The Caged Bird

All’s Not Lost

All's not lost

Until I have lost my mind

Now I will write

Into the night As if I am some sort of time lord

I will write

Until I feel alright

A poet’s tailbone

Is where they keep their tales

My tailbone is tired

I shall steal my sleep

From tomorrow

I am a true night time poet

With dry, tangled hair

Who knows where I’ll be able to take myself

Some is lost

And I'll admit that I fucked up

But I can almost trust

That this shall continue

I shall continue on this journey

That is full of losing

And gaining

Pascal’s Triangle

I'm nervous

But I showed up and here I am

I'm choosing to go down swinging, hard

I have to know that I tried

Even if I know I'm gonna get my butt kicked,

I like to at least attempt to kick back

My life has trained me for the sport of butt kicking

But it sometimes leaves me feeling pooped out

Every time I yawn I roar like a lion

A silent roar of sleep deprivation

But a roar of determination

Call me stupid

Call me crazy

But I'm gonna get this right no matter how many times it takes

I'll get it eventually

You can annoy me and make me feel uncomfortable but you cannot get through my stubborn head

I'm nearly impossible to brainwash

Without other methods being used

Looking at the big picture

Can be daunting

But you can just use fractions

And break everything up

Shatter it thoroughly

Take a step back

Breathe

And look with new eyes of simplicity

One step

At

A

Time

Let the miracles happen, and have fun storming the castle

Clumsy Ballerina

I'm a clumsy ballerina

Dancing from sorrow to morrow

Trying to take a twirl with happiness

But never quite succeeding

Prince charming asks if he can have this dance

I say yes, but honestly, I just want to chasse and get away

I’d much rather be exploring this castle

Instead of being stuck at this boring ball

Switching from person to person, trying and trying is tiring

As a misfit, I am tremendously tired of these triplets

Hanging heavy in the air

Making it hard to fly

I’m out of breathe

Can I just plie and stop with this ballet?

To take a rest

I do an arabesque

I do not recognize this music

But my heart is pounding out the beat to this mad song that plays on and on

I'm off time

And out of grace

I'm dipping and tripping all over the place as if I were drunk

I'm stepping on peoples toes because I don’t know how this dance goes

Too dizzy

To know that I’m in a tizzy

With my tap shoes, I'm trying to tap out

How could I question my depression

When I know that it is the most graceful and charming

While I am inept when it comes to this dance

Brother

Dear brother,

Where did you go?

You used to wave at me when I was in the hallway

You used to wave at me when you sat in the gym because I had no friends

But you were there on the bleachers reading

I still wonder in amazement; how did you get your teacher to let you do that?

You used to save me from a teacher who needed to retire

You used to save me before bus 19 left so I'd get on the right one

Do you remember when you'd make me laugh by pretending you were in the circus?

You'd walk on old alcohol barrels,

That were once red, now pink and faded by the sun

Then you went off to college and started a new chapter

I'm sorry I put grass in the pool,

When you told me to stop

I'm sorry I threw a plastic beach basket at your face,

And caused you to get a nose bleed

I'm sorry I screamed at you while I was drawing a picture

You are really good at pushing my big red button that specifically says DO NOT PUSH!

Why must you be a programmer that finds my buttons and knows how to easily access my control panel?

I'm sorry I didn't and couldn’t give you the space you wanted to reach the planets

I'm sorry I kicked and screamed at your closed door

I just wanted to build a snowman

And have fun

I missed you then and I miss you now

Oh Brother, what shall I do?

You know that pathetic hug I gave you?

That's because sometimes I think you don't care about me

I sometimes think when you're in San Francisco California you never think of me

Of how we'd joke we'd run away to Californ-i-a

Similar All The Same

I'm a little punk

A little rebel

I used to be the opposite

But similar all the same

Then I fell in love with something I can't have and my heart sunk

My heart is a devil

The burn causing flame in my brain got lit

The beast of my heart I couldn't tame I used to feel guilt like hell

It had complete control over me

Therefore I had nothing hidden

Dealing with the devil, my guilt was a good idea to sell

I broke free

I became guilty ridden The free rain ran over me and cleaned my obedience away

I broke them damn chains!

I began to hide during the day

Some of my fears I told to go fuck themselves, went down the drain So now I'm everything that screams courage and fearless

Every word that I write helps me to be tearless But I am still similar all the same

The Cliff Hanger

I’m hanging on like a cliff hanger

Just hanging on and just hoping against odds

But you learn to pull yourself up and at least sit on the branch

But it sways in the wind

So you hang on and try your best not to fall

If you do it’s all over

No second chances

No forgiveness for trying so hard

So hard not to just jump

It’s getting tempting

It seems easier just ending it

But you just keep fighting

That’s all you've ever done

You think it will just end anyway

You might slip

Your hands are getting extremely tired and sweaty

But you’re used to it

You teach yourself how to walk on the small branch

You start to trust it

You shouldn't though

But it’s all you've got

You just want to be saved

But you know that’s highly unlikely

You lose hope

You want to climb the cliff

It’s straight up

Or straight down if you fall

One way trip

Will you make it?

You try to grab the side of the cliff

It falls out of your hand as debris

And dust because you have been there for so long…

And yet longer…

No help!

You start screaming

All you hear are your echo’s

You know it’s no use to hold on anymore

You jump

You feel so free

You like the feeling of flying

Your stomach in your throat

You haven’t done anything like this in at least a year

You see the bottom getting closer

You can’t wait for it to end…

I Am Not Your Smooth

Smooth

Smooth

Groove

I can say I made it out alive

I can say that all the times I got pied

Humiliated, it felt like you, snide

Groove

Smooth

Smooth

You seem needy for a female

When will you realize, I will not be for sale?

For news you're stale

Smooth

Groove

Smooth

You wish you had this one

Away from that one guy I'll run

By someone else my heart has been nicely won

You are not smooth

You're vain which is not my groove

Please stop thinking I am your smooth

Boom!

Impending doom

Anticipating the "boom!"

I got sent the invitation

To sticky isolation

The deathly scent of flowers

Looking at the world alone at the top of the Eiffel Tower

A lonely gold filled casket

No more money in the basket

That money was wasted

Just imagine how bad that tasted

Every breath,

Is one closer to death

Then I feel insecure

In a crowd of people, doesn't matter what store

Anxiety still in the room

Sitting there waiting for the "boom!"

I try to hug the earth but all I do is hit the floor

It hurts but I go back for more

Sara, I can imagine you popping up out of nowhere

Depressing reality, but I still care

I can feel the wall of basses

The sickening sound of them not in their cases

Still feeling the arriving doom

Just around the loom

Then the crowd of violins start to rain

And the dark basses in my ears, they stain

The basses echo and rumble in my gut

Running from my problems, out of the room I rebely strut

Remember Oil

Oil

Tin can

Marble shaking around

“Oil can” says the tin man of a car

At least I know that there is a true heart inside

Along with a great dancer

But this oil...

Is making the somewhat broken ice more slippery

And harder to break

Even though you are a human teddy bear

That wears the same grey sweatshirt a lot,

Same though

You don't know, but you are

The tamer of my wild anxiety

We are literally driving in a shaking car with no right turn signal

And I find

That I'm comfortable with that

And I hope this ride doesn't end soon

Things You Should Never Think, Or Make Me Do

Number one, never make me prove you wrong in the way that I don’t need you

Number two, never make me wear a red dress with Bugs Bunny characters on it

Number three, don’t force me to conform to your idea of being a girl

Number four, don’t think that I won’t taste it, trust me, my taste buds will find a way

Number five, don’t make me rewrite something, because there’s a chance that I thought it was a masterpiece in the way that you thought that it was shit

Number six, don’t think that I am frightened

Number seven, don’t think about me, because you'll never understand, and I hope you never will

Number eight, don’t force me to do it your way, because, if I did it differently, that would obviously just be preposterous!

Number nine, don’t think that you can just stare at me like a creep, making me uncomfortable to ever wear cute summer dresses

Number ten, don’t make me feel the need to apologize for just being me!