Spilled Poem - Blog Posts

TRUTH UNTOLD - by Joud Aburashed

I have so much to say But the world might decay Fear hurts not as much as regret  So I sharpen my sword ready to strike For my words are a weapon filled with might I look into the eyes of those souls Who were taught to keep their words behold Reassurance floods as for me I'm bold This is a new chance For righteousness to breed and enhance  Something weighs on my shoulder  It burns like ice yet even colder  So I release Finally feeling relief  This wasn't a war  This was for peace  For what is most valuable to me My morals that run glee So speak up for what you believe  You might feel relief 

my world~

idealism is a disease

the letter

Day-Dream

Attack on titian

Truth untold

A little boat at the sea

a tall child

The other side

no shape, no form.

(Idealism is a disease) by joud abu rashed

Idealism is a disease

Once it enters your system it feeds off of your mistakes

It spreads like a wildfire making you quake

Symptom after symptom you start to hallucinate

A thought becomes a reality

There’s no real definition of actuality

All you can do is live in brutality

And endure that cruelty

There’s no one to blame but that little voice in your head

Making you wish on sweet death

Whispering to you as if it was your own closest friend

The doctors say there’s a cure

One that’s pure

But there’s a price

First you have to apologize

To the body you forced to idealize 

A vulnerable state of you past mistakes

Drowning you in a lake

The water reflects an image of grief and regret  

As it overwhelms you slowly you start to forget

A cold breeze of acceptance washes all over you

A warm feeling is new

A smile takes over you

Now you are cured.

this poem speaks about my struggles with anxiety and perfectionism. I hope you find a sense of comfort in it 

Have I become addicted

to the sadness,

has it evolved into a hybrid

of apathy

of melancholy.

Will it stitch itself to my eyelids.

Will it clog up my narrow veins.

Is this the type of pain,

that drives my buried hope insane.

hidden conversations

We fell in love from the shadows

professing love through radiowaves

kissing pixelated lips

and whispered longings from under blankets

What are you wearing you ask, heaving.

Insecurities he gave me,

burns, scabs that I still pick at.

You don't flinch. You don't back down

Let me. Is all you say.

and I do.

closer than I've ever come to myself.

You take them down one by one.

And tie my hands with the softest of knots

When I try to beat myself up.

You say words I want to hear

But also the words I need to hear.

When I say

hold me and I'll break, hold me or I'll break

So you held me against you and said

I've got you and you've got me.

An anchor and a promise.

That's when I knew I've always loved you.

And I realize

I'm not walking a tightrope anymore.

I'm not walking anymore.

I don't have to walk.

Because I'm here. I'm home.

t h o u g h t s

It's been a few minutes,

My head on your shoulder, your arm around me

Neither of us utters a word.

What are you thinking?

You ask, breaking the silence.

I'm thinking,

About the day we finally accepted how we felt,

And then the world tilted, the hourglass turned,

How every day we're slipping away, gradually

One sand grain at a time.

I'm thinking,

How unfortunate it is that our fate's already written

That we were to be like parallel lines

Destined to be together

But not with each other.

I'm thinking,

How long are we going to take it, one day at a time?

One call, one heart emoji, one I miss you at a time.

Like a recovering addict,

Each day takes us twelve steps away from each other.

I'm thinking,

How the time we are together is snowglobe moments.

How we are confined to only a moment in time.

While the world around us moves on and on.

And we relive one perfect yet fragile moment.

I'm thinking,

How we belong to each other today,

For now.

How wonderful it'll be if the world ends today.

While you are mine and I'm yours.

So I don't have to see tomorrow.

When the hourglass is finally empty

When either of the parallel lines ends.

When we are so apart that we stand out of sight

When the snow globe falls to the floor, waking us up.

Instead,

I try to come back to that second,

To your voice, eyes, and presence,

Instead, I say,

I'm thinking about getting ice cream.

KINTSUGI

I learned kintsugi so I could fix my favorite broken mug.⁣

The art that meant golden joinery,⁣

Golden repair.⁣

But I never thought about what it meant.⁣

Why would I? I fixed my mug.⁣

⁣

Until I broke,⁣

Until I saw cracks within people that I love.⁣

That was the moment I realized⁣

Kintsugi isn't just for fixing ceramics⁣

It is not to say what didn't kill you made you stronger.⁣

It is to show what didn't kill you is now a part of your story.⁣

A significant piece of who you are.⁣

For better or worse,⁣

whether it made you stronger, weaker, or traumatized,⁣

It's. Still. You. ⁣

⁣

So we pick up the broken pieces of ourselves and the ones we love⁣

And we put it back together with golden glue,⁣

As best as we can.⁣

We assure our loved ones not to conceal their scars⁣

We promise them the glued parts aren't ugly.⁣

That the cracks are now like a golden vein,⁣

a vein through which ichor flows.⁣

The same ichor that Gods bled is now,⁣

Keeping us immortal for a while.⁣

SCRIBBLE AND SCRATCH

With a cup of tea, a pen, and my book

I sat to write at my favorite nook.

Head filled with voices trying to get out,

And a heart humming with tunes of doubt.

I scribble, and scratch then my words fade,

As I suppress the thoughts that make me afraid.

So I go back to the books that give me relief.

To find my answers within someone else's grief.

There are many problems within these books.

And in that world, solutions aren't mine to look

Within worn-out, annotated, and yellow pages,

I forget my fright as I did for ages.

Soon I'm drawn back to my nook

Holding on to empty pages of the notebook

I scribble, and scratch but the words don't fade

For I've let my thoughts out of its shade.

How do these four walls, contain my wild soul?

"And one day I realised all I could do was give up and lay down, let it go. Or," They talked like they were stripping. Taking of their layers and showing them the ruined city beneath, daring almost pleading for them to run away from her darkness. "Destroy their dreams as finely as they did mine. Make the stars combust and become something so destruction that I laugh as their cities are blown away by burning starlight falling from the sky. I think my body had become too cold and numb for real fury, so that I decided," she looked up at them, regretful but also... defiant, andry. "To let fire speak for me. Because justice darling" cynically they ended "was never an option. "

Norah Jones and Tracy Chapman

Echo the walls of a house I once lived.

Pizza in the oven,

Silverware laid out,

Mama singing out of tune.

Memories used to be comforting

Now there’s nobody home..

My sweater unravels,

A thread locked around a knob.

As I walk away, my sweater becomes undone,

Back to the single-stringed rope it once was.

~ceramic-feelings

You see

I see the scars

It’s a talent for me,

To find you at your weakest

And bring you up from your knees,

It’s scary but Please accept the journey.

I can’t make you choose

I promise I’ll show you the other shoes,

Just give me one minute

It’s all I need

I’ll show you the light

On the other side .

I want to see you smile,

I will enlighten your soul,

I promise I’ll keep Your heart undercover

Not like any other.

I won’t leave until

Your complete

I’ll take the pain

And turn it into rain

I’ll take the anger

And turn it into thunder

I’ll empty your brain

And make it my burden

Because I can carry that

If I know your out of danger.

@trueemotions91

She was my baby girl

I told you so

Never wanted to let her go

But you made me do her wrong

By always being the other girl

Making her feel low

I just couldn’t say no.

She was my baby girl

now she can’t be found

Because I dug her, deep into the ground.

Broken hearted by a clown

I’m sorry , now I know

How low, I made her go,

I wasn’t ready

For the love ,

She blew my world apart

now I’m done fooling about .

I was confused , lost

I promise you so

Just come back baby ,to our home

I’ll show you my love , hands down

No more broken promises

No more late night kisses

I just need you back on my ground

You are , who kept me so sound

The reason I thought I was on top of the world

She was my baby girl

I just need her home .

@trueemotions91

I was lost

In a plot

Of my own fucked up emotions

No one to help me

No one ever understood

I was called a crazy bitch

Forced in a ditch

To dig myself out of

While the soil crumbled under each finger tip

Still they called me a crazy bitch

Coz I was fighting this shit

All just watched and laughed

Like a bunch of crazed clowns

To my head shut them out

I cried and screamed

Believe me I fucking did

My eyes have never cried

As the tears ain’t my sin

It’s just the opening

Of this tin I’m trapped in

The cuts were a release

Each time I dug my nails deep in

Was a understanding of the place I was laying

Each fall

I pulled harder

No matter how much they call me a crazy bitch

I am getting out of this ditch

They forced me in .

@trueemotions91

Always told

I won’t make any gold

With my long life goals,

But they underestimated me

As my goals only consist

Of happy and health,

Not having my pockets lined of coins

I’d rather have a heart of joy,

A pocket full of sweet memories

For the world to see, Is enough for me ,

Riches are nothing

If my eyes are cold

Blinded by the pound sign

can’t see my path is clearly written for me ,

I don’t need brands attached to me

I’m a brand of my own

no one can copy track me

Even when I’m buried in the ground

You still couldn’t even come close

To the place I call home

My memories would make you realise

What a lie yours is.

@trueemotions91

You reading this

Promise me

One thing

In life don’t give up

Never check the competition on the other shoulder

Always breathe and just get stuck in

The thicker the better

Don’t let anyone make you feel worthless

Poisonous people only do this

Don’t never go in with your eyes closed

Always make sure they are wide

Don’t get stuck in the gossip

Take a seat back and be the listener

Your be amazed what you hear ,

When your hurting ,

Please just scream,

Don’t let it burden you ,

I’m here,

When you want to cry,

Let it stream,

Tears are free ,

So don’t let it burn you out

from inside out ,

Believe me when I say,

Your brain is a weapon for all,

But mainly for yourself ,

So don’t let it take control,

Remember it’s your body in the line ,

Don’t let the voices roar ,

If they do, scream right back at them

Coz them bitches should be in line with your core,

When your happy ,

Enjoy,

And when your sad

Just remeber the man who shook your hand ,

Without a penny to his name ,

Yet he still has a plan,

Every single being here has a path,

And when it gets tough

Just know that’s the worse ,

The only way is up baby,

So please just breathe ,

And no it’s just the path

To make your journey on earth

Complete .

@trueemotions91

A woman ,

Is her name

A mother to all,

From the ground she was born

She always stood tall ,

She braces the craziest storm

Because that’s her home,

She carries life to the full

So we can be reborn ,

She gives her body to another

With out a thought for the other ,

She knows power, love & hate

But yet you won’t see her shake ,

She has to be powerful

To raise her next generation ,

To Make sure there matter

In a world with a lot of chatter ,

She has the power to give and take

But she always chooses life

Over any other path

That may call her ,

Because that’s the gate

To her most beautiful

Creations in life,

Always In sight , but guarded

By love , because that’s what mothers do

On this crazy path called life .

@trueemotions91

Scared

To grow old,

Petrified of getting lines,

Creases from frowning

Always clowning around,

With grey painted lipstick,

Creased upon his cheek

Over the wrinkles

That make his skin looked inked,

I’ll hesitate To undress,

scared of the bed

I once laid upon

Without a rest .

Don’t want it to be my

Last place of rest.

The joys of youth,

But now I have

nothing to lose .

I’ve lived my life with grace

And know it’s my resting place

On earth, back to the ground,

Where I was first placed .

@trueemotions91

Life is scary ,

Looking through my eyes ,

Your find it blurry,

But don’t be alarmed,

Because I promise your ready .

For this ride, To the top,

Free of charge ,

I promise I won’t ask for a penny,

But I’m going take your emotions

Higher then any,

I’ll hold your hand

I won’t let go

But inside your going be lonely.

Don’t be scared

I promised you so,

All of them emotions

Are part of the journey ,

This ain’t no movie,

First class scary .

Be the best ride ,

As this is the journey of Your life.

@trueemotions91

Billy bong billy bang,

I just want a snack,

To calm my attack.

Things got me having a panic Snack ,

For better ,for worse,

My chocolate habit won’t

Stop it

Love it

Twist it

Grab it

Shove it in and shut it.

Like a trap , with a snap

Waiting for it’s next lick,

I just can’t kick it,

With such delight

Cant help but bite it,

The melting stuff,

Gets twisted in my tongue ,

Dribble it

Lick it

Swallow it .

Now I’ve done it again

Fucking chocolate habit .

@trueemotions91

Why does another woman’s body entice me,

The curves I adore,

Skin so smooth ,

The way she shakes her arse .

Maybe it’s jealousy

But I’m not sure .

Is it wrong to admire

The beauty of another

I believe not so .

It’s something extraordinary ,

I just can’t let go.

How she drops so low ,

her hips curve to her exterior

Is just woah woah woah .

Blows my mind,

How another woman can make

My heart beat slow .

@trueemotions91

Man made shit

Tissue to wipe my arse

Man I’d rather some grass

Man made shit

Cant shake the stick

From that drip

He’s hanging on to my every word

Yet he claps

When he gets a slap

From the man in the back.

Man made shit

What a laugh

Stood over their looking like a arse

Man made shit

Just a fart

When everyone laughs

Man made shit

Full of art

But you can’t do the crafts

Man made shit

Do I have to finish it .

@trueemotions91

If don’t make sense to you - take away the words man made shit , 🤪 x

A beauty only I can see

Because I hold the key

To my own twisted art

That’s locked inside of me

It’s not my eyes who make me unique

Or the fact I have 2 ears and a nose

It’s the fact I can control

My life long goals

ain’t no one stopping that

You can put a end to my legs

Or maybe even my sense

But my mind won’t let you

Mess up that

It’s not visible to see

For a reason

It tells me daily

Scary .

@trueemotions91

I found you

Looking so blue ,

I took you

To show you the truth ,

I opened my heart

To help you ,

Never did I think ,

You would rip

Out my soul

And make me beg,

from underneath

You.

@trueemotions91

Fucked up words ,

Pulling at the trigger ,

Itching on my brain with this crazy fucker .

My plans in Mars

But yet your only reaching for the stars.

Do make me laugh ,

You look like a giraffe ,

Reaching for the highest branch

Without no arms .

Ground zero.

I hear you call.

The monkeys laugh

With a twisted squeal.

A monkey you know

That’s how low

Your brain has blown

What happened up there ,

Did the air

Lose all control

And now your left floating

Just full of holes,

Please show me your goals

I’m a bit confused

how your still so low

Not knowing which way to go

When I watched you climb

That big fuck off

Hill

@trueemotions91

When I was young

I thought I was strong

Thought life was just a laugh.

Till the voice in my head ,

Kept screaming for a chance .

Showing me things

My own eyes

Could never believe .

I ignored the noise

A racket in my brain

Used to tell the fucker

To just go away,

Always screaming at me

A fight against the other.

always in the inside

No one else can hear my brain

It sent me crazy

Used to screw

Wanted it to just escape

But it wanted to stick like glue .

Who was this screaming inside of me

I used to ask the fucker

But it would never accept the anwser .

I learnt to listen

And accept it

that’s when my words started flowing

It started screaming a little less louder

Then I realised it was me against my self

The devil and angel balancing me out

Till I accepted

That’s what my life was about

To find peace with my other self .

@trueemotions91

A flower so sweet and pure

Always staring at me

Through a open door

I wonder what

She is asking me for

Always waving hello.

I wonder if she knows

How much I adore her

And how much she makes

My skin crawl

She is amazing

Beautiful

I cant resist

To pull her from the ground

Just to give her one

Sweet kiss.

@trueemotions91

I believe in fairy’s

In a galaxy far away

Because I’m allowed to.

Dreaming

Some say .

But it’s reality

To my mind

Just Because their can’t see

Them dancing

In the glistening sky

Don’t mean I’m

Dreaming

My life away.

Remember

We all see

What we want to see

Some to blinded

To see thier own

Reality .

@trueemotions91