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" he came in, threatening..." *long pause* " ..lives"
"salad without eggs is like communism"
"i wish my bf was a boy scout so he could tie me up like that"
"i was singing tacones rojos-" "you weren't singing it right"
"straight bi or otherwise keep your hands off other men's thighs"
"my favorite part about easter break was bullying seven year olds"
"a Tootsie roll with red flags"
"now they do buy 2 get one free vasectomy"
"I didn't know what to write so i wrote the plot to sherlock in Spanish"
"awww i can't download tin- wait sorry i was thinking about tits"
"enchanted with hepatitis"
"and he shattered the window bc he stabbed it with a pencil"
"yeah well i have high hopes that im perfectly fine"
"she literally screenshot-ed my own story and then cut ME out of it"
"imagine what it's like. to be trump"
"do I LOOK like a finger doctor, nerd?"
"I really don't like church" "you're white, of course you like church"
"is that ur ankles or ur toes"
"ur a golfing unicorn"
"i wonder what they're thinking of, other than.... pedophilia"
"Well you're friends with all the hOmOsExUaLs"
"what's that?" " that's called FEELINGS with a bunch of sad emojis around it"
*to her jacket* "why is the pocket stuck you WHORE?!?!"
"TAKE THAT BANANNAS!"
"do you like it? it's cottagecore" "oh yea sure" "wdym? you're a lesbian! it's like your culture!"
"I don't want transportation, I want transgender"
"I'm am entrepreneur, I steal fish"
"papa could I have some watermelon"
*loudly, to phone* "why are you asking to FaceTime me I don't even know you and I'm in school NO"
"leave room for jesus, no premarital sex"
"he wants to marry her?" "ya he's got a brain injury"
"I'm doing it. I don't care if I havE TO JUMP DOWN THERE AND DO IT MYSELF MYSelf. I'm doing it"
*as Cinderella walks down the stairs* "dang she THICC"
"I know it's infected! How do you know it's infected"
*male voice* "Kaden I think we have a good grudge running and to make it up we should have intercourse"
*loud male voice* "Taylor, showin' off those guns baby, yeah!"
*holding a candle and smelling it* "why does it smell like boy??,,, But WHY does it smell like BOY??"
"This is Salem, not the hood"
*obnoxiously bright voice* "are we gonna be POSITIVE today?"
"Has anyone ever told you to shut up? ...no? Well I am now"
i had started doing these on my old blog but lets start it up again (because im dedicated to this list)
*male voice* "THATS MY TITTY AMBER"
boy1: *runs at the other* "ImMa gEtCha ImMa gEtcHa"
boy2: *panicked noises and running away"
"I have a headache and life if meaningless but at least I finished my geometry homework'
"well sorry I don't want my first kiss to be with nasty-ass mcmono"
"would you cut off your balls? *then again, more intense* but would you cut off your balls???"
"hey *random boy* what's your opinion on boobs?"
"do you wanna try my shoe on?"
"now *that's* a DM to send to your girlfriend"
"YOU DREW ME AS MEGAMIND????????"
"thanos corn dog"