I’m Not Going To Have A Man Dictate My Emotional Stability.

SINNERPAUSE - Week 5/12

written in the stars 🌌🦊

What Changes Were Made in the FIA Sporting Code regarding Driver Conduct penalties?

I want to clarify a few things regarding the new regulations the FIA published with regard to penalties for driver conduct.

None of the written rules were changed. All of the listed points were in the rules starting 2024(some prior, these have been an ongoing encroachment on conduct within the sport)

What has changed is 2 things.

The actual name and nature of Appendix B

The penalty system outlined for breaching these guidelines

Formerly Appendix B was the "Code of Good Conduct". Now it's the "Steward's Penalty Guidelines"

Here is what the former code of good conduct looked like (It has been removed from the FIA website and replaced with the current new document)

Now you can find all of these rules for driver conduct and the FIA stating that these are punishable actions under the article 12 of International Sporting Code of the FIA. None of these rules are new.

What is new are the specified penalties to be handed out for infractions of these rules of conduct. The new appendix outlines specific scales of punishment that should accompany these specific infractions. The outlining of fines as well as further punitive measures required if a driver is found to be in violation of the regulation by the stewards is what is new.

Specifically the amount of fines, as well as the requirement for an apology, points deductions and race bans are all new.

In addition to the stipulation for a 2 year time period on these accruing penalty levels.

You can find all of this at the FIA regulations page. However the old version of Appendix B is unavailable and is hard to find online since it's been replaced.

Article 12 in the ISC deals with the scale of penalties.

Appendix B is the Steward's Penalty Guidelines

Appendix L chapter 4 is driver conduct guidelines

Hopefully this clears some things up about what has changed and what it means for driver conduct and how drivers may be penalized this year.

Note: I am against these changes and this penalty structure.

okay heres the rosquez history™️ im fully copying this from dms i sent my bff so- do not judge how it looks. i am truly sorry for this monstrosity and that you have to read it

okay so vale dominated the mid-2000s, he has 9 world titles, 7 from motogp (or 500cc back then) marc is uhhh 14 years younger i think? and he looked up to vale. like a lot. (he mightve had a poster of vale in his bedroom growing up)

and then marc starts riding in moto3 and moto2 and its like ‘holy shit that kid is so good’ but also he’s insanely aggressive ?? like so aggressive that he essentially develops a new riding style. and around that time there are a bunch of riders in motogp, namely vale and jorge lorenzo (who marc DID ACTUALLY have a poster of i think) telling marc to calm down and ride cleaner.

in 2013 marc moves up to motogp and life is good for him!! so good!! he becomes the youngest race winner ever and then the youngest motogp champion ever and hes like in love with vale and keeps making heart eyes at him but thats ok!! bc vale makes heart eyes at marc all the time too.

so in 2013 and 2014 everything is great 🫶🫶 theyre in love, vale invites marc to the ranch, blablabla theyre gay whatever. but then 2015 it all goes to shit

marc has a bunch of retirements so it becomes pretty clear that hes not winning the title again. but vale is very much in title contention (hes fighting jorge) plus marc and vale have fought like a lot of times on track and uhhh… things arent that great between them? but whatever bc at least its still cordial. until sepang where they’re fighting again and marc crashes and oops!! it looks like vale kicked marcs bike. vale gets a back of the grid penalty for the crash and he cant recover from that so jorge wins the 2015 title! and from that point marc and vale hate. each other. vale thinks that marc fought him so hard bc he didnt want vale to be champion/wanted a spanish rider to be champion and obvi marc is mad about the kick/alleged crash.

in 2016 they seem to make peace for a lil while? but then in 2018 argentine theyre fighting again. and like i said marc is really aggressive so he kind of crashes vale out? ( im biased towards marc he can do no wring sorry) and after the race marc goes over to vales motorhome to apologize but uccio (vales bff/truck driver/idrk hes just always there) sends marc away. vale later says that he did it bc he knew it wasnt a genuine apology ?

yeah and from that point on they just dont talk. they hate each other for a while, sure, but that fades to a dislike, and dislike fades into indifference and they just do not. care anymore

also there are a lot of other moments like the infamous handshake press interview thing, but also they apparently shook hands in private later? and them in 2020 marc crashes, misses a season, comes back in 2021 for like half a season, then vale retired blablabla they just don’t interact anymore but motogp still liked making them sit awkwardly next to each other in press conferences. uhh yeah that’s basically it but marc did talk abt vale recently and he talked abt how vale had a giant impact on the sport and also he said that he wouldnt act differently in 2015 bc vale was the one who lost his temper 💀💀

omg they really are strangers to hero worship to friends to lovers to enemies to reluctant colleagues with history to enemies again to strangers what the fuck. what is in motorsport water that makes men act like this

yall help me out, do you remember the ardyn broken (and never properly healed) leg essay posted on some google drive a couple of years ago RIGHT?? RIGHT???????

i cant find it anywhere, if you have it or happen to be the original creator pls interact with me or smth!!

give me all the lore you have about fernando like anything from him getting high on a malaria pill to him missing a right tit.

Anon, you have just asked me for my entire PhD thesis right there, although I haven't been able to find a uni with a Department of Fernando Alonso Studies yet. Maybe somewhere in Asturias?

Anyway, buckle up, we have a lot of ground to cover! I'm afraid you have the advantage of me in the matter of the missing right tit - if you have any info on either of Fernando's tits, I encourage you (or anyone else) to hit me up with it. Hard.

Thanks to everyone whose posts and stellar lore work informed this post.

The Lore Files - Fernando edition

Firstly, let me send you to the time @topnotchquark asked me for my top five Fernando moments. This post features Dinner with Friends, Dodgy Flavio Twink Farm Photo, the Kissy Podium, the Viking Buckler Beer Commercials, and the all-time classic, Fernando Trolls a Team Principal by Eating a Peach.

Secondly, still on Unhinged!Nando, let's take a moment to appreciate Fuck You, My Boy - an unsubstantiated remark allegedly made by Fernando to Seb.

In Unhinged, but moving into Evil!Nando territory, he still spends a lot of time with his disgraced ex-manager Flavio Briatore, who was banned from the F1 paddock for his role in Crashgate (Nelson Piquet Jr crashed deliberately to force a safety car and gift Fernando an easy win). They met for coffee before the season started and THEIR COFFEE HAD THEIR FACES ON IT.

The time he told off Johnny Herbert for not winning a World Chamopnship.

Then we have Nerdy/Weeb!Nando, completely obsessed with Japan and everything samurai. Recent video on this is here, but also he used to carry a little Ashel figure around with him and take photos of it - he named the figure Tomito.

Still on nerdy stuff, Nando is keen on magic tricks and used to practice them on flights between races. He would meet friends who were into magic and get books and USB sticks from them with details of new tricks. He was proper into it. (For more on this, his interview on the Beyond the Grid podcast).

You may have spotted that I am a hardcore webbonso girlie, so there are two round-ups of webbonso lore here and here and here.

In General/Cringe!Nando Lore, we have:

This is the cringiest thing ever but once, Nando and Jenson had to fake American accents. The video is awful but the outtakes are hilarious.

The leg waxing situation.

He can crack nuts with his neck. I am sorry, but I find this sexy. I am going to jail for one thousand years. Two videos here.

We have him sharing the unprecedented list of 113 drivers he has raced against, on his own social media. (114 now, Lawson).

The santised, corporate sponsored New Year post followed by the photo of him partying with George with a cigar.

At the 2022 Drivers' Dinner he was the only person wearing a Christmas jumper.

The malaria pill situation, from Jenson's book.

Then there is some Soft Baby!Nando Lore - the grid's favourite villain is actually a cinnamon roll. Evidence for the defence:

Nando going to congratulate Lewis for his 2014 WDC. Nando is sporting a depression beard (Ferrari were not doing well, and in my headcanon he coped poorly with Mark retiring). Anyway, Lewis's beautiful popstar girlfriend Nicole Scherzinger hugs Fernando and compliments his beard and he immediately says his mother doesn't like it because he is the sweetest boy.

Dancing Nando.

Some cute lore here - almost crashing on his first time in a Formula One car, his favourite win, lots of little things.

There is some Nando friendship lore hidden in this post.

Finally, in Serious!Nando Lore, we have

the temporary, slight memory loss following the Crash That Launched A Thousand Conspiracy Theories, which a not-reputable journo reported as Fernando thinking he was 13 and a kart racer.

crashgate, mentioned above

Spygate and relatedly, the 2007 season clusterfuck.

Team orders controversy in 2010, otherwise known as 'Fernando is faster than you.' (Team orders are allowed now but were banned at the time).

So there you have it anon, a round up of all the lore I have to hand. Hope you enjoyed!

Hey. Hi. Hello. Today I learned about the existence of 15th century Welsh poet Gwerful Mechain and that she apparently has a surviving work of erotic poems.

Please. For Christmas. For Yule. Please tell me more because I can't read Welsh.

Heh heh. Oh, Gwerful Mechain is the absolute best.

(Quick housekeeping to keep the post manageable - I previously wrote about things like cynghanedd and cywydds and englyns and such here, so check that if you need an explanation.)

What's fun is that we don't know a ton about her, because not a lot got written down about people in her time. Her surviving work covers a 40ish year span at the end of the 1400s to just into the 1500s, but we don't know when she was born or died or anything like that. We know her parents' names? And that she was from Mechain, hence the bardic name. And that she married a guy and had a daughter, something which actually does mark out her body of work as different from her contemporaries; being a wife and mother, she couldn't do the usual bardic role of travelling the country to spread news and play at courts. This means she doesn't have any of the praise poetry that a lot of male bards produced about the lords that hosted them.

But, there's stuff we can piece together about her. For one thing, she was not just literate (not a universal skill for anyone at that point, but especially for women), but she was astonishingly well-read and had what appears to be a classical education, given her poetic references and traditional Welsh meters. For another, her work often had recurring themes of religion, sex, and women's rights, sometimes all at the same time.

At the point Gwerful was active, Welsh bardic culture heavily featured ymrysonau. An ymryson is like... well, I hesitate to say "sort of like a rap battle" after the way everyone and their dog now thinks that's what the Mari Lwyd does, but they were like a cross between a rap battle and the publication war between two rival academics. A bard would write an englyn and publish it in the local parish newsletter. Another bard would see this, and write their own englyn about how stupid the first bard's englyn was, and publish it in the same newsletter. The first bard would see this and retaliate. The second bard would retaliate to that. And on and on it would go, like a printed tennis match for all the parishioners to enjoy, until someone wrote a conclusive verse OR until someone went "Lol, you got me good there" and bowed out with dignity. Sometimes, these things were fucking vicious; but other times, they were just banter between two bards who knew each other and were enjoying the chance to keep their poetic skills in tip top condition.

Now, Gwerful was an active and enthusiastic participant in ymrysonau. We have many examples of her work from these. There are two of particular note that I'll list here, each against a different bard:

Dafydd Llwyd o Fathafarn. Mathafarn and Mechain are not so distant from one another, so no real surprise that these two locked horns a lot, but the impression I always got from their ymrysonau is that they were good mates, actually. These fell into the 'banter' category more often than not. Dafydd was a Welsh Nationalist who was hoping for a Welshman to rise up and throw off the yoke of English oppression, and most of his work is about that, but he turned up the filthy erotic shit for any ymryson with Gwerful because BOY HOWDY was that her specialty. IIRC she did occasionally poke fun at his Welsh Nash leanings, especially his obsession with Mab Darogan (OLD Welsh idea that translates to the Son of Prophesy - the Arthur-style figure that will one day drive out the English overlords), but mostly their ymrysonau were incredibly beautifully-written odes that could be summed up as "Dafydd, my man, my good friend, I mean this sincerely: suck my entire clit".

She often won.

Ieuan Dyfi. God, what a fucking asshole. This one was not banter. Gwerful played for blood with this prick.

We actually would know nothing about Ieuan Dyfi if not for Gwerful Mechain, because it was her poetic response to him that meant his only surviving poems made it to the modern day; that, and the record of him being brought before a church court where he admitted adultery with Anni Goch, a married woman. Oh, and the record of him being brought before the law courts at Liverpool, accused of domestic abuse and gambling? If I remember right?

Two things to know that set the scene for what came next:

One of Gwerful Mechain's surviving poems is an englyn considered to be possibly the oldest extant poem about domestic violence written by a woman: I’w gŵr am ei churo (To the husband who beats her)

Dager drwy goler dy galon - ar osgo I asgwrn dy ddwyfron; Dy lin a dyr, dy law’n don, A’th gleddau i’th goluddion.

There are a lot of translations for this one to try to keep its poeticness, but this one is pretty good:

Through your heart’s lining let there be pressed, slanting down, A dagger to the bone in your chest. Your knee smashed, your hand crushed, may the rest Be gutted by the sword you possessed.

She has others, too, that deal with sexual assault, and something scholars often note about Gwerful is her remarkable knowledge of the law as it pertained to women's issues. So she was not, you see, a woman with a high view of a man accused of domestic violence anyway.

But then Ieuan Dyfi wrote five poems about Anni Goch, the married woman he'd fucked, each more "Wow dude, she said no" than the last, culminating in I Anni Goch; a full cywydd of misogynistic Medieval-incel bullshit about how false and evil women are, which listed all the false and evil women of history including classical and mythological figures.

And. Well. Gwerful had some views.

Her responding cywydd - I ateb Ieuan Dyfi am gywydd Anni Goch - basically blasted the guy back into his own impact crater and disintegrated him. What she did with it, essentially, was to mirror his cywydd. Where he'd gone "Isn't it so true how great men throughout history have always been brought low by women, amirite lads? Here's examples", Gwerful went "Isn't it so true how 'great men' throughout history have behaved appallingly and fucked up through their own actions and then somehow managed to blame women, amirite lads? Here's examples." Where his examples had been historical figures, so were hers. Where his had been classical, so were hers. Where he went Biblical, so did she.

And what's so interesting about that last one is how pointed she was with it - for some reason, in his big list of evil women, Ieuan Dyfi did not go for the most obvious and low-hanging of fruit (no pun intended) - he doesn't cite Eve. In response, Gwerful also sidesteps the most obvious and low hanging of fruit - she doesn't cite Mary. In so doing, she makes it clear that she doesn't even need to.

There is no record of him responding to her. IIRC, there is a record of him doing three years in prison.

But! Outside of all of that, the big thing Gwerful was known for was her erotic poetry. You'll be unsurprised to hear that it wasn't written for shits and giggles - much like today, women of the time were told that most of their value was in their looks, and they had plentiful insecurities about their bodies. Gwerful wrote her erotic stuff to confront those insecurities and shine a light on the issue. There are so many examples of this, but far and away the most famous is definitely Cywydd y Cedor - roughly translated, 'Ode to the Vulva'. Though I have also seen it titled Cywydd y Gont - Ode to the Cunt. It's such a shame that the English language is literally, physically not capable of cynghanedd, because it means unless you learn Welsh you will never understand the beauty and the lyricism of the piece, and how it elevates and undercuts the content at the same time; but it's a joyful, masterful, irreverent work that uses the fancy language male poets were forever dedicating to the rest of a woman's body and applies it squarely to the vulva. In fact it basically opens with "Men are cowards, describe more cunts or gtfo" before launching into its main subject matter. The last line is pro-pubic hair, too, like I really must stress how much Gwerful Mechain would have to offer Tumblr if you could speak Welsh. This is probably her most widely translated piece, though, you can definitely find English versions. Although you can tell how blushing and reticent the translator is - and therefore how sanitised their translation is - by whether they've called it Ode to the Vulva/Cunt, or Ode to the Pubic Hair.

Needless to say, the original is not sanitised.

(Actually, I should also say - this one is also a response piece, probably, but in this case to a bard who lived a century earlier - Dafydd ap Gwilym, the absolutely legendary and uncontested king of Welsh romance poetry. He wrote a poem called Cywydd y Gal - Ode to the Penis. I have only just put two and two together on that.)

As a final note, I should say that my personal favourite Gwerful Mechain poem on this subject, mind, is actually I'w morwyn wrth gachu - to the maiden who is shitting. It's an englyn written in Gwerful's customary high poetic form, but it is what it says - it describes a woman taking a shit, and farting as she does. Beautiful and magical and disgusting and banal, all in one go:

Crwciodd lle dihangodd ei dŵr - ’n grychiast O grochan ei llawdwr; Ei deudwll oedd yn dadwr’, Baw a ddaeth, a bwa o ddŵr

Funnily enough, it's hard to find a good translation for this one lol.

My attempt:

She crouched where her water escaped - creased From the cauldron of her heat; Her two holes were arguing, Shit came, and a bow of water

Eh. It's so bland in English. Honestly, if you could read Welsh...

Anyway, if anyone reading this can read Welsh and wants to read some of Gwerful Mechain's stuff - including some of the pieces she was responding to in the ymrysonau - you can find a load here. Otherwise, I hope you enjoyed!

Sebastian Vettel & Lewis Hamilton: 12 years sharing podiums together ✰

Mark Webber Lore Masterpost

This is for @percervall who had the good fortune to ask for Mark Lore when I had just finished a massive Fernando Lore post and was itching to balance out my OTP Lore Files.

Disclaimer: I am primarily a webbonso girlie (gn), but I also love Martian (aka Sebmark), Butter (which we are now calling Aussie Cake - Mark/Jenson), and Nicomark, with an occasional dash of Oscarmark though I have Feelings about that (see below on Personal Life).

I was watching F1 for the last five years of Mark's career so his RBR days and personal life are what I know best but even so, I'm not claiming to be an expert so if anyone reads this and disagrees with any of it, please weigh in with your own thoughts! Input most welcome.

CW below for transphobia, ED/eating disorder, and vomiting unrelated to ED

EDITED TO ADD: I CONFIRM THIS POST IS SAFE FROM THE CANBERRA MILK KID ADVERT

Anyway - to the DILF Files!

Racing and Luck

Couple of things on this: Mark is from a town close to Canberra called Queanbeyan that is, according to fans who know Australia, the single most unlikely place in the world to produce an F1 driver. Throughout his book, he constantly comes back to "how can a boy from Queanbeyan get to F1?"

Mark got into racing comparatively late, at 13-ish, and he was tall. Tallness was a huge disadvantage during the era he raced, because of the regulations favouring low weights. Before he got his first F1 test, Bernie Ecclestone dismissed him as "too old, too big." He made his F1 debut at 26 which is *really* late in the modern era. He has said that he "didn't eat for five years" to keep his weight down and that the possibility of weighing more and relaxing his diet was a factor in moving to WEC instead of doing another season in F1.

As @stars-and-meteors wrote in the comments on @percervall's post, Mark was LUCKY in one way (though usually described as an unlucky driver) - he was in at least four major crashes in his career that could have been fatal. Two in Le Mans 1999 (video of his memories here), another flip in Valenica in 2010 which I saw live and nearly puked until I saw his head move. This clip shows the crash but not the aftermath - he threw his steering wheel out to signal that he was OK, and walked away with nothing more than minor bruises, so keep that in mind as you watch because it is dramatic. Then finally, when he was racing for Porsche in WEC after he retired from F1, he crashed hard in Brazil, so badly that his wife (watching at home with her son) assumed he would die. He was injured but ultimately fine.

So how was he unlucky?

Getting to F1 so late, with minimal sponsorship behind him - this was in an era where the driver academy systems we have now weren't as strong and he was outside of the bit of an academy system that there was

One early career bad move - went to Williams instead of Renault for 2005 (Renault won the WDC that year)

Finally got a WDC-winning car when he was 34, with a much younger generational-talent teammate (Sebastian) who was intensely favoured by the team (for pretty valid reasons in many ways) - never had good machinery in what could have been his peak years.

RBR and Seb Rivalry/Martian/Sebmark

The best way I can explain Mark's dynamic with Sebastian is that the Vettel grandstand at his home grand prix costs more to sit in than the Webber grandstand.

Here is a brief thematic overview of Martian I wrote in response to an ask. Please know that they once bought matching Porsches together, and that Mark has referred to their on-track crashes as "making love." They are a shipper's dream.

Because Seb is now such an elder statesman of the sport, a lot of people forget that he wasn't always as popular and well-liked as he (deservedly) is today. One of the many links in this post describes Mark as a "fan favourite" and he really was - he was seen as a chill, down to earth, funny bloke. Seb was also popular, but he was popular with a lot of the same demographic that are big Max fans today and he was a similar figure (though not as controversial). Some people compare Max-Checo to Seb-Mark but Checo has never been as popular as Mark was, and Seb was always less controversial than Max. But not a million miles away either.

Mark used to hold the record for most F1 starts without a win, and when he finally won his first race I think every F1 fan was happy for him. He was definitely seen as a safe pair of hands, journeyman driver, not a standout but not bad either.

Anyway, then Adrian Newey built a great car in 2010.

Mark led much of the 2010 season, but due to some bad luck, bad starts and a shocking last race, he came 3rd in the WDC to Seb and Fernando. It went to the last race. Seb won his first title never having led the standings all season, but he was consistent and had good strategy calls, and also he had the backing of the team. The Front Wing Incident led to a classic moment of Mark Lore. The team had a new front wing, Seb damaged his and was given Mark's. The team will say that Mark hadn't liked the wing, and that Seb was ahead in the standings at the time. Mark maintained Seb was being favoured because young, German, RBR Young Driver Programme, Helmut Marko, etc. Mark won the race. Christian came on the radio to congratulate him and said something like, maybe now you'll crack a smile. Mark replied with "not bad for a number two driver," and Lore was born.

(Apparently there was a team barbecue at Christian's house to try and mend fences, involving karaoke. Mark's karaoke song, according to Seb's remarks on the Australia GP podium some years later, is Summer of 69.)

Anyhoo, Mark lost out at the last race in 2010, Seb dominated all over 2011 (in his book, Mark says that the team behaved in 2011 as though Mark had been a second driver all through 2010 and Seb had led the whole season, when Mark had been closer to the title than Seb), and 2012 (Alonso was amazing that season, so it was great racing and not an easy title for Seb at all, but Mark didn't challenge him).

Then came Multi-21. I think it's fair to say that at the time, most people agreed that Seb had been out of line, although some thought so because he'd fucked over Mark and some because he disobeyed his boss. Either way, Seb was apologetic and then wasn't. It's been suggested since that Seb's lawyer letter to the team may have been sowing seeds for him to break his contract and move to Ferrari - he did activate a break clause in 2014 to move to Ferrari for 2015.

Anyhoo, after Mark's retirement he and Seb mended things, they are clearly on good terms now and Mark had lots of nice things to say when Seb retired. But it was acrimonious at the time.

Broadly, I think most people feel like if a few minor things had gone differently, Mark might have been a one-time WDC, but that he never really had the next-level skill of the likes of Seb, Fernando, Lewis, or even Jens or Nico. He's often ranked alongside Felipe Massa as someone who would have been a deserving champion but never an all-time great.

Webbonso

I've done some Webbonso lore masterposts before, so please see this, this and this if it's something you're into. Mark and Fernando seemed to have a falling out in after 2018 (which we call the Divorce Era, and may be linked to Fernando signing with Alpine for 2021 when Mark wanted a seat for Oscar Piastri, who Mark managed) but the Divorce Era was confirmed ended in 2023, with Mark gushing over his boy again, on screen hugs, and Mark sharing a post on instagram with a little red stiletto heeled shoe emoji imposed on Fernando's tiny foot.

Actual Personal Life

Mark is married to an English woman named Ann Neal, whom he met when he was 17 and she was 30. She became a friend of his family because of her motorsport connections (she worked in motorsport in Australia), then became his manager, and moved him to England without his family when he was 18-19. He lived in a box room in Ann's mum's house, with Ann, her mum and her son (she was recently divorced), and they shared a car. Their relationship apparently turned romantic when he was 20 and she was 33. (This is all from his autobiography). @lightningmickqueen wrote a great summary of this which is worth reading. Basically - problematic AF and it's hard for me not to think of him as a victim though he does seem very happy.

This is also why Oscarmark is never a simple ship for me. I love their dynamic, I like them both as drivers, but because I feel like Mark is a grooming survivor and there is both an age gap and a power imbalance between him and Oscar, I don't think I'll ever write an explicit fic about them. Any I've written before are very much on the yearning side.

No serious allegations of cheating on his partner have ever emerged. He did a series of photoshoots and videos with Maria Sharapova for Porsche and a lot of people joke about their "affair" but nothing at all to suggest its real.

Controversy (esp transphobia) and Views

Well one big controversy is the fact he was groomed as a teenager, but no one in motorsport talks about this, although the fandom is pretty switched on about it all.

But the biggest is the transphobic tweet. I won't link to anyone else's blog here because I have been told that posting about Mark's transphobic tweet can bring out trolls with both pro-trans and anti-trans views (fyi: I do not believe it is possible to be anti-trans, you cannot be anti-people, it is simply not allowed, but I refuse to use the terms that bigoted people invent for themselves and reclaim and weaponise).

In short - Mark retweeted a tweet from a news channel about young trans people reverting to their assigned gender at birth with the caption "Now it's called Detransitioning" and a laughing emoji. (Ugh). Then he doubled down when called out and said it hadn't been meant to be funny, he found it hard to keep up with terminology and he is a "proud heterosexual" with "gay friends of both genders."

And he has never apologised.

Of course, the meme potential of proud heterosexual Mark Webber is endless, but trans fans have asked people not to use it jokingly because it is a reminder of a transphobic incident and can be upsetting to encounter.

Basically, Mark can be Gen X all he wants but he has the brain of a Boomer.

He's generally conservative. A big believer in pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, "common sense", and "old fashioned country values" from his "traditional upbringing." That said, and I'm not suggesting this is a defence for the ways in which he is terrible but it belongs here, it seems these views don't extend much to racism, as he is a big, vocal fan of Lewis Hamilton although doesn't comment much on his activism except to say he is an all-round class act.

Mark was also managed by Flavio Briatore for most of his career and Flavio is dodgy AF and was literally banned for his role in race fixing, so. There was brief talk after Crashgate of suspending the superlicence of any driver who was repped by Flavio. Mark and Fernando were among them and held firm and the threats weren't carried out.

General Unhinged Lore

His almost-WDC in 2010 was achieved with a broken shoulder

He has Questions about Fernando Alonso's leg waxing

He coined the nickname Britney for Nico Rosberg by saying "don't think so mate, Britney's in the wall" when he was told not to enter the pits in favour of Nico before the pit wall realised Nico had crashed

He is ridiculously handsy with other men

Gifs of Mark making an oral sex joke on Ziggo Sport

I have a whole tag of Mark being unhinged - including his "fully expected sec-sex-sections" interview about Seb, the Piping Hot Dickstickers interview, and the buying matching Porsches story.

He is known to be obsessed with red wine, chocolate, tennis and dogs.

He always has two dogs, usually with S names. He's had Shadow (RIP), Simba (RIP), Saxon and...others I don't know. He lived in England for most of his career (unusual) and moved to Monaco when he retired.

When he first won the Monaco Grand Prix, he hadn't packed a tuxedo and had to show up in jeans, a sweater and deck shoes. He says no one minded. this definitely bolstered his 'down to earth guy' image.

He once continued driving while literally being sick in his helmet. (This is GROSS).

His team radio on his first win is legendary.

And finally. YOU MUST hear his scream in commentary at Azerbaijan. It is amazing.

^what he said