This Life On The Edge Of An Emotional Cliff Is So Exhausting. I Just Want To Rest, Please.

just a girl in her room trying to forgive herself

October 5th

I studied outside for a bit today, it’s starting to cool down outside so it was lovely. Reviewing some linear algebra notes and homework ^^

Today’s mood board. Source! - Preparing for exams

I love you! If you‘re interested in following my study day, follow my Instagram account!

There'll be a moment when you realise you're 27 when yesterday you were just 17; and you wouldn't be able to tell how a decade passed away and your life got divided into before and afters. The fury of youth will subdue and nothing will really change but everything will feel different when you look at old photographs and blurry videos taken on cheap mobile phones. Scents will remind you of childhood and certain friends you don't talk to anymore, hangouts will become reunions and mom's burnt pie will become the best food you ever had. And I know on some days you won't be able to show anything of those 10 years but I hope you remember to breathe, and let go of the knot in your chest. I hope you go out in the sun and live a little, because tomorrow is 37.

Edit- I added the visualizer for this piece on my YT, check it out here

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The Flesh I Burned

Woke up in the middle of the night with the realization that the reason people like AI so much is because they're addicted to instant gratification, and don't have any patience to wait on real creators since they're all spoilt entitled brats.

They can't wait a few hours for a human rp partner to reply so they use an AI Chat bot.

They can't comment what they liked about a fanfic and wait a few days for a author to write the next part so they use a AI generator.

They won't let real artist put in the time required to create something breathtaking and talented so they use a AI generator.

They can't wait a few years for a trully good show or movie to be produced or paid for properly so they go to AI.

All for what? Because they can't wait. Because they have no patience. Because they're greedy and ungrateful. And you want to know what will happen then? AI will stop working. Real creators will get stick of being called obsolete and suddenly the water to power the mill will stop flowing. AI can't make anything new if it isn't being fed. All this art and music and writing that your giving it will run out, and AI will start repeating stuff.

All your AI Bots will sound the same.

All your fics will read the same.

All your art will look the same.

And all your shows and movies will play the same old blockbuster plots until it's bled dry.

You will destroy it yourself and all we have to do is wait. And you know what? It will work. It will eat itself alive. And I will point and laugh because unlike you I AM patient. I can wait. Instant gratification isn't important to me because in the long run, it means shit. The satisfaction of seeing you all burn fandoms alive with your greed - the same greed the WGA and SAG is striking against - will bring me more satisfaction than what any AI can 'remake'.

I honestly didn’t think I would be alive at my age I thought I would’ve been dead by 20 so I feel so fucking lost I don’t know what to do with my life and I feel like I’m just rotting away most days I’m just so tired I want to give up and end this miserable fucking life

She’s a 10 but she lives off of academic validation while simultaneously procrastinating like she’s been promised immortality

✧ 25.07.23 ✧

finally back into studying! my schedule this semester is all over the place so hopefully I will maintain a routine (probably not). thankfully the weather at the moment is nice and cosy ☁️

some goals this semester:

start every assignment earlier

do every module before class