L.I.E: Love Is Exacting #3

Her

“I’m afraid of her. She’s always there. She tells me I’m ugly and stupid, and appears whenever I feel good about myself to prove me wrong. I’m really afraid of her She even appears in my dreams, when I close my eyes I see her, when I open them too. I have no idea when would she appear. And it’s scary. She is scary. And i want her to leave me alone. But she will never do. She will kill me one day and that is for sure” “Who is she” “Me. I am really afraid of myself. I am really afraid that I can’t stand myself, I am really afraid to even close by eyes because I’d see her . Does that even make sense?” “Bin-ah, I really don’t want to be scared of myself I really want to love myself Bin-ah, Please save me.”

Mood: MJ's high notes in Cotton Candy

Reblog if u agree

ATTENTION: For anyone who reads fanfiction without leaving feedback

Here’s a few things you should know:

Fanfiction is a gift. 

Fic writers don’t have to share their works with you. They don’t have to write them at all. They do it and they share it because they’re fans of the show/book/movie etc. just like you, and they want to contribute to everyone’s enjoyment of fandom.

Fanfiction is hard to write. 

You need a lot of creativity and passion to write fic. You need a ton of motivation and drive to write a complete fic, let alone a good one. Fic authors write for hours and hours and hours, often staying up late into the night just to write. They write through job struggles and personal issues, resorting to phones and tablets when their computers are on the fritz, tapping away on public buses and trains just because they can’t find any other time to write.

Fanfiction is free. 

Fic writers give away thousands and thousands of words of pure fandom magic, and you get to consume all of it for the wonderful price of nothing. The only reward writers receive for themselves (besides a sense of accomplishment) is the response they get from you, the reader. Some don’t even feel that accomplishment until they see kudos and comments telling them how much their work was enjoyed. 

Please. 

No matter how much time you have, even just clicking the kudos button takes less than a second. And if you have time to read 5k words at one go, it’s no stretch at all to take a few more seconds to type ‘good job!’ or ‘i loved this!’ in the comment box and hit send. 

Still not convinced?

1. IF YOU’RE EMBARRASSED / SHY,

Fic authors LOVE hearing from you. Don’t worry about whether you think you’re going to phrase your response well. That’s literally the last thing we care about. Just knowing that you had a good time with something we made is EVERYTHING to us.

2. IF YOU STILL JUST DON’T SEE THE POINT,

I have a very special challenge for you, my friend.

Write a fic.

Go forth, and write a complete, well-structured, well-characterised fic with organic, stimulating dialogue interwoven into a proper, fully fleshed-out storyline. 

Publish your work for all the Internet to see.

And then get back to me.

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #2

#1

I knew he liked me, Byungjoo did. He wasn’t really that obvious, but I’ve known him enough to figure out. He was my neighbor for thirteen years now, and the first and only friend I made when I came to their neighborhood when I was four. We were quite close as kids I mean I used to do everything with him, play together, study together, I used to rely on him in everything, and had to buy him the same thing of anything I bought, he defended me the whole time and never left my side as we grew up together. I honestly felt grateful, no lie, but now we grew up, and things changed. We aren’t kids anymore. A simple touch isn’t meaningless anymore. Since we graduated middle school I started noticing, Byungjoo wasn’t the same anymore, he eyed me differently, behaved around me differently, even his tone of talking to me changed. That was enough for me to realize that it’s not the same anymore. Byungjoo didn’t see me as a best friend anymore, but as a girl. And I honestly felt guilty because I really didn’t mirror those feelings. I liked Hanbin. Though I knew I had no chance with him, my heart kept longing for him pathetically. I knew this was going to finish some day by me rejecting Byungjoo and never having Hanbin. And I’m sure Byungjoo would start distancing himself from me after and I really don’t want that. I only had Byungjoo. And loosing him wasn’t on my to do list. I actually lied, heh, I’m sorry. I haven’t always been alone after all. Byungjoo was always there, at least in the background. Checking on me between periods -as we studied in different classes-, having lunch with me, walking me home often and having the weirdest viber conversations. Byungjoo was actually the only person I was opened up with. I could freely talk without fearing him nor his reaction. I honestly felt comfortable around him because I could show my real self in front of him. What I liked about Byungjoo the most was how he was different from the others. Although he had known me for a long while, he wouldn’t just barge in when I’m sitting alone in silence. I almost think he reads my face. Whether I’m alone and liking it, or needing someone to talk to, or just a silent company. He knew me way too well. Although I was never the talkitive type. Yet I guess he just got used to my system, and unfortunately grew affectionate towards it. I sat almost cross legged -I was never good at that- over the a/c unit’s brick shade, slowly and gradually taking bites of my sandwich. Byungjoo had apparently thought it was nice to go to the rooftop and have lunch. This is both of us’ first time getting up here and if we get into trouble it’s totally his fault. Well it was pretty and comfortable here though, it was quiet and refreshing. Something Byungjoo knew I liked and that’s probably why he brought me here. And I was feeling glad he never really talked unless it was necessary. And that he got me up here because I honestly would never do that alone. I zoned out staring at the ceiling, well I pretended to, trying to look oblivious of Byungjoo intensly staring at me, I never really liked to ‘catch’ him while he’s at it, I didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable around me so I’ve always let him be. Biting the inner of my mouth I secretly wished he disliked me instead because I totally hated the idea of hurting him, I hated it so much that I refuse the occurrence of the process. I had finished eating by the time Byungjoo called me, offering a sweet. “Don’t even try to say no because I’m not taking that as an answer” he said as I opened my mouth to refuse. I chuckled. “Sassy. Thanks” I silently replied, placing the candy in my pocket. He knew well that I needed something sugary between sessions. he probably won’t be attending class this afternoon that’s why he’s handing it to me now, he never came on Wednesday afternoons. He needs to stop ditching secondary subjects. Me and Byungjoo stayed in silence for a good while. Just enjoying each other’s company. This time he was more of concentrating on the floor, suddenly finding it more attractive than me, well honestly it was, I’m funny I know. His straight eyebrows furrowed and his pink lips slightly perked up; the typical face Kim Byungjoo made when he was in deep thoughts. I guess this time it was my turn to stare at him. From how the soft winds gently played with his blond hair and to how he rested his back on the edge of where I was sitting, legs crossed and hands in his pockets. Byungjoo was good looking, I’m not even going to lie about it. He was so good looking I actually questioned why didn’t I fall for him instead. I mean I’m not that superficial but let’s be honest, he’s nice, senseful, funny and responsible, and being good looking was like the icing on the cake. The cake that had been in front of me since I was four yet I never thought of tasting it. “What?” Did I stare for too long? “nothing. Just being creepy” I quickly averted his gaze and heard him chuckle “Ugh it’s cold” I muttered after few moments but soon regretted it because I had Byungjoo’s attention focused on me as he quickly took off his blazer and placed it over my shoulders “Hey I was just saying” “Just wear it, I don’t wanted to be blamed if you get sick” he hinted at how mom always told him to look after me as if I was five. “Lets go down” he said as he pushed himself off the short wall and started walking to the door, not even bothering to look back as he knew I was following behind him. “Hey” he turned “Your jacket” I said as I approached him more. He was going out now so he technically needed it more than me who’s going to stay under a roof. “Keep it on” he answered as soon as I laid my hands over the blazer to take it off “But people will misunder–” I started as I pushed it off but was soon cut off by Byungjoo placing both of his hand firmly on my shoulders, putting the jacket back on “Let them be.” he replied, intensely looking straight at my eyes and I felt terrified for a second to be honest. “Take care” Byungjoo added before letting go of me, then inserted his hands back in his pockets, quickly descending the stairs as I stood there like an idiot. I bit my lip.

#3

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #9

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 

Exiting school me and Byungjoo walked side to side towards our houses, or at least that's what I thought until he put a hand over my shoulders And made us cross the road.

"Hey, let's go somewhere" he said as we marched across the street.

"Where" I asked, clueless. It's been some while since we went somewhere after school. Or even hung out on the weekends.

"you'll see, it will feel refreshing" he reassured.

Soon enough Byungjoo's palm blocked my vision and I got taken aback, "what are you doing, you're not kidnapping me right" I ranted and I heard him chuckle "what the hell is going on inside your head" he replied as he guided me forward to God knows where. But I didn't mind as long as it was only Byungjoo because even mom wouldn't question me being late if I was with him.

 I squinted my eyes as soon as Byungjoo removed his hand and soon adjusted my vision to the light. a small smile tickled my lips as I stared at the place I knew very well..

"The playground" I muttered.

"Does this bring back any memories?"

"A lot of them" I replied and walked forward, Byungjoo trailing closely behind me.

This playground was where me and Byungjoo met for the first time, around thirteen years ago. And since that day we became like peanut butter and jelly, if I may put it like this.we stuck to each other the whole time, had our own games and even our very own secret hideout.

"Want me to push you?" Byungjoo offered after noticing me staring at the swings and I smiled at him. If there was anything I liked about Byungjoo it was the way he read my mind.

"Do you remember? We first met exactly here, and you were afraid to play with the other kids" Byungjoo said as I sat down on the swing and he started pushing me lightly.

"I wasn't scared! I was just waiting for one of them to get off so I can play myself!" I defended.

"But many hopped on and off and you just stood there keeping a safe distance" Byungjoo went on and my pout deepened 

- 

'Should I approach them ? What if they refuse?' the little girl thought as she stood there watching the other kids swinging happily, immediately stepping forward whenever one of them got off yet soon retreating as another quickly gets on.

"Wanna play?" The girl turned to her left. There stood a child about her age and height, dark hair, big doe eyes and soft pink lips.

"E-Eung.." the girl almost whispered, nodding her head and soon hitched as the boy shouted, "Hey!! Let the girl play!!" 

"Okay come here" the child on the swing got off and called.

"You'll have to push me later for this" the little boy said and she just nodded with an excited smile.

"I'm Byungjoo. What's you name!" Byungjoo exclaimed while pushing the girl on the swing Stronger every time.

"H-Hajin, my name is Hajin" she replied, louder than before as the boy's tone told her he was no harm. 

- 

"Were you just watching the whole thing?!" 

"Sure why not" 

"Well you could've stepped up earlier!" 

"See? You were really in need of a super hero" 

"Tcheh.." I sighed, a smile never leaving my lips. 

I missed this Byungjoo. I missed the cheerful playful Byungjoo. It felt like it's been a while since we had a conversation like this. It felt good. It felt refreshing. 

We stayed in the playground for a longer time, playing, chatting, or just enjoying each other's presence. The playground was old and no kids played there anymore so we were pretty much alone. When it was almost sunset we walked back home. 

"Thanks" I said as I accepted the chocolate milk box Byungjoo had just bought. He knew I'd accept chocolate milk anywhere, anytime. 

"What about you" I asked as we resumed walking "

I gained some weight you see" he bluntly reasoned.

"Nonsense. You're still as thin as ever. I may weight more than you" 

"Says the one who skips breakfast and has Digestive cookies for lunch" he replied and I gave him a sly smile to which he just chuckled.

"Thanks" I said as me and Byungjoo reached my house.

"For what" he replied.

"For the refreshing time" I answered with a small smile which he just mirrored and began to walk his way, never forgetting to tell me to "take care" as usual. 

- 

"Hey"

it was Hanbin, "so I was being nice and decided to help you without you officially telling me to, you know, to spare you some of the awkwardness" he added as he casually marched closer to me.

"I was going to tell you though.." I murmured.

"When? Next century?" He amusedly replied.

"I really was, okay!" 

"I know I know, you're that desperate" he said with a sly smile and I glared at him.

"Forget it. What kind of idiot was I to even think of your 'help'" I hissed and jumped off the short wall, ready to leave the rooftop.

"Hey hey come here I'm kidding" Hanbin grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back. Afterall, the 'wait' wasn't even a request since he practically shoved me back. 

"I'm not done talking" he added in a more serious tone as he looked at me right in the eyes. 

Suddenly his two hands landed on my shoulders and I found myself facing him. I gulped. 

"I, Kim Hanbin, pledge to make this little hopeless little creature's days more bright and crazy" 

"... uhm first I'm not little second can we skip the crazy part" I commented and he ignored me.

"And that will be starting..... tomorrow." He seriously announced, apparently too deep in his very own scenario.

"Tomorrow is Saturday what are you on" I scowled.

"Uhuh exactly," he stood up and faced me with his back. I raised an eyebrow, 

"because you'll be," he turned back and we locked eyes.

"tutoring me" he finished.

"Huh?"

#10

I just realized I didn’t post this yet it’s been ages since I wrote it .___.

a variety show where two groups switch leaders for a month

(A/N: if you ever run into this scenario in another blog (taeramisuworld.tumblr.com) don’t worry, that blog is mine too, I post more fluffy-ish scenarios there if you want to check it :))

I missed him. I missed him so much. I missed his smile, his eyes, his voice, his touch, everything about him made me cry my eyes out. 

Me and Taehyung broke up five months ago. Things just weren't working and we had to separate. At first I was okay with breaking up, it sounded fine. It sounded like the best option. Who was I kidding? It was the worst option. If only I didn't rant about it. If only I kept my mouth shut. If only I just dealt with it. If only I was less selfish. If only things could go back to how it was. 

Taehyung was such a beautiful person. Inside and outside. He was the image of perfect in my eyes. From how his eyes sparkled whenever he looked at me, how they almost disappear whenever he smiled widely, how his silky hair looked perfectly amazing in any hairstyle, how it felt so soft against my hands whenever I played with it, how plump his pink lips where, and how sweet they tasted against mine, how his hands sent electricity through my whole body whenever he intertwined our fingers, and how it perfectly fit mine as he securely held onto it, and to how he looked good in any of his outfits, his outfits that I still remember each one of them till now, and how he used to wear that gray sweater a lot, I liked it. And his eyelashes, oh God his eyelashes, this was probably the weirdest thing I liked about him, I'd keep staring at them until he notices that I was staring at them not his eyes, and end up teasing me about it, batting his eyelashes in a silly way. 

But deep down I was happy, because I knew he appreciated that, I knew I was the only one for him, I knew he only saw me in his life, I knew he loved me more than anything else in this world, yet if only I kept that in mind. 

I missed Taehyung. I missed how we used to fool around together. I missed how we used to cuddle under piles of blankets on rainy days. I missed how touchy he was and how I used to get all frustrated at it at first. I missed how I kissed his nose mole and how a small blush would creep its way up his cheeks whenever I did that. I missed how he used to squeeze my face between his palms whenever I was feeling upset, and how I found it ridiculous yet still never failed to make me feel better. I missed how he used to surprise hug me from the back whenever we were meeting for a date, and how he whispered how much he missed me with his deep yet sweet voice, the voice that I loved waking up to everyday, the voice that made my name sound a million times better, the voice of the person that never failed and will never fail to shake up my heart. 

I wanted to get back with Taehyung. I really did. Hell I more than did. And knew that as some point he wanted that too. Yet he was moving on, Taehyung thought he had no other choice, he thought that because I was selfish enough to make him think he was not good enough for me, he thought that because I made him believe he was at wrong. Me and Taehyung didn't break up because of a fight; we never fought. We were the cutest couple out there. We fit too perfectly that some cashiers or waiters would comment on it. 

Yet it wasn't that perfect though. Taehyung had a really crammed work schedule. I would see him once a month if I was lucky. He started work so early and finished late at night, and even when he gets dismissed early, I didn't want to bother him to meet, he would be way too exhausted and in need of sleep. We would text and call often though. And I was more than glad to wake up to a voice message by him everyday, calling me his sweet princess and saying he misses me and loves me so much. 

However that often turned into sometimes, then to rarely. Our phone conversations consisted mainly of asking each other how are we doing, his work, my studies, and me telling him to take a rest after him ranting about how tired he was, it was way too obvious from his voice already. Taehyung was going through a really tough period, he had to work double, if not more. It was for the sake of his promotion. If he got promoted, his salary would be enough to cover all of his needs. He needed it. He wanted it. And I honestly wanted it for him too. Who wouldn't want a better life for her boyfriend. 

Yet it was getting out of hand. Taehyung sometimes didn't even reply my messages. He didn't pick up my calls. I knew the time he was dismissed and always made sure to call after that not to bother him at work. And in parallel he called and texted less often, until we lost contact for some time. And I had enough. I wanted to talk about it. I told him and after convincing him it's not something to say over the phone and that he should spare time for it, we agreed to meet. 

If only we didn't. I still regret that day. I regret it way too much That my eyes tear up when I remember. 

"Look Taehyung, the thing is, I really understand you're really busy with work and all, and that it's really important for you, but don't you think you've been forgetting about us? I was okay okay with it at first. But it's getting out of hand Taehyung. Are we really dating or what?" 

He sighed. 

"Listen babe I'm really sorry. My boss got a thing for me, he won't be letting me upgrade easily. I had to work extra hours and make sure not to make a single mistake. It's not that I forgot you or anything. You're always in my mind okay? You're the one giving me strength when I feel like giving--" 

"Are we really going to listen to this again? This is taking too long Taehyung. If he doesn't want to promote you then quit there. There are plenty of job announcements out there and with a diploma like yours you could get hired easily." 

"It's not as easy as it sounds Haji--" 

"Then spare some time to at least meet for coffee, if it wasn't for the pictures I have of you I would've forgotten how your face looked like goddamn it Taehyung!!" 

"Its going to be over soon" 

"You said that a month ago Taehyung. We need a solution for this" 

He looked at me. And I could still feel how his eye gaze stung my heart. He was afraid. His look was pleading. He was hoping it's not what he thought that I meant. Although a part of him knew there was nothing to do about it. 

"I see this is not working out. I'm sorry." 

I stayed silent. 

"I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry for not keeping in mind what you felt about it. I'm sorry for not treating you good enough. I made mistakes. And I honestly think I can do nothing to fix them. I was so bad to you I'm sorry. Forgive me"

"You're forgiven, Taehyung. But I'm afraid this relationship is not going anywhere, and it's better if it ends here. I'm sorry Tae. We're over. But I just want you to know, that I've been really happy in these two years we spent together. And I'm thankful for it." I said as I turned my back and started walking further. 

"I'm sorry. I hope.. you'll meet someone nicer and kinder than me, and would value you enough" 

I stopped as I heard him say this and a lump formed in my throat "I don't think I will.." I muttered before resuming to walk. 

That's how we broke up. And I regret every word that came out of my mouth that day. 

A few days later I got a message that struck me hard. It was Taehyung. I read that message too many time I actually memorized it by heart. 

"Hey. At first I didn't think you would bother to know, but I decided to inform you anyway. I got promoted today. the director changed just the after and I showed him my file, he said I was worth promoting and thus I'm on a higher grade now and have less work hours and more payment. I don't think you'd care now, right? Since that's the reason we broke up. But well, I'm sorry for disturbing you, that's the last you'll hear from me. Take care, do well with your studies. -Taehyung" 

That night I cried. A lot. I couldn't sleep, thinking how much of a horrible creature I was. If I only waited one day. One fucking day. Hell that was not even twelve hours. Why did I have to talk about it. He said it was going to be over soon anyways. i Should’ve trusted him. I should've trusted Taehyung. He knew what was he saying. He had hope in our relationship. He had always thought of me. He had always loved me and only me. He had always cared. Yet I didn't. I was selfish enough not to think of what he felt, what was he going through. He was being terribly unhealthy because of too much work. He had pressure on him the whole time and I just made it worse on him. I wish I didn't. I wish we could come back together. And everything would be just as it was. We wouldn't meet for several months and I wouldn't mind for all I care. Having in mind that he won't ever forget me. He won't ever stop loving me. 

About two weeks later the new month came. And I honestly wasn't doing any good in moving on overTaehyung. I dreamt of him every night. Saw him everywhere. My whole life was missing a piece. I got a message. It was from the bank. It said I received 200 dollars from a more than familiar account number. Followed by another message 

"Hey this is Taehyung, just in case you deleted my number. Sorry, I said I won't bother you again but, even though we broke up, I'll still share my salary with you till you have a boyfriend. If not, till you graduate. Don't take part time jobs okay? Take care -Taehyung" 

Tears welled up in my eyes. I was crying uncontrollably. he didn't just send me the monthly money. He doubled it. Since he got promoted. He had always hated it for me to have a part time job, as I was a struggling parentless university student. But the fact that he still sent me that even after we broke up shoke me up. Taehyung still cared. He moved on, but he cared. Thats why I loved him. He was nice. He was caring. He didn’t need a person to be related to him or of his circle to help them. He just did so because he was kind. Kim Taehyung was the kindest person I knew. Yet I didn't value him enough. 

I sat at a table in a cafe across Taehyung's work place. It's been three months that I had always been doing this, I went there about ten minutes before his dismissal time, and watched him as he went out of the building. Sometimes with his colleague; Jungkook, happily chatting. His figure slender as ever. He got even more handsome by now I think. And I hated the fact that other girls can look at him now. And that he wasn't mine anymore. The most perfect guy on earth wasn't mine anymore. Because I wasn't patient and understanding enough. 

I wasn't going to move on overTaehyung. I will never do. Thus I'll never date again I guess. No one would be worth more than Taehyung. He was the only one in my eyes and will forever be. Yet I was glad this was my last year of university. I was going to graduate soon and he won't have to spend money on the girl that broke his heart, the horrible girl that wasn't understanding enough, the ignorant girl that didn't stand by him in his hardest moments yet gave him more pressure. 

I took a sip of my warm mocha as my heart tingled in excitement. He will go out soon. I wonder what is he wearing today. I hope he'll come out with Jungkook, I want to see him smiling. He always looks good when smiling.

Cinderella’s dress, shoes, and hairband change color with your blog!!

To be honest as a writer i can't relate enough

Imagining a story in your head:

Writing down the story:

"THATS NOT IT" I gasp dramatically as I put down my mechanical pencil and grab another one