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L.I.E: Love is Exacting #3

#1 #2

“So this is where you vanish to lately” it was Hanbin. He had ascended the rooftop few minutes after I reached there. I had started spending more time here since me and Byungjoo came for the first time, I started liking this place so much, whether it was with or without Byungjoo’s company, I never failed to have lunch here everyday. But this wasn’t it, Hanbin was up here today, and he seemed quite interested in the fact of finally finding out where I’ve been going to. I let out a chuckle and gazed back at the typical gloomy cloudy sky of autumn. “What makes you care” I muttered, but he seemed to have a wide hearing range since he soon replied “Curiosity took the best of me” he simply stated, casually leaning on the a/c unit’s shade I always sat on, hands deep in his pockets. It was the same way Byungjoo sat but I especially found it attractive when Hanbin did it. Almost perfect. Yet so many questions lingered inside my head at that moment Why was he here? Why did he wonder where did I go? Why is he suddenly being comfortable around me? Why- Snap out of it Hajin, he already said it, curiosity took the best of him, don’t wander too far silly. “Shouldn’t you be having lunch now” I asked, not really waiting for a specific answer, I never did “Is this a dismiss” he chuckled “Take it however you want” I replied, never really making eye contact I turned to him, noticing he was staring at me for more than five seconds now “What?” I asked as he had an impressed look on. He let out a short laugh “Hey, are you really Kim Hajin?!” He bewilderedly questioned and I looked down at my uniform “Atleast that’s what my name tag says” I sarcastically answered “You’re actually acerbatic” he said, sounding fascinated by the discover. I almost slapped myself. Almost. But I mentally did though. This was Hanbin. My crush. And the guy I’ve always wanted to talk to. This wasn’t Byungjoo. My best friend. The guy that I can be opened to. What am I doing? Basically wasting my chance with him. Impressive. I didn’t know how it worked, maybe I felt weirdly way too comfortable with him that I could easily show him my real side. Maybe I was just so confused on how to attract him that I fucked it up being sarcastic. Maybe I thought being bitter would make him interested in me. Either ways Hanbin was probably judging me hard right now yet I didn’t care at all for unknown reasons. “Took you long enough to figure out” I murmured “Why do you put on that mask then” I didn’t answer. In fact, I didn’t have an answer. I didn’t know what to say. Hanbin asked such a question my brain stopped functioning. What was the use of this fake behavior. A part of me knew, but another didn’t. “It just… worked out like this. I became the Kim Hajin everyone knew, and burried the real me away” “Why” “You don’t ask why Hanbin. Everyone had issues in their lives that led them to certain decisions” He paused. “..Are you happy like this” I stayed silent. Kim Hanbin had the ability of making my mind a total mess in a span of a nanosecond. I never hesitated answering any question. Never. Yet look at me now, all pathetic for one. “As long as I’m following the standards, I am” The bell rang. And be honest I was more than glad to go and study Physics, mark this as a historical event please. I won’t deny that I’ve always wanted to talk with Hanbin at least for a short while, but now I’m desperate to escape. Hanbin asked precise questions. As if he knew everything. As if he could see through me. And I wasn’t sure if I was feeling comfortable or not, because as much as his questions made me feel fidgety, I was able to maintain my genuine attitude in front of him, I wasn’t building up an image in front oh him, I broke my walls in front of him. And I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. “Aren’t you assisting” I asked as I jumped off the brick shade, ready to leave “I don’t think so, I don’t feel like physics” Hanbin casually answered and I took that as a no, heading downstairs “Hey” I stopped, gazing at him from behind my shoulder “You’re interesting, try to talk more” I chuckled “I won’t promise a thing” I replied as I proceeded my way.

So it was a good thing in the end.

#4

Expect: Hansol Vernon Chwe (Seventeen)

Strongly inspired by the lyrics of ‘Expect/기대’ Hansol drabble, this had been chilling in my notes for enough time so i thought I’d post it before they actually make another comeback orz

“and you know soonyoung hyung won’t shut up about how we won first place because of his choreography. I mean yeah he did a great job but sometimes he just becomes such a narcissist” It was about eleven in the night when the couple finally got to meet again after ages. They just enjoyed late night walks where the only thing they heard was one another. Dating an idol wasn’t all that great actually, Hansol barely had time to sleep let alone going on dates. But whenever he met Hajin, he made sure to tell her about every little thing that happened to him, and she was more than glad to listen to him talking even about the weirdest things ever, especially when he comes back from international promotions, goodness he had millions of stories to tell her, and that was the case that night However this time was different, Hajin seemed to be quieter than usual, and instead of laughing and interacting with the stories he told excitedly like a little kid, giving him her fulla attention, she just chuckled or muttered an “oh really?” , head deep in thoughts. She had too much going on her mind that she zoned out often, letting the boy blabber by himself “Are you listening to me” Hansol said after noticing the girl sitting next to him had been quiet for a while, only to see her head ducked down and her eyes that were glued to the ground started twinkling under the least amount of light there “what is it, Who made you cry, Who was bad to you?” the girl bit her lips as she failed suppressing the tears in her eyes. Clutching the edges of her skirt, she felt stupid for crying in front of him. Oh well, it was too late anyway. “Lean on me” was all Vernon said in a quiet voice. He knew there was nothing that would make her feel better than knowing he was there for her Without a second thought Hajin closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder, letting her sobs finally be audible. the girl soon buried her face deep on his chest, circling her arms around his left one by her side as she cried like a whiny five year old “H-han.. sol-ah.. ” she uttered between her sobs and the boy was taken aback because she never really called him Hansol. It was always Vernon, Vern or some other weird nickname she had for him. They hardly even spoke in Korean since both of them knew English very well. and her calling him Hansol meant something was really wrong. “I missed you so much you’ve been far away for so long … I th-thought you’d never come back to me even if you come back to Korea… I thought I’d– loose you.. Y-you’re always surrounded with pretty girls, they are way better– than me and I feel like I’m a b-burden to you, I don’t deserve you Hansol-ah a-and I can’t help but think of you.. l-leaving me for a prettier girl” Hajin fought her loud sobs to form these words and honestly this was what filled her head this whole time he was away. she never thought she was good enough for Hansol. Let’s be real, he was handsome and talented, those were just the two first things you could notice about him let alone getting to know him more. He was the sweetest guy alive and she was grateful yet burdened by the fact. Hajin was nothing more than regular student. She loved cute and cats. But that was it. She was trash compared to the idols he saw everyday and would totally accept if he dumped her for one. but Hansol really didn’t care. In fact he found it rather disgusting how all of the girls around him walked around with tons of obvious make up on their faces. Like thanks but he would totally pass. He just loved how the simplest amount of make up his girlfriend put made her stand out for him way more than the others. He just loved to see her fresh skin through the almost invisible layer of foundation on her face. And he more than loved how casually she dressed whenever they met and how much of a weird clumsy head she was. “Am I in your heart?” He asked, waiting for an obvious answer, which was Hajin nodding her head against his chest “Am I really in your heart?” He asked again, and the girl nodded again, uttering a quiet “umm” “That technically means wherever you go I’ll be there, even when I’m busy with promotions or outside the country there will always be a little me in your heart. Just imagine a mini Vernon inside, chilling there, sending you hearts, telling you he loves you” he said and heard her chuckle at the thought although she was still quietly sobbing “I know that it’s so hard dating me, I feel sorry the whole time. we don’t get to meet often like a normal couple would do and… I’m just sorry you have to deal with all of this And me being an idol or whatever doesn’t mean I would get attracted to some girl group member just because they dress them well and doll them up, I really don’t care about all of that. I have you and I like you just the way you are. So don’t worry about a thing. Because I’m yours and yours only, after all you’re my clumsy head, so stop bothering yourself with things that will never happen” Hansol finished, gently stroking the girl’s hair. He just hoped she took his words to heart because she was the most precious person for him and he wanted her to know that well. Peeking at her face Hansol saw that his girlfriend was already asleep in his arms, probably too tired of crying. He chuckled and stared more at her peaceful sleeping face before carrying her back home, Planning to call his manager and ask him to spend the night at her place..

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Go forth, and write a complete, well-structured, well-characterised fic with organic, stimulating dialogue interwoven into a proper, fully fleshed-out storyline. 

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a variety show where two groups switch leaders for a month

Once you get this you have to say 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then, send this to your 10 favorite followers ~Positivity is cool 💕

Thank you anon! I've actually already done this,I thought maybe I'd do it again but then I realized I don't have much stuff I love about myself Hahahahhaha haha ha :'D

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #1

He sat at the back of the class, earphones plugged and not a single shit given about the world. I didn’t really mind. I sat on the first table by the door and was class president. I had a bad habit of leaning my back on the wall not my chair so I technically had a perfect view of him; if only he wasn’t sleeping with his blazer over him the whole time or not even attending class. He was a bit taller than me, as I was a somehow tall girl myself, oh well I didn’t really mind this too, why am I even mentioning that. Many girls were probably envying my perfect spot and would pay me to take that desk. Lets face it though, he had a girlfriend, I mean come on, he looked like it. But he also looked like a player, I mean let me reformulate that; he knew he was good looking, and the fact that he thought every girl would be fawning at him with a glance annoyed the shit out of me, because he keeps staring holes into me, probably expecting me to care, but I didn’t, hell why would I, I don’t boys that’s a first, second I’d rather die in a dirty hole than be interested in him, yet he didn’t like it, he wanted me falling for him and I knew it, his arrogant self wouldn’t let him sit and watch how Kim Hajin ignores his existence while the rest of girls were all over him. Kim Hanbin just didn’t know how different I was.

I’m usually lonely on lunch time, well let’s face it, I’ve always been alone in everything, funny isn’t it? I didn’t really mind. And I slowly grew comfortable to the silence. It was my best friend, and I almost hated when someone interrupted that, probably one of my classmates “kindly” offering the quiet shy girl company, giving a famous “why are you sitting alone?”. It was because I enjoyed being alone the most, I enjoyed silence’s company the most. Silence was nice. You could always talk to silence. Yet it would never judge you. Music was nice too, I liked music. Ballady hip hop. Yes I didn’t look like it. I looked more like someone who’d listen to Barbie songs honestly. but well they say what you show is not always what you hide. People thought I was quiet because I disliked them, was complexed or just because I only minded my studies, I don’t blame them though. I actually disliked them all anyways. no one was worthy as a friend. But come on let’s be honest; I don’t even see the use of having a friend, I mean I can manage alone. I’m pretty fine alone. I am totally in no need of fake human beings by my side that act nice in front of me. And I’m also in no need of calling them my friends just because I saw them five days a week. I was growing annoyed of the fuss in the classroom. I was the type to pack a few snacks and have them for lunch in the classroom while others ate in the canteen. That place was way too crowded and noisy for me. However today was different, we had a math test this afternoon and so, many of my classmates stayed in class to “study”; Our teacher was strict as a clock. And no matter how much I tried ignored the girl that sat behind me calling my name around ten times now, she wouldn’t shut up and I was ready to shove a knife into her eyes, too bad I didn’t have one. Sorry not sorry for being sadistic. But that girl annoyed me; not like everyone didn’t. She was new, and probably didn’t know me well. Although they found it weird, my classmates grew used to me being in my own world, and never really bothered to talk to me between periods or when I’m having my earphones on, hell they wouldnt even dare, but I see she didn’t get it yet, well I hope she does before I get jailed because of her. Having enough I quietly got up and placed my backpack on my chair before pushing it under my desk; no one dared to touch my stuff so I didn’t really mind leaving it there. “Hajin are you okay? You actually got up!!” One of my classmates exclaimed, as if she just realized I actually had legs. Well I was known for not leaving my desk since I come in the morning unless a teacher told me to do something. I saw no need in wasting my energy, my classmates got up between every period, roaming around or peeking from the door to check if the teacher came. I gave her a small smile before secretly scowling at Hanbin and his girlfriend at the back of the classroom, hands intertwined and mirrored cheesy smiles. They were the definition of disgusting, oh well, not like he didn’t intertwine hands or initiated skinship with other girls. I wonder how his girlfriend is okay with that, or if she does even know. On the other hand I was kind of surprised how my classmates easily bought my fake smiles. I mean wasn’t my cold attitude obvious enough? Poor kids, thought I was the pink angel. I headed out of class, no where to go in precise. I just needed somewhere quiet, which was hard to find by the moment because you’d probably find a couple by each classroom. Ew. I looked once more at those stairs and halted my steps. Should I go? They lead to the rooftop, I had no idea how it looked like but I was hella sure it’d be quiet up there and that it’s going to be nice. Thinking twice I resumed walking. I was a coward, who am I kidding? I never took risks because I was a coward, I always followed the rules because I was a coward, I never talked to my classmates because I was a coward. I was afraid of rejection, afraid of people, of their judging, their deadly stares and terrifying whispers. I let my insecurities overcome my likes. I was a weak person, I knew it, yet I did nothing about it. I let my weakness control me, I let people’s opinions manipulate my life. Kind, nice, shy, studious; that’s what they thought I was; no. Thats what they wanted me to be. Mute, insecure, antisocial; that’s what I saw myself as, after trying to match their expectations. It wasn’t that people didn’t dare to talk to me when I’m with my earphones on. It wasn’t that they didn’t dare to touch my belongings just because they were mine. It was that they didn’t care, I wasn’t important, I was nothing, and I knew it. I was afraid of Hanbin too. I wanted to impress Hanbin and I knew it. I liked him. Yet I kept fooling myself that I didn’t, that I was cool enough to not care about any boy, that I was just different and he wasn’t my style, that I really didn’t want him to be interested in me and get close to me like my other classmates. Hanbin didn’t want me to fall for him, he didn’t even care about my existence. I was jealous of them and I knew it. Why are those girls close to him and I’m not? Why does he initiate the talk with them but never talks to me unless I was the only one in class and he needed to ask about a teacher? I really liked Kim Hanbin and I more than knew it. Yet the weak person I am told me to shut up and deal with it. I knew I had a chance of getting of close to him, what was easier than starting a conversation with Hanbin? Maths? Physics? Building a jackpot? Well everything was easier for me than that. I was going to finish my last year in high school crushing on Hanbin without anyone knowing but silence, yet guess what? I knew it.

#2 

Favorite Jinyoung Looks (1/∞)

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #11

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 #10  

“Yoohoo?” Hanbin waved his hand in front of my face and I finally looked at him “I’ve been talking to you for five minutes now” he said as he put his hand back on his pocket. I looked away from him and blinked multiple times, trying to regain my consciousness. My tidily brushed hair was a mess by now. “Oh come on chill, you look like you just saw a ghost. Admit it it wasn’t that bad.” He added “I swear to God, I’m going to destroy you one day” I bluntly said to Hanbin and he stared at me for a moment before humming in realization “So this is your way of saying thanks, you’re welcome!” He sarcastically replied with a smile, then pushed my lower jaw up “now stop gagging or else you’ll get a fly stuck in your throat.” Hanbin added and put a hand over my shoulders, guiding me to wherever, and at some point I didn’t give a shit anymore. My soul embraced the skies already anyways. i was too numb he could throw me off a cliff and I wouldn’t feel a thing. was this really a part of whatever plan he had? Was I supposed to actually trust Kim Hanbin? Maybe and as crazy as his ideas sounded, he had something else in mind, so I just hoped for the best. soon I detached myself from Hanbin’s hold and walked away, looking nowhere but at the small stand selling snacks, where my beloved chocolate milk was. “One strawberry milk please” Hanbin told the seller from behind me “One chocolate milk please” i said “No just one strawberry milk” Hanbin said again and I made a face “Whats your problem” I grumbled “Rule number three: Never be afraid to try new things” was all I got from him as he paid for the beverage then gave it to me. “But I hate this” “Are you even listening to what I say” “I don’t want it” “Deal with it, goddamn.” Hanbin snapped and looked at me with an annoyed face. if there was some beverage I hated the most it’d be strawberry milk. and he sure knew it, or at least knew that I liked the chocolate flavored one. I’d slap him if he’s just playing around. Throwing Hanbin a disgusted look I quietly opened the packaging and started drinking, soon flinching at the ever so bothersome taste. “From now on you’re going to drink this only, or at least when you’re with me” he added as he walked somewhere else, me trailing behind him “You suck” I murmured and he seemed to hear me since he soon replied “you’ll thank me later” After a bit of walking Hanbin stopped and turned to me, “I think we should go on the Ferris wheel and wrap up this day, I’m sick of your whining, you’re a slow learner” he noted and I stared at the huge turning circle. Wasn’t this for kids? Or couples? Or anything Kim Hajin wasn’t? “What? Dont tell me you’re afraid of this too, cause that’d be really lame. come on let’s go” hanbin said after noticing I was staring at the ride before he grabbed my hand and walked towards it, intertwining our fingers soon after. “W-wait what the hell” I muttered as my heartbeat quickened. “What now” “People are watching” “Uhh, so what?” “You have a girlfriend for God’s sake” “Do they know that? No. Stop making life complicated for once, would you?” Hanbin snapped at me for the umpteenth time today and lead me by the shoulders We continued marching towards the ride, or more like Hanbin dragging me towards it, me biting my lips the whole way, I just hoped no one I knew was there. We got on one of the cabinets and soon the ride started, our cabinet gradually increasing in height as time passed. “the view is good from here” Hanbin commented “What’s good about it” “Are you serious” he gave me a look and I almost scowled “What kind of kid are you, it’s just the city you see everyday but from above” I reasoned and he looked outside again, as if confirming “But it really looks beautiful” he defended and I rolled my eyes, he can be such a five year old Hanbin suddenly cupped my cheeks and Forced me to look at the view, “look closely” he said “W-what are you doing! D-don’t touch me!” I freaked out as I felt my face getting red “Just look, look at how the tall treets look like small bushes, look at how the vehicles look like kids’ toys, look at the setting sun painting everything orange. And see that river? That’s probably where we hung out last time” Hanbin started pointing out every detail of the scenery and I gradually began to appreciate every part of it. I never knew it was this beautiful. I never knew the plain city i saw everyday would ever look so appealing to me. “.. it’s really beautiful” i found myself muttering in awe as my eyes got glued to the view, that before i felt a smack on my head “Of course you rascal! That’s what I’ve been trying to point out since earlier.” He sighed “it’s all about perspective, it depends on the glasses you’re wearing in order to see this world. If your glasses are blurry or broken, you can’t enjoy the beauty of your surroundings, therefore you can never appreciate it. This is what Rule number four is about: Fix your glasses.” “Yah all what you’re saying is good and all but it sounds weird coming from you” “Is this an insult” “Well you just don’t look that smart okay just saying ” “That IS an insult! look at this ungrateful rascal” “… Thanks” I chuckled and looked away - “So, what did you learn today” Hanbin started as we finally walked back home after the Ferris wheel ride. “Hmm, forget about one two three, never be afraid to try new things, and fix your glasses. On a side note from where did you get these cliche phrases though” I answered, recapitulating the main ideas of what that mad man was saying all day. “I just made them up. And from now you’re going to keep every rule I mention in mind” Hanbin answered cockily, sounding too amused probably by the fact that he was controlling me, what a kid. “Including drinking strawberry milk” he added and I groaned but he suddenly got a freaking strawberry milk package from his jacket’s pocket and handed it to me “From where the hell did you get this” “You don’t need to know” was all I got. I pouted and opened the package because did I even have another option. I could only follow what Hanbin says even when he’s just saying whatever comes up first in his head “Hey” Hanbin started again “Hmm” I replied, making a face after taking another sip from the unpleasant beverage in my hand “I’m not trying to sound creepy or I don’t know but that guy you always stay with- what was his name?” “Byungjoo?” “Yeah” “what is it about him” “You… are you guys dating” “No, what makes you think that” “Just saying, because you never really spend time with anyone else but him” “Because he’s my best friend, and my only friend” “What about me” “Are you really comparing” “Sure, why not” I stopped “You’re spending more time with me lately, doesn’t that mean I’m close to you now” Hanbin said and I rolled my eyes in disbelief “So just because you’re bothering me more often lately you think we’re close?” “Don’t close people bother each other” “We’re not close Hanbin. No such thing would ever happen” I muttered. Because really being close to Hanbin in a status other than dating him wasn’t and would never be on my list “Why are you this secretive” he bluntly asked “I’m not secretive. I’m just telling you to not get too interfered with me.” “Then stop doing that.” Hanbin stopped walking and eyed me “I want to get closer to you, more than him.” he added “Byungjoo was also at the amusement park. That’s why I was acting that way before we got on the Ferris wheel.” My jaw dropped as my brain replayed what happened back at the amusement park. If someone was watching from afar they would legit only see a quarrelling couple. And to think that Byungjoo was there, I felt more than horrible. “I think it makes no sense that we’re hanging out but you still saying that we aren’t close. You’re overflowing with secrets. And I hate it.” He snapped and left me dumbfounded. Well fuck.

here is a loving hugging bear for those who are struggling now.

❤     ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ      ❤

(A/N: if you ever run into this scenario in another blog (taeramisuworld.tumblr.com) don’t worry, that blog is mine too, I post more fluffy-ish scenarios there if you want to check it :))

I missed him. I missed him so much. I missed his smile, his eyes, his voice, his touch, everything about him made me cry my eyes out. 

Me and Taehyung broke up five months ago. Things just weren't working and we had to separate. At first I was okay with breaking up, it sounded fine. It sounded like the best option. Who was I kidding? It was the worst option. If only I didn't rant about it. If only I kept my mouth shut. If only I just dealt with it. If only I was less selfish. If only things could go back to how it was. 

Taehyung was such a beautiful person. Inside and outside. He was the image of perfect in my eyes. From how his eyes sparkled whenever he looked at me, how they almost disappear whenever he smiled widely, how his silky hair looked perfectly amazing in any hairstyle, how it felt so soft against my hands whenever I played with it, how plump his pink lips where, and how sweet they tasted against mine, how his hands sent electricity through my whole body whenever he intertwined our fingers, and how it perfectly fit mine as he securely held onto it, and to how he looked good in any of his outfits, his outfits that I still remember each one of them till now, and how he used to wear that gray sweater a lot, I liked it. And his eyelashes, oh God his eyelashes, this was probably the weirdest thing I liked about him, I'd keep staring at them until he notices that I was staring at them not his eyes, and end up teasing me about it, batting his eyelashes in a silly way. 

But deep down I was happy, because I knew he appreciated that, I knew I was the only one for him, I knew he only saw me in his life, I knew he loved me more than anything else in this world, yet if only I kept that in mind. 

I missed Taehyung. I missed how we used to fool around together. I missed how we used to cuddle under piles of blankets on rainy days. I missed how touchy he was and how I used to get all frustrated at it at first. I missed how I kissed his nose mole and how a small blush would creep its way up his cheeks whenever I did that. I missed how he used to squeeze my face between his palms whenever I was feeling upset, and how I found it ridiculous yet still never failed to make me feel better. I missed how he used to surprise hug me from the back whenever we were meeting for a date, and how he whispered how much he missed me with his deep yet sweet voice, the voice that I loved waking up to everyday, the voice that made my name sound a million times better, the voice of the person that never failed and will never fail to shake up my heart. 

I wanted to get back with Taehyung. I really did. Hell I more than did. And knew that as some point he wanted that too. Yet he was moving on, Taehyung thought he had no other choice, he thought that because I was selfish enough to make him think he was not good enough for me, he thought that because I made him believe he was at wrong. Me and Taehyung didn't break up because of a fight; we never fought. We were the cutest couple out there. We fit too perfectly that some cashiers or waiters would comment on it. 

Yet it wasn't that perfect though. Taehyung had a really crammed work schedule. I would see him once a month if I was lucky. He started work so early and finished late at night, and even when he gets dismissed early, I didn't want to bother him to meet, he would be way too exhausted and in need of sleep. We would text and call often though. And I was more than glad to wake up to a voice message by him everyday, calling me his sweet princess and saying he misses me and loves me so much. 

However that often turned into sometimes, then to rarely. Our phone conversations consisted mainly of asking each other how are we doing, his work, my studies, and me telling him to take a rest after him ranting about how tired he was, it was way too obvious from his voice already. Taehyung was going through a really tough period, he had to work double, if not more. It was for the sake of his promotion. If he got promoted, his salary would be enough to cover all of his needs. He needed it. He wanted it. And I honestly wanted it for him too. Who wouldn't want a better life for her boyfriend. 

Yet it was getting out of hand. Taehyung sometimes didn't even reply my messages. He didn't pick up my calls. I knew the time he was dismissed and always made sure to call after that not to bother him at work. And in parallel he called and texted less often, until we lost contact for some time. And I had enough. I wanted to talk about it. I told him and after convincing him it's not something to say over the phone and that he should spare time for it, we agreed to meet. 

If only we didn't. I still regret that day. I regret it way too much That my eyes tear up when I remember. 

"Look Taehyung, the thing is, I really understand you're really busy with work and all, and that it's really important for you, but don't you think you've been forgetting about us? I was okay okay with it at first. But it's getting out of hand Taehyung. Are we really dating or what?" 

He sighed. 

"Listen babe I'm really sorry. My boss got a thing for me, he won't be letting me upgrade easily. I had to work extra hours and make sure not to make a single mistake. It's not that I forgot you or anything. You're always in my mind okay? You're the one giving me strength when I feel like giving--" 

"Are we really going to listen to this again? This is taking too long Taehyung. If he doesn't want to promote you then quit there. There are plenty of job announcements out there and with a diploma like yours you could get hired easily." 

"It's not as easy as it sounds Haji--" 

"Then spare some time to at least meet for coffee, if it wasn't for the pictures I have of you I would've forgotten how your face looked like goddamn it Taehyung!!" 

"Its going to be over soon" 

"You said that a month ago Taehyung. We need a solution for this" 

He looked at me. And I could still feel how his eye gaze stung my heart. He was afraid. His look was pleading. He was hoping it's not what he thought that I meant. Although a part of him knew there was nothing to do about it. 

"I see this is not working out. I'm sorry." 

I stayed silent. 

"I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry for not keeping in mind what you felt about it. I'm sorry for not treating you good enough. I made mistakes. And I honestly think I can do nothing to fix them. I was so bad to you I'm sorry. Forgive me"

"You're forgiven, Taehyung. But I'm afraid this relationship is not going anywhere, and it's better if it ends here. I'm sorry Tae. We're over. But I just want you to know, that I've been really happy in these two years we spent together. And I'm thankful for it." I said as I turned my back and started walking further. 

"I'm sorry. I hope.. you'll meet someone nicer and kinder than me, and would value you enough" 

I stopped as I heard him say this and a lump formed in my throat "I don't think I will.." I muttered before resuming to walk. 

That's how we broke up. And I regret every word that came out of my mouth that day. 

A few days later I got a message that struck me hard. It was Taehyung. I read that message too many time I actually memorized it by heart. 

"Hey. At first I didn't think you would bother to know, but I decided to inform you anyway. I got promoted today. the director changed just the after and I showed him my file, he said I was worth promoting and thus I'm on a higher grade now and have less work hours and more payment. I don't think you'd care now, right? Since that's the reason we broke up. But well, I'm sorry for disturbing you, that's the last you'll hear from me. Take care, do well with your studies. -Taehyung" 

That night I cried. A lot. I couldn't sleep, thinking how much of a horrible creature I was. If I only waited one day. One fucking day. Hell that was not even twelve hours. Why did I have to talk about it. He said it was going to be over soon anyways. i Should’ve trusted him. I should've trusted Taehyung. He knew what was he saying. He had hope in our relationship. He had always thought of me. He had always loved me and only me. He had always cared. Yet I didn't. I was selfish enough not to think of what he felt, what was he going through. He was being terribly unhealthy because of too much work. He had pressure on him the whole time and I just made it worse on him. I wish I didn't. I wish we could come back together. And everything would be just as it was. We wouldn't meet for several months and I wouldn't mind for all I care. Having in mind that he won't ever forget me. He won't ever stop loving me. 

About two weeks later the new month came. And I honestly wasn't doing any good in moving on overTaehyung. I dreamt of him every night. Saw him everywhere. My whole life was missing a piece. I got a message. It was from the bank. It said I received 200 dollars from a more than familiar account number. Followed by another message 

"Hey this is Taehyung, just in case you deleted my number. Sorry, I said I won't bother you again but, even though we broke up, I'll still share my salary with you till you have a boyfriend. If not, till you graduate. Don't take part time jobs okay? Take care -Taehyung" 

Tears welled up in my eyes. I was crying uncontrollably. he didn't just send me the monthly money. He doubled it. Since he got promoted. He had always hated it for me to have a part time job, as I was a struggling parentless university student. But the fact that he still sent me that even after we broke up shoke me up. Taehyung still cared. He moved on, but he cared. Thats why I loved him. He was nice. He was caring. He didn’t need a person to be related to him or of his circle to help them. He just did so because he was kind. Kim Taehyung was the kindest person I knew. Yet I didn't value him enough. 

I sat at a table in a cafe across Taehyung's work place. It's been three months that I had always been doing this, I went there about ten minutes before his dismissal time, and watched him as he went out of the building. Sometimes with his colleague; Jungkook, happily chatting. His figure slender as ever. He got even more handsome by now I think. And I hated the fact that other girls can look at him now. And that he wasn't mine anymore. The most perfect guy on earth wasn't mine anymore. Because I wasn't patient and understanding enough. 

I wasn't going to move on overTaehyung. I will never do. Thus I'll never date again I guess. No one would be worth more than Taehyung. He was the only one in my eyes and will forever be. Yet I was glad this was my last year of university. I was going to graduate soon and he won't have to spend money on the girl that broke his heart, the horrible girl that wasn't understanding enough, the ignorant girl that didn't stand by him in his hardest moments yet gave him more pressure. 

I took a sip of my warm mocha as my heart tingled in excitement. He will go out soon. I wonder what is he wearing today. I hope he'll come out with Jungkook, I want to see him smiling. He always looks good when smiling.