Eating Problems - Blog Posts

Dear universe

At 13 I thought that the universe hates me. For it made me tainted and it made me unlovable. Perhaps it was true; or perhaps I was just 13. Now I finally see that there are things that actually love me.

The darkness holds me still and grief kisses my hand. The demons in my head tell me it'll be fine. And hunger kind of always stays along with this unbearable ache. Longing lingers like a lonely child and sinister thoughts eat me up inside. Years of misery and wishing to be dead. Screams of terror and weeps of fate. But dear universe I wont complain. For dear universe I still am loved.

Tw: self harm, ed

Alternate universe

In an alternate universe,

I am 14 and alone in my room,

And my hands haven't harmed myself yet.

In an alternate universe,

My mom isn't emotionally dead,

And my dad isn't the monster yet.

In an alternate universe,

I still have her by my side,

I haven't screwed everything yet.

In an alternate universe,

I don't flinch when I look in the mirror,

There are no scars on my thighs yet.

In an alternate universe,

I still eat like a normal person,

I haven't ruined myself yet.

hi does anyone know good tips to try to get away from meals? mum forces me to eat everything so i need some tricks otherwise istg with the amount of food she’s feeding me im literally gonna die 😭😭

Not me nearly puking my guts out after chugging a full water bottle at Mach 3.

I hate my internal organs, they ALL suck.

Anyone else crying in their living room at four in the morning?

Context: I had a breakdown and ate two pieces of toast. AFTER A 72 HOUR FAST

LIKE C'MON MAN WTF WHY AM I LIKE THIS

Stats - Active 7/22

I DO NOT ENCOURAGE STARVING, PURGING, PROANA OR ANYTHING THIS IS A COPING TOOL

17 - 75kg/150lbs - 164cm/5’3 - BMI 27

Goals & rewards

GW1 ~ 80kg/176lbs -🔓New shirt

78kg/171lbs -🔓

74kg/163lbs -🔓

GW2 ~70kg/154lbs - 🔓Waist beads

68kg/150lbs - 🔓

GW3 ~ 65kg/143lbs - 🔒Brandname pants

62kg/136lbs - 🔒

58kg/127lbs - 🔒

UGW~ 55kg/120lbs - 🔒Dunno yet

A little about me

Ive had an Ed since I was 8 unfortunately and it went from BED to ANA with b/p subtype since then

I fast as long as I can as eating nothing is easier than eating a little, the longest being 127 hours (6 days). Whenever I eat something I purge it regardless of it being a binge or not, I’ve been trying not to but it’s really hard to sit with the feeling.

Feel free to bully me with meanspo, sweetspo and whatever

Lots hope I weigh less next Sunday, I binged yesterday and I only gained 500g despite eating like 2000 cals.