Tattoo Artist Will Who Gives His Boyfriend Tattoos When He's Bored

pens scared me as a kid. a pencil that you cant erase? thats fucked up shit to do to a kid man

Rant

Just had an entire mental breakdon trying to figure out is Dissociative Amnesia was the same as Repressed Memories cause apparently repressed memories isnt a thing which sent me through a spiral because i thought i had repressed memories for me to find one fucking DSM article that says 'oh yeah Disociative Amnesia is basically repressed memories innit?'

IM GOING TO FUCKING LOOSE IT

One of the reasons I believed I couldn’t be autistic for so long was due to a fundamental misunderstanding of my social struggles. This being that I am not by any means incapable of memorizing social rules. Through observation and direction I can construct a broad framework of ‘socially acceptable or not.’ For example, I’m well aware that making physical contact with someone without consent isn’t acceptable. Or that stating blunt facts in a way that implicates someone negatively isn’t allowed. I know to avoid interrupting others if they’re already talking, to not walk away when I’m in the middle of a conversation. Crying, being unusually quiet and frowning indicates sadness. Someone smiling at laughing at what you’re saying means they probably are enjoying their time with you. An increase in speaking volume indicates excitement- either positive or negative. Sarcasm is often indicated by someone saying something absurd that you know they would never say, or you know to be factually wrong.

The fact that I had learned these broad rules made me think autism wasn’t a possibility for me. But being autistic doesn’t stop you from obtaining and applying information. (I mean that’s why so many interventions that ‘treat’ autism do result in the autistic person being able to pass as neurotypical.)

The difference comes from lacking the subconscious nuances and exceptions that come with those broader rules. For example- when is it okay to actually be honest? Some people will not be bothered by physical intimacy- but how would I know this? How can you tell if a group wants you to join in with their conversation? How to tell if this person is smiling and laughing politely or genuinely? How to tell if someone who you know very little about is being sarcastic?

There are not direct, easy to apply ‘rules’ for this, and yet clearly there are ‘right’ options. When the appropriate reaction must be determined by subtle body language or small shifts in tone of voice, ones that are near impossible to teach- I become completely lost.

That’s something I always find lacking with the general social skills advice given. It’s helpful to a point, but the truth is everyone is an individual. People express themselves differently, and react to your same actions differently due to past circumstances or temperaments. There is no one set of rules you can use for everyone, unfortunately. The majority of neurotypicals, while of course having miscommunications and the like, can rely on their subconscious to parse out any subtle changes they might need to make to their demeanor for a particular situation. My brain is much less adept at focusing down broader experience/rules into unique circumstances. (This is actually something that extends past social cues for me and I might make another post talking about it because I think it’s interesting)

Anyway rant over but yeah this was a huge mental barrier to seeking out a diagnosis for a while because at some level I ( ironically enough) took struggling to understand social cues too literally…

i have done so much research and i have a theory that women with autism/adhd/bipolar + trauma = a bpd diagnosis

Healing & Emotional Work Masterlist✨

these are all individual posts that I have written about my own journey with healing from an abusive childhood✨

Resources & Coping Skills✨

How To Find The Right Therapist For You

How To Stay Organized & Make Your Appointments Through Dissociation Fogs

Recognizing Abuse: Emotional Takeovers 

Recognizing Abuse: Parentification

Recognizing Abuse: Triangulation

Redefining respect after abuse

How to recognize when you need to set a boundary

Sexual boundaries & things to know before getting into a relationship

Love vs obsession

Coping with overwhelming feelings, flashbacks, & memories 

Healthy Coping Skills & Activities for Releasing Anger & Other Negative Emotions 

Understanding grounding & dissociation on a deeper level

how to actually feel ur feelings 

how to tolerate being alone with your thoughts

when showering & hygiene is too hard

how to set better goals

What the heck is emotional work?✨

Healthier ways to communicate

The root of all healing work (tldr it's ur childhood 🎉)

Attachment theory healing (codependency, enmeshment, & BPD FP attachment)

Attachment & abandonment wounds (BPD FP)

In order to heal you must grieve

What is "inner child healing"?

How to be kinder with yourself

Unlearn what they taught you

Reframe your anger

Reframe the process of moving on

Focus on what you can control

Affirmations & things you need to hear (just trust me)✨

affirmations for reclaiming your voice around authority figures

affirmations for RSD

affirmations for feeling ur feelings

affirmations for healing codependency & attachment (BPD FP)

things I wish I knew before I started healing

things your inner child needs to hear

you are normal

slow down and take a deep breath

you can move now. you are safe.

yes it was that bad

you need to hear this (trust me)

How to start healing? Start with the truth✨

the very first hard reality you need to face 

the second hard reality that's gonna hit you like a train 

the third and worst hard reality there is

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Looking forward to updating the list as we grow 🪴

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

reading fanfic abt yourself as a fictive:

I literally 😂 Jesus thank you for the validation

One of the less noticeable but very annoying signs of DID in us is the Sudden Opinion Change.

In minor instances I can go from loving a video game and then having no interest in it and often no memory of how I felt playing it the next day.

In more common and problematic instances, it's yearning for a person and then absolutely despising them 3 hours later without interacting with them at all.

Chin up. I know the night just got a little darker, but it won't last forever.

Happy Valentine's day!