Guys, We All Know Bruce Is Emotionally Constipated. And He Would Not Handle His Kids Crying Well At All.

btw if this is actually dobby for real and forever then I'm beyond pissed that we didn't get an open casket everyone can go say their goodbyes scene. I know I know contagious yadayada who fucking cares. either handwave it or murk him on a different emergency. ffs

I love the idea of Jason somehow becoming Damian's designated driving instructor when he turns 16. Nobody remembers how it happened, least of all Jason.

———

"You're going to kill us both," Jason says calmly, one hand braced against the dashboard as Damian takes a corner at approximately twice the recommended speed.

"Tt. I have perfect reflexes, Todd. I was trained by the League of Assassins."

"Yeah, to kill people, not parallel park. Slow DOWN."

The car screeches to a halt at a red light, throwing them both forward. Jason sighs deeply.

"I've literally trained with Formula One drivers," Damian mutters, tapping impatiently on the steering wheel. “I’ve been driving since I could speak.”

"Is that why you're treating Gotham's pothole-ridden streets like Monaco? Light's green."

As Damian accelerates again, Jason gets a text. He glances down to see it's from Dick.

'how's it going?'

'he's either going to be the best driver in the family or we're both going to die. no in-between.'

"Stop texting Grayson about me," Damian says without looking away from the road.

"Stop reading my texts while you're DRIVING."

"I have peripheral vision superior to—"

"I SWEAR TO GOD, DEMON SPAWN—"

Bruce calls Jason later that night. "How did it go?"

"Great. Your son only tried to kill me seven different ways with my beat up old Toyota. New record."

"So... you'll take him again Thursday?"

Jason hangs up, but they both know he'll be there.

"Cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that, I got laid" was gay enough

BUT WHY DID EVERYONE FAIL TO MENTION THAT DEAN FUCKING WINKS AT CASTIEL AFTER THAT!?!???

i am speechless right now. like. if we got this in a post-2020 show it would be THE sign that they will, in fact, get laid sooner than later. if this happened between Dean and a woman, there would be zero doubts about them being endgame. how did the world allow the CW to gaslight us about Destiel when this scene exists. how did they succeed. how.

oh my beloved original Destiel shippers, they hated you because you spoke the truth

sorry im. okay imagine buck is watching his trash tv. and its dancing with the stars. and eddie wanders in and hes standing watching it too (as dads are wont to do) and then he starts Critiquing Their Form and buck whips his head around like. um. what the fuck are you saying rn.

Random BatFam (reference: Leverage, Season 3)

ok but admitting that you hooked up with your ex to avoid thinking about your best friend is crazy work

Cas taking off his trench coat and laying it over Dean to keep him warm while he sleeps do you understand? Am I being understood?

Tim, after a long patrol, collapses onto the couch and ends up falling mostly on Dick

Jason, in a lightly mocking tone Awww, look at the sleepy baby

Dick humms and shifts, trying to get more comfortable with the extra weight

Jason grins, sees the opportunity to annoy Dick, and leans on Tim to put more pressure on Dick, stretching widely, I’m so tiiiired

Dick too tried to realize Jason is being a brat, starts patting Jason’s hair Me too man, me too

Jason who is also exhausted from patrol feels his eyelids start to droop, begins to doze on Tim unwittingly

Tim is completely unaware

Tim later wakes up trapped not only between Dick and Jason but all their other siblings have joined the pile in some way

Tim glances sideways and sees Bruce sitting in a chair

Bruce, not looking up, Alfred has already sent the photos to Barbara

Tim huffs then goes back to sleep, knowing attempting escape is futile

let’s lay flat on our ovoidal mama