Clay

Footsteps

Footsteps rattling the house like thunder

Demanding to be felt

Whispers of scraping bare feet

Demanding to be heard

Demanding for my valuable attention

Your distinct smell of deodorant smelled by my denying nose

Your yells for me to come out and play,

Demanding to get under my skin and to my heart

I'm not going to tell you that you are wasting your energy

I hope you will use your energy all up and wither

I have no heart

That's why I'm smart

I've got my back against the wall

But I can feel you banging your fist from the other side

Parading and patrolling the halls

I'm stuck in jail on my bunk

You seem to clomp,

With a pair of clogs

What the hell are you doing?

Demanding attention

And stealing glances

That's nothing new

About you

And your lazy master feet

I’m annoyed as a slave

And you’re running around the house like an aristocrat

You want to be close

And I want to be far,

Because I know I could end up with feathers and tar

You always have to dominate everything

This might be why I’m a control freak

In this house with slammed doors and loud footsteps

“Beautiful things don’t ask for attention”

Fight or Fight

I must fight

Anxiety wants me to flight

I have to go against my natural instincts

I cannot blink I wish I had an understudy for my life

You can't know about my thoughts of stripping bark

My brain as sharp as a pocket knife

You are not where I want you, get back in the dark Writing to win

Losing instead

Not wanting to gamble, so far not taking the free spin

I need to stop with the lead No more of this weak space

All my poetry I should erase

My nightmare of my Achilles's heel getting wounded came true

Is this new? I should have seen it coming

I am back to owning nothing

My body is numbing

No pillow for fluffing Broken trust

You use the excuse of caring

I won't hesitate anymore when I burn bridges to dust

I understand what I'm going to have to be bearing All of the decisions after another decision

I will make with the most precision

My fear,

Is that I won't manage to get off this revolving sphere

Baby Girl

How can I break this umbilical cord,

And continue living?

I can play this game of

Who can stay up the longest

And win

You’re hiccuping to show maturity

I know you're not drunk

What a man you are

Baby girl is in college

Baby girl has a drivers license You don't want baby girl thinking that the car is hers

You don't want baby girl to have control or freedom

Unless it's with your permission or knowledge

I can't pick out classes

Without you sticking your nose all around

And I'm tired of your boogers all over my life

This is the curse of being the baby of the family

The

Girl

I need to leave

But I cannot

If I did I would not survive on my own

I'm exhausted of getting stared at

As if I were an exhibit at a museum

I can either be hung up like artwork

And die on the inside, a long a drawn out death

Or let go of my breath and live differently

Something has to change

Because this isn't working

With your two sides

You use so much energy and anger

Towards trying to find out what baby girl is up to

And you're pissed that you cant just communicate with anyone,

In order for you to have an idea

Of what baby girl is doing

I cannot survive this way

Much longer

I do not enjoy feeling like a prisoner in the house I live in

Hiding in my room

Playing the game

Of who can stay up the latest

I'm drained of organizing my schedule

In accordance with someone else's

I want to cut

This umbilical cord

That keeps me imprisoned like a ball and chain

This Cannot Be Natural

I want to stay

Cradled in between

Sweetly smooth melodies

Where I let my fingers go wandering freely

Humming the notes

That I did not take during calculus class

The reason was that I was busy dreaming of an impossible life

That’s what happens to me

When I feel stuck in between the bars without a single key

My signature move of not paying attention,

To the epsilon-delta definition of a limit

And honestly, I might have just found my mathematical limit of brain power

The tone of my voice has gotten beaten down

I cannot learn at this fast tempo

For the next bunch of weeks, I'm stuck with the strings attached

I try to simply count it out but it doesn’t add up

I don’t know how to measure

The slope of my own tangents

I put my signature on a piece of paper that says

This summer class requires a ton of deadication or it could easily result in failure

And now I feel

The sharp pain

That makes me fall flat

On my back

I can feel the anxious vibrato

Building up in my hands

Maybe I need a rest

This cannot be natural

Writer's Block :(

That moment when you can't get the pencil to write

When the paper bites

Writer's block

Is worse than getting stuck with your brother's smelly sock

Too many thoughts on my mind

I need to write so I'll know I'll be just fine

Into a ball I want to curl

I need to stop hiding from the world

The moment you are so numb that nothing helps, not even music

I know I have the power but I'm afraid to use it

It would just cause me trouble

Make my world as I know it crumble

You start to think

At writing you stink

You don't want to write it all

Can't risk another fall

You are plain 'ol stuck

Wishes on shooting stars for better luck

What you don't realize is that it's all there

You need to take the dare

Too many thoughts yet at the same time I have an empty head

So for now I'm off to bed

I’m Done!

I no longer hope youwould just text me

Have you known the whole time that all of this was to happen?

Fallen out of love is exactly what I have done

Out of the k-i-s-s-i-n-g tree I have run

Of course in the back of my head I knew

Love, I do not miss you

With this relationship, I'm done!

You knew, didn't you?

But I was naive enough to let myself fall

I don’t have a hard time when I see you in the hall

Still, I can’t believe that I got over you

Hope is how I know I can do

You'd better not stay with her or,

Text her and tell her that you love her

Me without you is like a bladder without piss

Like it or not, it doesn't get better than this

You were such a bad boy

Did you never realize that I wasn't just a toy?

With this poem

Alex won't be upset

Lonesome

The word “I” is pretty lonesome

The word lonesome is not as lonely as I

I am lonely with myself

I lost myself again, I see…

I might have just have been lost at sea

Where will I find me?

Do you ever think about me?

Did you erase me from your memory because it was too painful?

I still miss what you threw away

I took the trash out Tuesday night

And I missed you Wednesday morning

I found a song that reeks of you

I almost went to the dump to look

All I found was a clean brook

I don’t think I knew you, before you turned into a sad crook

In that brook, I tried to baptized myself in the cleanliness and got a little lost

And sometimes I have a hard time putting on my holey socks

And sometimes I forget about the locks

I is lonesome

I need guidance; I can’t learn from trash

I'm better off lonesome

Missing you

Why is it that when we miss someone we hope they miss us too?

In my life, there was you

I guess that makes you special and worth,

Your mirth

I should get a start on moving on

But the other Saturday

My food looked like puree

My cereal went soggy because I was thinking about you so much

We fell out of a touch,

I don’t think we ever even had

I was smarter before,

Before I walked through the innocence taking, dominating doors

I guess that it might be for the best

I was stuck under a rest

I’ll make accidents but I’ll make them my forte

Softballs put on the ground

No more bats and gloves around

No more eye black

No championship game to give me a happy heart attack

The hunger for the ball in my hand

I miss my old life, like

When the ump. would tell you, you were out on the third strike

Stolen bases

On a regular basis

Red dirt on my clothes, in my lungs

I was so much smarter then

When I didn’t know what it was, time and time again

I still do not

It’s like the pain inside is caught

And I can only try to make the best of it

Screaming About Nothing

Lately everybody has been screaming about nothing

While I have been thinking about something

I write too much

And say too little

But maybe my words were just meant for paper

Lately it feels like my only friends

Are my colorful pens

Lately it seems like relationships are just dead ends

That die as fast as well spent weekends

I hang on like a loose tooth

That doesn’t believe that the tooth fairy afterlife is the truth

I feel like I stick around like an old cold

That’s got a gnarly hold

And I tell myself to

Put down the needle

Put down the thread

And stop sowing this tangled web

But I've got spiders in my hair

Arachnids are everywhere

I'm cursed

But I will wait

Until you become my prey

Someday

No Heart Inside

Steady beat of the drum

Just the turn of the thumb

But I don't have the nerve

So I kick it to the curb

She doesn't seem to have a heart

Even if it hit her in between the eyes she wouldn't know art

Don't show

How in my world the cold wind blows

I tried to see it within her

But it's all a blur

You can tell that she doesn't root for the underdog

Even though she is older than I, she doesn't know how to see through the fog

I thought that you were one of the good guys

I now know the truth and the seemingly harmless lies

There's nothing you can do

I already wrote a poem about that too

I don't want her to see

The inside of me

The things about me that she doesn't get

Outside of her net

For not doing it, she thinks I'm crazy

She thinks that I'm just being lazy

She probably thinks that I'm dumber than dirt

But I'm just a bit broken and hurt

I got a second chance

Away that idea went as I danced

I've learned too late

But that's just my damn fate

So, I would prefer

If you please don't show my writing to her