Voice

Not Good Enough

Hey, that's not good enough

Is anything ever good enough

For you?

Well I'm determined to stay tough

Anything I have with you is brutal

Why must you be brutal?

I'm never good enough

You throw people away if they happen to be the opposite of useful

Everyone has a heart

Do you have a heart?

Yours only beats

Oh where to start...

You said you would still love

Why do you pretend to love?

Pretending isn't what a heart does

I am the bothered, dead, dove

You have broken my innocent wings

Why do you inflict pain on my wings?

Then you cut me off with something hurtful

Let me show you what my misspent time with you brings

Then you bring me down

Why do you like to bring me down

Big bully?

You like to stand behind me when I'm in a hospital gown

Your creep is showing

Why do you let it show?

It's wrong

You'll never know

Hey, you have to be more helpful than that

Than that?

Than what?

Well maybe you've gotten too lazy and fat!

"You can contribute here you know"

Do you think that I don't know?

I am only giving you what you deserve

You always have been my foe

Thank goodness I was here because you wouldn't have answered

How do you know that I wouldn't have answered?

You don't know the future, stop assuming

I will never stop dancing because I am a dancer

Hey you, I never see you anymore

How come you don't see me anymore?

Huh. I couldn't imagine why

I'm glad I have finally closed that door

I'm glad I have finally managed to get your foot out of the door

I need to get some locks for the door

A chair just isn't good enough for me

Because you are a persistent, controlling Leo

You make me feel bad about stuff

Not just any ol' stuff

You make me feel handcuffed to a wall

That you come back to just to demean me

Would you be brave enough to do that?

Holding in your words, never would you think about that

I would do whatever I needed to do if I had to

Because I understand the meaning of the words, ya gotta do what ya gotta do

Paranoia

I'm not clean

I'm rusted

I'm so close to being busted

‘bout time I did

Did I really think I could make it,

Without falling into that pit?

Mount my head to the wall

Like I am a piece of art

And nothing more than a fart

Parading into my storm

In your way trying to make me happy

It’s leaving me feeling crappy

Ask me again

What it’s like to feel,

The spin of this lopsided wheel

Rationally shrugging

Give me away, Kenzie

Then I’ll call it more of a frenzy

A secret

If you're accepting, I don’t care if you know

I'm notorious for my one none existent greeting

Not to mention the fact

That I might not be what you think

With my virtual paper and ink

Out with failure being my success

In predicting my life, I didn’t really see this

With octopus camouflage, it’s hit or miss

Imagine me as you did before

To go and fix it back

Next time when I'm unable to, I’ll pick up my own heavy slack

Dead on the inside

I'm rotting, in my worn out shell

I think this just turned back into hell

Sleeping With My Thoughts

I’d rather stay up at 2 in the morning

With my thoughts

Rather than sleeping with them

I'm not that intimate with my thoughts

They do not belong

In my bed

In my sheets

In my being

But alas I'm too sensitive

And weak

They are aggressive

And addictive like the warmth of alcohol

Exhaustion tries to seduce me

But I refuse

I know I cannot hold them off forever with the cane

Until they all break free

To slowly and comfortably lull me

Into my nightmares

To wake up in a sweat all hot and bothered

Shaking and shaking

Burnout

Watts and volts

Nutts and bolts

Do not sit right

With a loss of appetite

Sitting on the pinnacle

And being cynical

Detatched

And mismatched

I feel meek

By drowning with just a slow leak

Just a drop can turn into a flood

Leaving me buried in mud

Everything is out of my league

When I'm drowning in fatigue

Too much asleep

To even weep

I had a shot

But then I forgot

Stillness

Is the only way to cure this illness

In other words, I am having trouble finding the door

Because I don’t want to work on Maggie’s farm anymore

One Summer Night

One summer night

With my brother

Blowing up balloons and letting them fly

Mom came outside

Time to go inside

Time to take a bath

Time to go to bed

No thanks

She says that I haven’t taken a bath in a few days

She also says I have dirt all over my legs,

Like it’s a bad thing

She asks me if I like being dirty

I respond with a yes

I like the feeling of the cracked dry dirt on my legs

Chipping off with time

I ended up taking a bath

And I felt like I had lost some of myself

I was too clean to be me

I guess, I’ll have to start again tomorrow

Flit Flirt

You, little flit flirt

Back at my window

From bad to good, my feelings you convert

The wind blows, blows, blows

  Window, open, I still can’t hear you

Please stay

With you I think I’ll get through

My light of day

  Everything, you give

I’ll saver

Die for you, or live?

If you ever need a favor...

  You and I don’t have the clock,

Don’t rush

Love, my time torturously tick tocks

Me heart you better not crush

  I will succeed

Still you come and go

Love me?

You taught me how to go with the flow

Buried Deep

Die

Survive

Die

Survive

It's already buried deep down there

I hide it behind a secret glare

"Maybe someday we'll talk"

Could you just take a walk?

Fuck off

Step off

I'm fine

What I'm thinking is all mine

Tell? Never

Whatever

I'm fine I tried to portray

Just go away

Why must you ask every time?

The answer is always going to be no, and that I'm fine

The more you bring it up the more I'm going to think

I don't want to think about it, tears no longer on the brink

It's all over and done

It's buried all the way, just leave it, if you get pushier trust me I'll run

Some relationships I don't want to mend

That hand don't lend

It's been too long

What's wrong?

I'll never tell

It's already buried deep in a well

You've said that you've been there

And everywhere

But you don't know

Just go

You wouldn't get it

But it's already buried in a pit

In your office, pure,

Adrenaline, you'll never know what I endure

In there my mask 

Will always last

I'll never tell, clenched teeth

It's already buried beneath

Just give it up

Because I'll never throw it up

Solid living death

Forever hold my breath

Holiday Swirl

I’m so horrible, bad luck doesn’t want a part of me

The crows fly away with the sight of me,

Inscribed in their retinas

I have my own invisible scarlet letter

“S” is the letter

My name…

Blades of grass spear through my shadow

So long ago that girl of a shadow

My 5 o'clock shadow of words

Maybe my writing phase is over

I can’t wake up from a dream when it’s already over

Maybe my blue pen is done kissing the paper

If you were the paper and I was the pen, you’d think I was trying to murder you

I don’t know me, without you

Sometimes I miss my ink

I’m scared my drugs are going to be discontinued

I’m scared my happiness has been discontinued

I used it all up in attempt to hang onto it

Flowers blossoming beautifully to their death

Everything living to its death

Birds singing the song the reaper himself wrote

Words tattooed to my face,

My award losing poker face

Why can’t you see the sadness in my bright eyes?

My depression is the light

Everyone’s happiness is the light

People keep dragging me there

They think they’re helping

Don’t ask me what is helping

Always asking the awful reverse

They think they know what’s best

No one knows best

No not even me

If only they would listen-

And yet, too intently is not how to listen

They never do

Life Goes On

Breathe

I tell myself as I want to leave

But right now I don’t know how

I have been stuck

In a little bit of a rut

And my hatred for fakes Grew to the size of lakes

It feels like I'm playing a game

That doesn’t have any aim

I'm curious which is why I play

While I keep my feelings at bay

I have become tired of hiding behind doors

And metaphors

Frozen in mid breath,

Sitting before death

The reaper scares me no longer

Not because I've become stronger,

But because I've become scared of going on as life does

Just because

Pure Gold

You mend the cracks

In my weathered roads

With pure gold

You make me feel

Like a pharaoh

Of my world

In this danger

Of a world

you make me feel safe

It seems like you will still love me after anything

You are

The kind of sweet

That doesn’t give you cavities

Too good to be true

Which is why

I physically cannot stop smiling when I’m with you

I’m just a warm blooded oaf

Turned out

To be fools gold