Plot: The Slytherins Are Failing To Get Into The Gryffindor Common Room To Get Sirius And James Who Just

sirius black’s favorite beverage is coke zero.

plot: sirius is texting remus and james while he’s at a family gathering.

sirius: fuck me i hate it here.

remus: isn’t that lovely.

sirius: feeling h i g h k e y judged by some boomers for my band-tee.

james: well, you would’ve been judged whether you wore it or not.

sirius: BAHAHA FUCK-

remus: there’s this thing, idk if u know it, but it’s called the subtle art of not giving a fuck.

sirius: yeah no, i prefer to not give any fucks loudly and boldly.

remus, replying to himself: it’s very low key, i have it, and it saves me.

james: forget them, they’re probably reptiles anyways.

sirius: yeah, no, they’re too unsuccessful to be reptiles, but their dry skin is really backing up your point there prongsie.

sirius: OKAYGTGTHEYRESUMMONINGME.

more jegulus and their struggle with french <3

regulus: are you done practicing?

james: yes! i’ve memorized what to say to sirius this time.

regulus: right, go on then.

james: tu es…a dúmmy…?

regulus: *facepalming* bête.

sirius: i feel like i absorb the positive energy from the people around me.

remus: so you’re kind of like a dementor?

sirius: no, i don’t suck the joy out of people.

remus: debatable.

sirius: WHATDOYOUMEAN?!

james: hey…what if mike was actually short for micycle?

lily: it’s 3 in the morning, and i swear to merlin if you don’t shut up, you will wake up without a tongue.

james: *mumbling* sirius would’ve found it funny…

lily: then by all means, go sleep with him instead.

sirius tricked james into telling him about his relationship with regulus, regulus isn’t happy.

regulus: first things first, james here is a fucking idiot, and if he tells you anything fucking different he’s a liar and a fucking snake.

regulus: *smacks james on the forehead*

regulus: fuck you.

HC:

all the marauders got matching “the marauders are here” tattoos over their hearts.

but before betraying the potters, peter had the “are” on his chest crossed out and replaced with “were”.

regulus: care to explain what happened pour moi?

james: uh- oui oui, so i had a little too much café on an empty túmmy, so i had a - how do you say - panique attaque.

sirius and regulus are eavesdropping on their parents while they’re discussing politics, and are texting each other whatever they hear.

sirius: did she just say that voldy’s going to enforce a marshmallow?

regulus: a martial law, you gormless git.

james: *holding up his smudged glasses* reg, darling, can you get me something to clean my glasses with?

regulus: sure. *stands up and walks over to sirius, rips his shirt off his back, and gives the torn piece to james*

james: *cleaning his glasses* thank you, my love.