You Knocked My Walls Down

Fuck It

Never can seem to get it right

I'm giving up on the fight

Fuck it

I’ll just live a poverty stricken life

I'm done with keeping up and steady

I'm not quite ready,

To just fuck it

And live a poverty stricken life

Still falling into the same rhyme,

When life gets frustrating and hard every friggin time

So fuck it

I’ll survive my poverty stricken life

I don’t like having things shoved down my throat

But I never opted for a different route so I’ll have to swim the moat

So fuck it

It’s almost too late to avoid a poverty stricken life

I’ll be rich on alcohol

And famous in my new home, the mall

Fuck this

I don’t want that drunk life

I won’t have to do math,

To know that I'm on a poor path

Fuck everything

I’ll have to survive my poverty stricken life

Get away, get away from me

Because you can stop me from sailing at sea

And sinking into fucking everyone like a real pirate

I’ll have a poverty stricken life with a good view

I’ll ignore all the bottles filled with lost hopes and dreams

Instead I’ll collect them in reams

Because fuck it

I’ll need a way to pass time in my pirate life A life without morals or a plan

I might be able to cheat my way out and find a clan,

Of others who decided to fuck it

And ended up living the poor life, in which everyone thinks you're an idiot

But I didn’t like their ways

And I was too stubborn to get through the tough days

Fuck it

I'm already living the poor life

A Meeting

There was no point in making me join my meeting

Because my thoughts were fleeting

Because I'm too fucking anxious to share my voice, please spare me from the madness

I couldn't even share a simple greeting You asked if I had any questions, comments, or if I have anything to say

And I do... but I guess anxiety doesn't want me to talk today

No, not even now

In this month of May The nurse isn't my cup of tea

And I feel that I am allowed no privacy,

This makes me very uncomfortable as a teenage girl and,

Details of my butthole are obviously my favorite topic for stranger to know about me The thing is, if I was dying,

If I was crying

I'd prefer to stay and sit in class rather than go anywhere else

I'm not lying She thinks I'm stable

And yet she's a mere stranger in my life and I probably still have proctitis on my table

I have so much on my plate it has overflowed

But I'll find a way to be able Having a bad stomach and anxiety make a perfect match that work

They are a dangerous loop that lurks,

In my background when I say that I'm okay

Yeah, I am a little jerk I'm still anxious and I don't sleep at night

Because my brain is playing back all the mistakes and times that I wasn't right

And how embarrassing it was, and how I will probably never live it down

And tomorrow will just be another blurred day of living in the fog of this mental, intestinal fight

You’ve Got Me Running These Loops

You’ve got me running these loops girl

Yeah running these loops

You’ve got me looking for a hole or an oops

Like magician’s rings

You like finding cracks in my writings on the wall

But you don’t lie to me and tell me that everything will be okay

Even if I'm screaming mayday

You are my Peter Gabriel sledgehammer,

As you skillfully knock down walls

With your golden retriever attitude

That possibly brightens my mood

Sometimes I feel your obnoxious positive vibe

But what you don’t know…

Is that I'd kill the king for your laugh

It seems like a fair trade for a mental photograph

That could soon be lost

Your smile lightens up the room

You make me feel like I can do anything with you by my side

You make me feel like I shouldn’t have any reasons to hide,

From you at least

I'm not afraid of all the king’s horses and all the king’s men

You believe that I could take them because I'm strong

And I know that we don’t have long

And I'm used to people coming and going

I've had years and years to get used to that,

The arms that I could die for

Could disappear and make it pour

That’s why you have to enjoy things now

While they last

And maybe that’s all she wrote for us

But we just have to trust

That our paths were only meant to be crossed

And maybe its better that we made an x out of each other

I won’t forget how you made me feel

As you tried to help me to heal

With your Potter spells, you powerful witch!

Situation Impossible

Just wishing and hoping ain't gonna do nothing

It’ll just make it worse

But I do it anyway because I'm cursed

  Desire equals suffering

So don’t wait and hope

Before you open your big mouth you might as well fill it with soap

  If I desire not to desire anything that’s a desire

I love you but I can't fully have you

What am I supposed to do?

  I can't win with fire

The things I wish I could tell

I want you to just know why I may not be so well

  When should I stop having just a spark of hope?

It's 1 in the morning

And I'm mourning

  I'm beginning to realize that enough is enough, no more of this nope!

I think about you a bunch

I probably never even cross your mind from time to time ever much

  You are only somewhat removed

Now it's 1:08

And you are what I now hate

  Out of my life my safe person always moves

I need someone like you

I can't really tell you but I wish and hope that you knew

  I feel like puking I don’t want to be seen

Needing you so much I'm sick

This sickness cannot be fixed with vicks

  1:13

By the minute I'm getting older

You are warm and I don’t think I can get much colder

  Wishing waiting and hoping

In this situation it is impossible

I'm so sick I need the hospital

  I don’t know what I'm thinking, I have to find a new way of coping

1:21

Thinking about you I should be done

Precipitation On The Precipice

Precipitation on the precipice

Perpetually with presumable paranoia

Along with possible poems that have no periods

Because life might very well be never ending

Pause...

Delete the delirium of the demons

Don't deteriorate with your destruction

Do what you want during the debriefing but don't drown in the debris

Try not to go that far

Drat

All they asked for was some alliteration

While they surrounded you with alligators in the ally

But I am writing an album of aluminum with alliances that allay

Not every allegation is right

Allure

Currently concentrating

On the cause of the catastrophe

Two cracks colliding without collecting credit

Learn that, that is simply life

Creating

I'm a nitpicky nitwit

Nincompoop that knits knots

In the neon lights of New York, I nervously take notes on networks of gnats

I will stop with the,

I will not’s because I have too many to keep 

Talks

Your voice rises as you get emotional and yet you forget to feed your robot a coin to pay

Skips are calmer and thought out in a, we’ll get through this sort of way

Your tiring voice like a shitty song playing on and on

Talking about the same quarrels over and over

Like you’re trying to wear them out

I'm waiting for time to kill

I can’t wait for my future

Except for the bills

Making me broke

I'm going to choke

On air

Dare

Repeat

Take a seat

With rare rests

In this home of a nest

Going fast, fast, fast, which I think is boring

You need dynamics in your pointless argument

You need to put down some sort of hard flooring

Trying to make a point with your pointless, unneeded voice

You're trying too hard like a coal miner with a death wish darker than soot

Get new material! Stop using old artifacts of the ancient Egyptian empire covered in dust

You make things more dramatic than an entire theater with all the living parts of a stage fight

I'm sitting back mouthing words and hoping you are illiterate in the lip reading of me about to bite

One Summer Night

One summer night

With my brother

Blowing up balloons and letting them fly

Mom came outside

Time to go inside

Time to take a bath

Time to go to bed

No thanks

She says that I haven’t taken a bath in a few days

She also says I have dirt all over my legs,

Like it’s a bad thing

She asks me if I like being dirty

I respond with a yes

I like the feeling of the cracked dry dirt on my legs

Chipping off with time

I ended up taking a bath

And I felt like I had lost some of myself

I was too clean to be me

I guess, I’ll have to start again tomorrow

I Am Grendel

I am Grendel

I hate the sound of laughter

It just leaves me angry after

I am Grendel

I like to be alone

I'm a monster with a heart of stone

I am Grendel

When I see someone having fun

I get the impulse to run

I am Grendel

I’ve been around

And Beowulf threw me to the ground

I am Grendel

All I need is love

But I only seem to get shoved

I am Grendel

Why can't anyone see?

They don’t get me

I am Grendel

Always misunderstood

No one ever believed in me and told me that I could

I am Grendel

No one understands

Always getting canned

I am Grendel

I don’t mean to be bitter

Too bad people never consider

I am Grendel

I get laughed at for the way I look

I get out of this world by reading books

I am Grendel

Did you pay attention to what you said?

Because of you I am dead

I am Grendel

I can’t keep going

The current is too strong and keeps flowing

I am Grendel

I've bled out

There is so much self doubt

I am Grendel

I don’t know what to do, I am lost

Their insults in my heart are permanently embossed

I am Grendel

I just wish it would stop

I'm never on the top

I am Grendel

I've never been shone

Just leave me alone

Lonesome

The word “I” is pretty lonesome

The word lonesome is not as lonely as I

I am lonely with myself

I lost myself again, I see…

I might have just have been lost at sea

Where will I find me?

Do you ever think about me?

Did you erase me from your memory because it was too painful?

I still miss what you threw away

I took the trash out Tuesday night

And I missed you Wednesday morning

I found a song that reeks of you

I almost went to the dump to look

All I found was a clean brook

I don’t think I knew you, before you turned into a sad crook

In that brook, I tried to baptized myself in the cleanliness and got a little lost

And sometimes I have a hard time putting on my holey socks

And sometimes I forget about the locks

I is lonesome

I need guidance; I can’t learn from trash

I'm better off lonesome

Not Good Enough

Hey, that's not good enough

Is anything ever good enough

For you?

Well I'm determined to stay tough

Anything I have with you is brutal

Why must you be brutal?

I'm never good enough

You throw people away if they happen to be the opposite of useful

Everyone has a heart

Do you have a heart?

Yours only beats

Oh where to start...

You said you would still love

Why do you pretend to love?

Pretending isn't what a heart does

I am the bothered, dead, dove

You have broken my innocent wings

Why do you inflict pain on my wings?

Then you cut me off with something hurtful

Let me show you what my misspent time with you brings

Then you bring me down

Why do you like to bring me down

Big bully?

You like to stand behind me when I'm in a hospital gown

Your creep is showing

Why do you let it show?

It's wrong

You'll never know

Hey, you have to be more helpful than that

Than that?

Than what?

Well maybe you've gotten too lazy and fat!

"You can contribute here you know"

Do you think that I don't know?

I am only giving you what you deserve

You always have been my foe

Thank goodness I was here because you wouldn't have answered

How do you know that I wouldn't have answered?

You don't know the future, stop assuming

I will never stop dancing because I am a dancer

Hey you, I never see you anymore

How come you don't see me anymore?

Huh. I couldn't imagine why

I'm glad I have finally closed that door

I'm glad I have finally managed to get your foot out of the door

I need to get some locks for the door

A chair just isn't good enough for me

Because you are a persistent, controlling Leo

You make me feel bad about stuff

Not just any ol' stuff

You make me feel handcuffed to a wall

That you come back to just to demean me

Would you be brave enough to do that?

Holding in your words, never would you think about that

I would do whatever I needed to do if I had to

Because I understand the meaning of the words, ya gotta do what ya gotta do