Never Realized How Much Internalized Transphobia I've Until I Started Thinking That I May Be Transmasc

not my blog looking like im gonna join NCT

I've exams on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday (May 26th-28th)

and then in mid June (13th) and early July (2nd)

Monday is just one but it's a presentation at 8:30am and I'm not ready at all for it

Tuesday is 3 exams, there's the english exam that's gonna be easy, there's history/geography and well I'm not ready, and physic/chemestry/biology/maths this one I think I can do fine

Wednesday is spanish and philosophy and this one is gonna just be the death of me because I don't know ANYTHING at all about it and my spanish got bad after not using it for 2 years

Anyway I don't know how im supposed to go about that

i mean I know I said no at many different stuff and all but because I said no once it doesn't mean no for everything?? especially over 3 years???

I've to walk 45min downtown when they have time and want to see me, but when I ask if they want to come to my house one time to watch a movie they 'don't feel comfy, don't like my house' while they never came??

When they were alone for Halloween and I forced myself to go there even if i was exhausted and go at their house even if i was so anxious I thought I was gonna faint??

Why does it always feels like I'm the one doing most of the friendship....

realizing how many times my bestfriend failed to invite me to stuff because 'I forgot to tell you' 'I didn't think you'd want to come' or just not even realizing that I'm sad they didn't invite me even if I tell them makes me think that maybe I'm the only one really caring at this point

IT'S JUNE MF

my phone breaking is definetly a sign for me to do no phone summer i swear TT

I have so much crap to do but all I want to do is draw sambucky and read ao3 fics

I hate life lmfao

I was supposed to see my bestfriend and our friend tomorrow and I was so so happy about it BUT THEN I GET SICK, A FEVER???

so yeah I can't go because their exams are soon and we were gonna go shopping for their prom and all

I'm so sad now

Can't stop thinking about The Contract

the wish to date a boy, but knowing they'd see me as a girl <<<<<<

dudeeee sam wilson is my fuckin captain america, man. what a legend. love him.