Not Good Enough

Fake Friends

Why are you whispering behind my back?

Intelligence is what you lack

Are you too scared of me?

Baby?

Why are you doing this to me?

Why can’t you just let me be?

Where did you go?

You should know

Our friendship was growing strong

What you are doing is wrong

No one gives a shit

Go die in a pit

What happened to you?

You are now making me extremely blue

What did I do to you?

To make you go

So now you have made me go this low

I hope you’re happy now

Your ego is getting to be as fat as a cow

You should be nice to others as your way to the top because they are the ones you’ll see on your way down

I hope you bought a nice gown

You're the one who's going to need it most

At least I don’t boast

Unlike you

I'm going to start new

Without you

A New Start

I feel the warmth

Of the light at the end of the tunnel

I think this is the last

Of the darkness

Well at least for a while

So here's to a new start

Here's to a change

That will make my future self scream,

Plot twist!

Plot twist!

One so well written by the insanity of reality

That it catches god by surprise

A castle of freshly grown hope

A castle that I built out of the crap in my life

A new life of being alone

I must learn to stretch my wings once in a while

I must learn to stop

Beating myself up

I think

That i should be brave enough

To be me

Which is a simple task for some

I think that this is the last

Of the darkness for now

Two Types of Fallen

Have I fallen out of love?

I hope not

Love is what I for so long have sought

Have we gotten out of the honey moon part of a relationship?

Maybe I should have stayed in doors with penny, used napkin and chip Or is it my depression and you trying to get over Alex?

I'm not giving up on our love yet

Will Wednesday solve our problems, when we have set?

What you don't know and might not understand is that it is normal for me to disappear

I will always come back, never fear Hopefully you'll be there

My heart beats like a drum

Sometimes I go numb

I wish that you could understand more

I don't complain to you because I don't want to be a bore When I become numb

Your love will be the first thing I'll feel

For now I must deal

I refuse to let you go

I love you, I want you to know No I'm not just saying that

Let's not forget that us and our double dates are a band

Let's not forget what it feels like to be poor but own all of earth's land

With my music

I won't totally lose it.  

What Happened?

What happened to us?

What's with all the fuss?

How do you not know why you texted her?

My friend said that it wouldn’t be a good idea to get back with you; I concur

I'm afraid to call you an oaf

Since you still have my loaf

I don’t want to call you a nitwit

Even if that word perfectly fits

I don’t want to call you what you still are

To me what you are seems so far

I don’t want to say

You never really loved me all those days

We had, I had plenty of good thoughts

For you, I unfortunately had the wrong timed hots

No matter how badly you want to get back with me

Well now you'll get to feel how I did when I disagreed

It wasn’t a smart thing to do

This love was true

You literally ruined it for your good

You loved her, I understood

Now without you distracting me

I can get a good degree

You now are going to end up all alone

Even if you try to phone

I'm not going back to my heartbreaker

You were my heart taker

You better never say that I never loved

Last time I believed you when you sent your doves

This break up doesn’t really hurt

It will though, just wait for her dirt!

No Heart Inside

Steady beat of the drum

Just the turn of the thumb

But I don't have the nerve

So I kick it to the curb

She doesn't seem to have a heart

Even if it hit her in between the eyes she wouldn't know art

Don't show

How in my world the cold wind blows

I tried to see it within her

But it's all a blur

You can tell that she doesn't root for the underdog

Even though she is older than I, she doesn't know how to see through the fog

I thought that you were one of the good guys

I now know the truth and the seemingly harmless lies

There's nothing you can do

I already wrote a poem about that too

I don't want her to see

The inside of me

The things about me that she doesn't get

Outside of her net

For not doing it, she thinks I'm crazy

She thinks that I'm just being lazy

She probably thinks that I'm dumber than dirt

But I'm just a bit broken and hurt

I got a second chance

Away that idea went as I danced

I've learned too late

But that's just my damn fate

So, I would prefer

If you please don't show my writing to her

Clay

Sometimes, if I like you

I'll let you mold a part of me or, thin out my walls

Sometimes, I feel young, energetic and naïve

But sometimes the weather forecast, forecasts colder weather

And I start to feel a little lethargic,

A little tired,

Maybe a little cracked

And trapped in this mold

Sometimes I grow harder, colder and more fragile

And sometimes my eyes seem to have a glazed coating

Because there are some tools out there

However tools don't get under my skin

If anything they get under my nails

I've got ribs and knives

So don't mess with me

Sometimes I'm as closed off as a clam,

With a secret,

Hidden pearl

Obviously I'm pretty imperfect

And I've become tired of finding a reason for

Being bent out of shape and having sharp edges

Edgy is my style

Because this is art

And anything ugly should not be held against the piece

And sometimes I have to let it go

Or just let it slip

Out of the grogginess of my tired head

Even if it leaves a shattered mess on the floor

Destruction is an art too

Like how angry painters have been known to throw paint at canvases

Fire me up

And I hope I won’t explode

With the unspoken air in my lungs

This Cannot Be Natural

I want to stay

Cradled in between

Sweetly smooth melodies

Where I let my fingers go wandering freely

Humming the notes

That I did not take during calculus class

The reason was that I was busy dreaming of an impossible life

That’s what happens to me

When I feel stuck in between the bars without a single key

My signature move of not paying attention,

To the epsilon-delta definition of a limit

And honestly, I might have just found my mathematical limit of brain power

The tone of my voice has gotten beaten down

I cannot learn at this fast tempo

For the next bunch of weeks, I'm stuck with the strings attached

I try to simply count it out but it doesn’t add up

I don’t know how to measure

The slope of my own tangents

I put my signature on a piece of paper that says

This summer class requires a ton of deadication or it could easily result in failure

And now I feel

The sharp pain

That makes me fall flat

On my back

I can feel the anxious vibrato

Building up in my hands

Maybe I need a rest

This cannot be natural

Road Rage From Others

Menacing eyes

Illuminated with anger

Glaring into the mirror

I dare not do what they want

For I would be breaking the law

Evil eyes pushing me onward

Giving me no mercy

They are the lit flame underneath my anxiety

Glowing just so they know that I can see them

They make me say I'm sorry repeatedly to them

As if I don’t have a right to be there

I must look forward

There isn’t anything I can do about those eyes

That tell me to do things

I don’t want to do

I no longer want to go down this soulless road

With machines that don’t have empathy

Sometimes I get lucky though

And one of the eyes starts to wink at me

Then they disappear as they take a turn

The one question I must ask is,

Why so much anger,

Towards a stranger who is trying to stay away from danger?

Remember Oil

Oil

Tin can

Marble shaking around

“Oil can” says the tin man of a car

At least I know that there is a true heart inside

Along with a great dancer

But this oil...

Is making the somewhat broken ice more slippery

And harder to break

Even though you are a human teddy bear

That wears the same grey sweatshirt a lot,

Same though

You don't know, but you are

The tamer of my wild anxiety

We are literally driving in a shaking car with no right turn signal

And I find

That I'm comfortable with that

And I hope this ride doesn't end soon

In Galaxies Of Snow

In galaxies of snow

You were blinded

You said I opened your eyes

But you are still near and far sided

You were lost in your own galaxy,

In fact you still are

And you have to rescue yourself,

From the fact that I live with part of a star

The sky with a blue tint

And the bright grey,

Did they not give you a hint,

That I need physical space on some days?

You are all touchy-feely

I’d prefer just being and you just being

You are all lovey-dovey

That you're just not seeing

I know that everyone shows love differently

You need to focus on yourself more,

Rather than focusing on what my lips feel like

I'm starting for the door

You seem to like the idea of this broken relationship

But it’s taken its toll,

With you, literally being attached at the hip

You need to get over yourself

In the way that you need to know every conversation

That has the slightest relation to me and you

But you think you need to know

Even if you already knew

Similarly to the whispers of your parents you don’t need to know about

The whispers of what they personally believe

And if they are wrong, you will try to correct them like a toddler while you pout

In galaxies of snow, you are unrightfully playing a selfish god as a child

You do that by saying, “You should totally let me hold your hand”

And you thought it was funny

But you can’t make me land,

And I'm so sorry that you cannot fly without money!