I Want To Be Untouchably Beautiful But I Also Don’t Want To Care About How I Look. I Want To Be The

He Just Can’t Stop Himself… Can He?

come home to me. you’ve been gone lately, and i don’t mean physically. some part of you is out in a worse place than i can pronounce. i see how it sucks the life out from under you, how your bone marrow hurts, how tired you are no matter the hour. i want to hold you until you feel warm again but i understand you need your space while this is happening. i can see you pushing me away. i wish you wouldn’t but i know what it’s like to set things on fire just for the chance that you catch too. you’re still who i love. i’m waiting for you.

a mess

“I tried shoving all of my feelings down my throat, because no matter what I wanted to believe or not; I Deserved It.”

-a book that’ll be too hard to write

Breakfast 🔪

Things no one tells you about when you’ve been mentally ill for years and it won’t get better

— everyone will give up on you. Some will say it upfront, some will have indirect ways of showing it (you’re a lucky mf if you still have someone )

— your symptoms/ breakdowns/ panic attacks are cute for a few months. Everyone wants to help. Later on people find them annoying and inconvenient

— you will be blamed for not getting better. Doesn’t matter if you’re doing therapy, taking meds, exercising, eating well and sleeping. You can do all of it, some of it or none of it. They will find fault in your efforts.

— desensitization to your pain. This one isn’t their fault, it’s human nature. But it happens and yes it hurts cuz you would wish you were desensitized to your own pain but you have to feel it no matter what. Doesn’t matter if it’s the millionth time. It demands to be felt.

— people move on. But you can’t. You see people cope and get over things while you simply can’t. And it’s so much worse if you’ve been mentally ill for years. Even the smallest things break you and trigger you.

— you slowly realize this world isn’t made for mentally ill people in any way

— you’re tired / fatigued all the time. You have been for years now. You simply exist but you aren’t capable of living anymore. Your illnesses have taken everything that made you feel alive. You’re nothing but a shell. A body.

BoJack Horseman S04E07 ‘Underground’

“i looked at everyone and wondered where they came from, and who they missed, and what they were sorry for.”

— jonathan safran foer, extremely loud & incredibly close

"Don't see yourself as a victim"

Oh, I'm sorry, do you think I was a fucking volunteer?

I’m trying so fucking hard and no one sees that. I’m trying so fucking hard to stay alive but my breathing is getting shallow and my heart is beating slower and if I don’t wake up tomorrow just fucking forget about me.