Tydr2gun - Tyler Smiler

a very very important reminder to myself and anyone who can relate:

whenever i'm going through a very low depressive episode after being high function, autopilot mode of constant studying, working, simply on top of everything for a while, i always think to myself:

but why can't i be like that again? why can't i be like everyone else who just goes to work? people have bills to pay and here i am skipping out on work and studying while everyone else is just "sucking it up and going" i thought my future mattered? does it not?

well honey, it does. your future does matter. but also the present matters as well so taking the time to care for yourself is 100% as important.

and guess what? you are not like everyone else. not even everyone else is like everyone else. being severely depressed and having it interfere with your work and school life is an effect of being disabled. it is a disability. it's not like you're making the conscious choice to be depressed and skip out on the important things in life. stop beating yourself up for being disabled. for being ill. for struggling with your illnesses.

i know it's hard to accept the typical "it's not your fault, you're okay" advice but sometimes it helps to remember that what you struggle with is a disability/illness and that dealing with it in anyway you do (unable to get our of bed, not being able to go to work or school) is not voluntary and it takes away some of the blame and guilty you carry.

Today’s mood board. Source! - Preparing for exams

I love you! If you‘re interested in following my study day, follow my Instagram account!

13.10.23, friday

listened to 70s, 80s etc. hits all day aka felt good

things done today:

5h of coding

gym workout

- Beau Taplin

What you think archival research will be: immediate amazing discoveries about exactly what you’re working on

What archival research actually is: well now I want to know about all of the socks that the Archbishop of Florence sent to the Pope in 1512.

Crazy how I hate to live yet don't wanna die