Latest Posts by fernandezology - Page 3

“he is someone that a prince is based off of and maybe in another world, he would actually be my prince, but we don’t all get our happy endings”😩🥺🤍

jo & laurie & amy al12 & cl16

word count: 6k!

i am in love with my best friend. and i think he’s in love with me.

i’m not trying to be vain but i can’t deny that the way he looks at me is a look of love, lust and passion, matching the one i give him.  

i’ve never been in love with anyone but him. when we first met all those years ago it was like cupids arrow had pierced through my heart and since then i have been infatuated with charles leclerc.

the truth is though, who wouldn’t be? what’s not to like? he has the dimples that appear even after the worlds worst jokes and eyes that would have you hooked as his gorgeous plump lips ramble about a number of different things, he has everything a girl could want.

and yet he never made a move on anyone else. it’s just been me and him, y/n and charles, the dynamic duo. 

until that day on the hill.

i’m not oblivious to the fact that time is going on and that our lives are getting shorter and shorter each day, i know that if you want something so bad then just go for it or else you’ll miss your chance. i’m also not oblivious to the attention charles gets, i know he’s so gorgeous and attractive but how am i meant compete with those front cover models?

“it’s a nice day today, isn’t it?” charles asks me, his eyes squinted due to the beaming sun.

‘any day with you is a nice day’ my thoughts say as i quickly come up with a response.

“it really is” 

“did you hear that theodora got married and carlas off to paris for uni. it’s like time has finally caught up with us. and i’ll be off at the races again soon, which leaves you all alone, because unlike my mother and enzo you will never have anything to do that doesn’t end up leaving you even more getting bored.” 

everything he says is true and extremely saddening. when he’s gone i will have nothing to do but wallow in sadness, thinking about all the beautiful women he will meet day in and day out.

“you don’t have to go, you could stay here”

this is the moment he will say he loves me back and we can run off into the distance together and live our lives peacefully.

he laughs at me, probably at how ridiculous of an idea that was. 

“why do you want to run away and maybe sail away on a pirate ship far into the distance.”

i just look at him. taking in all the beauty i can see right now and i appreciate it for the hundredth time because i know that this is the last time he will look at me as if i am just a friend.

i inhale deeply and charles notices and i can tell he knows. he knows i am in love with him but instead of a look of happiness, i receive a look of what i can only perceive as anger. 

“no y/n.”

those two words break me. 

“don’t y/n”

i now understand what heartbreak actually is. it feels as if you’re heart has been pulled out of your chest and stomped on over again as they point and laugh at you as if you are a child.

i can’t help but try and fight the truth of situation, i mean what else am i meant to do in the heat of the moment, just back away without a fight? i am incredibly in love with this man and i can’t seem to let him go, it would hurt to much.

“charles, i’ve loved you since the moment i met you and i tried to ignore it at first but it just got to much and you were just so perfect that i couldn’t help it and i tried to let you know earlier but you would always shrug the topic away but now you have to listen to me and give me an answer once and for all because i can’t deal with this any longer, i really can’t.” 

 tears are streaming down my cheeks when i am finished. i am in pain but no one could ever understand me. i am in love with a man that will never EVER love me back and yet i was so naive that i dug my hole deeper by begging for him to give me just one chance. 

he speaks but i can barely hear it as my ears and my head have gone numb. 

“charles you don’t understand how hard i’ve worked to please you and keep you happy, and i gave up hanging out with my other friends to spend time with you and i’ve never complained because i thought that you would finally notice me and that you would say how much you loved me even though i’m not half as good as those-”

“you are good enough y/n. in fact you’re too good for me and i am so happy that you’ve been there for me all this time because i’m so grateful and proud of you y/n and i’m sorry that i can’t love you the way you love me i really am.” 

“you can’t love me?”

“i can’t magically change the way i feel about you and i wouldn’t want to lie and i do love you like that when i really don’t, it wouldn’t be fair, i’m sorry y/n, i’m so desperately sorry that i can’t love you the way you want me to but i can’t change the way i feel.”

i take two steps back, stumbling slightly as if the words that charles has just uttered are boxing gloves that hit me over and over again in the stomach.

“well i can’t love anyone else but you charles.  trust me i’ve tried.” 

“y/n it would never work even if we tried our hardest. i would be away all the time and you love your job enough that you would never quit it! and the way i fold my clothes and cook my food winds you up we just wouldn’t work!”

“if you loved me charles then i wouldn’t care, but only if you loved me”

“i’ve tried again and again and i’ve failed.”

“everyone expects it, the media, carlos, your family everyone so charles say you’ll be mine and we can run away together and be happy!”

“i can never say ‘yes’ with all my heart say i won’t say it and eventually you will look back at this and see that i was right and you’ll thank me for it, trust me when i say that.” 

“i would rather die then love someone that wasn’t you!”

“no y/n you’ll find the perfect man one day and you’ll love him ten times more than you loved me and you’ll see that there is love after heartbreak. you’ll see how we never would’ve worked and that this love you feel for me right now was nothing but the love of a friend. you’ll see how i would’ve made the worlds worst husband and that the way i do things is so unbearable.”

“anything else?”

“no… except from the fact that i don’t think i will ever love and marry someone as much as you did for me and i don’t mind because i’m happy how i am now.”

i shake my head, how can a statement be so untrue.

“you will love someone. you will live and die for them, waiting on their beck and call and i know that because it’s just true, and i will watch in the corner of sorrow and under the watchful pity eyes.”

“y/n…”

i walk away. the two normal beating hearts that entered the conversation are now like shards of glass and we both cry, even charles, the one that broke and stole my heart.

it’s been many years since that day yet, he still manages to haunt me, in my dreams, in the faces of the people i walk past day to day and yet i have gotten nothing but silence from you. i’ve been forced to move on with my life even if my heart is still stuck in my past and i can’t help but reminisce on what could’ve been. 

i’ve tried doing different things to get my mind off, which is why i am currently walking down the roads of monaco. the sun is beaming down on my face and for a moment i feel as if i am free, unaware that at the start of the street is arthur leclerc. 

little arthur leclerc, the one that would always try and barge into charles’ room whenever i was around and the one that had fallen in love with me, though i never took notice. i never noticed the way he lit up with joy whenever i was around, or how his cheeks were always a deep shade of red whenever i would speak to him. i didn’t notice because i was too in love with charles, or i was just blind. it’s probably both. 

arthur leclerc sits in the passenger seat of his friends car, who is chatting away, though arthur is not taking in a single word, too busy looking out at the world that surrounds him. he looks at all the people that are lost in their own world admiring how they look so peaceful, until he sees her,

the girl that made him realise love at first sight was real. she was the girl that made little him realise that just because he loves someone doesn’t mean they have to love you back. the girl that made him smile just because of her presence.

“y/n! stop the car! y/n!”  

he jumps out immediately, leaving his poor friend all alone in his car, though arthur doesn’t care as he runs towards the girl from his past.

“oh arthur! oh how you’ve grown! the last time i saw you, you were up to my shoulder, now look at you, i’m up to your shoulder!”

it’s true, arthur was a new man, he was handsome and so mature, he… well he looked like charles.. but better? i’m not sure. 

“yeah, it sure has been a long, long time! i was waiting to see you at the hotel party!”

“you were very hard to find and i couldn’t see you and trust me i looked far and wide!” 

“well you didn’t look hard enough”

“maybe we passed at one point but you’ve become so beautiful, i just coulnd’t recognise you!” 

he pulls a face at my compliment and laughs. 

“oh please”

“why? what did i say? i was just being hones-” i can’t keep a straight face and i burst out laughing, i never was a good actress or charmer.

“no, not at all. where’s your mother and father anyway?”

“they’ve gone to london, leaving me all on my own but it’s okay, at least i’m having fun”

“by having fun, do you mean drinking and clubbing and flirting?” his voice is teasing me and i don’t seem to mind, it’s been a while since i’ve seen him of course,

“oh please don’t tell your mother!” i tease him back, i’ve always loved his mother,

“well what are you doing here hmm? are you chasing some strapping young gentlemen.”

ouch. i know he’s joking but it still hurts to be reminded of what has happened in the past so i put on a half hearted smile on my face and say “no”

he instantly drops his cheerful tone and instead puts a more thoughtful and sombre look. 

“oh.. i… i couldn’t believe that charles turned you down, i thought it was all some joke at first, i’m sorry.”

“don’t be. you’re not charles so it’s okay and i expected it.”

“OI ARTHUR! COME BACK” arthur’s friend shouts, still sat in his car.

we laugh, a real one.

and as arthur runs back to the car he’s shouting “come to the new years party! everyones going so you wouldn’t want to miss out. oh and you can finally meet laura! meet me at the hotel at lets say seven and wear your nicest dress!”

“i will!” i say and then i am gone, my mind returning to the sad mood it was in earlier.

arthur watches from his seat, turning his head to meet the annoyed face of his pal.

“it’s y/n!”

“i know”

he looks at her again with so much love, the same amount he’s loved her since he met her.

it was gorgeous. the atmosphere, the decor, the banquet, everything, it was so beautiful, well at least what i could remember. arthur leclerc stands in the middle of the room chatting away, of course due to him being the favourite shining star in the room. he switches between dancing with his partner laura and then drinking with his friends, overall charming everyone that he passes by. but his mood goes sour after spotting me, in my drunken haze chatting obnoxiously with two men i had found on my way to the venue, sat on the sofa placed on the edge of the room.

he frowns and sighs as he pulls himself together to approach us without making a scene.

“y/n” he scolds, his hands placed on his hips.

“arthur” i reply back, mocking his tone of voice

“i waited and waited”

“i’ve been caught I waited an hour for you.”

“i’ve been caught gents” i say putting my hands up. 

arthur scoffs and turns around, walking away, which causes me to follow.

“arthur please, i’m sorry!”

“do you want to know what i really think of you y/n?”

“what do you really think about me?”

“i hate you. i hate you so much”

i can’t help but chuckle slightly at how blunt he sounds.

“why do you hate me arthur?”

“because instead of moving on and being happy you are too focused on the past, it’s unbelievable!”

“oh that’s interesting arthur.”

“well i mean selfish people do like to talk about themselves.”

“am i selfish then?”

“yes, very. what with your money, talent, beauty and health-”

“beauty you say?”

“of course you mention that you vain vanity. when you have all these gorgeous things around you, you can only focus on yourself.”

i go to grab his hand, wearing the ring that’s been there for many years.

my voice comes out mockingly as i say “i will be good for you mother arthur i swear!”

he sighs again.

“are you not disappointed with yourself?”

“no”

“you’ve never done a day of hard work in your life and the ring you’re wearing right now looks absolutely ridiculous.”

“charles gave me that ring”

 silence.

“i feel sorry for you and i wish you would just get over it.”

“you don’t have to feel sorry for me arthur, you’ll feel like this one day”

“no i won’t, i would rather be respected if i couldn’t be loved then act like a child.”

the next words i let out are nothing but my drunken words.

“what have you done recently anyway arthur? have you done any? or have you been too busy ogling over women that aren’t yours. poor laura clark. LAURA CLARK everybody.”

i leave the silent room quickly leaving arthur to pick up the pieces of the night. 

“i’m so sorry laura.”

it’s been a couple of days since everything went down at the new years party and yet arthur hadn’t been able to get the girl off his mind, even when he was driving on the bloody simulator! he wondered what was going on with him. was he sick in the head to imagine a different girl lying his bed instead of his very loving girlfriend?

“hello arthur!”

speak of the devil and she shall appear. 

“i don’t want to talk to or see you” 

“oh arthur my darling i’m so sorry for how i behaved, it was the alcohol that made me say it, please forgive me!”

i pout my lips at arthur, putting on my best puppy dog eyes,

“the alcohol you say… did you have some before coming to see me?”

“only a little, and i mean it is happy hour somewhere so you can’t expect me to not drink away. plus, i’ve only had a little so you can’t be too hard on me” 

my hands part slightly to show visually how much i’ve drunk, which if i must say so myself isn’t the same amount i normally 

“no one else is doing it, so i’m doing it”

i ignore him, focusing on the track he’s currently “driving”

“soooo when are you getting on the track, mr leclerc?”

he finally pauses the track to turn and face me,

“never.”

his face is sad but i can see he’s accepted his future,

“um what are you talking about. what do you mean ‘never’ “

“i mean that i am never going to be ‘arthur leclerc the best driver ever’, i am always going to be know as ‘arthur leclerc - chalres leclercs little brother’ “

“oh arthur that’s a strong statement to make, at what twenty?”

“well i’ve matured quicker. i see the world how it actually is and it’s made me realise that no matter how hard i try, i will always be in the shadows. so i gave up.”

he’s an idiot. a handsome one but still an idiot 

“why though? you have so much talent that shouldn’t be wasted.”

“well you should know that just because i have talent doesn’t mean i can make it. many people have this talent and yet they’ll never ever get as close to where i am right now. and i want to either be the best or nothing, no in-between and right now i am nothing so i will stay that way forever. ” 

i don’t say anything for a while. 

“so now that you’ve given up with racing, what are you going to do instead?”

“well i guess i will get a job and settle down, marry someone and have some kids.” 

i laugh.

“i guess that’s where laura comes in hm?”

he pushes me playfully and scoffs.

“don’t make fun, she makes me happy”

arthur knows that what he’s saying is true, but he just doesn’t mean it the way you would assume he means. laura is a nice girl, someone that makes him happy when he’s having a bad day, but only in a platonic way. he’s tried time and time again to make himself love her the way she does to him, but no matter how much he tries, he just can’t because when he closes his eyes, the girl that was his past is there. her haunting smile plastered on her face, eyes bright. 

“i’m not, trust me! though i have to ask, are you engaged to be wed yet?” 

“no…”

the air is tense between us, yet i can’t help but continue to ask questions.

“but one day you will be won’t you, you’ll get down on your knee for her soon won’t you.”

“probably, yes. she makes me happy”

“well that’s… nice but it sounds weird to hear arthur leclerc is planning to marry someone one”

“well i’ve always know i wanted a family young, so why should i be embarassed of that?” 

“no, i never said that i just mean that… just that as long as you love her that’s all”

“well i think we have the power to choose who we love and that it doesn’t just happen.”

“i think history would disagree with you.”

“well i am not history i am just a human. a human that wants to just make my family and friends proud. i want to have a family and a wife who i can love so very much. i want to support my family and i want to love whoever i want. i want to get over my past and focus on my present and future and yet i just can’t.”

the sound of a car honks, causing both of us to jump in fright. arthur speaks first

“that’s probably laura now,” he turns to me “how do i look? do i look okay.”

i look at him. i really look at him.

“you look.. you look so handsome, you are handsome arthur”

i don’t see it, but arthurs cheeks are now a deep shade of red. he attempts to smile it off and then runs off to meet with laura, leaving me to watch from the window. they embrace and they laugh and smile together and i can’t help but feel nauseous in my stomach but it can’t be jealousy. it’s just me feeling protective of this boy, the one i’ve known since i was a child. yes, yes that’s what i’m feeling.

a few more days have passed and me and arthur have managed to become great friends. i’ve also managed to bury my feelings, or whatever i’m thinking about him as well. we currently lay beneath a big oak tree in the park and we busy ourselves with the occasional conversation. arthur also busies himself, by occasionally sketching out a drawing. we’ve found peace in the world.

the silence is broken when arthur asks “y/n when are you going to see your parents?”

“oh, quite soon.”

“you’ve said that over a dozen times this month, trust me if i earned money every time you said that , i would be the richest person ever!” 

“well, short answers will always save trouble and i don’t know exactly when.”

“they expect you y/n, so why don’t you just go see them.”

“i’m not ready to go back i guess and if i go it means we won’t get to hang out together anymore.” 

i jump up and playfully swat him, bringing my hand up to punch him but he grabs it before i can even lower it. i stare at him long and hard, analysing ever single detail on his face. i really don’t get how i never noticed how good looking he was when we were young. and at least he notices me.

“what are you doing?”

“i’m looking at you.”

“no y/n, i mean what do you want to do with yourself?”

“i’ve been trying to write a play, figured that would be something that could get me somewher-”

“it’s a waste of your time.”

“well what better idea do you have for me?”

“go back to your parents and go back to uni and get your degree, just make something of yourself, doing something you enjoy.”

he returns to his sketching once again and i can’t help but become curious of what he’s drawing. arthur obviously notices my curiosity and hands me one of his old sketches, one he did years ago. it’s of me and charles, me staring at him and him looking off into the distance. pffft how much of an idiot was i? he didn’t see me as more than a friend and it was clear even if you took one glance at our behaviour towards each other, what with me always wanting to hold him close and look him in the eye and he only wanted to hang out with me. i guess i was just blinded by “love” to notice that the love wasn’t even love, it was friendship.

“when did you do this one?” 

“um that one was … the day of the beach i think, the day i met laura” 

just the mention of her name, makes me want to run home and scream and cry into my pillow. god and she’s his fiancé as well. i feel bad because i haven’t even met the girl but i just can’t seem to stop my blood from boiling and then i get this realisation in my mind. 

i’m in love with arthur leclerc. god, people must think i have an obsession with the leclerc brothers, but i can reassure you i don’t. i don’t see him as charles leclercs little brother anymore, i see him as arthur leclerc the boy who has made you the happiest women in the world by just being next to me, and never have i felt more grateful for that day on the hill, because that day i was set free and without that day i never would’ve seen arthur as anything less than a friends younger brother. yet i’m too late now, his heart has been stolen by another and i will never ever, get the chance to hold him close and feel his fingers running through my hair. i will never get the chance to speak to him about how much i love him without being rejected so horribly. i will never get to tell him that his laugh is like a drug to me and that his smile is a cure to all of my pain or that he is.. he is just everything to me. he is someone that a prince is based off of and maybe in another world, he would actually be my prince, but we don’t all get our happy endings.

“when is she coming back?”

“a week maybe two but when she gets back, we’ll start getting the planning together.”

i don’t know where i get the confidence to utter the next words but i do.

“don’t marry her.”

i prepare myself for the harsh rejection but all arthur can let out is a quiet

“what?”

“i said don’t marry her.”

my voice is louder this time and i’m sure he can hear what i’ve said.

“why?”

“you know why arthur…”

i take two steps towards him and go to grab his hand but he pulls away.

“no. stop it y/n… you’re being mean and you know it. you can’t just mess with my feelings like that, i’m not a toy.”

by now tears are slipping down our cheeks.

“why?”

“i have always been second to charles, in everything and you know it, but what you don’t know is the amount of times i’ve cried over you and the fact that charles had gotten the girl was heart braking and yet now you care when you feel like you like me back. y/n that’s not fair. you can’t just pick and choose when you want me. especially not now when i am happy-”

“but your not happy and you know that! i see the way you are with her, leading her on. you’re acting like charles did to me so don’t call me mean.”

“but you are y/n and i won’t stop this wedding just for you to love me for a month or two, no i won’t do it, not when i’ve spent my entire life loving you.”

it’s been a day since arthur last saw you and he already missed you like crazy. he really don’t know how charles managed to give up such an amazing girl like you, it was a topic he would often think about. either way, arthur couldn’t stop thinking about you and your sad eyes as he left you alone in a hurry. he rushes into his friends house, excited to actually finally have peace for the first time in weeks

“hello mate!”

“y/n was just here.”

“was she?” 

“yeah, she said she would be off to see her family for a bit” his friend nods and arthur can’t help but smile. 

“when will he be coming back here?”

“why do you care so much, what do you need to chat about so urgently?”

“… i just told laura that i couldn’t marry her.” 

“does you breaking up with laura have anything to do with y/n?”

“yes.”

he doesn’t even bother lying because he’s in love and no one is in his way. he can love the girl of his dreams freely, without shame and with the knowledge that she loves him back. wow, that feels nice to say.

i watch as arthur stands at the train station, waiting with his luggage, occasionally checking his watch, when i pull my car up, getting out and walking towards him slowly, still aware of the tension between us.

“i couldn’t let you go home alone and i figured i needed to go home as well, even if you hate me.”

“oh y/n i don’t hate you.”

“i love you” he wants to say, but he can’t.

we hug and when he pulls back he holds eye contact with me and says “i’m not marrying laura”

“i heard.”

“i didn’t do it for you, i did it for me so don’t you think for even one minute, that i did this for you, it’s because i realised, that i didn’t love her.”

i look at his face carefully, with nothing but love and affection, when i slowly take his face into my hands and kiss him. i kiss him slowly at first and then a bit quicker, arthur matching my movements, we kiss for the time that we could’ve been in love with each other and we kiss to grieve the time we lost, and i know that this is how it’s meant to be. this is what home feels like and this is what forever feels like. arthur is the one for me, 

meanwhile, charles sits with his mother, taking a break from the stress of the races, looking out at the world, thinking about his past and future, when suddenly, his mother speaks up.

“did you know that y/n is coming home soon?”

that makes charles interested, straight away lifting his head encouraging his mother to speak more.

“is she?”

she nods “arthur messaged, he’s coming home, he said he misses us dearly and he said that y/n will come home with him.” 

“hmm that’s nice of her to join him.” charles stands up quickly and begins to pace the room anxiously.

“what’s wrong?”

“i think maybe… maybe i was a bit quick in turning down y/n.”

“well, do you love him?”

“i think that if she asked me again i would say yes…. but do you reckon she’ll ask me again?”

“i didn’t ask that charles… do you love her?”

“ i want to be loved.”

“you know that isn’t the same thing”

“i’m just so lonely ma”

“i know charles, but it’s okay.” 

charles suddenly feels the need to express his words for me, writing pages and pages. it reads:

‘dear y/n, i miss you more than i have ever missed anything. i haven’t been able to get my mind off of you for a couple days and i’ve realised that maybe letting you go was one of the worst i could’ve done. i think it was because i was young and i didn’t want to make such a big commitment that could possibly ruin our friendship, which was ruined anyway as soon as i said no. but time has moved on and i’ve matured and i’ve come to the realisation that i cannot live another moment without waking up beside you and that i was a fool to turn you down. i just hope that even after all this time i’ve still managed to stay in your heart because i can say without a doubt, you will always be in mine.”

once finishing the letter he places it on the pillow of the guest room, the one that the girl he loves will put her head on. he feels free after putting it down, finally being able to say the words that have been on this conscious for a while.

“charles” i say, nudging my friend out of his slumber. “charles.”

his eyes flutter open, widening once he sees me.

“y/n! oh y/n your really here!”

he jumps up and bundles me into a hug, one that makes me stumble backwards whilst wearing the biggest smile i had ever seen in my life.

“oh charles, did you miss me?”

i feel charles nod against me and i smile.

“i really did, you don’t understand and no words can express exactly how happy i am to see you either.”

“oh thank god, i thought that you would’ve forgotten about me. anyway, i wanted to speak to you, alone.”

“yes, yes what is it. come sit down.”

the air is different. it’s not like we’re twenty one again, always laughing and joking around with each other. no it isn’t like that at all, because we’ve grown up.  

he attempts to make a joke. “how was arthur, did he bother you on the flight with his constant chatter?”

i laugh and smile, just at the thought of arthur. 

“yes but i loved it.” 

“speaking of arthur, where is he? did he stop off somewhere before coming here?”

“he’s speaking to your mother, and you just know that no matter how hard i tried, there was no way i was getting my boyfriend out of her clutches.” 

i don’t see it, but charles’ face drops instantly as soon as the word ‘boyfriend’ leaves my mouth. boyfriend? arthur leclerc dating y/n y/l/n?

“your… your what?”

once i realise my mistake i sigh in dissapointment.

“oh god. now i’ve done it! we were supposed to keep it a surprise for dinner but look at me! i ruined it!”

“what surprise?”

 “well, that arthur finally plucked up the courage and finally asked me to be his girlfriend of course!”

“you and… arthur.” 

“yes, it happened very fast, one day we were just friends and then the next were in love.”

“are you really…. in love with him?” 

“yes. oh and charles i wanted to say just one more thing and then we can just sweep it under the mat forever. i have always loved you charles and i probably always will but the love i have for arthur is different…. you were right, by the way, we would’ve killed each other.”

“ye- yes.” 

“i think we were lucky to not go any further than a friendship so thank you charles.”

“oh,… y/n/n.”

 “did you know that no one calls me that apart from you.”

“what does arthur call you?”

“princess.” i’m joking of course but i don’t charles realises, once again proving that we are now different people. 

“that sounds like him. you deserve each other.”

“charles… can we still be friends?”

he swallows painfully and forces out his words.

“of course y/n, forever.”

we move to go downstairs, myself going to greet their mother again, whereas arthur meets charles at the bottom of the stairs, pulling him to another room.

“did y/n tell you?”

“yes.” 

arthur looks at him expectantly and charles feels the anger overtake him and he feels as if he could fight with arthur, just as they used to when they were children but manages to calm himself, reminding himself that getting angry with arthur would ruin the relationship he had with you, again. 

“arthur, i’m happy for you, i really am. it was written in the stars.”

“oh, thank goodness, i wish i could’ve told you myself but it just happened so fast and i was just really scared of how you would feel because, well you know why.”

“no, no. never.”

"so you aren’t angry?”

yes. yes he is but never would he say it out loud, it would be a secret he would take to the grave.

“life’s too short to hold a grudge against your brother.” 

“thank you charles.”

and arthur really means it, because without charles no, arthur never would’ve gotten the girl of his dreams. without charles saying no, he would still be standing on the sidelines and he would forever be in debt with charles for that.

but charles didn’t mean it, because due to charles saying no, arthur got the girl of his dreams and due to charles saying no, arthur got to leave the sideline and now no amount of repaid debt would ever make charles’s heart feel half as full as it did when y/n was his best friend.

but y/n was never his, she was arthurs and he would just have to accept that.

EMILIANO MARTÍNEZ & KEPA ARRIZABALAGA - Chelsea FC vs Aston Villa - April 01, 2023. (Photo by Chris Lee)

Hey babe I don’t know if anyone has told you but your links to your master list aren’t working :(

thank u so much for letting me know love,i hope it works now, i changed it on web<3

marcus Rasford thanks 😁

sure,do you have anything particular in mind?😉

hi i was wondering if you could do gavi fluff where after he scores his first goal of the season or something and the reader starts crying with how she proud of him she is and it’s all fluffy SHDHFHB x

this one is for you-pablo gavi

pairing: pablo gavi x reader

author’s note:i changed it a bit and this one is about his first goal for barcelona,i hope you don’t mind! thank you so much for requesting this,it’s such a cute idea and i hope you will like this as much as i liked writing this :)

word count: 1,000

what is a life without dream? when growing up,everyone looked up to someone as an inspiration. some wanted to be doctors,firefighters,some want to be pilots and be as close as possible to clouds. some literally wanna reach the stars and fly-so they go on to become astronauts. although pablo didn’t wanted to be astronaut or pilot,everyone around him from young age knew sky was his limit. pablo’s dream since he can remember was to play for barcelona under lights of one and only camp nou. dream of million little boys all around the world is about to become a reality for your boy. one of dates he will remember forever is 29th august 2021,when he made his first appearance for barcelona. when you told him he made the history,it wasn’t an exaggeration. just 24 days after his 17th birthday,he became the fourth youngest player to appear for barcelona in la liga. you will never remember how happy he looked when he stepped on that pitch. before the game,he said something that you wrote down when he gets a documentary one day.

“tonight i’m gonna leave my heart on the pitch for every little boy that is dreaming of doing the same. and more importantly,for every girl that believes in them.”

it is safe to say that he fulfilled his promise and you didn’t miss out on a single game ever since then. he was the happiest kid in the world. a thousand things went through his head and he had to admit that he felt bit nervous before. nonetheless,as soon as he stepped on the pitch nerves disappeared when he remembered you were watching him from the stands,as you always did. looking back on it,it was not that long ago when you were still kids. to be fair,pablo is still like a kid but that’s one of the many things you love about him. that is one of things that will never change. not that long ago he broke your window with ball when he was playing on street. even though your dad jokes with him that he still didn’t forgive him for that,everyone knows he loves him like his own son.

a few months went by,but pablo felt like he disappointed you and everyone else around him because he struggled to score. everyone backed him up;from coaches,parents,friend and,of course,teammates in the locker room. his disappointment in himself didn’t go unnoticed by you.after all you knew him better than yourself. everyone noticed his head was down and he wasn’t his usual self. he was undeniably charismatic and light up every room he walked in. naturally,everyone were determined to lift him up just like he did them anytime they needed it.

“your time will come,just be patient and don’t lose your mind over it. i know you wanna prove yourself,but you already exceeded everyone’s expectations and this is only the start.”

“what if i don’t live up to expectations and end up being…average?”

“last time i checked average players don’t start for barcelona at 17 years old and don’t get called golden boy.”

“you are just saying that to make me feel better but thank you.”

“you are adorable when you pout,but seriously don’t be so harsh on yourself.”

“you’re right,enough of pouting…for now. i was thinking,what celebration i should do when i finally score? it’s probably not gonna be today buy yeah…”

“hmm i don’t know,maybe kiss the badge? you always liked to do that.”

“yeah,i might do that one.”

“you know i will always be there and i can’t wait to see that,but don’t stress yourself over it.”

“i love you so much,princesa. are you ready,i don’t want to be late,xavi will kill me.”

“yeah,i’m coming. don’t want you to get in trouble,do we?”

it was hard to point out what exactly gave the impression that tonight would be special,but you just had that feeling. after you found your seat at camp nou before their game against elche,you were soaking up the atmosphere and thinking to yourself that people that have never been at this magical stadium don’t know what are they missing out on. these last few weeks you developed a habit of taking pictures of kids who had pablo’s jersey to show him after games. it still felt so unreal and he couldn’t help but blush everytime you showed him pictures. it reminded him of how proudly wore his iniesta jersey he got for birthday. fast foward to today,now someone is wearing jersey with his name on back. crazy how things can turn around.

you were confident that barcelona will win but in football,anything is possible like pablo always reminded you so you didn’t want to underestimate opponents. first 15 minutes went by quickly and everyone felt more relieved when barcelona scored the opening goal. you were so focused on pablo because you didn’t want to miss anything and truthfully because he was mesmerizing as always. you wanted to take countless photos,but it felt pointless to record during whole match when you can enjoy the moment. thankfully you don’t have to worry about photos because there are tens of photographers on the sideline and you mentally thanked them for their service. few minutes later,you saw him slaloming through their midfield. could this be the moment he was waiting for? it was. for a moment,it felt like the world stopped spinning and the only thing you could hear is announcer screaming his name. you rarely cried,but when you did they were tears of joy. he instinctively kissed the badge and unlike some who do it out of lust,he did it to show undying loyalty to club and fans. to show his loyalty and gratitude for you,he wrote you a message with black marker under his jersey. he revealed “este es para ti princesa<3” and all you could’ve think about is how lucky you were that he was the one that broke windows of your castle. maybe your childhood dreams of being a princess weren’t far-fetched after all. fairytale days were supposed to be over long time ago,yet it didn’t feel like they are ending anytime soon.

Champion’s League Nights — MM JF JB

AUTHOR: idk if this is going to suck or not

SUMMARY: a match that reunites old friends and more…

WARNINGS: smut, nsfw content, +18

PAIRINGS: joão félix x reader, mason mount x reader, jude bellingham x reader

“Hey, I didn’t know you were coming.” Mason smiled at you, brushing a hand through his hair. The match was about to start, half an hour to go. You smiled at him, explaining that Christian was the one to thank because he had driven you there. Mason had met you around four months ago, at Christian’s birthday party and you two immediately went along well. For external reasons— which to the American player were still unknown — you two decided to not take things to the next level. You both knew there was a lot of attraction and tension but you liked to dance on the thin border between friendship and relationship. After you started to come to London for work more often it was easier for you two to see each other more often. You had gone on a few dates, but nothing happened, not even a kiss. Mason was a true gentleman: always driving you home after, texting you in the morning to know if everything was alright, occasionally buying you presents because “they reminded him of you”. Some would have said you two should have dated but you enjoyed this for the moment and Mason, well Mason was fucked. He was completely and utterly whipped for you.

“See you later? Wish me good luck.” And with a wink he left. It was supposed to be a simple match. You didn’t know much about football, you were learning a bit more thanks to Mason. Not that Christian hadn’t tried to educate you on this but it was funnier to piss him off on purpose by ignoring him. So you didn’t know the names of every player present on the field.

“Fuck me…” was what you thought when midway through the game you began to take notice of the names on the back of the players— in your defense you had spent most of the time looking at Mason.

“And that’s a goal for João Félix, Chelsea number eleven!” You wished Christian had warned you about all of this. You and João were no strangers, yes you hadn’t heard from him for over two years but you couldn’t erase the two and a half years you had spent together back in 2019. Maybe if you had checked your Instagram more often you would have noticed the hundreds of posts the Portuguese had put on his profile, saying he was there on a loan. You looked at the brunette running around the pitch. He had grown a lot: he was probably taller, bigger and his hair was shorter. He looked more like a man and less like a kid. You had broken up on good terms, well if that was a possible thing when you broke up with someone. The reason? You couldn’t bear a long distance relationship. As much as you loved him it wasn’t working out, between your job in Germany and his in Spain things were too complicated. So you let go and moved on. It wasn’t easy, you could still remember the calls in the middle of the night and the tears. But it was all in the past. You shook your head, focusing back on the game. The time signaled that it was around the eightieth minute.

“Borussia Dortmund equalizes the score with number 22: Jude Bellingham!” If God really existed he was having a laugh at you. Your eyes moved around the pitch to see the tall Birmingham boy celebrate with his teammates. You had met Jude when you worked in Germany. Nothing happened at first, you had just come out of a long and important relationship and Jude was busy with his career. Not to mention he was actually younger than you, still of age but you were a bit thrown off by it. It wasn’t until his ninetieth birthday party that things changed drastically. You were brought back to reality when the speaker announced five more minutes of play time.

“And it’s a draw for Borussia Dortmund and Chelsea.” The match came to an end and you let out a sigh, looking at how the played a tie was the best result they could get. You waited a bit in your seat, knowing Christian always took the longest of time to shower and get dressed after a match. When you finally stood up and headed towards the changing rooms you started to see a few players coming out. There were also some family members and girlfriends or wives around, so you didn’t feel out of place.

“Y/n? Is that you?” You turned around, moving your eyes from the field to whoever was speaking to you. João stood in front of you, his bag on his shoulder and a shocked face on. You gulped and curved your lips into a smile. You hadn’t seen or heard each other in a while. You had left on good terms, if that was even a thing for ex’s.

“Hi João, great match. Congratulations on the goal.” You approached him, a bit awkwardly. The Portuguese smiled, thanking you. Out of all the places he imagined you to be at, this was definitely not one of them. He hadn’t seen you in so long, why were you there? He knew you had moved to Germany for work but why were you at the game?

“Why are you here? Are you with-” he was interrupted by the arrival of both Christian and Mason. You gulped, now this was going to be very embarrassing. The American boy pressed his lips together, stopping himself from laughing. Christian loved to make fun of you in awkward situations and you knew he was going to take the piss later but fortunately in that moment he could read the room and stop himself from making fun of you.

“Hey, I see you met our latest entry. He’s J-” Mason tried to introduce you two, his hand resting on your back. Mason could be very touchy-feely, you didn’t mind his hands on you but you could see João frowning at all this friendliness. Was there something he didn’t know of?

“Yes, I know y/n. She’s my ex.” The Portuguese didn’t even try to word it in a way that wouldn’t have made things awkward. Mason gulped, suddenly feeling at unease. His ex girlfriend? He really had no idea. You coughed, trying to cover up the embarrassment you were feeling. João looked between the two of you, wondering what was going on, what he had missed.

“Well… I’ll see you later, okay?” You interrupted the silence, sure you weren’t going to stay there with both of them. You escaped the situation before it could turn even more awkward. João and Mason watched you walk away, both of them still rather confused. João was the one to look away and glance at Mason. What did you have to do with his teammate? There was something about the way he stared at you walking away that didn’t sit right with him. Before either of them could speak again the rest of the team joined them and headed towards the exit.

“We are going. I’m not reversing the car and taking you back home. It will be fine.” Was what Christian kept saying to reassure you at least five times. After that little encounter you had with the two Chelsea boys the last thing you wanted was to attend a party where they were going to be at. You didn’t even know why they were celebrating, they hadn’t won the match but it was probably just an excuse to go out. What you didn’t know was that things were going to get messier the minute you stepped foot in the club.

“I must be daydreaming, aren’t I?” You heard from your shoulders as you talked to Christian. It didn’t take you much to recognize the Birmingham accent. You slowly turned around and met the tall and young Borussia Dortmund midfielder. Jude had a smirk displayed on his face, as if he was pleased to see you there.

“Jude. Nice to see you, how are you doing?” You greeted him. You hadn’t seen the brunette in months, hoping he’d forget about you or at least about how you had left things between you two.

“ ‘m alright. Better now that you’re here, I didn’t know you were coming to the match. How come?” His flirty comments didn’t go unnoticed by Christian who simply tried not to laugh at you and your bad luck. He thought you knew all of them were going to be there but obviously you hadn’t really watched a lot of football lately to know about them being at the same match. You didn’t mind talking to Jude, he was a nice guy, very flirtatious but still a gentleman. But in that moment, when Mason could walk in any minute it was risky. Especially because you knew Jude’s big mouth wouldn’t have spared you of a flirty comment and Mason would have been left confused.

“Christian invited me. Can’t say no to this pretty face, can I?” You giggled, looking briefly at your best friend who simply raised his brows and bit his bottom lip to prevent himself from laughing. Christian knew about this thing you used to have with Jude, it couldn’t even be described as something more than just a thing. You were bored, he was funny and gave you a lot of attention. What stopped you? Nothing. Jude nodded and gave Christian a small smile.

“I thought you moved back in Madrid.” He stated, sipping on his drink. You furrowed your brows, realizing only a second later that was the lie you had told him to get him off your back. You hadn’t been so nice to the Brummie player. You liked Jude. Just not like that.

“My plans canceled last minute. I like Germany better.” Lie. Such a big lie. Every person who had known you for more than ten minutes would have known no place could compare to your Spain. But Jude seemed to buy your lie. The english player offered to buy you a drink and you agreed, after how you had left things with him it was the least you could do. Christian watched you follow the brunette and lost you in the crowd, shaking his head and chuckling to himself. You were getting yourself in big troubles.

“So why did you leave me that night? Was it really that bad?” Jude couldn’t hold back anymore. He had to ask you this. It caught you off guard, you coughed in surprise as you sipped on your drink. He stared at you with an amused yet perplexed look on his face. You instantly went back to the memory of your last encounter with the Dortmund player…

“Your parents are going to get suspicious.” You giggled as the brunette closed the door behind you. He had drunk enough to feel slightly tipsy, but he was more horny than anything else. Jude had decided to celebrate his birthday plainly. No big party, no liters of alcohol, no club. Just his friends and family. And you. Jude acted like a thirteen year old whenever you were around. He liked you. A lot. You were just a couple years older, as much as you liked to mess around you felt the responsibility of not going too hard on him.

“I don’t care. Fuck, you got me so fucking hard, baby.” He whined leaning against the wall. You glanced down to his black jeans and noticed his bulge. A little giggle escaped your lips. You had never done anything physical with the Birmingham boy but you surely shared a fair amount of make out sessions. It wasn’t the first time he had gotten hard by you. Jude glared at you, because he didn’t find his condition funny.

“Want me to help, birthday boy?” Those were words he liked to hear. Jude didn’t even think about it twice, having waited for this moment for months. He simply nodded eagerly and waited for your next move. However, you had had an idea in your head, different from what he expected. You stepped closer, cupping his face, grazing your thumb against his cheeks.

“Get in front of the mirror, handsome.” You asked him and he complied. Jude was thrilled, was he finally going to live his dreams? Before he could lose himself in the track of thoughts, you rested your hands on his hips, staring at him through the mirror.

“Can I?” You asked pointing at the buttons of his black shirt. The brunette nodded and let you unbutton them. He licked his lips wet, almost scared you could hear his heart pound against your hands. But you could tell he was excited yet nervous. You could tell he always lost his breath whenever you were around. Or else you wouldn’t have been there. You wouldn’t have been at dinner with his family and friends. He was lucky you were good with parents, so his weren’t suspecting a single thing. When you had undone his shirt, you left it open to show off part of his chest and abs.

“Unzip your pants, birthday boy.” You stated firmly. Jude nodded, wasting no time in doing what you just asked him to. He left the zip open but didn’t move any further, waiting for your instructions. You smirked at him through the mirror, you could almost hear his own thoughts. His face spoke louder than anything else.

“Touch yourself for me, will you?” You sweetly asked him. Jude’s breath hitched in his throat as he took in your words. The brummie nodded again, like a lost puppy and lowered his gaze to his crotch. Slipping his hand past his boxers he took ahold of his cock and then looked back at you. You were standing behind him, hands moving around his torso, caressing his body without moving too low. It was torture.

“Shit-” he hissed as his hand began to move. He wished it was yours but he could get off to the image of you staring back at him. You wanted to consider this as your gift for him. A pretty good one. His chest rose and lowered quickly, his breathing getting uneven and shorter.

“I know you want me to touch you…” you stopped to look at his reaction: his eyes were silently begging you. This was all he ever wanted, well at least for the past two months. You chuckled, seeing him struggle to keep his composure, it was so entertaining to watch him lose it for you. In a certain way it boosted your ego.

“But I want to see what you do to yourself when you think of me… Let me watch.” You whispered next to his ear, looking at his Adam Apple bob and a grunt and swear word leave his plump lips. You would’ve felt bad about playing with him if Jude actually had feelings for you. But it was just his hormones speaking, he wanted to fuck you not marry you. So why not mess with him a bit more? Get under his skin? Give him a little taste before depriving him of anything? Of any touch, look, taste? It could be sadistic, but you could tell Jude enjoyed you playing with him.

“Fuck, y/n… Don’t look at me like that, baby.” He whined, hand picking up the pace as he briefly closed his eyes and swallowed hard. You giggled, depositing a kiss on his neck. He was struggling to hold back himself from cumming, he was that excited.

“Or what?” You teased. Your hand moved to rest on his stomach, caressing the skin. You could feel his abs tensing, you could see precum leaking from his cock. This was going to be fun.

“Or I’ll cum right now…” he shyly admitted, embarrassed. You giggled again, removing your hands from his body. You moved them to rest on his back, scratching it. You knew where his mind was going, his eyes were turning impossibly darker as his head wondered. The fuckboy facade had dropped so easily, you had to laugh at his submissiveness.

“No, keep going.” You demanded. He nodded, slowing down to stop himself from releasing too quickly. As time went by, you got more handsy but never even slightly thought of touching him where he wanted you to. He started to get loose, louder whimpers and praised leaving his mouth. He started to whine too.

“Please- let me… Fucking hell-” you gripped his arms, digging your nails in his skin, slowing him down. You briefly glanced at the clock: you had been gone for ten minutes, you had around five more minutes before anyone started to notice your mysterious and suspicious absence. You kept whispering words of encouragement in his ear, stopping him whenever he was close and spurring him on to continue whenever he was far away from his release. It was sick but he loved it.

“You know what? Maybe I should go back there, I’ll just tell your parents you are not feeling great…” you bit your bottom lip to hide a smirk. Jude visibly panicked, shaking his head as he saw you stepping aside to look at him. The tall and intimidating player was putty in your hands and you were taking advantage of that. He stared at you with his big brown eyes, begging you again. His hand was wrapped around him, your eyes falling to see the red tip leaking precum.

“Y/n, don’t- please don’t leave now… Fuck, please.” His dark and watery eyes stared at you in confusion. You almost gave in.

“What do you want?” You asked, leaning against the door and staring at him in the eyes. Jude gulped, licking his lips wet. He wanted so many things but didn’t want to risk his chances. He looked so lost, you adored the look in his eyes of pure adoration and submissiveness.

“I just- Just talk to me, like before, yea? Please…” he asked. You pondered your options: you could’ve left him there, make up a decent lie for his guests and not risk getting caught or you could’ve stayed, watched him crumble under your gaze. Jude was silently begging you. He was yet to meet a person like you, that had him eating in the palm of their hand. He was down bad.

“I’ll give you five minutes.” You said firmly. He nodded, picking up the pace of his hand. If he wanted this he needed to be quick. But Jude didn’t have such problem when the cause of his boner was standing right in front of him. You sat on the sink, watching him, every move and every face. He was close, you could tell. You took ahold of his hand and put his two digitals on your lips. A wicked smirk spreading on your face. You kissed the fingertips, playing with them. His mouth was left open when you took both of them in your mouth, past your lips.

“Fuck, shit- Can I… please can I cum?” He whined, his chest shaken by short breaths as he tried to wait for your answer. You smirked and nodded, watching as he groaned and came undone. Jude had never witnessed something so erotic and he found it embarrassing to think he had just come like this. The brunette gasped, pulling his fingers out of your mouth to clean himself up.

“This was- you’re something else, baby.” He mumbled still in a haze. You giggled and pecked his cheek, standing up from the sink. Jude looked at you through the mirror.

“I know, birthday boy…”

Jude couldn’t explain or begin to comprehend what happened afterwards. You disappeared, put up a wall and left him outside. Things weren’t that serious between you two and Jude was okay with it but suddenly, after his birthday, you started to distance yourself from him until he didn’t hear anymore from you. Months later there you were: so beautiful he could look at you the whole night. The smile on your lips was always the same, it had never changed. The look in your eyes was so mysterious and challenging, it pushed him to do more and more just to impress you. Jude couldn’t lie: he had had a crush on you and decided to settle for whatever you had going on. He had tried once to ask you out but you politely rejected him and he was too scared to lose you to cut off your ties. So he stuck around, let you in his life and when you left he was utterly confused and a bit disappointed.

“Of course not, Jude. I didn’t think it was right of me to keep leading you on.” You saw right through him, it didn’t need a genius to figure out the brunette liked you. Jude bit his bottom lip, smirking and nodding. He knew this wasn’t the complete truth and he wasn’t so sure he wanted to hear it all. He was over it, over you.

“There you are. Oh I see you’ve met Jude.” Mason appeared out of nowhere with awful timing as he handed you a cup of whatever he had put in. Jude looked away from you and at the Chelsea player. At first he was confused as to what Mason was doing but then as the conversation started he began to realize what was actually going on.

“Yea, I’ve met him a few times… Very nice lad, isn’t he?” You were playing with fire and Jude loved it. He loved the thrill of being around you. Your unpredictability was what kept him going and even though it was the reason you two had stopped seeing each other, after all this time it still turned him on. You were bold, you didn’t have any trouble sustaining their gazes. Sometimes it felt as if you were challenging him.

“Yes indeed. So how do you guys know each other?” Mason asked clueless. You glanced at Jude who hid his smirk behind his cup as he sipped on his drink. Mason knew you but he didn’t know you that well. You had avoided telling him about all your adventures with his fellow companions.

“I gave him a hand when he moved out to Germany.” The pun was intended and Jude knew it, although Mason didn’t quite catch it. It was a lie. You didn’t meet Jude under those circumstances, there had never been nothing platonic between you two. Well you pretended to have a platonic friendship, but Jude hung from your lips and everyone knew it. The brunette nodded, smiling. This was the y/n he knew, the one he liked. You were playing with fire as you talked to both of them for the following half an hour. You kept both boys on the edge, you could feel the tension. Mason wasn’t blind or stupid, he could see the way Jude looked at you. With hunger, desire, lust. Even if you hadn’t lied about the genuineness of your friendship, he was slightly concerned about the real intentions of the english player.

“I’m sorry I have to take this. See you later.” Jude felt his phone vibrating against his thigh and picked it up, leaving you two alone. You turned around to face the Chelsea player who had a weird smirk on his lips.

“He definitely wants to sleep with you.” He confessed and you giggled. Oh if only he knew… But there was no good in telling him the details.

“What if he does? Would it be a problem, Mount?” You asked, challenging him. His smirk grew wider as he took in your “threat”. He couldn’t quite decipher the look in your eyes, what it meant. But he liked your teasing and challenging. Mason wasn’t the type of guy to act all jealous, especially with a girl he wasn’t even dating— although things between you two were complicated. But he couldn’t lie to himself and say he appreciated the way Jude’s eyes laid on your figure.

“Would you let him?” He replied with a question. Your smirk widened and you debated whether or not tell him it wasn’t polite to reply to a question with another one, but the look on his face intrigued you. It didn’t take a genius to see that Mason considered you more than just a friend. Therefore, it was up to you to decide how you felt about him. The Chelsea midfielder stared at you, waiting for one of your usual comebacks.

“Who told you he hasn’t already?” You giggled and watched his reaction. Mason sometimes couldn’t tell whether you were messing with him or if you meant what you said. Either way he simply shook his head with a small smirk, hoping you were just trying to annoy him. Soon the topic was dropped, Christian and Kai joining you guys to take you on the dance floor. None of you were excellent dancers, but every chance you got was a good moment to tease Mason. It wasn’t until the third song that you began to feel his hands on you.

“Handsy, are we?” You joked, not able to see his face since he was standing right behind you. Mason smiled though, knowing that you were more than okay with it since your own hands guided his on your body. The English man rested his head next to yours, taking in your inebriating scent as you moved to the beat. Everything about you drove him wild: from your eyes to the way you danced, from your smile to the way you joked, from your body to the way you talked. Mason sometimes was scared you could hear how loud his heart beat whenever you were around him. But as you two danced together, bodies pressed against each other someone else was staring right at you two.

“Ex fling?” Jude asked the minute he saw João leaning against the wall, a drink in his hand as he stared at you. The Portuguese player took his eyes off you to identify who was speaking to him and once he noticed it was just Jude he forced himself to smile.

“Ex boyfriend. You?” He asked. It had been years since you two had broken up, nevertheless watching you dance with another man right in front of him wasn’t on the top of his wish list. Jude almost felt bad for thinking there was someone— João— who was having it worse than him.

“Ex fling. We saw each other during last summer but then she disappeared. Now I see why.” Jude explained, for some reason he didn’t feel embarrassed about it as he talked to João. Probably because they were in the same situation. The loan player nodded, listening to his words. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t moved on and hooked up with other girls, because he had. Yet there was something in the back of his mind that bothered him.

“We dated for two years, then she moved to Germany and broke up with me. It was years ago though.” He finished by taking a sip of his drink. He didn’t want to get wasted but maybe having a bit of alcohol in his system would have helped him get over this nonsense. Jude nodded in reply, for some reason it was the type of behavior he would expect from someone like you. With that being said, he still felt attracted to you. You still held your power over him, as if he was wrapped around your finger.

“Do you still love her?” Jude asked with no problem, taking the first sip from the beer he had just got. João was a bit startled at first, clearly not seeing it coming. Did he still love her? It was a fair question, the way he was acting was confusing. But were there still feelings?

“No… I mean, it’s the type of love you will always feel for someone you’ve been with for a long time but I am not in love with her anymore… She just has a way to get under your skin, you know?” He said, taking his eyes off you a few times to glance at Jude who nodded, completely understanding his point of view. You could be so good yet the minute you left them, you were pure torture. Jude struggled to keep his head busy as he watched you dance along with Mason.

“Yea… She got us wrapped around her finger, doesn’t she?” He chuckled. There was no use in denying it. They both knew the truth and honestly there were high chances you knew it too, but pretended not to. You rested your forehead against Mason’s as you swung you hips to the beat. Your legs began to hurt but you were having too much fun. Mason might not have not been the best dancer, but he wasn’t afraid to try things out— which to you was more attractive than anything else.

“Are you taking me back to your hotel room, Mount?” You asked at some point, lips against his ear as he held you close. Mason smirked, knowing you were trying to break him. But he knew this game and even if you always managed to win, he tried his best anyway.

“Would you let me?” He asked, his lips now inches away from yours. But you weren’t giving in. Of course you had thought about him under those circumstances but teasing was always the best part. Look at Jude: until he cracked and gave in everything was fun and games, then you got bored and disappeared. However, something within you told you it could be different with Mason.

“Depends… Would it be worth it?” You asked, your noses brushing against his each other. You had stopped dancing, just slowly swinging. Mason found your comebacks amusing, you were just trying to test him and he knew it.

“Come and find out yourself.” He firmly stated. He didn’t want to sound cocky nor insecure, therefore this was the best answer he could come up with. By the looks of it, it worked. You smiled and nodded. The sexual tension had been so high between the two of you, there was no reason in denying it or postponing the inevitable. Mason took your hands in his, walking away from the crowd and towards the exit. You quickly turned around to see if you could spot Christian but you met the eyes of the duo who had been staring at you the whole night. Someone else would have immediately looked away, felt embarrassed. But you didn’t. You simply smirked at them and have them a little wave before turning around and following Mason.

“Good luck for him… He’s going to need it.” João scoffed, finishing his drink and leaving it on the counter for the bartender to pick up. At least he wouldn’t have had the vision of you grinding against his teammate in front of him anymore.

“He’s going to need more than that, mate.”

｡･ﾟﾟ･✨🍯🧸 masterlist ☁💌

requests: open!

mason mount

don’t take me for granted

made your mark on me

christian pulisic

checkmate,i couldn’t lose

fragments of us: part one

kepa arrizabalaga

“soft” launch,insta au

leandro trossard

coming soon!

martin ødegaard

coming soon!

marcus rashford

coming soon!

jude bellingham

coming soon!

pablo gavi

this one is for you

late night confessions

joão félix

coming soon!

recommendation list

checkmate, i couldn't lose - christian pulisic

pairing: christian pulisic x reader

author’s note: based on interview christian gave in 2021,let me know if you liked this<3

word count: 700 words

from feeling you are on top of the world to watching your loved one in the coffin,life sure is unpredictable.

it was hard to comprehend why was this happening to christian,but there was nothing either of you could’ve done to bring his grandfather back to life. it all happened so quickly,he never had a chance to say goodbye to him.

to make timing even worser,it was a week before he planned to introduce you to him. it was about time because his grandfather wanted to meet who is that girl that got him utterly infatuated. not to mention he was the first one to hear all about you. it was not a secret that christian trusted his judgment very much.

even though unfortunately he never got to meet you,he was absolutely sure that you were “the one” for christian. the way his eyes light up everytime he would even think about you,the way he could not help to smile when he was taking about you… all the signs were there.

and yet there was not a single sign that was the last time he will ever see him alive and play chess with him. you immediately knew something terribly wrong happened when u saw a tear falling from his left eye after answering his sister’s call. quiet “what’s wrong” escaped from your lips as you sat down on floor next to him.

he still couldn’t process these news and it felt like time has stopped. all he could do at that moment melt down into your embrace.

it took him a while to realize that opening up is never not something to be ashamed of. he thought he was too tough to need help and didn’t wanted to be a bother to you with his rants.

eventually, you assured him when it’s all on him,it can feel like a lot. that’s not how it should be and it won’t be as long as he has you by his side. this was the first time he broke down in tears in front of you even though he showed vulnerability before,it was nothing like this.

it felt like hours passed before he managed to say devastating news out loud. this meant your trip to his family is gonna happen sooner than you planned. too bad it was under these unfortunate circumstances.

one of the reasons he didn’t really open to anyone because he couldn’t stand “i totally understand how you feel” sentence. already prone to over-analyzing everything,this just made him feel like nobody is actually listening. somehow you knew he hated hearing that and you never used it. even when you didn’t feel whatever was bothering him on your own skin,you did understand it.

however,this time you understand from your own experience. you were very close with your grandparents as a kid. they taught you pretty much there is to learn. reading,tying your shoelaces,writing,manners…and when both of them passed away in a short period of time,it felt unreal.

him and his grandfather had their thing and it was playing chess. after the funeral,christian wanted to see his room one last time. you wanted to give him privacy to do it but he wanted you to come with him. he took your hand and gently pulled you to him. when you entered room,his look was immediately on chess board next to vinyl recorder and you started to put pieces together.

“wait,that’s why you have tattoo of chess piece?”

“one of reasons,yeah. he taught me how to play when i was younger,but i am nowhere near level.”

“i didn’t even know you knew how to play it.”

“i guess i never mentioned it,but me and kante sometimes play it on plane. we always have good battles but it’s hard to beat him.”

“i’m here if you wanna feel like beth from queen’s gambit. absolutely clueless about how any of this is working.”

“hm,i think out of all people you would understand it. “

“why?”

“he used to say that life is like chess because it consists of very limited number of moves. you need to make good use of them and create your own opportunities-just like i did with you.”

“well whatever you did is definitely working on me.”

“checkmate,i couldn’t lose.”

no way u really made me a character 🥺🥺 but on serious note,this series is mind blowing u guys have to read this😍😍

juno! j.b pt.3

my knuckles rapidly knock on mel’s door as i try to tame my breath. when the door finally swings open i see mel let out a long sigh, obviously not expecting me.

“what are you doing here, idiot? you told me i was supposed to get you at four it’s three!”

“i couldn’t do it. it reminded me of a dentist you know? and they had these stupid magazines with those quizzes on what season you are and then the receptionist kept giving me the evil eyes and kept trying to give me these weird condoms that made her boyfriends balls smell like pie and oh su-chin was there! did you know that the baby has fingernails? i mean can you believe it! fingernails!”

mel grimaces yet her eyes are amused.

“oh, gross. do you reckon the baby could scratch your vag when it comes out” 

i ignore her comment.

“i’m staying pregnant, mel”

she shushes me quickly.

“keep your voice down mate, my mum’s creeping around somewhere. she doesn’t that we’re you know”, her voice goes down into a whisper “…sexually active.”

what does that even mean?

“ oh… well i was thinking about everything and i thought ‘oh! there’s someone out there that would want my baby!’ you know like the women who can’t have kids or maybe some lovely lesbians”

“but…. you’ll get huge and your tits are going to lactate like a cow and you’ll have to tell everyone that you’re pregnant!” 

“i know but maybe they’ll all love me for being so caring!” 

“ or maybe they will also lose their shit and be super mad at you and possibly not let you graduate or most importantly let you go to the alps for spring break.”

“ i don’t care about the alps, jude and i were planning on taking a trip to portsmouth for spring break anyway.”

mel sighs in response, exhausted by the constant name drops of jude.

“well, maybe you could look at one of those adoption ads i mean they’re literally filling the newspapers at this point.”

“there are ads? for people to become parents?”

“oh yeah tons! you can sell anything from iguanas to exercise bikes to babies! it’s crazy what you can do!”  

“come on mel, you really think i want to scope out possible parents in the local newspaper! that’s so dodgy! it’s like buying clothes at the corner shop! i won’t be looking at the newspaper advertisements”

we sit on the bench under the pretty tree in the big park, as we look through the numerous amount of advertisements in the newspaper.

“the newspaper sucks.” 

it really does. never have i wanted to fall asleep more than i have when i was reading this garbage.

“i know juno, but at least it sucks for free and what else were we meant to do today?” 

she’s right of course, we have nothing else to do today. 

after mel finishes speaking, we continue to turn the pages in silence when she find a couple who’s teeth are as blue as water, their lips just as blue as them well. the articles reads “wholesome, spiritually wealthy couple who have find true love with each other.” 

she turns her head to face me, i’m guessing to check if i’m paying attention to the article in her hand, though i’m off in another world, looking at a selling for a piano. my mind goes straight to jude when i see the advertisement. 

“ did you see there’s a guy here who’s giving away a piano, free for the hauling as well! i reckon we should get it and haul it to jude’s house.

“you’re not listening”

“no, i heard you loud and clear but i just can’t give the baby to someone that will describe themselves as “wholesome” you know. to be honest, i’m just looking for someone a bit more on the edge.

“well then what do you have in mind, a family of disturbed loners who are into knife play and incest? cmon juno they’re going to be the person that’s going to have a human life! one that’s been inside of you at that!”

“no mel! i was thinking more along the lines of a graphic designer, in their thirties, and has a cool asian wife who dresses awesome and plays bass perfectly, but i’m trying to keep my choices open.”

“all right, oh how about this one? a healthy, educated couple who are seeking an infant to join our family of five, you will be compensated please help us complete the circle of love.“

nope. nope. nope.

“big no, they sound exactly like a cult and they have three kids already, greedy guys! not the one for mini me”

“y/n! you need to take a look at this one.”

mel points to the newspaper and i look down to paper. it reads “educated, successful couple who wish to….” 

but i don’t get to finish reading because i take a look at their faces. their beautiful faces that are pretty even in black and white, 

their names were betty and aaron jones.

and they were definitely the future parents of my baby.

jude sits in his room, listening to the playlist that y/n had recommend to him and the same one that played when they went to fourth base.

he stares at the pages of his yearbook, specifically at the photo of y/n and the message that she wrote for him, and him only. it says “hey jude! i hope one day you get off of this photo with your lotion that you not so secretly keep in your drawer! joking (well…) love y/n.

god was he in love with her, she was just so ugh. she was just perfect and somehow he was the lucky one that managed to see her in all her beauty. he was the one that got to see all her scars and insecurities and he was the one that kissed her there. he was one lucky son of a bitch that’s for sure. 

he doesn’t care if she doesn’t ever love him (the biggest lie on planet earth) all he cares about is that he was the first person that she opened up to and that even if she never loves him back, then he will watch from the side-lines, cheering her on no matter what she does. because he really loves her. 

jude reaches for the phone, the same one y/n has hanging in her room, debating whether or not to call her. he puts the phone down after a couple of moments. 

he’s brought out of his moment by a knock on his door, which is soon followed by his mothers head peaking through. 

“jude baby? are you coming downstairs to eat?”

“no, no i don’t think so. not really feeling it oddly enough”

“but you played for at least 5 hours today puppy, you need to eat and it’s breakfast for tea and i know that’s your favourite”

jude just places his hand on his stomach.

“y/n y/l/n called by the way.. while you were out. she wanted to know whether or not your coming to this performance on saturday.” 

“oh thanks for the message ma”

“judie, you know i feel about her, she’s trouble.”

“i know you’ve said…. maybe about fifty times.”

“i just don’t want you to consider her a close friend that’s all.”

she sighs and leaves jude to himself.

jude then only finally reveals what’s hidden in his closed fist. the panties that he kept from that magical night.

a/n: i really hope these are doing the movie justice! @taintedstranger i think you wanted a tag so i really hoped you enjoyed it!

can’t wait for the other parts this is SO GOOD!!

juno! j.b p1

word count: 1.02k

it started with a chair.

the fact that i’m staring at two lines on a stick covered in my pee is because of a chair.

shit.

what am i meant to do now?

“what am i going to do?” i ask my friend through the phone.

“maybe it's just a food baby, what'd you have for lunch yesterday?" she replies, the phone rested on her shoulder as she painted her nails a pastel pink.

"i wish it was a food baby but i've taken three tests and it's showing nothing but two lines" i said sighing.

"wait- how did you produce so much pee?"

"i just drank loads of apple juice - anyway that's beside the point, i'm pregnant"

holy shit.

that feels unbelievable to say, i am pregnant.

"y/n" the voice takes me out of my little daydream.

"yeah" i reply

"who's the father?"

those three words suck me down memory lane.

it was just meant to be two nerdy virgins getting it on and now look at the consequences, of course we couldn't blame society for not telling us to "wrap it before you tap it" because we were forced through the painfully awkward sex ed lessons. we could only blame ourselves for believing the 'pull out method' was a reliable method of contraception. what an idiot.

but i couldn't deny it wasn't one of the best things i had experienced in my life, and that the way he made me feel when i reached the edge was almost mind-blowing, in fact i kept questioning whether or not he was a virgin. he was just that good, it would've been amazing if he didn't have such fast swimmers.

"it's jude's"

jude bellingham or jude victor william bellingham if you're like that. he was one of those guys that you wouldn't notice in a crowd full of men but if you were one of the lucky ones that did then you would be so happy. he was one of those guys that can read you even if you are so careful about not showing any emotion, he will know. i used to joke and say how it was superpower and he would just smile at me with those pearly whites. the same pearly whites that were hidden by his perfectly plump lips, that pulled me in and started the domino effect that led up all the way to now.

my friends laugh reminds me i'm not alone.

"what made you and bellingham bone? i didn't know he was you type"

she wasn't wrong. on any normal day you wouldn't feel such emotions for jude but that day was different, in fact i wanted nothing more than to kiss him until we were left breathless and he made my knees week.

"i don't know just something that happened" i reply a red blush appearing on my face

"you love him!"

"i don't think that's the most important thing to come out of this conversation."

"sorry, but what was he like?"

"he was amazing"

it was true, he was the best thing i've ever experienced.

"what are you going to do?"

"i don't know but i need your help."

jude was a footballer, a good one at that, but his routine was one from hell. he would wake up early, the kind of early that even in the summer mornings, the sun still hasn't rose. that kind of early. when he told me about his mornings, i felt like crying. he puts on his stupid high shorts and puts on his bright orange sweatbands; one around his head and a sweatband on both his arms and legs.

if i remember correctly, he then heats up one of those quick and easy waffles and then begins his laps around the neighbourhood. and that's why i'm sat here, on that same chair that ruined my life.

"hey jude"

"oh hey y/n oh that's a nice rug that tiger looks proud"

" i know right, i took it from mrs martins doorstep" he nods awkwardly in response to my words. i continue to speak "your shorts are looking especially shiny today, what's up with that?"

"oh thanks. my mum used some colour bleach thing, i don't know what it's called." he shrugs after he speaks, one arm rested on the back of his neck.

"so.. do you want to know something?" lord, give me strength.

"i mean sure, i guess"

"i'm pregnant"

i observe his face as he takes in the news. i don't know how he feels, his face is not letting anything show, his eyes void of emotion and maybe even soul. the only things he's doing is fidgeting with his hands, sometimes cracking his knuckles.

just as he opens his mouth to reply, jude's fellow runners appeared, their junks peeking through the shorts, that seem to get shorter and shorter everyday. those shorts make me picture them naked, whether i like it or not. he turns back to me and says,

"i- i'm meant to be running now"

"i know"

the air is tense, it's choking me. we both don't know where to look or what to say. luckily, he breaks it soon after.

"so.. what do you think we should do?"

hmmm. he's not as douchey as some say he is.

"i think, i might just nip it in the bud before it.. you know turns into what some people say is a baby. do you know that pregnancies can cause infants to roam the earth?"

he chuckles and i realise i haven't heard a sound as sweet as that damn chuckle.

"hm. i've heard that too, apparently we were one of them when we were younger"

i smile. my first real smile in a while. it's a peaceful smile.

"so you're okay with everything?"

"course, it's you that's the one going through it, so you do you."

i don't whether or not to speak again but i do.

"i'm sorry for having sex with you."

"i'm not"

"i'll see you at school"

i ride off on the bicycle i had kept rested on the armchair, leaving jude to his own thoughts.

arsenal fans talking abt us being in the last 8 all like "they don't belong there they're 10th" bro you've not played in the ucl for almost 10 years you're worrying about the wrong 10

Don’t worry bestie I’m on your side. S*rah is just a weirdo

thank u,wbk thanks for censoring her name<3

THANK U BABES🥰❤️❤️

everyone say happy birthday to @melodramainterlude HAPPY BIRTHDAY

this has to be my favourite post ever on instagram

the ONLY goalkeeper in europe to have an 80% save percentage in the championships league and in his domestic league ✨

don’t take me for granted-mason mount

pairing: mason mount x reader

summary: “but every time i leaned over and said i’m sorry you said it was fine. you squeezed my hand and said it’s fine. i love you. don’t worry... it’s fine.”

warnings: angst with a twist at the end

word count: 1,2 k

life is good.cause we fucking did it. it couldn’t have gone better.

you looked beautiful tonight.the entire night, while i was talking to all these smiling,sweet,rich people who one month ago wouldn’t give me the time of day... i would look across the room and see you. and i’d think, god,she is the most beautiful fucking creature on planet earth.and the sexiest. there’s truly no one sexier. even christian said it.

speech he gave after being voted as the best at fifa awards left you…speechless.you had no intention of talking to him so you just looked at him confused.

he recognized your “what is that supposed to mean” look because let’s face it,he knew you like the back of his hand.

not in a bad way. a good way. a respectful way. but it’s true. every time i’d see you... he continued to talk while kissing the back of your neck,with your glass of old fashioned,smiling and chatting it up,i’d think to myself:

“god, am i fucking lucky.”

nobody in their right mind would have energy to start an argument after a long night of pretending to be interested in people you’ve never seen before. thankfully,there were few familiar faces who made this night bearable. however,some of them turned it into the worst night ever. including him. you didn’t want to raise any suspicion so you dryly smiled at him.

what was that?

what?

that smile?

what?

it was a fake smile. i thought you are going to be a little bit more excited for me. don’t think your behavior went unnoticed. it seemed like you were not yourself tonight, especially around my mum. what’s wrong?

point is… i don’t have nothing to say to her. which is the reason i didn’t talk to her.

it’s just... she notices.

really?

yes.

how do you know?

i just do.

really?

well she sees how you are with other people... you’re talkative, you’re funny.

what can i say, i’m personable.

right. which makes her insecure.

what? other human beings with personalities?

no. it’s the fact that you’re not yourself and she knows it. can you just tell me what happened?

tust me. it’s not a good idea. let’s talk tomorrow.

but i know you’re upset at me.

it’s not a big deal.

i can’t go to sleep knowing you’re angry.

i’m begging you. nothing productive is going to be said tonight.

how do you know?

because i know you.

you turn and walk down the hall toward to bedroom,already regretting you said anything because he is not gonna let it go now.

as you were taking off your jewelry,you look at him in the mirror,realizing this is gonna be a long night. truthfully,you didn’t have one of those in a while- at least not this sort of long night.

really... you wanna go there? it’s your speech, mason.

why do you have to find something... anything...the most minor fucking detail to harp on, to fucking ensure that there is no possible fucking reason to celebrate.

you didn’t thank me, mason. that’s not a minor fucking detail. that’s a big one.

oh give me a fucking break. when i said you’ll find the most minor fucking detail and turn it ugly... i fucking meant it.

but i’ve thanked you a million times before. you know i’m thankful. you know I’m appreciative. and you know it was a mistake, so why turn it into anything more?

because it is more.

you can’t be serious.

i’m dead serious.

then you’re out of your mind.

and you’re hyperbolic.

i’m not. it’s hysterical to think that forgetting to thank you is symbolic of anything other than me legitimately forgetting to fucking thank you.

you looked at him in the mirror and turned to him:

mason,you thanked a hundred fucking people. you thanked your agents. your teammates. your parents. your fucking third grade teacher and the kid who was playing with you at academy when you were eleven years old and saw whatever-the-fuck.

i didn’t thank the guy who saw me scoring a free-kick identical to one i scored in 2020?

you know what i mean -

you don’t have to be sarcastic and petty about it. i forgot to thank you.i am sorry. i am genuinely sorry.which is why i apologized a hundred times during the awards. i couldn’t even focus on the awards because i felt so guilty.

that’s a shame.

but every time i leaned over and said i’m sorry you said it was fine. you squeezed my hand and said “it’s fine. i love you. don’t worry... it’s fine.”

well mason,i changed my mind.it’s not fine.

how can you just change your mind?

honestly... it’s really fucking easy.

that doesn’t seem a little crazy to you?

not at all.

really?

nope.

why?

because while i was sitting through awards it was fine,then every single person from your dad to declan came up and said, “i know you’re probably a little upset he forgot to thank you but i know how much he counts on you.”

they said that?

they told me not to read into it.

what does that mean?

that’s funny you say that... that’s the exact same thought i had. but let’s not digress. because as the night went on, i became less fine with it.

before you could continue why you weren’t fine with it,he asked you to sit next him. even though this was probably your worst fight ever,you missed being close to him and how could you refuse?

because it’s not just about you forgetting to thank me. it’s about how you see me and how you view my contribution, not just to this relationship, but to your work. after listening to you complain about new coaches,new methods,waking up in the middle of night when you were crying about not being good enough and not wanting to leave your childhood club,supporting you when you wanted to quit football completely…

i really hope you don’t actually think that i don’t appreciate everything you did for me. for us. if it wasn’t for you,i wouldn’t be here where i am right now. i would still be mediocre. there is a reason why they say that after every great man is a great woman. you are the most loving and patient person i know. thank you for everything, i don’t know how will i ever make it up to you,but i’ll do everything in my power to make you the happiest woman in world every day until we die. i’m so sorry. thank you. thank you for loving me. for making my life anything but mediocre. we make the best team and i love you,baby.

i love you too,just don’t take me for granted.

great... are we no longer fighting?

you look at him and smile and then it turns into a laugh.

what? don’t tell me you already know what i wanted to ask you. he smiled for first time since you came home and but it felt like forever since you last seen his contagious smile- one of many things that made you fall in love with him.

you shrugged your shoulders, completely oblivious on what is he talking about until you saw him getting on one knee.

will you marry me?

england will bring it home then✨

pickford count your days, england’s number 1 will be ramsdale very soon

the moment i knew m.m

where were you mase?

where were you when i needed you most, when i needed a shoulder to cry on, when i needed someone to get rid of all my insecurities?

where were you?

and i couldn’t help but sit and wait for you to burst the door open and sweep me away with your love and that smile that made me yours in the first place.

i’m happy that you didn’t though, because maybe if you did, i’d still be under that spell you put on me.

the spell that would make butterflies erupt in my tummy whenever it heard your voice and the spell that even if you did the absolute million would make me feel like the happiest girl in the world.

it was cold on that dark winters night, christmas lights glistened as they sat on my window frame, i should be looking at them, but i can’t seem to drag my eyes away from the door.

the door that at any moment, should open and you should step in laughing and apologising about how you got caught up in the traffic.

it’s been god knows how long since i last moved from this chair, an hour or two you would guess but you know it’s probably going on to three hours and yet i still hold on hope.

how come, you haven’t been bothered to come and see me, but the people i barely know come up to me and ask me how i’ve been?

you said you’d be here so why aren’t you here.

you said you’d be a fool to not come tonight and yet I am the one that’s stood in a pretty party dress looking like the fool.

i know that if i attempt to say anything about this to you later, you’d probably brush it under the mat, say it was no big deal.

if it’s no big deal, then how come i’m hurt?

you’d probably also say sorry.

but sorry doesn’t mean sorry to you.

your sorry means nothing but a five lettered word to you.

and i’ve learned that a long time ago and yet i’m still taking it.

i’m envious of those that stand around me in their little huddles, all of them laughing and chatting to their hearts content, whilst i’m just there, waiting for you.

the hours continue to pass by and yet i have got nothing from you, no messages, no calls, no nothing and all i want to do is shrivel up, hide away and be all alone. even though a smile is plastered on my face, all your friends can see through it, they always seem to know, yet you don’t and that’s not fair.

so when i’m all sad and embarrassed at your actions, they’re the ones that are there for me, they’re the ones that are whispering comforting words and hugging me not you. when it should be you. 

they’re the ones that are following me down the hall and into the bathroom.

not you.

they’re the ones that hold me close, when i can’t help but let it out and cry.

not you.

and all i care about is how you broke your promise, that you should’ve been here.

what do you want me to say, when tears are streaming down your face in front of everyone that we know? and what am i meant to say when people are asking for you? just that you didn’t show.

you should’ve been here, if you were then maybe i would still be blinded by love.

but you left me there, standing there in my party dress, which i bought for, wearing my most expensive red lipstick, yet who am i dressed to impress, if you’re not there. they’re all standing around me singing and i think that’s what made realise, that’s the moment i knew. 

and that night, you called me saying ‘sorry that you couldn’t make it’ , and all i could say back, was ‘i’m sorry too’ 

because that was the moment i knew.

“now he know. he knows now. “😭😭

golden boot winner everyone!!

Oooh to be a fly in that dressing room

fragments of us - part one

pairing : christian pulisic x reader

summary: “you think okay i get it,i’m prepared for the worst, but you hold out that small hope, see, and that’s what fucks you up. that’s what kills you.”

warnings: mentions of infertility

author: i already have ideas on how to continue this series so if you liked this one and want more parts let me know! any feedback is appreciated and thank u for reading, i hope u will like it <3

We had a lot of dreams in place. Reflecting on it now, we took for granted the control we had. Unfortunately,we didn’t even think that some things were out of our control.

Two years ago, when we sat on your porch discussing our future,we thought we had all the time and possibilities in the world. In the beginning,you were hesitant to mention one specific dream of yours.

Then one night,you were stroking my hair and I surrendered to your soft touch,my eyes were getting heavier by your every touch. My eyes were closed,but I was still awake because I wanted to savour every moment.

Your soothing voice made it really hard to not drift off. I immersed myself into every story you told me.Particularly the ones that included me,that included us,even though I already knew where was story going. At least from my perspective.Our perspectives weren’t different. At the time, we rarely fought.

Your stories gave me insight into the world through your eyes.Insight into how you’ve seen me and your actions aligned with your words and, how could I ever ask for anything more?

That night when you thought I was asleep,you confessed something you were afraid of when I was awake.You always wanted to have “Christian Jr”. It took everything in me to not laugh at your confession. I still remember how flastered you were when I told you I wasn’t asleep. At first,you thought I pretended I didn’t hear you because that’s not a dream we shared.

A feeling of relief washed over you when I showed you my list of names I loved because who doesn’t have one?

Today is the day we didn’t see coming. But yet, I think we both have seen it coming. For all the foresight I had and the fears we quietly admitted to,the doctor’s words hit me like a ton of bricks.

They made our worst fear official. Lists of baby names won’t ever be used. There is never going to be mini you or mini me. I hope and I pray that someday, our dreams will be realised. That we will find our promised land and taste the sweetness of milk and honey. Until that day,can we promise to love each other as we have been loved?

hii, idk if you like this because i’m bad at coming up with scenarios but maybe something with mason inspired by ‘style’ by taylor swift? I love that song and I know you’re a swiftie🥰

made your mark on me

- mason mount

Rust that grew between telephones was unbearable. It’s been a while since you have heard from Mason. You were wide awake despite the fact that it was late and the streets were quiet and peaceful. Lights from the street didn’t illuminate your room as they usually do,they were overpowered by fog. Silk sheets underneath you and the scent of musk remind you even more of him. His absence.

Moments spent together were replaying in your head and it kept your mind occupied from pictures that your friends sent you a few days ago. Him with another girl. Who is she and why were you replaced with her? “Please don’t be in love with someone else.” you whispered to yourself,hoping he would magically hear it.

Two of you weren’t official,but that didn’t make this any easier. Was anything he ever said to you sincere? Did he already forget about you? Forgetting him wasn’t an option for you,it’s hard not to remember with how much passion he kissed you last time. If you knew that was the last time,you would hold him as long as possible. Your hands were always cold,but he loved how they felt whenever you cupped his face with them.

Your thoughts were interrupted by an incoming call. From an unknown number? Truthfully,you didn’t have the energy to deal with prank calls or whatever that was. Whoever it was,they were persistent about hearing from you since you got another seven calls until you decided to answer the call. Before you even get the chance to ask who it was,you hear a familiar voice.

“Y/N,please don’t hang up and hear me out. Please.”

His change in voice didn’t go unnoticed,he sounded like he was crying,his voice more quiet and softer than it usually is. You took a deep breath and wanted to sound as calm as possible.

“You are unbelievable…but okay what do you have to say?”

He sighed,released you didn’t hang up immediately. Even if you did,he knew it would be well deserved.

“Wanna come for a drive? We should talk and I promise I will explain everything you wanna know.”

It was hard to say no to him,especially in the state you were in now. You needed him. So desperately to the point that it frightened you, what if he just wants to end things?

“I’ll be there soon and thank you. You have no idea how much I needed you this whole time.”

This was exactly why midnights brought you comfort. Your rides with no destinations. Waiting for sunrises if your schedules allowed it. Talking all night with no interruptions,laughing while blasting music, confessing how much both of you are scared of being vulnerable to someone.You quickly put on your coat and red lipstick because he would emphasize how it’s made for you. And because he loved ruining it and seeing it on his cheeks. It is safe to say that you made your mark on him, literally and figuratively.

The street was still dark so you assumed he hadn’t come yet and the anticipation slowly killed you. It felt like he called you hours ago. A few moments later,you heard a knock on your door and you opened it for him. He immediately embraced you tightly. “Never let me go,do you hear me Y/N? “ You cupped his face and even though it was dark,you saw pure bliss and love in his eyes.

“Wasn’t planning on it, but you were the one who left me and they saw you with some other girl.”

“What you heard is true,but I can’t stop thinking about us and I’m so sorry that it had to come to this. I’m an idiot for letting you go and possibly losing you for good. It’s not an excuse,but you already know how scared I am of ruining what we have and hurting you.”

“Do you think about me?” He raised his eyebrows at that question and sat on your couch and pulled you into his lap.

“Sometimes it feels like I think about you every minute,” he whispered.

“I hate how much I want you,” you admitted. “It’s a weakness.”

“Then it will be a weakness we share.”

“Speaking of weaknesses,” he started as he was taking off your coat, “you know what’s my other weakness?”

a/n: open for any kind of feedback and requests if you have any, i hope you liked it<3 to be honest, i wasn’t sure about posting this but i dedicate my first post to @yungbludz and @jesssssssssica 🥰 thank you so much for your support,advice and help with this!

what a mind,this happens all the time🪄🫶🏻

sweet nothing p.g

a/n: this is for @betterthangetawaycar love you girly. also sorry if this wasn't good! i just wanted to release something for valentines day!

it's cute, the details and trinkets that gavi keeps because of me. i didn't even know he would collect these memories, only realising when i spotted the pebble that we had decorated many months ago.

i nearly forgot about that and it warms my heart that he hasn't.

they all say the end is coming and all of them are up to something, yet i can only find myself running home to him.

and the world outside, they're all pushing and shoving but he, being the angel he is just humming along to some tune that i couldn't recognise and i'm so happy because he doesn't ask for anything but for me to be happy.

as i walk past all the shining lights of the shops on the way home, i write all my thoughts down and make it into a poem and when i perform my piece to you all you can do is smile and say "what a mind"

and all i can think is how did i get this lucky?

everyone else is making time go faster, all of them rushing around and pushing and shouting. i don't have to deal with that because i have him and he makes time slow down for me.

i find peace in gavi.

all he wants from me is nothing, even when the voices that surround us and say "that we should be doing more" i can't because i'm too soft and in love for all of it.

i'm in love with him and his humming and his voice and his laugh and his face and his compliments and just everything about him.

and maybe it's because all he wants from me is sweet nothing.

finn wolfhard of the football world

This is cute but also set that frog free, baby🧍🏻‍♀️

wow taylor really wrote this about them…

like adults — mm

AUTHOR: last part guys

SUMMARY: two people who meet again are destined to be, aren’t they?

WARNINGS: smut, nsfw content, pregnancy

PART I - PART II

“Oh fucking hell…” you moaned, your hand gripping tightly Mason’s hair as his head stayed between your legs which threatened to close around it, but his strong arms kept them apart. It was just eight in the morning but Mason didn’t seem to be having a single care in the world. The moment his eyes opened he was already going down on you. And who were you to deny him of his wish? You surely didn’t mind. Mason dragged his skillful tongue over your folds, his nose nudging against your clit whenever he’d slip it in your entrance. You whined, feeling a coil forming in your stomach.

“It’s okay, baby, I got you.” He winked at you beneath the sheets, although you were way too hot for them now. Mason ate you out as if you were his breakfast, probably because you were. Your head fell backwards on the pillows, not able to keep the eye contact with him. You were seeing stars, wondering how you could have gone without this for two years. He was such a good distraction, maybe too good since you didn’t even hear when the front door opened and part of his family got inside.

“Mase, yes fuck y-”

“Uncle Mase!” You let out a loud yelp, pulling yourself away from Mason who got hit by one of your legs as you tried to cover yourself up as quickly as possible. His niece stood on the threshold of his room door, his sister right behind her laughing. Mason put on an embarrassed yet cheeky smile whilst you buried yourself in the sheets.

“Hey, baby. What are you two doing here? At eight in the morning?” You sensed a bit of irony in his tone. Mason looked at his niece and then back at his sister, the back of his hand wiping his mouth and chin as he gathered himself. It wasn’t unusual to see him shirtless but you definitely weren’t used to lay around in a thin see through shirt of his when his family was around.

“You said you’d take care of Summer for the day, remember? I have that school trip with the other little monster.” Jaz was still trying to hide the smirk on her face, finding this whole situation very amusing. You sat up, pulling your sheets to cover your torso even though you were wearing a shirt it was way too see through. Summer didn’t seem to understand the situation since she had this wide smile on her lips whilst she tried to climb on the bed.

“Yea yea, sorry. Hey baby, how about you and mommy wait for us in the living room? I bought you that doll you liked so much and it’s in that room.” Mason managed to stop her niece from getting into bed with us which would have only made things worse considering you weren’t wearing anything besides the shirt and Mason was in his underwear as well. Jazmine shot him a glare when she heard his words, she believed her brother spoiled her kids too much but you knew that was just Mason being Mason. He liked making gifts, to you, to his family, to his niece, to his friends. It was part of his love language. Jaz took Summer and closed the door, not before throwing you a knowing wink. You sighed and let yourself fall back on the bed.

“I’m sorry I forgot they were coming over.” He apologized, leaning in to kiss your lips. You shrugged your shoulders, you didn’t mind being with Summer, you loved the kid. You just wished they hadn’t walked in on you in that moment, making things so much more awkward.

“It’s okay, it was just embarrassing.” You giggled out of nervousness. Mason pecked your lips again and again, until you were making out in his bed. He could get very handsy whilst kissing, that was why you weren’t surprised when his fingers began to travel down your stomach and between your legs.

“Mase… We’ve got to go, your niece is waiting for us.” You warned him closing your legs, you weren’t going to enjoy it after the events of the morning and knowing they were just a few rooms away. Mason sighed and retracted his hand, resting his forehead on yours before getting up. You giggled when he took your underwear with him, using it as a bracelet and walking in his bathroom. He could be such a child sometimes. As you laid on Mason’s bed you couldn’t help but think back to the events of the past weeks: after Summer’s birthday party, which didn’t end as tragically as you had anticipated but only with Mason and Rúben a step away from throwing hands, you had taken a few days to think back to whatever had happened. That conversation in Jaz’s kitchen, Mason’s glares and behavior, your emotions and feelings. There was no use in hiding you had missed him and his family, but you needed to talk things out, you couldn’t make the same mistake again. Most of your plan was thrown out the window when he answered his front door in nothing but his sweats. All of this happened a week ago.

“Do you have any plans for today?” Mason asked whilst putting on a sweater, whilst you spat the toothpaste in the sink. It was a random Thursday and he had the day off work. He leaned against the door watching your every move as you dried off your mouth and hands.

“Yea, I promised Rúben I’d pick Eddie up from school.” You explained walking back in the room, grabbing your clothes. You didn’t need to turn around to see Mason had probably rolled his eyes back at the mention of your friend’s name. Even after the previous events of the past week he still wasn’t very fond of Rúben. Not that you expected him to but part of you hoped he would eventually.

“Doesn’t he have a girlfriend or does he like stealing mine?” Mason commented and you widened your eyes at his statement. Girlfriend? You hadn’t really talked about getting back together but you couldn’t really blame him for thinking that. Mason read the surprise and discomfort on your face.

“Sorry, too soon. I’ll be down cooking breakfast.” He pecked your lips before getting out of his room. You could hear Summer giggling as Mason probably entered the room. You sighed and free fell on his bed again. So many thoughts, so many questions. What were you doing anyway? You cursed under your breath before standing up and joining them downstairs.

“You’ve got to be kidding me now…” Mason groaned, brushing a hand through his hair. You bit down onto your bottom lip, realizing you could have phrased it ten times better but there was little to no good way to put it.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d ask.” You explained as you watched him putting his shorts back on and fixing his shirt. It had all started when Mason asked you to come to his practice, telling you some of his teammates’ girlfriends and relatives were coming as well. You didn’t mind, you enjoyed watching him train and you were lucky enough to have the Friday afternoon off work. Of course Mason was incapable of behaving when you were around so halfway through the training he asked you to meet him in the locker rooms. The rest of his team was still outside, taking a small break. You knew Mason’s real intentions the minute you stepped inside that room.

“Fuck… Will you come to the ceremony with me tomorrow night?” He had asked a few minutes after sex. You froze on the spot, moving your attention onto something else like cleaning yourself up as Mason tucked himself back in his boxers. He looked ravishing: with his freshly cut hair, naked arms showing his few tattoos and those shorts you loved because of how well they hugged his thighs. You really didn’t want to ruin the moment.

“I can’t— Mason looked at you in confusion. He knew you had no plans for tomorrow night— Rúben asked me a while ago...” And that was why you were currently in this situation of a raging Mason. The Portuguese player had told you about this silly ceremony a few weeks earlier and you had agreed on being his plus one, knowing Eddie was going to be there as well you didn’t mind help him out with his son if he happened to be needed on stage.

“It’s always fucking Rúben here and there. Why doesn’t he get a fucking nanny or a girlfriend so he can stop annoying us?” Mason was mad. Really mad. The kind of mad you had seen a few times. You knew how much he didn’t like your friendship with Rúben but he had to deal with it because you loved him and his son too much to cut off the friendship.

“I’m sorry, okay? But he asked me first, I can’t bail on him last minute, Mase. Plus we will see each other at the ceremony. It’s not like I’m there as his girlfriend.” You really shouldn’t have said that. Mason’s eyes lit up with an anger and passion you hadn’t seen before. You still hadn’t discussed the whole girlfriend and boyfriend thing, you were postponing the inevitable and you knew it.

“It’s not like you would have come as my girlfriend either, is it? Sometimes I feel like you just want me for sex…” his tone got softer as he spoke the last sentence. Your mouth opened and closed as you took in his admission. Did he really feel this way? Silence fell upon the two of you. It wasn’t as if you didn’t know what to say, you were too scared of hurting him even more. Mason looked at you briefly before grabbing his water bottle.

“I’ll see you after practice.”

Mason couldn’t focus properly for the rest of the training. He couldn’t take his mind off the idea that maybe he was putting more effort than you into this relationship. He even dryly laughed to himself a couple times as he realized he was thinking of you two as a couple when you didn’t even allow him yet to ask you to get back together. Maybe he was too head over heels for you to realize that things hadn’t changed, that you were there but he could’ve never got a hold of you. It hurt him, it fucking hurt him to see you so close yet so far away. Was it going to work out for the two of you this time? Or was he going to get his heart broken again? As he occasionally glanced at you talking to Jorginho's wife his heart skipped a bit. He had hated himself for two years for still loving you just as much as the first time. He hadn't been able to forget you nor hate you, he had needed you like air and now that you were back in his arms he would've done anything to not let go of you again. But did things even change since the las time?

"Meet me at the bar after dinner, okay?" you smiled at Mason whose hands were resting on your hips, a cute pout on his lips as he had to leave you into the arms of Ruben. You didn't know how but you had managed to calm him down, promising him to meet up once supper was over. Mason still wasn't very fond of the idea of you with another man but he had to deal with it. He was old enough to know when to let go of things that didn't really matter. Mason pecked your lips briefly.

"You look gorgeous." he whispered against your lips, Ruben not even paying attention to the two of you as he looked at his son. You blushed and kissed him again. You still hadn't grown used to Mason's kisses, in fact, they were never enough for you.

"You look good too, Mase." you replied letting go of your handsome... What? You still didn't know. Sometimes it was funny to think that neither of you had problems with exchanging effusions in public but still refused to talk about where you stood in this situation. Mason watched you get into Ruben's rented car, the driver keeping the door open for the three of you. Jealousy made his stomach twist and turn but he swallowed his pride and put on a fake smile as he watched you leave. It was going to be a long night.

"Eddie, come sit on my lap, daddy needs to eat." you took the little boy from Ruben's arms. The Portuguese player shot you a grateful glance. The night had been going smoothly, Eddie wanting to be either on his dad's or your lap. You didn't really mind though. You sat among other Manchester City players, such as Jack Grealish and his girlfriend Madison, Phil Foden and his family and Kevin De Bruyne with his wife Michelle. You knew them all, especially Jack who was the one to introduce to all of them.

"You're so sweet to him. Sometimes you look like his mom.” Madison told you as she lovingly watched you play with Eddie. You faked a smile and brought your attention back to the little boy. You loved him to death but even with this whole situation you never had the desire to become a mother. Sometimes you had thought about it, though about how it would feel to become one but you never liked the idea.

“Rúbes, c’mere. You got sauce on your lip.” You laughed as you wiped the sauce off his mouth. The Portuguese winked at you as a thank you and returned to his conversation with Phil.

“Are you sure there’s nothing between you and Rúben? I see a lot of chemistry going on.” Madison smirked at you after seeing that little scene. You giggled, blushing. You loved Rúben but as a friend and nothing more.

“Daddy likes her.” Eddie joined the conversation which made the two of you burst into laughter. As you enjoyed the rest of the dinner accompanied by laughters and jokes, someone else couldn’t say the same. Mason sat a few tables away from you, next to Kai and his girlfriend, Kepa and his fiancé and Jorginho with his wife. He couldn’t focus for more than three minutes on the conversations because his attention was always drawn back to you. He had seen that little exchange with Rúben, which he didn’t enjoy at all and how you held Eddie had his stomach twisting. You looked so beautiful.

“I don’t want to be noisy but didn’t you guys get back together? Why is she with the Manchester City guys?” Kepa asked as he noticed his teammate and friend glaring at your table every second. Mason looked at him and sighed but before he could answer Jorginho did it for him.

“Because she’s Días’ personal baby sitter and our friend here is too scared to make a move.” Mason shot his teammate a glare. He knew Jorginho wasn’t entirely wrong: he was scared to officially ask you to get back together because he wasn’t so sure you’d agree. Mason hated seeing you with Rúben and he hated even more how comfortable you appeared when you were around him and his son. He had lost the count of the times he had pictured himself in that position.

“Shut up. We’re taking it slow.” Mason answered Kepa’s question who sensed his friend was tense enough and decided to stop questioning the situation. It was already messy and complicated, last thing he wanted was to rile his friend up even more.

“Yea, she’s definitely taking it tonight from Días.” Jorginho joked again, enjoying pissing his teammate off. His wife, Alicia, slapped the back of his head which made him finally shut up after a glare shot by Mason. The Chelsea player took a look at his watch: dinner was almost over and he was itching to stand up and get to the bar to be with you.

“Ooh Mason Mount? I see you got your hands full, haven’t you?” Madison giggled sipping on her wine. You had told her about your little situation with the Chelsea player. You smiled, glancing to the just mentioned man who was laughing at something Kai had said. He was so beautiful. The type of beauty you couldn’t see very often, the type of beauty that made your lips smile, the type of beauty that could make you fall in love with just a look.

“Y/N… Hug!” Eddie took your attention when he threw himself at you, his short arms wrapping around your neck as he pulled you impossibly closer. Rúben turned around once he realized his son wasn’t next to him anymore and smiled at the view. He was so glad to have a friend like you in his life, someone who loved Eddie almost as much as he did.

“Okay Spiderman, let go of y/n. She has to talk to some friends now.” Rúben freed you of his son’s grip when he saw Mason approaching your table. You mouthed him a thank you before standing up and joining Mason for a drink. Mason kept his hand on your lower back, guiding you through the crowd towards the bar.

“How's your evening going, handsome?" You asked him after ordering you two a round of drinks. He took a deep breath, this type of ceremonies weren’t his favorite. He always felt as if all eyes were on him and he had to act like the perfect man, always smiling to everyone when he was just feeling tense.

"Better now that I'm with you." he replied, leaning in to peck your lips. You let him although the gesture didn't make you feel very comfortable. You brushed it off, not wanting to upset him. Sometimes you had the impression you were rushing things, after all you hadn’t really discussed yet the reason why you had broken up in the first place but you still pretended everything was fine.

"You look very cute with Edward. I don't like his dad a lot, but you two make a cute duo." Mason commented. Seeing you around Eddie because reminded him of all the things he wanted in his future, with you. But he could still remember the last time you two had talked about this topic and how it didn't end well at all. He didn't want to lose you to someone who wasn't even born. It was ironic how you were both dealing with the same trail of thoughts without actually bringing it up to the other.

"Madison said I look like his mom sometimes." you didn't know why you had said that because by the look on Mason's face you could tell he wasn't one bit amused by the admission. What did she mean by that? Were things more complicated than you let him know? Where was Eddie's mom anyway? Those were the questions that started to appear in his head.

"Would you like that? To be his mom?" Mason asked and the expression on his face appeared very neutral. He genuinely wanted to know and he knew the answer would have had nothing to do with Ruben. You thanked the bartender when he handed you two your drinks.

"No, he's more like a nephew to me. Like Summer." you explained and something inside Mason changed. He was glad you didn't want to be someone else's son's mom but he was a bit jealous you felt the same away about Eddie and his niece. Mason knew his thoughts were a bit childish, but he couldn’t help it.

"I think Summer has a crush on him." He admitted chuckling, changing the subject. You giggled nodding, remembering the two of them interacting and noticing some chemistry.

"Yes. Eddie has told me about her a few times after her birthday." you added. You had gone on play dates with Eddie and Summer a couple times, along with Jasmine obviously. Soon you were joined by Kai, Christian and Sophia. The five of you ordered other drinks and before you knew it you were laughing at whatever came out Kai's mouth.

"I missed you, Y/N. I had no one at games and training's." Sophia admitted. Your lips curved into a soft smile. You had missed her as well, but having stayed so far away from the football world for as long as possible meant you didn't allow yourself to think about it too much.

"I missed you too. And I missed Balou too, how is he?" you asked remembering about the times she had asked you on dates at the park and brought along her sweet Balou. You also remembered Kai being jealous of the fact that their dog was more protective of Sophia than of him.

"He's good. With our new entrance he's going to be so much happier." she said sipping on her coke. Sophia was the kind of friend you had wished to meet all your life, you hadn’t spoken for two years but it felt as if things had never changed. You knew she probably had a lot of questions but due to your surroundings she kept them to herself.

"Aw, you got another dog?" you asked already picturing the sweetest and softest little dog on earth. Sophia chuckled and shook her head before taking your hand into hers and bringing it to her belly.

"No, I'm pregnant. Two months." you were speechless. You stayed quiet with your hand over your mouth. You could not believe your own ears. You quickly glanced at Kai who was talking to Mason, completely clueless to your conversation. They were going to become parents.

"Congratulations! Oh my god." you immediately hugged her, she giggled at your surprised face. You two gain the three boys' attentions who didn't understand your sudden show of affection.

"Oh god, I can't believe this hot head is going to be a dad. Daddy Kai- Oh no, I'm sorry." you laughed, hugging the german footballer as well. You were so happy for them. Mason smiled seeing your happy face. You were so pure and genuine, another reason why he loved you so much. Kai laughed as well, hugging you.

"You're next up, y/n." Kai joked to which you froze, faking a smile and distracting yourself with your drink. Mason looked at how your facial expression changed after Kai's words. He tried not to take it too serious but you had already had that talk and it led to nothing good.

"Who wants another round?"

You sat on Summer's bed, brushing her doll's hair as she played with her uncle. It was the end of December, more precisely New Year's Eve. You were going to spend part of the day with his family and then celebrate with your friends. You looked at the two of them, the big smiles on their lips, Mason's bad jokes which always managed to make his niece laugh, Summer's short arms holding onto his shoulders. He was so sweet to her.

"What are you looking at?" Mason asked you once your niece left you two find her other doll. You shrugged your shoulders and crawled closer to him. The british boy grinned and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you impossibly closer to him as you were sat on Summer's massive carpet. It had been a month since that ceremony and Sophia's revelation and you hadn’t stopped thinking about. In a few weeks she would have held her baby shower and she was so thrilled. You were beyond joyful for the german couple but something kept bothering your mind.

"Just a handsome man in some very fitting pants." You pecked his lips, letting your hand get lost in his hair whilst Mason smirked during the kiss. He had missed this, missed you, missed this sense of familiarity. There was no other woman he wanted to introduce to his family, you were perfect for him, you matched like two pieces of a puzzle. You pulled away and pecked his bearded cheek.

“Don’t you dare shave this, understood?” You jokingly warned him, remembering a time when he decided to shave it all off against your will. He just looked so good with his beard, as much as you loved his clean baby face, you adored this version of Mason. He chuckled and nodded, pecking your cheek before his niece returned.

“When can Eddie and I play again, Auntie y/n?” The blondie asked smiling, her cheeks slightly pink after making the request. You glanced at Mason, trying to hide an amused smirk. Her first crush, this was so cute.

“I’ll text his dad to ask him, okay?” you said pulling out your phone. Summer nodded, taking the doll you were hair brushing just a few minutes before. You didn’t notice that Rúben had actually texted you during this time.

«have you told him?»

«y/n, you know you have to tell him. It’s the right thing to do»

«i’ll always be there for you, no matter what.»

Mason didn’t mean to read your phone but it was on sight and he just wanted to see how you would have phrased Summer’s request. He didn’t mean to intrude but now he was glad he did. What was he talking about? Was Rúben talking about him? What weren’t you telling him? Mason tried to bite his tongue for the rest of the evening, waiting for when you were alone. He didn’t want to cause a scene in front of his family who seemed to love you just as much as they loved you back in the day. Maybe because he had never really told them the truth, nobody except for Jasmine knew the real reason why you two had broken up the first time. As much as he ‘hated’ you he didn’t want his family to feel the same way. So he lied and said that you needed time on your own to figure out your life, that all this fame and popularity that came with being Mason Mount’s girlfriend was too much to handle. They didn’t like that reason either, but it was more understandable. If his parents found out what had actually happened when you two broke up, they probably would have talked him out of dating again. Because they knew, everyone knew why this could have never worked out. But Mason wanted this to work so bad, he didn’t care how much he would have had to sacrifice for you.

“Leo is so cute. He’s turning into a little man.” You commented whilst Mason drove you to Kai and Sophia’s house, where the party was being held. Mason chuckled, remembering how the little one had climbed on your lap during dinner and started to play with your hair. It was all so cute he couldn’t stop smiling. He had said this multiple times but he loved seeing you play with his niece and nephew.

“Yes, Jasmine is scared he’ll turn into a little me. She should be proud of that.” He playfully rolled his eyes, reminiscing on her sister’s words. You giggled, shaking your head. Mason could be a bit of an idiot but you knew he was a great person and a great uncle. The drive to the German couple wasn’t long, most of it spent singing to your questionable playlist. Mason held your hand almost all the time, kissing the back of it occasionally. When you arrived, Kai and Christian were the ones to welcome you inside. Sophia was changing her sweater because someone had spilled a bit of their drink on it.

“Red or black? I really like this one but my belly is so huge I don’t know if it will fit me.” Sophia asked you, showing two of her clothing items. You pressed your lips together, trying to figure out which one would have looked better on her. Eventually she chose to wear the red one. You petted Balou on the head in the meanwhile.

“Can I just text Kai with your phone? I think I forgot to pick up more tissues and I left my phone downstairs.” She asked and you simply handed your phone over to her, your whole attention on her dog. You had really missed Balou.

“Y/n… Are you pregnant?” The blood in your veins froze in that moment. You looked up from Balu, dropping the ball to the ground. Your eyes met Sophia’s who was looking at you in shock. You didn’t know what to say. She must’ve read your texts with Rúben and figured it all out.

“I- Just don’t tell Mason, okay?” You quickly stated. Last thing you needed was him finding out through someone who wasn’t you. She frowned, tilting her head to the side as she handed you your phone back.

“Wait, he doesn’t know?” She asked and you knew there was no escaping, you had to tell her everything now and to be fair you were in need of a girl friend and a good advice in that moment. You sighed, starting to play with the rings on your hand.

“Mason and I broke up two years because I didn’t want to have kids. I never really felt the urge or desire to be a mom and when this came up we had very different points of view. We had to break up. Mason has always dreamed of having a family with kids and dogs and I have never wanted that. A few months ago we met again and we made the terrible mistake to get back together. I don’t know why I let this happen. I love Mason, I really do. There hasn’t been a man before or after him I wanted as much as I wanted him. But two years later I still don’t desire having kids. I don’t know how this happened, I guess karma can be a bit of a bitch sometimes but I don’t know what to say or do. I don’t want this but if Mason found out about it he’d be so excited and I can’t tell him I’m not going to proceed forward with this pregnancy. It’s going to break his heart and I already did that once.” You could feel a couple tears leave your eyes and with a shaking voice you continued to talk because you needed to let it out. Sophia listened to you, not stopping you once. At the end she handed you some tissues as you two sat in silence. It was an ironic moment: two pregnant women with two different ideas. Sophia was thrilled to have this baby with Kai, meanwhile you dreaded the moment you would have eventually told Mason about it.

“You have every right in this world to not want kids. You’re a wonderful woman, friend, girlfriend and daughter with or without a baby. No matter what I’ll stick beside you, y/n. It’s not easy, I know, but if I know you well I’m sure you’ll make the right decision for you.” She took your hands in hers, wiping some of the tears off your cheeks. You smiled at her. Sophia was the kind of friend you could only find once or twice in a lifetime. You nodded, but before you could add anything else someone knocked on the door. You quickly dried your cheeks and fixed your make up as Sophia opened the door.

“Are the ladies ready? Everyone’s downstairs.” Kai pecked his girlfriend’s lips and you spotted Mason right behind him. Sophia shot you a quick glance to which you nodded: you were going to be fine. You joined the three of them, Mason stretching his hand out for you to hold.

“You okay, baby?” He asked pecking your temple and you nodded again, scared your voice would have betrayed you. Whether or not Mason believed your answer, he didn’t question it. It was going to be all fine…

The following hours were full of entertainment thanks to Kai’s bad jokes, Ben’s drunk self and Reece and Christian’s bad karaoke skills. They were all big family and you were glad to have met a group like this one. Mason was beer pong against Jorginho, occasionally asking you to kiss his hand holding the ball for good luck. You stared at him whilst sipping on your coke. How were you going to break this man’s— who was actually just a child in a bigger body— heart again? You couldn’t. Not when he looked so beautiful and at peace. You knew he loved you, he made sure you got that message loud and clear. But you could also tell by the way he looked at you, cared for you, kissed you. He treated as if you were the only thing that mattered in this world. You couldn’t stand the idea of telling him the truth. Sophia had often checked on you when he wasn’t around but no matter how many times you told her you were okay, she knew you weren’t and she couldn’t blame you either.

“Fireworks outside, c’mon!” Kai started to run to the backyard. Everyone followed him. It was five minutes to midnight. Almost the end of another long and eventful year. But you were ending it next to the person you loved the most. Mason hugged you from behind, his chin resting on your shoulder as he looked up at the scheme of red and blue and yellow fireworks.

“2 minutes!” You laughed when Ben tripped and almost fell into the pool, rescued quickly by Reece. The man couldn’t handle alcohol at an age like his, it was worrying. You could hear Mason lughing as well. The simple sound making your stomach twist and butterflies fly around. You felt his hand on your cheeks, implicitly asking you to turn around. You did, his arms still wrapped around your body.

“Happy New Year, baby.” Followed by a soft kiss to the lips whilst the rest of them started to scream and laugh, the fireworks intensified but you blocked it all out. Your only care in the world in that moment was his lips on yours, his delicate touch and his cologne that inebriated your senses. You pulled away to see a beautiful smile painted on his sweet lips.

“I love you.” He murmured for only you to hear. You could feel your cheeks heat up, you knew he loved you but somehow it still had that affect on you. But would he have still loved you if he knew the truth? If he knew what secret you were keeping from him? You had doubts about it. Mason didn’t need you to say it back, he knew you felt the same way. You pressed your lips together and rested your forehead against his chest, trying to stay in the moment. But it was hard, it was hard when you knew you had something he had for so long desired but you couldn’t give it to him.

“Y/n, a shot? You owe me one!” Ben appeared out of nowhere, holding two cups and a bottle of tequila. You pulled away from Mason and shook your head. Ben scrunched his nose up, not liking your answer. You used to be his shots buddy, always taking shots whenever either of you wanted to. It was an unwritten rule: you had to take one shot when Ben wanted and vice versa. Mason too was confused when you declined his offer. In fact, he couldn’t recall you drinking any alcohol that night.

“Have you gone soft on me now, y/n? C’mon!” Ben’s slurred words made you giggle as you tried to find a decent excuse as to why you weren’t going to drink. Sophia was nowhere to be seen, so she couldn’t save you and there was no way you would have admitted the truth to a drunk Ben and Mason.

“Nobody wants to take shots these days. Sophia is pregnant, are you too now? It’s like the period excuse. ‘Sorry, I can’t I’m pregnant’.” Ben found himself and his jokes hilarious, that was why he was laughing his ass off after that line. You tensed, putting on a forced smile. Little did he know… Mason chuckled, more because his friend was absolutely wasted but when he saw the look of dread on your face he worried.

“What’s wrong?” He asked. You shook your head. Ben’s words repeating themselves all over in your head. You were pregnant. You were carrying Mason’s child. It all hit you suddenly. It didn’t hit you when your period was one week late, neither did it hit you when you took three pregnancy tests, nor when you talked to Rúben about it. But in that moment, in front of the man whose child you were carrying realization washed over you: you were pregnant.

“I just- I need a moment.” You excused yourself, stepping away from Mason and Ben walking back inside the house. The british player was so confused. He didn’t think what Ben had said made you upset but he struggled to find a reason to your reaction. You took your phone out of your pocket, scrolling through your contacts and calling the only other person who knew about this.

“Hey, happy new-” “I can’t don’t this, Rúbes, I can’t tell him I’m pregnant. Fuck, I can’t do this to him. I-”

You failed to realize as you ran around in circles in Sophia and Kai’s shared bedroom that someone had followed you. And that someone happened to be your boyfriend. Mason had walked in the house just a couple minutes after you. Your behavior was off and he wanted to understand why. He figured you were either in the bathroom or in one of the rooms, lucky for him his teammate and his girlfriend’s room was the first one he ran into. Karma was once again playing against you. Mason froze on his feet as he heard those words come out of your mouth. You heard the door open too late, turning around to see him stand on the threshold. His face was blank as he stared at you in utter confusion and shock.

“I’ll call you back.— you hung up, you would have had to apologize to Rúben in the morning — Mase?” You called him because he appeared in a state of trance. You could feel your heart beating in your throat as you searched for any sign from him. This was not how you wanted him to find out about it. But did you want him to find out at all?

“You’re- you’re pregnant?” He asked lowly, almost in a whisper. You nodded, biting your bottom lip. A few feet separated you two and you were the one to minimize that distance by stepping closer, but you still didn’t dare come too close. Mason took in that information, trying to process it. A hundred thoughts ran through his mind as he looked at you. This was all he had wished for in the last years. But at the same time he knew this was the last thing you wanted.

“Is it mine?” He asked again. The question was obvious but he still needed to be sure about it. You nodded again. His heart filled with joy and for a second, just for a second, he was happy. Mason walked the distance between the two of you, his arms were soon around you, squeezing you into a hug. You gulped, tears forming at the corners of your eyes. You realized that you were thousand of miles away, you had never felt him so distant.

“I don’t want it, Mase. I’m sorry.” You choked on your words, bursting into tears. Mason tightened the grip around you, keeping you closer as you let it all out. It felt so good to finally tell him but another weight rested in your chest. Mason felt his heart break a little but he knew, he already knew. He should have known better because you had been very clear about this topic. Part of him always wished for you to change your mind. You gripped the hem of his shirt, afraid of falling apart.

“I know, it’s okay…” he whispered in your ear, almost letting his teary eyes get the best of him. But hearing those words you pulled away from his hug, looking up at his red eyes. You dreaded the look on his face but you had seen it coming.

“No, it’s not.” You pulled completely away. Mason shook his head: he wasn’t going through all of this again. He wasn’t letting this happen again. He wasn’t letting go of you again. He dried some of the tears that had rolled down his cheeks. You clenched your jaw, trying to hold back your tears.

“This is not happening. Not again. I love you and I don’t fucking care about anything else, y/n. I’m not leaving you.” He sobbed desperately, trying to touch you, to pull you into another hug but you took a step back shaking your head. He was doing that again, he was letting his love for you cloud his judgement. But this time it was your fault. You should have never walked in his life again, you shouldn’t have gone back to him knowing this would have happened eventually, knowing neither of you had change your mind. You had acted foolishly, you could’ve avoided hurting him again.

“Don’t do this to me, baby. Not again. I can’t take it anymore.” Mason kept going, sitting on the edge of the bed. He had no control over the tears that streamed down his cheeks. He looked so sad, devastated, in pain. What you feared the most was happening right in front your eyes. You shook your head. It was all so confusing and hurtful. You wanted him more than ever but something bigger stood in the middle.

“You want this, Mase. You want this baby. And I don’t blame you, I can’t blame you. You want this life and it fucking hurts because I want to want it too, I want this to be my dream too so fucking bad. But I can’t. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have come back, this is all my fault. I’m sorry, Mase.” You sobbed, your hand covering your mouth as you let go. Mason couldn’t believe his eyes or ears. He couldn’t believe two years later it was happening the same thing all over again. He couldn’t believe it but he should’ve seen it coming. He couldn’t keep avoiding the elephant in the room, he did and now he had to deal with the consequences of it.

“I want you! Listen to me— he stood up, erasing the distance again and cupped your cheeks to raise your face— I don’t care. I want you, I love you. You’re the only of my life. Did you see what happened when you left me? We found our way back to each other. If that isn’t destiny I don’t know what it is. Don’t do this to me again, please.” It was excruciating listening to him cry and beg you to not leave him. Suddenly it all felt so familiar, suddenly you were in your living room, suddenly you were two years younger and suddenly you were leaving your boyfriend all over again. You didn’t say anything for a moment, just bawling your eyes out. The pleading look in his eyes was killing you.

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you will never desire to see me carry your baby, tell me you will never feel the urge to watch me hold our baby, tell me you won’t desire to take your kid to school, tell me you won’t feel as if you’re missing out on this experience when all your friends will have their families and kids. Tell me you don’t want this baby.” Your voice was suddenly firm as you stared right into his eyes. You were being fair to him, but you knew he had to face reality and stop escaping from it. You knew he didn’t have all the answers which was already an answer. Mason’s eyes filled with tears again as he stayed silent, keeping the eye contact. He saw all your moments together pass by him altogether. It all felt like a distant memory. Mason sniffed, letting go of your face and taking a step back. You missed his touch immediately.

“When are you going to…?” He gulped, looking down at your stomach. He could already picture it getting bigger and bigger, hearing his kid kicking, talking to them. But he knew he shouldn’t have daydreamed about it. You bit your inner cheek.

“I think this week.” Was your cold answer. You just wanted to get it over with. You weren’t ready for the weeks to come but you had to stay strong for yourself. Mason nodded, looking down at his shoes. So many questions filled his head but none of them made sense in that moment.

“Do you want me to come with you?” He asked. Your facial expression softened and you almost cried again. You knew this would have costed him too much and you would have never asked him to do that. It was already hard for you.

“No, it’s okay. Rúben is coming.” Mason wanted to laugh but he was too tired for any salty answer. He was tired of this movie he had watched way too many times. He liked it a lot but he already knew how it always ended. Silence fell upon the two of you. There wasn’t much left to say. You started to fix your make up, not that it really mattered. Mason looked at you, realizing it was probably going to be the last time and realizing how hard it must have been for you. He stood up, walking closer to you.

“I’m sorry. I hope you find what you really want.” He looked at you softly, the way you looked at someone you loved. His arms around you as he hugged again. You would have missed this, again.

“I wanted you…” you mumbled to yourself, knowing you should have kept it to yourself. But you weren’t thinking straight in that moment. Mason sighed, he could feel his heart and body ache. No amount of training could make him feel this in pain. He didn’t know what to say or do anymore, everything felt pointless. It was all pretty ironic to consider that two years later there you were: breaking up with the man you would have always had feeling for again. Maybe you were right persons at the wrong time or maybe you were never right for each other in the first place.

“Hey Y/N, it’s Summer. Uncle Mase said you guys broke up. I don’t know what it really means but he looked very sad. I just wanted to ask you to please stop making him sad. I love you, Y/N, but he’s so sad when you leave him. I don’t like when Uncle Mase is sad. I hope to see you one day. Good bye, Aunt- Y/N.”