Theravenflies - Listen To ALL Disabled People

Where are all the "slow" kids, the challenged kids, the burnouts from birth, the burden to have in class? Where are the autists who can't mask, who self harm, who are loud and can't stop stimming? The NDs with processing disorders, brain damage, brain fog? The ones with down syndrome, FAS, and other conditions that people treat like curses or defects. I hardly ever see them past 18 and I know they don't just dissolve once they become adults.

what i need narc abuse believers to realize when we say "narc/npd abuse doesn't exist" is that we are not saying:

your abuse wasn't real or valid

pwNPD are never abusive

pwNPD are perfect angels who can do no wrong, ever

you're a liar

you're lying about your abuse

there is a 0% chance your abuser had npd

abuse isn't real

abuse doesn't happen, ever

you're an abuser

you are, without a doubt, not disabled, and also one hundred percent ableist and sanist

we are saying, though:

narc abuse itself, as a concept, does not exist

narcissists do not perpetuate any type of abuse that egotypicals can't

your abuse and trauma wasn't narcissistic abuse but rather emotional or psychological abuse

narc abuse itself, as a concept, has harmed pwNPD and their relationships

narc abuse has ruined any chance of finding actually good resources

narc abuse itself, as a concept, has been used to abuse narcissists

narc abuse itself, as a concept, is named after a mental disorder, which is inherently sanist and ableist

you have ableist and sanist biases that you do need to check, regardless of if you're intentionally or actively trying to harm people or not

Don't tell me you're tired too!

I have ME (myalgic encephalomyelitis) also known as chronic fatigue syndrome. People seem to think that it's just that I'm a bit tired and i often get comments like "I'm tired too" or "i think I've got a bit of that".

I am NOT "just tired"

Most people fail to understand the differences between fatigue, chronic fatigue and chronic fatigue syndrome (ME), so I'll explain:

Fatigue is extreme tiredness caused by mental or physical exertion or illness.

Chronic fatigue is extreme fatigue that doesn't go away with rest and last for a long period of time usually due to a chronic illness. While not an illness in itself it is a symptom of many chronic illnesses.

Chronic fatigue syndrome (ME) is a chronic multisystemic neroimmune disease (meaning it affects a lot of stuff and lasts a long time). While chronic fatigue is the most well known symptom it is not the only one. ME/CFS can cause a wide variety of problems including but not limited to, sleeping issues, cognitive functions, muscle and joint pains, headaches and migraines, soar throat and glands, flu-like symptoms, dizziness and feeling sick, breathlessness, hypersensitivity and heart issues such as palpitations. ME/CFS can last anything between months, years, decades or even life. No matter how much you rest it doesn't go away. There is no cure and no effective treatment. It is NOT just tiredness!

I AM NOT JUST TIRED!

I have soul crushing chronic fatigue that you probably can't even imagine and it plagues every moment of my existence. I am in constant pain. My clothes hurt my skin, the light hurts to look at, the sounds make my migraines worse. It hurts to move, if i so much as breathe it feels like I'm being stabbed a thousand times. My brain no longer works correctly, i have brain fog all the time. I can't sleep no matter how badly i need it and when i do it's filled with nightmares and i wake up at 3 in the morning crying from the pain. Even if i had the best sleep of all time i would still wake up the same, more sick than i previously thought possible.

So I'll say it again,

I AM NOT JUST TIRED!

poke hornet nest

my stance on ABA

(my stance on ABA)

as someone with (some) lived experience

most of it is shit.

for long time in past and even now, ABA only service available for a lot autistic people & family.

most of it (< ABA*) still is shit. (*this disclaimer applies to rest of repetition)

heard of more than enough cases of. insurance/school system/etc give pathetic number of hours/sessions for speech, OT, etc for autism but many more hours of ABA. or only cover ABA.

most of it still shit.

some speech & OT & other so called “alternatives to ABA” use behavioral & ABA tactics.

most of it still shit.

for many family, especially those with autistic person diagnosed as “severe” or level 3 and or have extreme behavioral issues etc. their option isn’t “ABA or no ABA.” often, option is “ABA or be labeled as abusive neglectful by government” or “ABA or have child taken away” “you ‘willingly’ enroll in ABA or we take and put them in ABA anyway” or “ABA or lose job.”

most of it still shit.

“ABA or lose job” because school not able or not willing help (because autistic person’s needs “that much”), you keep getting called to pick them up from school, from day care. other people not know how “deal with” your autistic family member, you know how help them a little more but also you sure as hell don’t and are just as lost. so you keep miss work to go pick them up from places that kick them out and you exhausted and you not get sleep because autistic family member needs pretty constant supervision and you not have respite and you not know how help and eventually your job fires you because you keep miss work. and oh did ever mention caring for disabled person extremely expensive? but oh btw there ABA agency you can send autistic family member to for up to 40 hour/week so maybe you can keep job and thus keep roof over head and can still put food on table for family for your autistic family member. oh they also say they may able help with autistic family member behavior so maybe they don’t get kicked out of every necessary service.

most of it still shit.

ABA agencies frequently kick out people deemed too severe or “cannot be helped” or too violent or too many behavioral issues or cause too much harm.

most of it still shit.

in world where may & very often do kill you for seeing you as different thus “threat,” ability mask life saving survival tactic. am talking about POC. am specifically especially talking about Black people. is teaching how mask greater evil than dead killed hatecrimed? sure, no one should have to choose between these two options, but world not care about your morals n your “should”s n your envisioned better future you may or may not be actively help build right now, these people need survive in real world here and now.

most of it still shit.

there (some. a few.) ABA survivors who went thru ABA in past and now who think ABA helped. helped them gain skill. help them prevent harm. some of them don’t see self as abused in ABA or traumatized by ABA. some see it as both abused and helped and grateful for help and hate abuse. some see as both abused and helped and don’t see amount of helped as ever worth abuse.

most of it still shit. (so many were & are abused. n abuse is abuse)

many newer ABA agencies realize ABA heavily criticized n labeled abusive & say they change methods & no longer practice old school ABA & now no longer abusive.

most of it still shit. (many of these agencies still do coercive abusive stuff even if call themselves changed)

some of them maybe truly changed. getting rid of abusive practices, focusing on skill building & adaptive functioning, child-led, instead of drills and forced masking.

most of it still shit.

talk a lot with people who so adamant about “all ABA abuse” “all parents who put child into ABA abused deserve get child taken away” who never was in personal proximity of ABA who. when ask to describe what ABA is in own words, not able to. or give generic response like “abuse & force mask”, but when ask to describe specific methods they do that, not able to. when ask them what discrete trial training and prompting is and what goals may look like and how they write behavioral analysis, never heard of any of them. say listen to ABA survivors, but not able name any individual names. just “oh listen to them online, if you actually listen like me you would know & i wouldn’t need say more so it really your ignorance.” but more often, just get reactionary shut down whole conversation be seen as ableist threat if even be asked first question. how you help advocate for ABA survivors if don’t even know what ABA is? or who ABA survivors? if cannot even talk about ABA? how even fight against your enemy if don’t even know what enemy look like, not able pick out enemy from crowd unless spoon fed?

most of it still shit.

found that. when am talking about ABA. from add nuance to encourage thought provoking questions to even rhetorically ask people to describe ABA. have to repeat emphasize that am not saying ABA all not abusive. even if it first thing i lead with. even if it super clear that am indeed criticizing ABA, just with more grey area and nuances than people used to. lot people will block me from this post just within some paragraphs. lot will block me over saying “most of it still shit” instead of denounce all ABA, when it clear that use of word “most” is deliberate choice n reason of said choice is in every corner of this post. others will finish reading (if even that) and all get out of is repeating “most of it still shit.” made similar posts year(s) ago. and still, find people vague post or explicitly post about me or my post, paint me as evil ABA apologist. whenever come across people who talk about “post where talk about ABA good,” stop and wonder, are they talking about me?

don’t want to talk about ABA because of this. tired, not worth it, often is bad starting point is turn off for people who never seen my posts when have other posts much easier entry point, n start off at bad start may cause them to not listen to me and maybe even other higher support needs and or nonverbal nonspeaking autistics in foreseeable future or ever.

you know, this post started off as “… so you all know i don’t think kindly of ABA right”

throughout write this post, don’t know which part am emphasizing more. the “most of it still shit” part or parts in between.

still. most of it still shit.

Just a not so friendly reminder that if you

- Think compulsive liars are completely in control of their lies - That they are abusive and manipulative - That they can just stop lying

Unfollow me now. Compulsive lying is often developed from childhood abuse/neglect/trauma and i cant do anything to stop it. All of my lies are always harmless shit and i dont even know why i lie about them. I just finished telling a lie about what i ate for lunch. Who the fuck cares what i ate for lunch, but i lied and couldnt stop myself. So just fuck off if you think i can control this shit.

"get a job" "unemployed behaviour" okay but like. girl your ableism

　⟢　Compulsive Liar　𓃉

A flag for those who are compulsive liars! This is intended for people with aspd and npd, but it can be used by anyone that it applies to.

　— Requested by anonymous .

as my own direct immediate list of game grievances i hate that stardew valley expects you to side against a wheelchair user who is upset that he was moved without his consent. i hate that the mass effect trilogy gives you visible scarring as a direct result of choosing mean dialogue and heals it if you're nice. i hate that the vampire the masquerade ttrpg has a monstrous player class that can appear as horrible vampiric monsters or as visibly disabled people and both of these appearances are mechanically the same. i hate that dark souls games have a difficulty level implemented in a way that cannot be adjusted for disability. i hate that i can play as a mermaid or a werewolf or a horse in the sims games but can't use a wheelchair. i hate that the ace attorney games have so much flashing and not all of the games can disable it. i hate that disability is constantly something that happens to teach a lesson, i hate that disability is something that happens as a punishment, i hate that disability is either compensated perfectly with no drawbacks or something that is endlessly sought to be cured. i hate that no character customization will ever include the mobility aids i use, that the player avatars that represent me will never look like me. i am so goddamn annoyed and so goddamn tired.

I feel like no one in the autism community understands how extroverted autism looks and it makes me feel very alienated. everyone I see is very, very introverted. they don't like social interaction and try to avoid it. I'm very very extroverted and it makes my autism look different.

I want social interaction all the time with everyone. I don't understand when it's not appropriate to talk to someone so I often bother people by talking to them when they don't want to talk. I talk to strangers when it's socially inappropriate. in ABA therapy one of my tasks was not talking to people. In ABA therapy I'd have to constantly be brought back on track because I'd just start having conversations with people. I have a hard time understanding boundaries around social interaction. my friends have had to talk to me about the fact that sometimes they need space because I can't tell when they do. I'm not naturally inclined towards avoiding social interaction I'm drawn towards it.

and I've been isolated from other people because of these things + my other autistic traits. and that's hard when you're naturally inclined towards social interaction. being isolated from society is always hard but there's a certain extra degree of it when you're not satisfied being alone. one of my first memories is of me, playing by myself, at the age of 4ish thinking about how lonely I was.

there's also a ton of feelings of guilt knowing you're annoying to people but not being able to do anything about it. I can't learn how to read when people want to talk, I've tried but it's just not something I'm capable of. I don't want to be annoying to people and I don't want people to end our friendship because they think I'm annoying.

and this isn't all my feelings about it I just wanted to share a glimpse of what it's like being extroverted and autistic because I just don't see many stories from people like me

*mom voice* You can get these words back when you know what they mean