Why Can’t A Man Enjoy Peanut Butter Without Sobbing Because It’s So High In Calorie

Mmmm laxatives

Why can’t I just be happy and clean for once and my life

It feels like anytime I start feeling better it all goes downhill again and again

I feel horrible every fucking day not just because of my own mind but because I hate being around everyone

I hate having friends, I hate going to school and I can’t STAND the people around me in my classes

why do they always stare at me? What have I done to get this attention? I dont care if I look “different” keep your fucking eyes to yourself creeps!!!

I feel horrible about feeling this way towards my friends but it feels like I’m the odd man out always! I can’t communicate right, my words get jumbled and my thoughts don’t work!

I feel so alone all the time. I just want to meet ONE person who understands me and who I feel comfortable with and myself!

A thought I always have is “Why can’t I find the Nick to my Charlie?” Which is cringey but it would make me so fucking happy. I want what they have and how their life turns out no matter how hard it was for each other they stayed

I just wanna starve alone in my room at this point. It’s all I can think about, starving and finally being pretty

Maybe I’d find my person if I looked the part? And not even just that I want to feel pretty for myself for once. God do I hate food, it only causes pain

I just want to stop feeling bad. I wanna feel clean and pretty without the guilt of just looking at myself!

Could I get some meanspo PLEASE

I like need it to be as harsh as you can because dude I’m fuckin 189ib 6’5 at SIXTEEN

which is so insane like how the fuck are you that fat

I’ve been starving really well lately but I just binged and I need to feel disgusting

Everything is so wack

Like I don’t feel anything really it happens all the time

it’s so horrible

if I feel I feel horrible

and gross

and fat

and ugly

I need to die

I need to throw up

I need to feel

I eat to feel just to throw up to feel

I feel so horrible throwing out food that was made/bought for me

I don’t want to fucking eat it but I feel like such a bad person for doing it

like oh my god just started sobbing and smashed a sandwich my mom made me

Binging has made me realize how bad food actually tastes

like I don’t understand how I still get cravings when it all taste so bland and gross

I don’t want to eat a fucking brownie that taste like shit but the cravings do

have to say fruit taste so much sweeter and better then any dessert I’ve had

Gonna start counting calories on here plus my app :3 Hoping it’ll keep me more accountable with what I eat lol

The past like four days have been awesome

Monday: Liquid water fast

Tuesday: 213kcal

150 grams Oikos Greek yogurt-90kcal

2 1/4 tablespoon old fashioned oats-42kcal

Unsweetened coco powder-5kcal

1/2 tablespoons Clover Honey-45kcal

3 tablespoons frozen strawberries-9kcal

2 tablespoons frozen pineapple-12kcal

1 tablespoon almond milk-2kcal

1/2 teaspoon granulated sugar-8kcal

Wednesday:437kcal

Flour tortilla-144kcal

2/3 cup 4 cheese Mexican shredded-293kcal

1 tablespoon Clover honey-60kcal

1 serving black tea-0kcal

Thursday:90kcal liquids only

monster energy ultra white-10kcal

sparking spring water orange mango-5kcal

1 1/4 tablespoons Clover Honey-60

1 serving black tea-0kcal

Overall Wednesday was the WORST!!! I was forced to go to dinner with my parents and it was this weird white washed Mexican place and they put fucking French fries in almost every burrito??? So I just got a simple quesadilla :P

Like fuckin cried cause I did not want to eat :( I threw up like half of It but my body decided to hate me and not let me throw up :P

Giggles and kicks feet awkwardly :3

I want to be so fucking thin that I don’t even look real

like fucking art dude

the urge to never eat again and the urge to eat the whole kitchen and the urge to overdose on pills all on a wrestling match inside my brain after each minor inconvenience