Time For More Bad Memories From My Life As Zuki. I Have Debated About Posting This A Few Times But I
Time for more bad memories from my life as Zuki. I have debated about posting this a few times but I think I need to, to get it off my chest or whatever you wanna say.
Tw/cw: (failed) suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, self harm, death of a family member, grief, and abuse. Let me know if I missed any tw/cw.
There were times right after I turned 14 years old as Zuki (my aunt, who I looked up to so much, died on my 14th birthday so yeah) that I ended up going to the top of my middle school building [I couldn't fly at the time] and was debating jumping from it, I never did.
But a few days after my 14th birthday, all the grief and anger and shit I felt from my aunt's death (she was a hero, and she died fighting some villains) had gotten to be too much for me to deal with and I went to a part of the middle school that pretty much no one went to and pretty much everyone wouldn't have cared about me anyways.
Anyway, I went to the secluded place of the school and I had a knife in my backpack, I always carried it with me, not only because of self-harm tendencies but also because it was a gift from my aunt who died. I thought I was alone, cause who in their right mind would be in this part of that school? (Neither of us there were in our right mind, so I guess that answers that, lol).
Anyway, I took the knife and cut pretty deep on my arms and legs. I had put down something, I think it was my jacket, to try and make less of a mess with the blood cause I didn't wanna cause too much more trouble, lol. But someone who I didn't really know well (I kinda wish it stayed that way, but whatever) came and helped me to the nurse's room. If that nurse could have let me just die, she would've, but she didn't wanna get in trouble with my older sibling, lol.
Anyways, that nurse just did the bare minium, so I wouldn't die. I talked a bit with the girl who saved me. She seemed nice (seemed is the key word there). After the school day ended, it was like only an hour or so cause I did this during my free period, which was my last 'class' of the day. After the bell rang, I walked to a little medical building that [mainly] was for those with no quirks, hated quirks, etc. So because of this, it didn't have a mandatory reporting thing, which was good for me, cause I didn't want anyone else to know that I tried to kill myself and failed. But yeah, the lady who helped me then was very nice and I would continue to go there when I needed medical stuff.
The girl who saved me, about a week or so later, came up to me and said she liked me romantically. While I am (was?) cupioromantic, I didn't know that at the time, so I thought I liked her romantically as well, so I told her that and we started dating.
It was great at first, but after about 2 weeks or so of dating, she started to hurt me, while I did technically know this wasn't good, I had believed it had to be different here and that she was still good and everything (she wasn't, the abusive asshole).
Eventually, when I was like 15 and ½ years old or something like that, I realized I didn't feel romantic attraction at all and told my 'girlfriend' and broke up with her. It didn't go well.
She ended up stabbing me a few times, shit happened. Afterwards, I went to that same medical building I mentioned before and they helped me not die.
Eventually, I realized that my ex was probably only with me cause she wanted someone easy to hurt and shit. Idk just probably wasn't love from her end.
- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it) | I could go more into detail about probably all of this but I'm not gonna right now
More Posts from Shayandwildlifepack and Others
While it's been around an hour, we are gonna let it be actually open until like 01:00 AM for us (it's 23:55 or 11:55 PM right now)
Edit cause we don't feel like rebloging again: ya'll can still answer the poll. We just will probably use it for a different night/day, lol. (Done at 01:10 AM for us)
- Shay 🐾
We are being overwhelmed by a bunch of movie choices to watch while we try and either sleep or continue doing random stuff on our phone. Help.
Gonna do a poll so anyone who sees our post rn can help us decide on a movie to watch [our brain may end up actually choosing a different movie than the poll actually ends up as, cause of our stupid PDA (Pathological demand avoidance) and stuff]
Also, for the "Other" option, please have the movies be kid friendly as we [Shay subpack] might be slightly regressed rn.
Apparently, the poll has to last for either a day or a week, but it will actually last for like 1 hour or so for us.
- Shay 🐾
Not sure because our motivation and energy could be too low to be able to do anything for some days, so we can't really say we can do it that way.
- Shay 🐾
We need to clean a room, do any beings have any tips? (We need tips that keep in mind that our issues are mainly from AuDHD and chronic pain rn).
- Shay 🐾
When I actually get my shit together and work on getting a service dog in this life, I am probably gonna try and get a german shepherd and name them Remo or something similar cause yeah.
When I get my shit together, I will probably be asking for donations, but I want to know more before asking for money. I am unsure of what program I am going to use exactly, I have an idea, but idk yet.
I should probably try and get diagnosed anxiety [cause I haven't been diagnosed, but it's definitely obvious] and maybe look into OCD and PTSD more? I know I have trauma and shit, I just don't know if it's PTSD levels or whatever. And the OCD I am unsure if it's just the AuDHD combo or OCD as well.
If anyone has any advice about any of this that relates to America, please feel free to give the advice.
- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it)
I'm bored and can't sleep [it's a little after 4 am where I am lol], so here's a thing about me that I'm kinda surprised I haven't talked about yet, lol.
When I was Zuki, I had a service dog [in this life, I also need an SD, I'm gonna probably post a separate thing about that at some point], he was a german shepherd named Remo (meaning strong one or something like that lol). I miss him as much as I miss anyone else from my canon, maybe a bit more than certain people, but I feel like that should be understandable, he helped me actually live life, yeah I still had problems but they would've been way worse without Remo. He helped me actually be able to do more than I would've without him, as service dogs do lol, but still.
I'm really bad with words and shit and it's late/early, so that's likely not helping. But just yeah, thought I'd share this, not sure if anyone even really cares, but whatever, lol.
- Zuki Shay Lup! :3c
[If there are any mistakes in spelling and grammar, only correct us if you are doing it constructively, please].
Do any beings know how to go about making a tail and/or ears with brushed off fur from a dog? Or where to find information about that kind of thing? (We have a husky, and we want to use some of his fur to make at least a tail and maybe ears as well).
We are thinking about using the start of a yarn tail to add the fur to it (we also need fur safe dye cause our dog's fur is white and ours should be a kind of dark brown). Would this work?
We wanna make a tail cause we aren't really able to properly find an ethical tail seller [we are disabled, we aren't gonna go more into it], and we have heard that fake fur tails aren't really that great. We might just end up making just a yarn tail if we can't find a way to use our dog's fur for it. [Are yarn tails good for the environment and stuff?]
- Shay 🐾
We are gonna just call us (Shay & "kins") a subpack. If we end up being technically "wrong" with that term, then oh well.
- Shay 🐾
We have a question for plural beings.
How do you know if you are a subsystem/part of a subsystem?
We are now kinda questioning if "me" (Shay and "my" kins) are technically a subpack (we use pack instead of system).
We/I get uncomfortable at times saying I/me/my/etc when it should fit (example; my wings) and would much rather say we/us/our/etc at those times. But then there are also times when we/I seem to have no real problem with I/me/my/etc.
Even if we figure out that we are a subpack in our pack, we would still probably just refer to the "kins" as just that cause fictive feels weird for them?
Honestly, we are just pretty confused, lol.
Like "my kins" feel like "me" more than my/our other packmates, but idk.
- Shay 🐾
For those who might be wondering, we did it.
- Shay 🐾
We need to clean a room, do any beings have any tips? (We need tips that keep in mind that our issues are mainly from AuDHD and chronic pain rn).
- Shay 🐾
We aren't sure if the body has PCOS currently, but it is possible as the body's mom had it. We know that she would have never even wanted anything to do with the intersex community [cause she was very Christian and transphobic, so to really say that there are more than 2 sexs would probably also be a no, lol].
We want to actually get tested but don't know how to go about it. If any being has any suggestions & tips, we would love to hear them.
[Also, please don't talk too bad about the body's mom as she is dead. She wasn't really good, but still, we loved and still do love her].
- Shay 🐾
reminder that PCOS is an intersex variation and bullying, harassing and misgendering people who have PCOS isn't helping the intersex community, or anyone else, for that matter. there's no reason to be rude or say it doesn't "count". thats not for you to dictate. you're not helping other intersex people by saying people with PCOS aren't intersex, all you're doing is hurting intersex people when you do so.
Realized just a bit ago that it's my/our birthday today (May 25th) from my/our life as Zuki, lol.
- Zuki 🪶 from the ShaySubpack 🐾🪶🩵🖌
I'm gonna start calling ourself a system/plural, I don't know the exact origin yet, cause I don't know if I had "enough" trauma at the "right" time for it to be DID or OSDD or any other dissociative disorder. But it feels like we are a system/plural.
We will only really be doing this here, I am unsure if I am gonna tell anyone I know in real life for now. I might wait till I figure out our origin, and even then, it would only be a few people that I would tell.
This feels like the right words and terms for what we feel. I will just be using system and plural for us as terms until I figure out more, of course.
- Shirley (They/them + ix/ix/ixs/ixs/ixself) | feels like the right name rn
[Using both I/me and we/our]
We'd like to try and do it today (let's say like 11:00/23:00, it's 6:20/18:20 rn) but technically it just needs to be done by Friday morning.
It's not too messy, mostly just some trash and making our desk a bit more clean and just that kind of shit. (It's the room we stay in, it's not technically our bedroom but we are in it more often than not and we sleep in it, lol).
- Shay 🐾
We need to clean a room, do any beings have any tips? (We need tips that keep in mind that our issues are mainly from AuDHD and chronic pain rn).
- Shay 🐾
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