Roachesandroaches - Untitled

Public Health & Safety

the trouble is humans are literally structured to find “a wizard did it” a more plausible explanation than things just happening by accident for no reason.

they honorably discharged me from the army and gave me a purple heart after i was hit by a cumshot

i don’t like getting hatecrimed over the phone so when i’m at work and old men ask if i have a husband i just say yes and make up a new guy. today someone said “i bet you keep your husband in line with an attitude like that” and i just said “yes he’s so scared of me”

don’t even joke about stealing candy from a baby man. i used to do it constantly but i quit cold turkey *distracted woman on phone pushing a stroller with a baby holding the biggest shiniest rainbow lollipop ever goes by i avert my gaze and clench my jaw*

I can fix him [drill sound] [screaming] [chainsaw revving]