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#1 #2 #3
I bluntly walked home, mind in deep thoughts thus occasionally bumping against Byungjoo who was walking next to me. I knew he found it weird, but didn't talk. I was glad. Because I didn't want to talk about it too. Let alone to Byungjoo.
I've heard it this morning. It was about Hanbin. And I feel so stupid for not knowing this earlier. My whole life was a lie. Hanbin wasn't dating Nayoung. He wasn't. He fucking wasn't, for the love of God, why didn't I happen to hear this anytime before? He and Nayoung were just close friends. He was dating another girl though, another girl that the only thing I knew about her was that her name was Mirae; damn it. I didn't know her. Never saw her. Never heard of her. And I hated it.
Thinking Hanbin was dating Nayoung made me almost estimate his ideal type, someone like Nayoung; wavy hair, plump lips, petite height and cheerful spirit. However I didn't now this Mirae. How did she look like? How was her personality? Was she short or tall? Fair or tanned? Did she have big puppy eyes or--
"Hey watch out" I was brought back to reality when Byungjoo grabbed me by the wrist, moving me aside as I almost hit the pole. I seriously was so deep in thoughts to know where was I walking.
"Thanks" I muttered
"Pay attention to your steps okay?" Byungjoo replied and silence fell again
"Do you wanna talk about it?" He said again, not really demanding, but just friendly offering
"no" I replied, Byungjoo was the last person I'd tell about this, well, ahem, after Hanbin, but you get what I mean.
We parted ways as we reached my house, bid goodbyes and both went in..
"I'm home" I quietly muttered, enough for someone in the kitchen or the living room to hear.
Pushing the door to my room open, I threw my backpack somewhere and took off my uniform's jacket, throwing it also over the bed as I laid down.
I sighed.
I was tired. Mentally and physically. And I honestly felt so frustrated about Mirae. I was ready to hack into Hanbin's phone and know how did she look like. I was this pathetic. I'd never even try to deny.
I wanted to know how did she look like. I wanted to know what kind of girls did he like. And I was more than ready to change my style to that. Kill me. I was this insecure. I wanted to impress him so bad. I wanted to date him so bad. Yet look at this, I'm the girl whom he thought was quiet and shit like everyone did but now he thinks I'm bratty as fuck. Great.
Slipping under my blankets, I felt a lump forming inside my throat, and I knew what was coming next. My eyes got watery. My nose and cheeks felt hot and in few seconds I felt a drop of water sliding down my temple. I cried. A lot. I've always did. For ridiculous reasons. For nonsensical reasons even me didn't know. I was this lame. I made a big deal out of everything and in the end my anger and frustration would turn into tears.
After a while my eyes felt so heavy and my throat hurt from keeping my sobs silent, and I soon drifted to sleep. I couldn't care less if mom called me for dinner, I'd just tell her I was feeling queasy. And I was more than happy I didn't have homework because my head hurt way too much to deal with studies.
-
I woke the next morning looking dead panned. My eyes were way too puffy and eyeliner was everywhere; that’s what you get from sleeping with your make up on Kim Hajin. Washing up quickly I took a new clean uniform out of my closet, noting to myself to wash the other one that evening. Drying my hair had always been a pain in the ass because it gets so annoying and hard to tame however today I had no time to run a Straightener through it all so I just did my short bangs and secured the rest with a clip, today was going to be fucked up anyways.
I hoped make up would hide my puffy eyes as I put more concealer than usual and drew my liner down longer to give a puppy eye effect which would make the left appearing puffiness look natural, well, I hoped.
Messily finishing off I put my books in my backpack and hurried downstairs; Byungjoo was already bitching about how late it was. On our way I tried my best looking anywhere but at Byungjoo so he wouldn't notice, or else I have to go through a questionary. Mentally cursing, I remembered that I didn't bring my hoodie as it was cold and I was straight out of the shower. But well I already mentioned that this day was going to be fucked up.
-
It was reccess time and I went up to the roof again, Byungjoo's teacher didn't let them leave since they had a test so I was alone.
"Hey" I quickly turned and it was Hanbin. and I could swear this was the fastest I ever reacted to a call. Man he startled me. This is the first time I come here in recess time how did he know I'd be here? Or was he even searching for me?
"Hmm" I replied trying to sound as null as possible, that was my way of doing "seen" in real life.
"Is anything wrong" he asked as he walked closer
"you looked off" he added and I bitterly laughed, he actually noticed, but he was indeed funny.
"Everything is always wrong" I answered and I felt him staring at me longer than normal and I was getting a bit nervous.
"What's wrong with your eyes?" he asked again and I felt his cold hand against the apple of my right cheek. His touch sent a shiver down my spine and my heart pounded faster. I looked up at him. Shit he just noticed.
"Huh? What?" I tried sounding as clueless as ever
"What do you mean by what, you look like a beaten squirrel" he said, looking surprisingly concerned and I chuckled
"Hey, you really know nothing about make up. I just drew my tear line deeper today" I made up, sounding natural as I lied; I've always did. Yet I didn't expect him to notice, some of my classmates commented at it as antear line, why did he have to notice otherwise.
"Is that so? Alright" he bought my bluff and I mentally pumped my fist.
It was getting chillier and I saw myself getting sick tonight. And that was confirmed when I quietly sneezed and Hanbin looked as if he couldn't hold his laugh.
"Bless you" he muttered between his chuckles and I wrinkled my nose. My sneeze was always quiet and high pitched.
Soon enough Hanbin took of his hoodie and put it over my shoulders, pulling the big Hood over my head, it was reaching my nose so I was seeing nothing but I bet I looked ridiculous.
"Hey I'm okay" I pushed the Hood up enough to lock eyes with him
"Are you even talking back" he said and I stayed silent, taken aback of his reply. And it somehow reminded me of what happened with Byungjoo the other day, but Byungjoo had a reason. Or did Hanbin actually--
No.
No he didn't, Hajin. Hanbin left the roof and I trailed far enough behind him. I was screwed. I was way too screwed. What if his girlfriend saw me with this hood on? What was wrong with him? Was he intentionally putting in problems? I don't even know the girl so I'd hide from her, it might be any girl I don't know. I just hoped no one would notice the missing logo because I had the exact same dark gray hood but with a little V on the left.
Yet I felt my heart stopping for a moment as a girl walked into the classroom and her eyes landed on me for an unexpectedly long time.
"Mirae!" I heard Hanbin call and the girl took a longer look at me before she marched to the back the room.
I sighed in relief and that was when I realized I was actually holding my breath that whole time.
It was her, Mirae. I was sure now, she felt suspicious for a moment. Yet I didn't see her face. I was way too nervous that I kept my eyes glued to my desk, having nothing but a blurry vision of her skirt.
Oh well, guess matching Hanbin's ideal type will have to wait more.
#5