30-10-2023 → 1-11-2023

blue & beige tones in france

shoutout to the people that like learning, who love learning, who want to learn and understand and create things on their own terms, but can’t go to college/university. not for lack of money or access (although those are obviously valid and understandable), but because their disabilities prevent them from doing it. who don’t have enough spoons to take a university course and complete the amount of mental and physical work it entails. who are too anxious to leave home and don’t have the resources to combat that anxiety. who get burned out quickly and easily and can’t handle the amount of effort university takes. it’s not your fault and does not determine your worth - you are allowed to do what makes you comfortable. for those that mourn the loss of their college experience, i understand and your feelings are valid. whatever the reason may be, i see you.

what to do when someone compliments me, seemingly genuinely, but then someone else points out that they're probably only/also saying it because they want x. so now instead of feeling happy/grateful, i just feel used.

this life on the edge of an emotional cliff is so exhausting. i just want to rest, please.

throwback to exam season where i spent every day spending a concerning amount of money in coffee shops

What does a PhD student need to do to get some money.... Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck this poverty is killing me.

I honestly didn’t think I would be alive at my age I thought I would’ve been dead by 20 so I feel so fucking lost I don’t know what to do with my life and I feel like I’m just rotting away most days I’m just so tired I want to give up and end this miserable fucking life

What you think archival research will be: immediate amazing discoveries about exactly what you’re working on

What archival research actually is: well now I want to know about all of the socks that the Archbishop of Florence sent to the Pope in 1512.

09/17-18/23 ∘ day 6-7/100

it's been one week of this challenge and i'm slowly starting to get my a grip on my life. sun-mon i started training again, which felt really good, even though i can still feel some injuries. i'm also making progress on history, currently studying ch. 3/7.

i once again took a good look of my personal study plan. with my current schedule, which i'm working very hard to keep up on, i'll be done with history by the end of the week. next week i'll finish my literature course, and i've started working on my next math course, even though there are still a couple trigonometry assignments i should get done, or just decide to not do them and turn the course in. i think i'll give myself this week for the deadline and turn it in with the history course.

☽ my next goals ☾

theory ch. 3 (history) exercises ch. 1-3 (history) study diary assignment ch.1 (history) study diary (literature) book blog assignment (literature) ex. 1-19 (math) book ex. 1-22 (math)