How Much Weight Would I Lose If I Cut My Fucking Head Off

I need someone to tie me up to my bed and I don’t mean in a k!nky way.

I just don’t want to go to the kitchen again 😭

⌕ monster high • lagoona blue.

like or reblog if you save/use. ✨

“It’s low cal”

“only 300 cal per serving”

(and then the serving size isn’t even worth the cals)

sundress season! what butch or stud is gonna lift up my sundress and fuck me senseless ?!

i need to lose face fat

i need to lose face fat

i need to lose face fat

i need to lose face fat

i need to lose face fat

I'm tired of being a girl kisser with no girl to kiss 😠

Thinking about Having to do that fake baby project ( RealCare Baby) with fratboy abby ?

Of course your original lab partner got sick—out for two weeks, right when the baby project kicked off. You scoffed the moment you heard the name of your new ‘co-parent’. Her reputation alone left a bad taste in your mouth. There’s no way in hell she’d take this seriously. But you both need the A, so here you are…

You told her “don’t text or call unless it’s about the baby, Anderson.”

Yet, She Calls at any hour—totally clueless, she’ll FaceTime at 3am, while you are studying like “It’s crying again. Did I break it?”

Parties with the baby. posts it strapped to her chest like a beer koozie, captioned: “me and lil bro shutting this party down.”

Bought a “Hot Dad Summer” shirt. Nicknames you her “baby momma” in front of her friends. Thinks it’s hilarious. You don’t.

Calls the baby “Sport” unironically. Tries to teach it how to fist bump. (It’s a fake baby??)

Update: plan b series

“pillow princesses are just greedy” IS HER GASPING FOR YOU AND SCRATCHING AT YOU AND TAKING YOU LIKE A GODDESS NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU YOU BASTARD. ILY PILLOW PRINCESSES I WILL DEFEND YOUR HONOUR UNTIL I BREATHE MY LAST

femmes who are in charge everywhere but the bedroom. (my dream job)

I'm all three...