New Neighbors

A Meeting

There was no point in making me join my meeting

Because my thoughts were fleeting

Because I'm too fucking anxious to share my voice, please spare me from the madness

I couldn't even share a simple greeting You asked if I had any questions, comments, or if I have anything to say

And I do... but I guess anxiety doesn't want me to talk today

No, not even now

In this month of May The nurse isn't my cup of tea

And I feel that I am allowed no privacy,

This makes me very uncomfortable as a teenage girl and,

Details of my butthole are obviously my favorite topic for stranger to know about me The thing is, if I was dying,

If I was crying

I'd prefer to stay and sit in class rather than go anywhere else

I'm not lying She thinks I'm stable

And yet she's a mere stranger in my life and I probably still have proctitis on my table

I have so much on my plate it has overflowed

But I'll find a way to be able Having a bad stomach and anxiety make a perfect match that work

They are a dangerous loop that lurks,

In my background when I say that I'm okay

Yeah, I am a little jerk I'm still anxious and I don't sleep at night

Because my brain is playing back all the mistakes and times that I wasn't right

And how embarrassing it was, and how I will probably never live it down

And tomorrow will just be another blurred day of living in the fog of this mental, intestinal fight

World and Politics

Why can’t we all be more like death?

Not giving a care

But taking all

Fighting those with a strong will to live, very unfair Bringing people back home to their center of magic earth

Stardust people

Why can’t we work together and fight this?

Is it because some believe it’s the end and not to mess with the steeple I guess to get a compromise they must argue themselves in circles

Two sides like an infinity sign

Adding onto ideas and holding ground back and forth

I think we the people need to rewind What are we actually trying to achieve?

Rather than spewing insults and points back and forth

We could keep the goal in mind, for us to save the world

The glaciers melting in the North We the people, never forget to shake hands at the end

That’s my favorite part

When we all come together,

We are all on this planet with similar problems; I hope we can live heart to heart

Catch 22

I'm tired of this shell

And this name

And the world spinning

The problem is that I need to shatter myself

And it just seems impossible

Like an equation that I can’t figure out without being unstoppable

Problem is, the issues grow longer like this infestation of words

If only I knew the answer to the question of why?

Then I would have just another key,

That would lead to another empty chest

Because there’s none for me, nope not a pair

Except for emptiness like two pits of despair

Can’t you feel through your metallic layers?

I don’t like wannabe robots

Even if all you’ve done is make a helmet out of a kitchen strainer

Bee hives don’t dance for nothing, honey!

And I'm buzzing with kinetic energy,

With nowhere to go but this shell

Solved are not my problems,

Of being fucking stuck

Either way I'm seen as an evil little fucker

Stuck like cling wrap to this plastic world

Seemingly unavoidable in every imaginable possibility that I can think,

With my eyes held wide open I can’t even blink

In this torturous place I can’t live forever

Even if I can call it my own

Even if it’s here forever

My need to have this shell shattered is strong

I want to feel it shake and shatter

Hear it crack down like pitter, patter, smash

Shell, hell, what's the difference?

I like the fire in the devil that melts my cold heart

Because I'm tired of this invisible prison cell

Sort Of Straightforward

Don’t feel

Don’t show just so you can eat at least one more free meal

In your case

I must keep a strong unmoving poker face

You think that it’s rude for me not to answer

Tell me to get depressed for someone because of their lung cancer

Instead I think they need some cheer

And encouragement for them to face their fears

I don’t tell you how I feel

Because you would tell me it’s not normal and what I'm feeling is unreal

That I made it all up in my head

I'm crazy is what your body language said

When I do answer you, you tell me to stop talking back

And tell me that manners are what I sadly lack

You tell me you don’t like my tone

I would never tell you how much I want to puke at the smell of your cologne

Maybe my tone is bad but it’s not as bad as your writing font

You like to remind me that the troubles I have ahead of me are something to daunt

If I admit that something hurts then I get called a baby

You’d think that I was too much of a wuss to join the navy

Tell me I'm tough but act like I'm the weakest of the weak

I'm not brave enough to find help to seek

“No one’s going to get hurt here”

I could!  You would tell certain people is my fear

I wouldn’t trust you even If you promised, you could so very easily go behind my back

Oldness is what I lack

When you ever did know how I felt

You’d lecture me on how stupid I am for feeling it, then hit me hard with an imaginary belt

Because of that I would prefer to keep you in the dark

I might not be able to live through another mark

I just can’t have you know

If you ever found out, I’ll get buried in icy sharp, wet snow

But no matter how numb I am, I still feel

All my feelings are strong and real!

Flit Flirt

You, little flit flirt

Back at my window

From bad to good, my feelings you convert

The wind blows, blows, blows

  Window, open, I still can’t hear you

Please stay

With you I think I’ll get through

My light of day

  Everything, you give

I’ll saver

Die for you, or live?

If you ever need a favor...

  You and I don’t have the clock,

Don’t rush

Love, my time torturously tick tocks

Me heart you better not crush

  I will succeed

Still you come and go

Love me?

You taught me how to go with the flow

Talks

Your voice rises as you get emotional and yet you forget to feed your robot a coin to pay

Skips are calmer and thought out in a, we’ll get through this sort of way

Your tiring voice like a shitty song playing on and on

Talking about the same quarrels over and over

Like you’re trying to wear them out

I'm waiting for time to kill

I can’t wait for my future

Except for the bills

Making me broke

I'm going to choke

On air

Dare

Repeat

Take a seat

With rare rests

In this home of a nest

Going fast, fast, fast, which I think is boring

You need dynamics in your pointless argument

You need to put down some sort of hard flooring

Trying to make a point with your pointless, unneeded voice

You're trying too hard like a coal miner with a death wish darker than soot

Get new material! Stop using old artifacts of the ancient Egyptian empire covered in dust

You make things more dramatic than an entire theater with all the living parts of a stage fight

I'm sitting back mouthing words and hoping you are illiterate in the lip reading of me about to bite

Time Bomb

I'm a ticking time bomb

A bottle full of pressure

The cork is stuck

I won’t give them a warning to duck

Will shatter into a million pieces

A broken pencil

Not usable or wanted

You get taunted

Never picked first

But yet I get picked on first

Yet if someone just sharpened me…never

They still won’t let me pull the lever

I'm treading in high water and I'm getting tired

Going to blow eventually

No one can see all the pressure rising higher yet

Later, they might have regrets

What will they say when you explode?

Is that what they want?

They’ll laugh at the exploded mess,

And your unrealistic progress

Good luck picking yourself back up

Why don’t they just shut up already?

Why don’t you just open up to someone

Instead of hiding behind a zinger or a pun

Pure Gold

You mend the cracks

In my weathered roads

With pure gold

You make me feel

Like a pharaoh

Of my world

In this danger

Of a world

you make me feel safe

It seems like you will still love me after anything

You are

The kind of sweet

That doesn’t give you cavities

Too good to be true

Which is why

I physically cannot stop smiling when I’m with you

I’m just a warm blooded oaf

Turned out

To be fools gold

A Letter To My Anxiety

Hey anxiety,

You make me feel overwhelmed

With my increased heartbeat

You make me feel like I just cant, because it would be too much for me

Too much for me to handle

You make me feel like I would drown if I jumped into the deep end

But…

I have some good friends

And I have some good music

And even though you can make me scared,

I realize that I'm stronger than I know

And if I just ride the roller coaster I can feel accomplished later on

Don't Ever

Too good to be true

In the back of my head I knew

Do you really have a freshman crush?

You're still keeping hush

You're a chicken

You're heart is too alive and kick’n

You fall in love to easy

In my world it’s cold and breezy

You loved me

Please

Just tell me how come you don’t want me anymore?

I thought you wouldn't walk out the door

I see how you're just going to leave me like this

Without my first kiss

I was so ready

I won’t believe you if you ever ask me to go steady

Don’t you even dream about coming back!

Intelligence is what you lack

You're kissing a golden one goodbye!

I can’t wait for you to move in four months, I'm not going to lie

Broke my heart without even touching it

You need to teach yours how to heel and sit

I remember when I was still…

I was chewing the idea of you and I over and over like a sweet jolly rancher in my mouth

You're such a hot head you have to move south

Why don’t you just tell me?

Don’t break me slowly while you get to flee

That rumor I heard

It hurt, I now see you as a wimpy little turd

Do you want to change that?

Or are you just going to keep on hiding under your uninterested mat?

The weather is angry

I'm all strangely

Come near me at your own risk

Permanently scratched your video game disk

Oh I can be bitch!

I'm that annoying out of your league back itch

So you don’t want to love this blue eyed mess?

Boy, I'll make you confess

Straight to my face

I'll beat you at the end of the race

You'll want be back after

When that happens I'll be the one making all of the laughter