December Embers

Wholeness

I feel comfortable right now

In this moment

I’m warm

I’m tired

I’m not freaking out

I feel like a little kid in this state of innocence

But this moment has just been ruined by my colon

In other words

I have to poop

Fucking mother nature

You must be laughing at me

But since tomorrow is my birthday

I suppose I should let you have a laugh

But please be careful

With your volcanoes

And your avalanches

But thank you for this moment

Full of my favorite things,

Music,

Warmth,

Fuzzy blanket,

Yarn,

Silly conversations with friends,

A head of ideas,

And lastly,

A feeling of completeness

Or wholeness

The Reason Why I Fell

The reason why I'm about to fall

Is because I once stood tall

Just as quick and graceful as a fawn

You are gone

‘Twas all but a dream

You secretly made me beam

Even though I shuddered

And muttered

You were so patient like the paper I leak ink on

You are gone

Big sister

Now you're a big blister

That I will never fully comprehend

A message I might send

But I know I will slip away like sand

In your pretty young hands

I felt so safe

But now I feel the chafe

We had fun

What's done is done

‘Twas all but a silly nightmare

‘Twas just a tear,

In the page,

Of a script who’s fate was to drift off stage

And that was the reason why I fell

Into this well

At dark dawn

I am gone...

Dominos

After I goof for one night

Just for delight

All the dominoes started to fall

After I grew them so tall

I can't stop them from falling

Even after all the other times its still appalling

They continue

Like they have sinew

Until I get up and face it

I still don't have a permit

By then it's too late

The dominoes I try to berate

I must start building from the bottom up

Dear depression, just shut up

It seems like I finally got my dominoes straight

I lost my marbles then stepped on one, how great?!

They fall down like words from my brain right to the page

Spreading like bacteriophage

The world seems to be running out of words

We're not moving forwards

They get used up as they fall

Some I can't recall

It's all my fault that one fell

Should I tell?

Everyone thinks that all of them falling was my fault

But there's some left over words in the vault

It was just one goof night

Just for delight

If there was more space they wouldn't have fell

Turns out I didn't tell

What do you expect from a curious 16 year old?

Especially one who doesn't like fitting the mold

Lately I have had steady hands near the domino line

That was divine

Now all I can hear is the dominoes falling with that smooth ticking

The ones left standing you can find me kicking

As the white contrast with the black dots turn grey

What in the world will I say?

It was one goof night,

Full of delight

They are falling so speedily, I am unable to rack up the dots

All I see is flashing spots

I need a partner in crime

They could help me keep my black and white straight in time

The only thing left for me to do is sit back and stair

If the polka dotted towers had more air they might not have flared

I plead that it was just one goof night

That was full of delight

Solitary Confinement

It felt like solitary confinement

They have my finger print

All the windows had a tint

It was hard to see

Anything but all the problems wrong with me

Drowning in the unknowing sea

Been here so long I’ve got belly button lint

Can they take the silence as a hint?

May I have a breath mint?

Outside I can hear them talking

The secrets are shocking

That door I’m locking

The things I hide

Behind some deceptive lies

My heart dies

Inside here I have no control

Maybe he is secretly the troll

Trapped is my soul

My body is so tense

Just hop the fence

It sounds like I don’t make sense

Inside I’m dead

Heavy as lead

I don’t look fed

I wonder what they are saying

In here I’m slowly but surely decaying

The video cameras revealing everything, replaying

Somehow they forgot me

I long to be free

The new, changed world, I want to see

When is the last time I saw the bright shooting stars?

As I try to imagine mars,

Through the cold, rusty, thick, medal bars

At somebody getting in their car

I wonder what their life is like

Strike, strike,

Strike

I’ll get though this

No one has ever truly been here for me, there is no one I miss

No one is one the list

My only friend in here is a flickering light

I’m not done with this fight!

Will I be forced to stay another scary, rough night?

However this room is also bliss

As I reminisce

At least I’m finally away from the battles, the silence is a gentle kiss

I Want to See You Again

The smell on your shirt, has left

I used to get high off it

If ever, it will be years until the next time I see you

I know you’re not who a lot of people think you are

When is the next time I can capture the bass clef?

Elegant painfully good songs

Not that I’m jealous

No luck

Neglecting my big dream

Knowing, if you work hard you can less wrongs

I’m going to try to up my game

Kangaroo it up

Knotted, and stuck tight

Knocking and banging on my dream's ragged, hard door

Cars so many, with people most of the same

Ought to be different and stand out

Right away I realized that I want it

Ringing in my ears the impact you made on me

Raging sea of bloodsweet, heartful music and people

Unfair richness, born with an endless money spout

Oh why?

Yelling and screaming for another chance

Yak club, I can’t afford the cost to see your face

For I will deny

Superhero

A superhero is someone who has strength Not super stretchy length

Strength is when someone else can put themselves in back of you In other words they put you first, that’s what they do

Superheroes are ordinary people Not the ones that have a cape and are flying over the church steeple

Superheroes are caring They are never judging you and staring

The medics that show up at a fair Just so everyone is safe, no outside facing underwear

Superheroes have courage but still fear I don’t blame them, they don’t have the head gear

The ones that rather compassion Over fashion

The ones that are brave Everyone they can’t always save

This is reality, some of the innocents are dead Some go unfed

Who are your superheroes? I hope that you answer doesn’t start with a zero

Wings

They had their adventures.,

Stolen from me

Because every history teacher will tell you not to repeat history

When I have costly dentures,

You’ll still be polluting the planet

With your fossil fuel consuming machines

Let me have MY own fun alone

Stretching my wings; You banned it!

You cautiously clipped ‘em right off

It was all for me; Done in the name of love

You did it out of worry

Keep me in the bubble, thought you fed me through a trough

Pruned wings reality

And lately you’re mad at me for not flying

You held me back with the help of English

Your impeding knives are the cause of my brutality

Will my feathers solder themselves back to-get-her to get him?

If they do, I will fly free

I want to go higher than my far mates have gone

No one claps as my light grows dim

I hope to have lungs that breathe in space

Break out of this soon slow to die universe

Where nothing will exist

Not your face

My soring muscles have taken shape

They hurt my back

Now people can’t see my incomprehensible story

I should wear a cape,

To hide my bald, ugly duckling wings

I plucked them myself; Aren’t you proud?

“Safety comes first”

The raw, tender pain still strikingly stings

Wild

Feelings seize

Behind my poker resting face

Thoughts radiating out of my pores

The moon attempts to pull my tears out

As they want to go back home

To the ocean

Instead this werewolf

Howls at the moon

Wanting to slaughter innocent sheep

A fierce

Beast

Yet skittish at the sight of any possible danger

Feeling the wild

Clashing around

Dragging its claws around the inside of me in protest

All the while the sheep

Have grown parasitic teeth

And now they are the wolves Blank eyes

Of a barbarian

Willing to do anything to survive

In the worst of moments

The the savage has been suppressed

With the good old remedy of lack of sleep

Burnout

Watts and volts

Nutts and bolts

Do not sit right

With a loss of appetite

Sitting on the pinnacle

And being cynical

Detatched

And mismatched

I feel meek

By drowning with just a slow leak

Just a drop can turn into a flood

Leaving me buried in mud

Everything is out of my league

When I'm drowning in fatigue

Too much asleep

To even weep

I had a shot

But then I forgot

Stillness

Is the only way to cure this illness

In other words, I am having trouble finding the door

Because I don’t want to work on Maggie’s farm anymore

Footsteps

Footsteps rattling the house like thunder

Demanding to be felt

Whispers of scraping bare feet

Demanding to be heard

Demanding for my valuable attention

Your distinct smell of deodorant smelled by my denying nose

Your yells for me to come out and play,

Demanding to get under my skin and to my heart

I'm not going to tell you that you are wasting your energy

I hope you will use your energy all up and wither

I have no heart

That's why I'm smart

I've got my back against the wall

But I can feel you banging your fist from the other side

Parading and patrolling the halls

I'm stuck in jail on my bunk

You seem to clomp,

With a pair of clogs

What the hell are you doing?

Demanding attention

And stealing glances

That's nothing new

About you

And your lazy master feet

I’m annoyed as a slave

And you’re running around the house like an aristocrat

You want to be close

And I want to be far,

Because I know I could end up with feathers and tar

You always have to dominate everything

This might be why I’m a control freak

In this house with slammed doors and loud footsteps

“Beautiful things don’t ask for attention”