Sicksadchild - !!!!!!!!

to my abusers

my boyfriend can't talk to me for a month because his (abusive as fuck) parents decided to take away all his forms of communication mMmm

one of the worst things is when your abuser is suddenly very nice to you and you ask yourself whether they are really an abuser and maybe you were just overreacting and you feel mean for even thinking that they abused you (but then they abuse you over and over again and then they're nice again for a few hours, causing you to doubt everything again)

I hate that trauma and abuse have long-lasting consequences! I really hate that!!! It was bad enough while it lasted, why do I have to suffer from it even 10 years later????

this user has undiagnosed borderline personality disorder

i think im going crazy

COMMISSIONS ARE OPEN!!! I’m saving up money so that I can afford my chest removal surgery, so I am now accepting commissions! Prices can be negotiated, especially when adding characters and depending on how intricate the character is you ask me to draw. Message me on tumblr, where we can work out prices and exchange PayPals. I only accept payments upfront! (Also if you could do me a favor and promo this that would be wonderful! Thank you!)

there needs to be a name

for that horrible, sickening discomfort that comes with talking about trauma aloud

it’s shame, but that word is not enough

it is not strong enough.

“shame” is within the range of normal emotions. this is…something else. this runs deeper. this is something that lives in the same primitive brain structures as fear – fear, most powerful of emotions – but has the developed frontal-lobe sophistication of a more complex feeling.

it’s more shame than i can express. it’s a very physical feeling. something inside me recoils. i hate that i have to confront this horrific feeling to talk about my trauma in therapy.

my life is a game of “is this a symptom or does everyone experience this?”