s big ego shenanigans, which he falls into by accident when he unthinkingly steps outside his work comfort zone for a minute. So far, so good. But then, while he’s desperately trying to save his job and reputation, he’s also… not? Like, why would this sort of overly serious but otherwise very normal young-ish middle class man immediately and inexplicably decide not to seek medical treatment for a profoundly disfiguring injury? Why does he never even actually try to show to his fiancee that the revelation that causes the breakdown of their relationship was completely fictitious? It makes no sense! Except, the author is lazily destroying Lech’s social capital to make it make sense that he’s now a slow horse for life. 

Similarly, River can’t have Sid in S1 because she is a bright and well-rounded person while he is cute but also an idiot nepo baby manchild. So do the books resolve this imbalance by allowing River to grow - or even just change - in response to various challenges like dashed career aspirations, finally meeting his psychopath biodad, the steep mental decline of his beloved father figure, etc? No. Instead of letting River at least attempt to grow up, the books put River and Sid on a level by cutting Sid down instead - putting her in protection (ie. cutting all her social ties) and giving her a traumatic brain injury that hollows out her previously bright personality. Heaven knows we’re all miserable now. Sure do hope they fix that plotline for the show! I love them as endgame and I honestly think the show could do something so satisfying and poignant with them finally finding their missed connection but the books make the way they finally get together so creepy and sad.

Jack Lowden as River Cartwright Slow Horses – S01E01 – Failure’s Contagious

Apple

Summary: Teenage River visits his mother in France.

Adult language

No warnings

Gen

746 words

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When River arrives, the house is dark and empty. He floats through it like a ghost, present without leaving an imprint anywhere. Two days later, the door opens. He recognizes his mother's tinkling laughter. He's not sure if the brittle note was always there or if he just didn't notice it as a boy.

The burble of a conversational duet flows closer and then they stumble into the kitchen, where he’s sitting at the table. After a minute the man starts sliding his hand up under his mother's skirt and he realizes that if he doesn't announce his presence, they're never going to realize he's there. Zero situational awareness. He coughs and they jump apart.

“Oh! River! What are you doing here? You scared me half to death skulking there.”

He gets straight to the point. “Where were you?”

“At a party down the coast. Marvelous people. Marvelous wine. Some of the Cannes crowd, you know.” River really did not know. She paused a moment, taking in his presence. “What are you doing here?” River felt the genuine confusion of her question like a blow, hot poisonous shame immediately flooding his body. Again. Not fucking again. How does he keep falling for this trap? Stupid stupid stupid.

“I'm visiting you. We had agreed…” he heard the choked sound in his voice and hated himself for it. He cleared his throat. “You agreed that I would come visit at the term break....”

“Oh! Is that this week!?”

“Yes. Obviously.”

“Oh." Her face fell. "It's just, we hadn't exactly planned on you, darling. Gavin's friends...they have the yacht in port at Monaco... Well, it's not exactly an event for children…”

“I'm not a child.”

“I just wouldn't want you to be bored. You understand, don't you?”

“Oh River, don't be like that. Maybe you could come back next week?”

His shoulders tensed as he pulled into himself. “You don't want me hanging around ruining your image, you mean.”

“I have school next week.”

“You could miss a few days to see your own mother, surely?”

“I have O Levels prep”, he muttered.

“And that's a higher priority than me?” She managed to sound extravagantly wounded.

“You make everything a higher priority than me! Do you even remember I exist when I'm not around?”

Boyfriend #178 stepped toward River, a hand extended, and placed his arm between them like a boxing referee. 

"Now son" he started but River turned on him before he could get his platitude out.

“When I need your input I'll ask her for your credit card number.”

“Have some respect for your elders”, his mother hissed. River turned his scowl back on her.

“You're a fucking bitch.”

“Now look here you little shit, I know I'm not your father but I'll be damned if I let you speak to her that way.”

“Jokes on you, mate. I don't even have a father.”

“You do,” Isobel interjected hotly.

“Could have fooled me”, he shrugged.

“You're just like him”, she muttered, lip curling almost imperceptibly. But River saw it. It was hard to shake old habits and his included frequently scanning his mother's face for signs of gathering weather.

“Whatever. Bye.” He scraped the chair back roughly and went to collect his things, flipping a two finger salute over his shoulder as he left the room. When he got upstairs, he packed slower than he needed to, to give her a chance to come find him. Apologize. Yell at him. Anything. An hour later, he left without a word. No one tried to stop him.

Three days later, he opened the kitchen door in Tunbridge Wells.

“You're back early, River!”

His grandmother was in the kitchen,  busy at the counter. He could smell food. His stomach rumbled audibly. The pocket money he'd left with hadn't been meant to cover two and a half unscheduled days in Paris on the way back and he hadn't exactly been on three squares.

“Yeah. Mum got busy, so.” Rose put an arm around him. 

“She does get busy, sometimes”, she said in a knowing tone. 

“Yeah.” It came out as a sigh.

“Your grandfather's out in the garden. I'm sure he could use some help.”

“Okay. Thanks Nan,” he mumbled around the piece of bread she'd handed him. He opened the door again, wondering if his cover story about what happened in France would make it past the OB's radar. He was finding lately that he was better at lying than he would have given himself credit for.

The Pitt – 1.03: 9:00 A.M.

Would you believe me if I told you this occurred to me about 5 minutes after my previous post and I was like "Oh. DUH."

The whiplash i get from seeing season one feotus zygote river- bro was a little stream a canal at best- and season two's I'm just a little lad who loves berries and cream river with the nerdy specs and sneakers

AND FRICKIN DAD BOD RIVER IN SEASON THREE? WHOS A LITTLE ROUGH AROUND THE EDGES AND MEAN LOOKING?

like i understand that season one and two were filmed one after the other and in the break before season three jack lowden had to play a- lmao- 'jacked' up mafia gangster in a biopic tv show BUT STILL

In the slow horses universe, what'dya guys think happened to him in the interim? Looking like he drank depresso expresso no milk extra salt every morning ass character development

The fandom is definitely sleeping on this knowledge. Every serious runner I know is ready to gnaw their own arm off after max three days without vigorous exercise.

i don’t think we’ve addressed that langdon runs marathons and takes 13 minutes in an ice bath yet. that’s fucking crazy. it also shows us how devastating a back injury would’ve been for him if he went from running marathons to not being able to run at all. kill one healthy coping mechanism and an unhealthy one develops in its place maybe.