Once You Get This You Have To Say 5 Things You Like About Yourself, Publicly. Then, Send This To Your

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #1

He sat at the back of the class, earphones plugged and not a single shit given about the world. I didn’t really mind. I sat on the first table by the door and was class president. I had a bad habit of leaning my back on the wall not my chair so I technically had a perfect view of him; if only he wasn’t sleeping with his blazer over him the whole time or not even attending class. He was a bit taller than me, as I was a somehow tall girl myself, oh well I didn’t really mind this too, why am I even mentioning that. Many girls were probably envying my perfect spot and would pay me to take that desk. Lets face it though, he had a girlfriend, I mean come on, he looked like it. But he also looked like a player, I mean let me reformulate that; he knew he was good looking, and the fact that he thought every girl would be fawning at him with a glance annoyed the shit out of me, because he keeps staring holes into me, probably expecting me to care, but I didn’t, hell why would I, I don’t boys that’s a first, second I’d rather die in a dirty hole than be interested in him, yet he didn’t like it, he wanted me falling for him and I knew it, his arrogant self wouldn’t let him sit and watch how Kim Hajin ignores his existence while the rest of girls were all over him. Kim Hanbin just didn’t know how different I was.

I’m usually lonely on lunch time, well let’s face it, I’ve always been alone in everything, funny isn’t it? I didn’t really mind. And I slowly grew comfortable to the silence. It was my best friend, and I almost hated when someone interrupted that, probably one of my classmates “kindly” offering the quiet shy girl company, giving a famous “why are you sitting alone?”. It was because I enjoyed being alone the most, I enjoyed silence’s company the most. Silence was nice. You could always talk to silence. Yet it would never judge you. Music was nice too, I liked music. Ballady hip hop. Yes I didn’t look like it. I looked more like someone who’d listen to Barbie songs honestly. but well they say what you show is not always what you hide. People thought I was quiet because I disliked them, was complexed or just because I only minded my studies, I don’t blame them though. I actually disliked them all anyways. no one was worthy as a friend. But come on let’s be honest; I don’t even see the use of having a friend, I mean I can manage alone. I’m pretty fine alone. I am totally in no need of fake human beings by my side that act nice in front of me. And I’m also in no need of calling them my friends just because I saw them five days a week. I was growing annoyed of the fuss in the classroom. I was the type to pack a few snacks and have them for lunch in the classroom while others ate in the canteen. That place was way too crowded and noisy for me. However today was different, we had a math test this afternoon and so, many of my classmates stayed in class to “study”; Our teacher was strict as a clock. And no matter how much I tried ignored the girl that sat behind me calling my name around ten times now, she wouldn’t shut up and I was ready to shove a knife into her eyes, too bad I didn’t have one. Sorry not sorry for being sadistic. But that girl annoyed me; not like everyone didn’t. She was new, and probably didn’t know me well. Although they found it weird, my classmates grew used to me being in my own world, and never really bothered to talk to me between periods or when I’m having my earphones on, hell they wouldnt even dare, but I see she didn’t get it yet, well I hope she does before I get jailed because of her. Having enough I quietly got up and placed my backpack on my chair before pushing it under my desk; no one dared to touch my stuff so I didn’t really mind leaving it there. “Hajin are you okay? You actually got up!!” One of my classmates exclaimed, as if she just realized I actually had legs. Well I was known for not leaving my desk since I come in the morning unless a teacher told me to do something. I saw no need in wasting my energy, my classmates got up between every period, roaming around or peeking from the door to check if the teacher came. I gave her a small smile before secretly scowling at Hanbin and his girlfriend at the back of the classroom, hands intertwined and mirrored cheesy smiles. They were the definition of disgusting, oh well, not like he didn’t intertwine hands or initiated skinship with other girls. I wonder how his girlfriend is okay with that, or if she does even know. On the other hand I was kind of surprised how my classmates easily bought my fake smiles. I mean wasn’t my cold attitude obvious enough? Poor kids, thought I was the pink angel. I headed out of class, no where to go in precise. I just needed somewhere quiet, which was hard to find by the moment because you’d probably find a couple by each classroom. Ew. I looked once more at those stairs and halted my steps. Should I go? They lead to the rooftop, I had no idea how it looked like but I was hella sure it’d be quiet up there and that it’s going to be nice. Thinking twice I resumed walking. I was a coward, who am I kidding? I never took risks because I was a coward, I always followed the rules because I was a coward, I never talked to my classmates because I was a coward. I was afraid of rejection, afraid of people, of their judging, their deadly stares and terrifying whispers. I let my insecurities overcome my likes. I was a weak person, I knew it, yet I did nothing about it. I let my weakness control me, I let people’s opinions manipulate my life. Kind, nice, shy, studious; that’s what they thought I was; no. Thats what they wanted me to be. Mute, insecure, antisocial; that’s what I saw myself as, after trying to match their expectations. It wasn’t that people didn’t dare to talk to me when I’m with my earphones on. It wasn’t that they didn’t dare to touch my belongings just because they were mine. It was that they didn’t care, I wasn’t important, I was nothing, and I knew it. I was afraid of Hanbin too. I wanted to impress Hanbin and I knew it. I liked him. Yet I kept fooling myself that I didn’t, that I was cool enough to not care about any boy, that I was just different and he wasn’t my style, that I really didn’t want him to be interested in me and get close to me like my other classmates. Hanbin didn’t want me to fall for him, he didn’t even care about my existence. I was jealous of them and I knew it. Why are those girls close to him and I’m not? Why does he initiate the talk with them but never talks to me unless I was the only one in class and he needed to ask about a teacher? I really liked Kim Hanbin and I more than knew it. Yet the weak person I am told me to shut up and deal with it. I knew I had a chance of getting of close to him, what was easier than starting a conversation with Hanbin? Maths? Physics? Building a jackpot? Well everything was easier for me than that. I was going to finish my last year in high school crushing on Hanbin without anyone knowing but silence, yet guess what? I knew it.

#2 

BTS V/Taehyung x gray tones

(Saved my fav color for my ult haaaa)

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #10

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 

“Huh?" 

He’s kidding me. Now he’s got to be kidding me. why would I be tutoring him? And how would that even be beneficial to me? And how would I get mom to accept meeting with a boy in the weekend? And when did he even give a shit about studies in the first place? 

"That’s right” Hanbin put his hands in his pockets.

“Are you crazy mom would never accept” I replied.

“come on mothers love me” he said and I rolled my eyes.

“give me that phone” he said as he snatched the device from my hands.

“Hey!” I tried retrieving my phone back from him as I watched him easily unlocking it And accessing the contacts.

“How do you even know my secret pattern” I asked, still struggling to get my device back.

“You can say I spied" he simply replied.

“Hello Auntie!” Hanbin suddenly said and I realized he had already dialed mom’s number. My jaw dropped as I froze. 

Oh crap. 

I’m doomed. 

“Don’t worry, I’m Hajin’s classmate" 

*oh goodness* 

"Auntie you know how your daughter is a good student and all, and I’m not that good with maths. So I wanted to ask if it was okay if she’d tutor me this weekend…. yeah in my house" 

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU CRAZY” I mouthed to Hanbin as I ran to take the phone away from him but he had always been way faster.

“don’t worry my mother will be there. She teaches here and Hajin knows her…. yeah, yeah I’m sure…. it’d be very nice if you accept Auntie please?” Hanbin kept talking and I almost slapped him for the tone he was using, I mean was he just doing aegyo to mom? I’m so getting questioned when I get home. 

“Thanks Auntie! Have a good day!” He finished and hung up.

“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE FREAKING DOING– UGH” I scolded Hanbin as he finally gave me my phone back, the huge idiotic smile never leaving his face. He knew he just threw me in trouble. 

“Booking myself a tutoring session?” Hanbin casually answered, as if it was the most logical thing on earth. God can I slap him. 

“what the hell I’m dead meat tonight” I scoffed and eyed him disgustedly.

“Oh come on she said yes what else could go wrong" 

"My life could go wrong! she was probably being nice just because–” I was cut off by Hanbin literally pinching my lips shut and that’s how I turned into a seal making the weirdest sounds, whining how much it fucking hurt. What the heck goes on his mind when he does stuff like these? And the fact that he was my goddamned freaking crush made it worse since Kim Hanbin was the king of skinship. 

“Rule number one; don’t whine over plotwists.” He said and I looked at him as if he was crazy.

“when life throws lemons at you, you make a lemonade” he explained.

“More like you throw them back at Kim Hanbin” I grumbled and he turned to me.

“See? You can’t even accept a plotwist of lemons then what about real life problems!” Hanbin almost scolded me and I had nothing to say.

“You’re tutoring me and that’s part of the plan. This is your first step, deal with it” he added and left. I huffed and exited the rooftop soon after 

- 

“So who’s that guy who called?" 

"A classmate” I answered mom before taking a bite of my muffin.

“And you really know his mother?" 

"Yeah she taught me before”

“Be careful though” my mother quietly said then took a sip of her coffee 

“Hmm” I replied and went upstairs.

- 

I sighed one more time as I looked down at my outfit; a very plain black skirt matched with a red flannel, black stockings, shoes and purse. I was waiting for Hanbin to appear for about ten minutes now, what a penctual human being.

Clutching my hands tighter against my notebook, I looked around once more for a trace of Kim Hanbin. 

“Hey, let’s go" 

"Hi I’m fine thanks for asking” I scoffed at Hanbin as he came and tried dragging me with him two seconds after. I mean, I swear to God there are other ways to accompany someone other than shoving them everywhere.

“Yeah yeah drop them formalities. the bus is going" 

"Wait what bu—” without even being able to finish Hanbin grabbed my hand and ran towards the bus a few meters away from us. 

Wait. 

Okay what the hell. I was supposed to wait for him here because I didn’t know where he exactly lived. 

This wasn’t how it worked. This wasn’t how any of this worked. But there was something I was sure of and it was that Kim Hanbin needed to stop casually touching me all of a sudden because even though I could say I’m chill with him now my heart still skips a beat whenever he held my hand or touched my cheek. 

“Where the heck are you taking me” I whispered to Hanbin as soon as we were seated down And got my forehead flicked almost immediately.

“remember rule number one” was all I got from him afterwards. I wrinkled my nose at him as I rubbed my sour forehead, hoping Kim Hanbin wasn’t taking me to the infinity and beyond. 

- 

“…You’ve got to be kidding me” I said in disbelief as the two of us stood in front of the huge gates of…. well, Lotte World.

“Such a shame to waste a good day like this studying huh?” Hanbin said giving me the famous ‘ha? Waddaya say?’ Look and I stared at him dumbfounded.

“But what the hell what do I do with this notebook now, and how am I supposed to survive here with a skirt, and why didn’t you even tell me to dress casually–” I started ranting, since I looked more like an emo human being in that colorful place, then soon got cut off by an annoyed Hanbin.

“Rule number one you rascal,” he snapped, “First i swear to god you won’t die holding a notebook inside Lotte World. Second,” he smirked, looking down at my skirt and I gulped, “don’t worry I’m a gentleman I don’t look under skirts” Hanbin added and soon got hit on the arm, but finished talking nevertheless, “ouch, and third I wouldn’t mind even if you came in your pajamas to be honest." 

Long story short, Hanbin dragged me around every game around there, an excited him and an ever so done me. 

"Its about time we ride this” he said as soon as we stepped out of the spinning cups, me still stumbling to regain my balance. I looked up to where he was staring and my brain broke the emergency button. The roller coaster. 

“No no no no wait wait no no look we’re NOT riding this” I told Hanbin as I tried to stop him from walking towards the game, which he seemed not to be bothered by at all. Gosh why the heck was he that built up. 

“Why not” he simply replied.

“Because I’m so dying up there and you’re going to pay my funeral and tomb fees then get jailed after" 

"Stop with the nonsense” Hanbin finally uttered after having enough of my whining, reaching the boarding platform.

I stopped at my tracks, “No I’m not getting in I swear Kim Hanbi–” I suddenly shrieked as Mister super gentleman literally held me by my waist and threw me on the chair, taking a seat immediately after to stop me from escaping. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t going to pass out at that moment. Not only because I was living my last few minutes before the ride started, but also because Kim Hanbin was so fucking touchy he needed a slap on the face, or someone to tie him to a chair and punch him, punch him multiple times. And the latter sounded more pleasant. 

I would bet all of Steve Jobs’ money everyone was not only staring at us, but also judging, and thinking we were together. The last one didn’t sound too bad but it wasn’t true so it was the worst. If he did this to me I wonder what Mirae is facing.. 

“Oh fuck” I whispered as soon as the machine started advancing more and more towards the peak, tightly gripping on the railing as if my life depended on it; well, at some point, it did. 

“WAIT I NEED A COUNTDOWN” I almost yelled to Hanbin since we were reaching the summit and everyone was screaming by that time and I sure as heck wasn’t ready for whatever was coming next.

“RULE NUMBER TWO: FORGET ABOUT ONE TWO THREE” he yelled back like a mad man and threw his hands in the air, a huge smile on his face as the machine took a dramatic shoot to the bottom. 

I shut my eyes and screamed my lungs out. 

#11

For Writers:

Reblog if it’s okay for your followers to leave you an ask telling you what the one thing is they remember you for as a writer.  Is it a scene or a detail or a specific line? Is it something like style or characterization?  Is it that one weird kink they never thought they’d be into, but oh my god wow self-discovery time?

To be honest as a writer i can't relate enough

Imagining a story in your head:

Writing down the story:

send an ask: get to know your author

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

4) favorite character you’ve written

5) character you were most surprised to end up writing

6) something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now

7) when asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

8) favorite genre to write

9) what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?

11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?

12) your weaknesses as an author

13) your strengths as an author

14) do you make playlists for your current wips?

15) why did you start writing?

16) are there any characters who haunt you?

17) if you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?

18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

21) what do you think when you read over your older work?

22) are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?

23) any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?

24) have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #7

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6

Leaving the rooftop, Hanbin lead the way downstairs. "Yah Hanbin" I stopped at my tracks. My body froze just before turning to descend the left stairs as I heard a female voice calling. "oh, Mirae" I heard Hanbin say, I could distinguish the surprise in his voice, he was smiling awkwardly,  I could guess "Where were you? What were you doing there?" The girl asked and I bit my lip and as my heart hammered inside my chest *please don't say anything stupid please don't say anything stupid* I repeated over and over in my head as I waited for the boy to utter a word for what seemed to be two eternities. What if he tells her? Ill be doomed. Goddamn doomed. "Just walking around, turned out it's locked up there" Hanbin casually answered and I mentaly sighed in relief, I had a hast urge to go up and hug him for being smart once in his life. "What are you doing here, go to class, hurry" I heard Hanbin say "Seems like you're ditching too so really" Mirae said through pouty lips "No my baby needs to study hard" the boy cooed and I rolled my eyes Eventually, Hanbin managed to shoo his girlfriend away without her finding out I was there. He cane back to the staircase after walking her half way to her classroom to find me leaning on the wall, arms crossed "You guys are quite disgusting" I said and heard him chuckle. Yes, I finally had the chance to say this. And no, I didn't regret that. "Girls love sweet talking" he replied as a matter of fact and I gave him a look. It hasn't been a long time since we started talking but I think he got the message that I wasn't too into that. "You're special okay" Hanbin added as he ascended the stairs till he was on the same one as me "You're still sweet talking" I replied in a tone, not annoyed, but way too done with this boy and his tongue. "Hey, you haven't eaten a thing" Hanbin said again and almost put a hand over my shoulder as we descended the stairs to the main hall. I couldn't believe this. This was just so wrong. Way too wrong. I was actually talking to Hanbin, I was almost getting close to him; my crush. Now this can't be true. And as much as I knew how unlucky I was, I was enjoying that although it won't probably last for long. "Are you even listening" I snapped out of my thoughts and found myself walking out the gates of school with Hanbin on my right side. I was looking more human by the time. "Huh?" Was all I could utter as I tried to process what was happening "I said let's go get something at the café nearby" hanbin repeated so casually that it didn't even sound wrong to my ear at all. "Uhh yeah, let's" I replied, trying to sound neutral as I we walked side to side further from school. So I'm technically having a date with Hanbin. Holy shit. Great now slap me for having that thought. the road to the coffee shop was rather short. We soon arrived and were seated on a table in the far inside of the shop. "I'll go get two hot chocolates" Hanbin said after putting his almost empty backpack down and headed to the counter, not even bothering to ask me what would I like to have, or even if hot chocolate was fine. What a gentleman. Hanbin soon came back with two large mugs, placed one next to me and took a seat as he put down his. he leaned back and gave me a look "Why do you look unamused" he asked, not really demanding "Haven't I always looked unamused" I answered as a matter of fact "do you really feel so" he paused then insisted again "Try and guess-" I replied after taking a sip of my drink "You get on my nerves" Hanbin chuckled and looked away in disbelief "Good" I commented with a smirk "Look who's finally in a good mood" he mirrored my smirk Ouch. That was a good comeback. He caught me off guard. "Not me" I chuckled "Yeah of course" Hanbin replied, amused and we both smiled as we locked eyes we left the coffee shop after and resumed walking, it wasn't really the perfect day to but well. Hanbin then stopped at a small hill by the riverbank and we both comfortably sat down; him laying even. It was a really beautiful place to relax. I stared at the peaceful water glowing under the still strong rays of the sun, as I felt Hanbin playing with strands o coaly black hair. maybe the fact that Hanbin came wasn't bad after all. "So.. back in the rooftop, would you like to tell me what made you sad now?" okay. I take that back. Frowning I sighed "did you have to ruin the mood now" "I'm just concerned" "I told you you didn't have to" "I just want to help goddamn it!" Hanbin finally snapped almost loudly and I looked at him. He sat up and look at me intensely ".... is that possible" he added and I sighed, resting my forehead on my knees, elbows supporting my head "I don't know... I just... I just don't know" And the next thing I knew is that I was crying. Again.

#8

a variety show where two groups switch leaders for a month

(A/N: if you ever run into this scenario in another blog (taeramisuworld.tumblr.com) don’t worry, that blog is mine too, I post more fluffy-ish scenarios there if you want to check it :))

I missed him. I missed him so much. I missed his smile, his eyes, his voice, his touch, everything about him made me cry my eyes out. 

Me and Taehyung broke up five months ago. Things just weren't working and we had to separate. At first I was okay with breaking up, it sounded fine. It sounded like the best option. Who was I kidding? It was the worst option. If only I didn't rant about it. If only I kept my mouth shut. If only I just dealt with it. If only I was less selfish. If only things could go back to how it was. 

Taehyung was such a beautiful person. Inside and outside. He was the image of perfect in my eyes. From how his eyes sparkled whenever he looked at me, how they almost disappear whenever he smiled widely, how his silky hair looked perfectly amazing in any hairstyle, how it felt so soft against my hands whenever I played with it, how plump his pink lips where, and how sweet they tasted against mine, how his hands sent electricity through my whole body whenever he intertwined our fingers, and how it perfectly fit mine as he securely held onto it, and to how he looked good in any of his outfits, his outfits that I still remember each one of them till now, and how he used to wear that gray sweater a lot, I liked it. And his eyelashes, oh God his eyelashes, this was probably the weirdest thing I liked about him, I'd keep staring at them until he notices that I was staring at them not his eyes, and end up teasing me about it, batting his eyelashes in a silly way. 

But deep down I was happy, because I knew he appreciated that, I knew I was the only one for him, I knew he only saw me in his life, I knew he loved me more than anything else in this world, yet if only I kept that in mind. 

I missed Taehyung. I missed how we used to fool around together. I missed how we used to cuddle under piles of blankets on rainy days. I missed how touchy he was and how I used to get all frustrated at it at first. I missed how I kissed his nose mole and how a small blush would creep its way up his cheeks whenever I did that. I missed how he used to squeeze my face between his palms whenever I was feeling upset, and how I found it ridiculous yet still never failed to make me feel better. I missed how he used to surprise hug me from the back whenever we were meeting for a date, and how he whispered how much he missed me with his deep yet sweet voice, the voice that I loved waking up to everyday, the voice that made my name sound a million times better, the voice of the person that never failed and will never fail to shake up my heart. 

I wanted to get back with Taehyung. I really did. Hell I more than did. And knew that as some point he wanted that too. Yet he was moving on, Taehyung thought he had no other choice, he thought that because I was selfish enough to make him think he was not good enough for me, he thought that because I made him believe he was at wrong. Me and Taehyung didn't break up because of a fight; we never fought. We were the cutest couple out there. We fit too perfectly that some cashiers or waiters would comment on it. 

Yet it wasn't that perfect though. Taehyung had a really crammed work schedule. I would see him once a month if I was lucky. He started work so early and finished late at night, and even when he gets dismissed early, I didn't want to bother him to meet, he would be way too exhausted and in need of sleep. We would text and call often though. And I was more than glad to wake up to a voice message by him everyday, calling me his sweet princess and saying he misses me and loves me so much. 

However that often turned into sometimes, then to rarely. Our phone conversations consisted mainly of asking each other how are we doing, his work, my studies, and me telling him to take a rest after him ranting about how tired he was, it was way too obvious from his voice already. Taehyung was going through a really tough period, he had to work double, if not more. It was for the sake of his promotion. If he got promoted, his salary would be enough to cover all of his needs. He needed it. He wanted it. And I honestly wanted it for him too. Who wouldn't want a better life for her boyfriend. 

Yet it was getting out of hand. Taehyung sometimes didn't even reply my messages. He didn't pick up my calls. I knew the time he was dismissed and always made sure to call after that not to bother him at work. And in parallel he called and texted less often, until we lost contact for some time. And I had enough. I wanted to talk about it. I told him and after convincing him it's not something to say over the phone and that he should spare time for it, we agreed to meet. 

If only we didn't. I still regret that day. I regret it way too much That my eyes tear up when I remember. 

"Look Taehyung, the thing is, I really understand you're really busy with work and all, and that it's really important for you, but don't you think you've been forgetting about us? I was okay okay with it at first. But it's getting out of hand Taehyung. Are we really dating or what?" 

He sighed. 

"Listen babe I'm really sorry. My boss got a thing for me, he won't be letting me upgrade easily. I had to work extra hours and make sure not to make a single mistake. It's not that I forgot you or anything. You're always in my mind okay? You're the one giving me strength when I feel like giving--" 

"Are we really going to listen to this again? This is taking too long Taehyung. If he doesn't want to promote you then quit there. There are plenty of job announcements out there and with a diploma like yours you could get hired easily." 

"It's not as easy as it sounds Haji--" 

"Then spare some time to at least meet for coffee, if it wasn't for the pictures I have of you I would've forgotten how your face looked like goddamn it Taehyung!!" 

"Its going to be over soon" 

"You said that a month ago Taehyung. We need a solution for this" 

He looked at me. And I could still feel how his eye gaze stung my heart. He was afraid. His look was pleading. He was hoping it's not what he thought that I meant. Although a part of him knew there was nothing to do about it. 

"I see this is not working out. I'm sorry." 

I stayed silent. 

"I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry for not keeping in mind what you felt about it. I'm sorry for not treating you good enough. I made mistakes. And I honestly think I can do nothing to fix them. I was so bad to you I'm sorry. Forgive me"

"You're forgiven, Taehyung. But I'm afraid this relationship is not going anywhere, and it's better if it ends here. I'm sorry Tae. We're over. But I just want you to know, that I've been really happy in these two years we spent together. And I'm thankful for it." I said as I turned my back and started walking further. 

"I'm sorry. I hope.. you'll meet someone nicer and kinder than me, and would value you enough" 

I stopped as I heard him say this and a lump formed in my throat "I don't think I will.." I muttered before resuming to walk. 

That's how we broke up. And I regret every word that came out of my mouth that day. 

A few days later I got a message that struck me hard. It was Taehyung. I read that message too many time I actually memorized it by heart. 

"Hey. At first I didn't think you would bother to know, but I decided to inform you anyway. I got promoted today. the director changed just the after and I showed him my file, he said I was worth promoting and thus I'm on a higher grade now and have less work hours and more payment. I don't think you'd care now, right? Since that's the reason we broke up. But well, I'm sorry for disturbing you, that's the last you'll hear from me. Take care, do well with your studies. -Taehyung" 

That night I cried. A lot. I couldn't sleep, thinking how much of a horrible creature I was. If I only waited one day. One fucking day. Hell that was not even twelve hours. Why did I have to talk about it. He said it was going to be over soon anyways. i Should’ve trusted him. I should've trusted Taehyung. He knew what was he saying. He had hope in our relationship. He had always thought of me. He had always loved me and only me. He had always cared. Yet I didn't. I was selfish enough not to think of what he felt, what was he going through. He was being terribly unhealthy because of too much work. He had pressure on him the whole time and I just made it worse on him. I wish I didn't. I wish we could come back together. And everything would be just as it was. We wouldn't meet for several months and I wouldn't mind for all I care. Having in mind that he won't ever forget me. He won't ever stop loving me. 

About two weeks later the new month came. And I honestly wasn't doing any good in moving on overTaehyung. I dreamt of him every night. Saw him everywhere. My whole life was missing a piece. I got a message. It was from the bank. It said I received 200 dollars from a more than familiar account number. Followed by another message 

"Hey this is Taehyung, just in case you deleted my number. Sorry, I said I won't bother you again but, even though we broke up, I'll still share my salary with you till you have a boyfriend. If not, till you graduate. Don't take part time jobs okay? Take care -Taehyung" 

Tears welled up in my eyes. I was crying uncontrollably. he didn't just send me the monthly money. He doubled it. Since he got promoted. He had always hated it for me to have a part time job, as I was a struggling parentless university student. But the fact that he still sent me that even after we broke up shoke me up. Taehyung still cared. He moved on, but he cared. Thats why I loved him. He was nice. He was caring. He didn’t need a person to be related to him or of his circle to help them. He just did so because he was kind. Kim Taehyung was the kindest person I knew. Yet I didn't value him enough. 

I sat at a table in a cafe across Taehyung's work place. It's been three months that I had always been doing this, I went there about ten minutes before his dismissal time, and watched him as he went out of the building. Sometimes with his colleague; Jungkook, happily chatting. His figure slender as ever. He got even more handsome by now I think. And I hated the fact that other girls can look at him now. And that he wasn't mine anymore. The most perfect guy on earth wasn't mine anymore. Because I wasn't patient and understanding enough. 

I wasn't going to move on overTaehyung. I will never do. Thus I'll never date again I guess. No one would be worth more than Taehyung. He was the only one in my eyes and will forever be. Yet I was glad this was my last year of university. I was going to graduate soon and he won't have to spend money on the girl that broke his heart, the horrible girl that wasn't understanding enough, the ignorant girl that didn't stand by him in his hardest moments yet gave him more pressure. 

I took a sip of my warm mocha as my heart tingled in excitement. He will go out soon. I wonder what is he wearing today. I hope he'll come out with Jungkook, I want to see him smiling. He always looks good when smiling.

Her

“I’m afraid of her. She’s always there. She tells me I’m ugly and stupid, and appears whenever I feel good about myself to prove me wrong. I’m really afraid of her She even appears in my dreams, when I close my eyes I see her, when I open them too. I have no idea when would she appear. And it’s scary. She is scary. And i want her to leave me alone. But she will never do. She will kill me one day and that is for sure” “Who is she” “Me. I am really afraid of myself. I am really afraid that I can’t stand myself, I am really afraid to even close by eyes because I’d see her . Does that even make sense?” “Bin-ah, I really don’t want to be scared of myself I really want to love myself Bin-ah, Please save me.”