Are You On My Team?

Seasons

Trees in the winter are skeletons

But now they are beaded with buds

Grass greener than ever

To make up for being dead

Overcompensation

Before burn out

It will all soon happen again

And without knowing it,

I will grow into

Good territory or bad

I may be stuck here but

It’s my choice where my roots go

I will see it through in the weather

And the seasons of weakness

Frozen

Even though I gave you the secret key

To me

I can still very easily lock you out

Don't you doubt

You have the key but I can change the lock

Then all you would be able to do is walk

Away

Dismay

No one will be able to get in

I'll grin

Every time you fail to get in

I will win

I won't let you see

Me

I'll slam the door

And you'll be crying on the floor

If you declare war

I know how to make a bulletproof door

You won't be able to bribe me out

So you shout

Nothing is getting out or in

No mocking jay pin

Once I'm inside that locked door

I'll soar

I'll run as fast as I can

To where the land

Ends

But that depends

I must keep my storms

Inside more

Maybe that's why people leave

My storm puts them inside a blizzard, I believe

“Conceal don't feel”

That's what I've always done, it's real

The cold of the storm never bothered me anyway

I'll make all the fakes pay

"Let it go"

No!

The door is closed

I'll be completely enclosed

You can't save me

If I don't want to be

The Caged Bird

Waking up trapped

In a room all alone

Behind all the windows there is

Cold stone

That doesn't only contain me but my soul

I yell for help but no one even answers

Yet I hear people out there

I find a violin

I don’t even know how to play

But I know I must

It’s all I've got

At least it frees my mind

I now march to the beat of my own violin

I can control it

Don’t let your walls ever hold you back

There is more than one way to break them down

You’ll know when it’s right

When you find someone with the same beat

And they play it for you,

Outside your wall

Too bad you’ll never see him

But you can see his heart is true and made of gold

Yours is stone like your walls

You both play for each other

And just wish

Why were you born with walls?

Then you remember…

They protect you from everything

But they also hold everything good out too

It’s time they come down

But I've built them too strong

I'm trapped and it’s my fault!

Mornings

Tomorrow morning is going to be a rude awakening

I think sleepily

Like clockwork it's backbreaking

Soon dawn disturbs the night

My alarm clock boggles my eardrums forcefully out of my ears

I take my nasty spit damned retainers out to catch a breakfast bite

I command open my heavy eyes

From my eyes the sleep falls

And I ask myself, Why?

I make myself pretty

Daring to look at my reflection

Time to wing it and be witty

As I listen for a rhyme or reason

I get punched in the stomach because of the cheeky cold

Why must it be this season?

I click my frozen stiff seat belt into place

I zone out to the tune of the car motor

I put on my happy face

I walk into school

Feeling alone and judged

Dreaming a future where my poetry will rule

Safety Blankets

I don't like having a safety blanket

The kind that your grandma knit

When I have one I cut it

It makes me feel vulnerable

This is why I'm not exactly hug-able

Unfortunately for me I'm like-able

So in my case

I don't like the safe space

Or seeing your face

I don't want to get attacked so I'm going to keep my distance

Yes, I am probably causing the resistance

No, I don't need any assistance

Yes it's bizarre

Watch out when you're not looking I'll crash your car

I'll earn a new scar

Go out smashing windows

That's not even one of my lowest of lows

My safety blanket does not run with the flow

Without one I'm able to go around looking for trouble

Making love to this town's rubble

But if I had one, you could easily make me crumble

When I do have one I cut it

Especially the kind that your grandma knits

I dislike having a safety blanket

Pages

I don’t know what love is

I just can’t wrap my head around it

Like the size of the universe

Love makes people do crazy things, but it just usually makes me curse

How could you not lose hope and keep lining up shells?

Because of love

I am third wheeling it

And it’s lonely

But not for the lovers, only

They are unconsciously awake

Let’s travel

And get a plane ticket

To a place where our hearts don’t feel heavy with atmosphere

Dear,

Let’s start again

Even if I feel like a spring…

Stressed out

Is how I work

Otherwise

I just sit on my ass instead of taking to the skies

I need to get away to any other place

A new reality where I will not be a sad tragedy

But will have a happily ever after

Filled with much laughter

Because any other place has got to be better  

I currently live in a deep cave of a library, that’s full of empty dreams

I stare at the ceiling as I scream with laryngitis

And I feel the shelves towering over me, all around

I'm a story that someone forgot to put down

And I just want to be put on the shelf

Sometimes it seems like I can see the most clearly when I am blinded by tears

Because that’s when I'm not avoiding my feelings

It’s like I am able to see the lopsided way the world moves

The inner working grooves

That are so complicatingly simple

I wonder not when, but if the pieces will ever fall together

Being the mismatching misfit that I am

I don’t know if I am a puzzle that can be put together; maybe I was made wrong

All along,

A factory mishap

I want you to hold me as close as pages of a book that are bound to the spine

Because maybe

You could force and weld pieces of me together and get readjusted

As I fall apart and become more rusted

Like the tin man  

I have a heart

I just don’t like to let on to that,

It’s actually not stone cold at all

It’s quite the opposite

It’s all mushy and squishy

When I’m Happy

When I'm happy

Happiness won’t seem like a foreign word

And there will be tons of space

To run free at a great pace

I won’t feel like I'm constantly getting criticized

For just being me

No longer shall my work,

Be torn up by jerks

I won’t feel snappy

And the lines won’t be blurred

I won’t feel condemned to hide myself behind them

As a flower never give away your stem

There will be boundaries

Because people don’t think I deserve them

Because I'm not of age

And never will be because I'm just baby sage

I stopped dreaming

When I got tired of society feeding on my dreams

And twisting them into something I didn’t want

So I just played off nonchalant

But maybe one day

I’ll find myself…

Petting a german shepherd

While listening to Def Leppard deafeningly loud

And fall asleep with a tired smile

One that I wore all day

I’ll be able to get lost in a dream

And come up with even crazier schemes

A Crack In My Self Loathing

I accidentally just fell in love with myself

It was a crack in my self loathing that will soon be mended

It was the messy hair

That was still messy despite the ponytail

Despite my favorite hat containing it

It was my blue eyes

Looking at me

In my baggy hand-me-down shirt

That makes me feel

Comfortable

It was knowing that I had clay all over me

A mess

But that's exactly what I am

And I know its a flaw

But sometimes

It's the one style I know how to rock

Part mess and part artist

I wasn't trying to love myself in this moment

It just happened

When I looked in the mirror

Because I was about to brush my teeth for the night

The Reason Why I Fell

The reason why I'm about to fall

Is because I once stood tall

Just as quick and graceful as a fawn

You are gone

‘Twas all but a dream

You secretly made me beam

Even though I shuddered

And muttered

You were so patient like the paper I leak ink on

You are gone

Big sister

Now you're a big blister

That I will never fully comprehend

A message I might send

But I know I will slip away like sand

In your pretty young hands

I felt so safe

But now I feel the chafe

We had fun

What's done is done

‘Twas all but a silly nightmare

‘Twas just a tear,

In the page,

Of a script who’s fate was to drift off stage

And that was the reason why I fell

Into this well

At dark dawn

I am gone...

School Alphabet

Authority adults administration algebra

Bags bus brainwash biology

Control cruel curt childhood chemistry

Down desk document

Education evaluate execute exoskeleton embarrass

Front foil frustrate

Guidance grades graduate

Hell hooky herd health

Inquire ignorance ignore

Juggle jail juggernaut jealousy

Kill kids knowledge

Low lock luck look

Monday machine mandatory math

Notes name nausea

Operations objective obey

Punish probe persecute presentations

Quart quiz quiet

Registration require restrain

Silent sit sad scalp science

Talent tear test

Unit union unhappy

Violent vain victim

Watch wane work world

Xlyophone x's

Yearn youth year yawn

Zero zoo zone