Written - Blog Posts

if today was my last

If today was my last How would I spend it? would I take in all the little things, gathering all those little details that I have always missed, my head has always been too full of all these things that keep me up at night. Or would I still just float through it all Still just a shell of the kid I once was, all the vibrancy and wonder having left years ago.

Would I go to the library? to collect a few last lines Letting them live on the tip of my tongue. only to set them free with my last breath. letting the feeling of ink on the page, be the last thing my fingertips will feel. the smell of paper and secrets, invading my senses and welcoming me home at last.

Would I go to the school that has hallways I have haunted? having drifted through them, my eyes empty and my brain always too full with all those thoughts. stopping in the classes to whisper a few final goodbyes even though nobody would notice or hear me pausing the disorder and energy in those hallways, for just a few moments, finally letting myself take it all in.

would I go to the forest wherein the deepest part I could lie on its soft grass floor, in the utter calm of it letting my lungs finally breathe in the crisp air, the feeling of its coldness expanding within them. closing my eyes for the last time, finally letting myself feel at peace and safe, hearing the bird's singing floating around me, their cries being the last thing I will ever hear.

My last words will be uttered so softly that not even the wind would hear them, when they escape this prison of my mind, floating away with my final exhale. My last breath will flow out feeling free for the first time, escaping into the world seeing it all.

child of grey

My father was of ebony. My mother of ivory I am the child of grey. Not enough ebony to be of my father To little ivory to be with my mother

My heart was of half-ice. A cold so unfeeling So a cold almost to the point of burning, never enough feeling to care my head half of snakes calculating and cruel always planning and waiting for the perfect moment to strike

My heart is made of half gold. Tender and caring beautiful and full of love, perfect to suit you my head half made of fire burning hot, always craving for something to fuel it unpredictable and starving for its next game

I am the child of grey. With the head of flame and scales calculating and unpredictable, Ready to strike and always to keep you on edge. And my heart of ice and gold blinding you with its beauty, while slowing killing you with its burning ice

i love you

I have loved you since We were young. barely old enough to even understand what love even was. the feeling of pure and utter devotion I had felt for you before I fully realized How much love would ruin me. How much it would kill me Tearing me apart, never letting me go Stealing away my heart, never giving it back

be proud

You tell me to SPEAK UP. To be "proud of my words" Let them out into the world. Stand behind them, ready to defend them with my life. And my entire being and soul

but how am I supposed to be "proud" of my words when I haven't even learned how to be proud of my self

how am I supposed to be "proud" Of these words I say. When I've learned that they don't even matter They get shot down and ignored. Before they even got the chance to be spoken.

How am I supposed to be "proud" when I've seen how you react To the thoughts, I've put out. Putting my heart and soul into them and then getting to watch you kill them

to the sea

Take me to the sea. Where the air is crisp, and the smell of salt clings to it. Where the winds pull in the sound of the waves to the shore where I can finally hear them calling my name begging me to join them begging me to follow them into the deepest depths

Take me to the cliffs. where I can see the whole world in front of me with the deep sapphire sea stretching out to the horizon where it finally ends on the cliffs where the winds whip around me whispering those words of encouragement beckoning me to the edge telling me to take those last few steps To let those jagged rocks at the bottom welcome me home.

Take me to the forest. Where the trees swallow all the light leaving only the darkness to call my name inviting me to explore The air seems to be alive, swirling around me. Calling to me telling me to rest coaxing me to let the darkness and all the creatures in To let them devour me, control me. To guide me and welcome me home

the bathroom

Smoke flows from my cracked and bloody lips the dingy bathroom lights flicker above me a low buzz echos through the room my reflection stares back at me a sly smirk gracing its lips I can almost hear its laugh echoing in my head. The cold porcelain of the sink pulsing against the rising heat of my hands dirt and grime caked on to the counter and mirror the buzzing of the lights mixes with the pounding of my head Voices and conversations outside the door seem to grow in volume. pounding against my eardrums All the noise seems to be surrounding me. Building up and building up my reflections laughter ringing in my ears the lights buzzing and flickering The mirror starts cracking. Sounds of glass falling and shattering mix with the symphony of noise The class finally shatters falling all around me. Knocking on the door starts. The pounding and shaking of the door mixes with the calls of my name It sounds like I'm underwater. The door and the voice feeling so far away while I'm sinking farther down in my head finally, I snap back I'm in the bathroom. the mirrors still intact no longer shattered lights buzzing no longer deafening My fingers loosen their grip on the sink. The reflection no longer laughing and taunting My legs start working. Uprooting themselves from the floor the sound of my footsteps echo against the walls

side show mirrors

You call me an attention whore.  Only because my heart screams out for any type of love  something you never gave  look me in the eyes.  And tell me. "I'm always craving attention."  All I could do was Laugh.  what you call craving attention I  call a cry for help.  Haven't you noticed that?  You never taught me.  how to ask for help

Anger feels like a sharp green. It lives in the eye of a snake ready to strike. Sharpening its tongue using it as a knife Ready to lash out and wound. Anger is locked in the eyes. Constantly watching and waiting to attack

Yellow is the color of safety. It warms like the sun's rays. Surrounding me. Being a beacon in the dark It's soft and shining in contrast, to angers hard sharpness Safety is free to roam. It finds those in need and makes them safe.

Fear is the darkest blue of the ocean. Primal, cold and harsh Running parallel to anger. Fear stalks its prey, Watching and waiting to strike. never hesitating, always ready. Waiting to cover you in its shallow depths pulling you under like a riptide Devouring you in its purest form

my anger

my anger is a cigarette with every hit, it pulls me in the rage fills my lungs like smoke killing me a little each time disdain exhaling like smoke disgust clinging like the smell of stale  cigarette contempt lingers in my mouth and on my tongue like the bitterness of menthol repulsion circling around the air, smothering  those around me like the smoke

Rhonda x Quinn fanfic I'm writing, this is chapter 8 now. :)

Officially, I've lost track of time, space and OTPs, don't know how many pieces of my personality are dropped on the floor but please feed me chicken nuggets

Late night writings #3

The power of the mind. You just thought of it, in that you just processed it, in that you realised that in a split second (or maybe less) you became fully aware of what happens all the time subconsciously. 

We use our minds for all sorts of things... Some wondrous, some mediocre, some light, some dark... And you can imagine the list of all the things. 

I use my mind to paint pictures. What do you do with yours?

She looked like a religious icon, like somebody you'd sacrifice yourself for. In the crooks of your body, I find my religon. Her beauty was like the edge of a very sharp knife. You wrap your name tight around my ribs And keep me warm. I was born for you.

in all my years of living in this hellhole i call a house, never have i once called it a home. because never has it once felt like one.

A mess from the best

Ain’t like the rest .

She was blessed by the man

With his shoulders at rest .

A danger to the devil from the inside , out

As her emotions were made to be numbed out .

Like hitler , wanting you to be his butler ,

Hid in the darkness from the stars ,

Never knew what it was like to see past the dark .

It’s a shame , but we don’t pass the blame ,

especially when your blinded by The other game .

Now she can see , so much more clearly ,

She is starting to look a lot more pearly .

The sadness in her eyes , are replaced with the sunlight .

The breeze on her skin , awakens her inner self esteem,

Something you tried to keep locked in .

A beautiful soul, you tried to hide ,

Hid beneath your evil eye .

The man with the rainbow eyes , clearly showed up in perfect time .

Her soul was crushing , a big mistake,

Made from the man, with the holes in his skin,

Who now has nothing to sink his claws in .

@trueemotions91

The rush

From the blood.

The crimson rose

Against my pale white skin.

The Taste of evil and heaven I swear

it’s what feeds my darkest sins.

The pain I don’t feel

When the blade runs bare across my soul.

It’s not for me , I promise you that,

It’s for them who keep turning their back.

I love the way the blood trickles

Makes me realise , I’m here alive,

To breathe another day

Even if hell is on my side.

It’s twisted I know

To crave the rush.

They don’t care

As there push the demon

To the core

To blind to see the damage they truly cause.

Mine is temporary

A release from the demon

Within me .

Please don’t judge

When you see my scars

It’s proof to me I’ve lived

Through the pain

But I’m still here on the other side,

With nothing but love to give

To those who caused, the blade to sink in.

@trueemotions91

He was mine temporary

For a moment he showed me

What love could be

But all good things don’t last

But I’m blessed I got them seconds

As they felt like hours

His smell I’ll never know , his voice I will always imagine .

I will forever carry them memories with me

Because In such a short amount of space

he managed to change the perspective in me.

I’m going be going for a while , as I can start work again soon ! Yayyyyy ❤️ so big thanks to all my followers who have shared my words and cheered me up with your beautiful words , posts and everything amazing ! I will be on time to time but not as active before! All of you keep up the brilliant work you all share, remember to keep smiling and pushing ahead ❤️ love to all of you and keep safe in this mad world ❤️Once again thank you, I shall miss my daily dose of everything fun and inbetween , but human contact is calling me 😝❤️x

Why do you lie

To my soul

Your the reason this world is cold .

Cant you see

What you do to me ?

You bring me to my knees

To beg you,

for

The happiness in me .

You locked me up and

Forced me to fight

For the light , I cried for every night .

You made me , my own demon

The devil you created from the palm of your hand .

For ever I was giving no slack,

Licking the pain from your wounds while

Feeding the demon , within my own skin .

You made me crack,

I accept that

But I will come back ,

Stronger then the marks on my back

I will show you slack

I’ll accept your apology

When I get up from my knees , your see

I weren’t who you thought I could be,

I have to much lose

To give you the key

To end me.

@trueemotions91

I see him everywhere

He smiles at me in the air,

He whispers me lullabies when I’m scared

Keeps the monsters from out my head ,

He holds me when I’m cold

Squeezes harder when I’m warm,

He just knows how , I liked to be hold

Ain’t a secret that could not be told .

I would trust him with my life

But I’m not to sure about a wife .

He is gentle , I know that so

But he is also very powerful .

Would he scare her gentle soul

I honestly don’t know .

@trueemotions91

Not wrote by me - but I had to share as it is amazing , ❤️. So all enjoy x

Her eyes remind me the first sea that I saw,

The kind of sea you only see in a draw.

When I’m looking at them I am getting out my mind,

The most beautiful thing a man could even find.

She took possession of my mind, of my dreams, of my soul.

When she is not there, I am feeling like if I was stuck in a hole.

Her presence is giving me the faith like if she was giving me a rope,

To get me out of that well and offer me the hope,

To see her one day having a rest in my arms,

While she doesn’t realize how effective are her charms.

I could spend my whole days looking at her sleeping face,

As long as she is there, I will never leave this place.

I was lost

In a plot

Of my own fucked up emotions

No one to help me

No one ever understood

I was called a crazy bitch

Forced in a ditch

To dig myself out of

While the soil crumbled under each finger tip

Still they called me a crazy bitch

Coz I was fighting this shit

All just watched and laughed

Like a bunch of crazed clowns

To my head shut them out

I cried and screamed

Believe me I fucking did

My eyes have never cried

As the tears ain’t my sin

It’s just the opening

Of this tin I’m trapped in

The cuts were a release

Each time I dug my nails deep in

Was a understanding of the place I was laying

Each fall

I pulled harder

No matter how much they call me a crazy bitch

I am getting out of this ditch

They forced me in .

@trueemotions91

Always told

I won’t make any gold

With my long life goals,

But they underestimated me

As my goals only consist

Of happy and health,

Not having my pockets lined of coins

I’d rather have a heart of joy,

A pocket full of sweet memories

For the world to see, Is enough for me ,

Riches are nothing

If my eyes are cold

Blinded by the pound sign

can’t see my path is clearly written for me ,

I don’t need brands attached to me

I’m a brand of my own

no one can copy track me

Even when I’m buried in the ground

You still couldn’t even come close

To the place I call home

My memories would make you realise

What a lie yours is.

@trueemotions91

Life is scary ,

Looking through my eyes ,

Your find it blurry,

But don’t be alarmed,

Because I promise your ready .

For this ride, To the top,

Free of charge ,

I promise I won’t ask for a penny,

But I’m going take your emotions

Higher then any,

I’ll hold your hand

I won’t let go

But inside your going be lonely.

Don’t be scared

I promised you so,

All of them emotions

Are part of the journey ,

This ain’t no movie,

First class scary .

Be the best ride ,

As this is the journey of Your life.

@trueemotions91

Round and juicy ,

I’ll eat you to the core,

Then I’ll throw you to the floor.

Making me dribble,

Dirty whore,

Want me to lick

The sweetness from the middle,

As it trickles down my throat

Makes me gag

Just a little .

That dirty apple .

@trueemotions91

I don’t know what your edging at ,

But I can see you lips are drying up.

Slow down spitting that shit ,

Might make sense of it .

You talk to quick ,

For a brain to register it ,

Take a breather and enjoy it ,

The way, the words flick off

Your tongue

Don’t tell me you don’t like it,

Dirty ,

Is the best ,

We know you don’t like the rest,

Don’t make your tongue do that flick,

But you still think you look slick,

With a lollipop hanging out ,

Dribble round the tip,

Makes me fantasise

Of them sexy lips.

@trueemotions91

Why did you leave me on the cross roads,

Cold and alone,

With a thousand thoughts creating a storm.

You left me in the darkest skies,

my coldest hour ,

Did it make you feel better ?

To know I was breaking,

Under your footstep .

Pressure after pressure,

As you watched me shatter

But it didn’t matter.

If you were true , You thought you could piece

Me back together

With glue .

But never the same

And now your ashamed

Because the damaged you caused

Is clear .

In life

never loose who you are

never forget where you came from

don't let your self disappear so your left wondering " who the fuck am I "

never lose yourself in the rush

Never lose you self when your dreaming

when it comes back to reality your be the one looking in the mirror

not knowing if the person who is staring back at you is a imposter

or really you.

This world ain't full of love and happiness

its full of tears, sweat and blood

so remember when your dreaming life away to never forget who makes,

you.

Never give up on these unique things that make you the person you are

That's what makes you true

you destroy those unique things about you

your be in that mirror looking at at a shadow of who you used to be

and believe me

life is no fun staring in that mirror

lost in a pair of eyes you no longer recognise .

@trueemotions91

A joker ,

Hidden from me

Are you really surprised

I can see through the pain,

Painted on smile

In red lines .

Aint hard to see in

Between .

Painted white for the world

To see

But

Under the light ,

Your just another

Delusion of the night,

You think your words can itch me,

I have clowns in my dreams

Somewhere you could never reach ,

Think your nightmares

Can stench me from

My haven ,

Only witches have that cauldron

When they cackle up the night sky,

The birds want to come play ,

Because you will always hide

When the disguise

Falls behind the blind.

@trueemotions91