Brainstorming - Blog Posts

New Redesigns of Some Old (old) OCs!

I had this comic I used to draw for my sister to read when I was about 8-10 years old. It was called Sammy's World and was about a girl named Samantha, her two best friends, her crush on a nice boy and the rivalry for said boy's heart that she had with her arch nemesis, a spoiled rich girl.

Now doesn't that storyline sound familiar? *cough* Miraculous Ladybug *cough* *cough* Dork Diaries *cough* *cough* Anything disney *cough* the 2000s in a nutshell *cough*.

I'm rewriting this for fun and I'm going to make the story more silly and light-hearted. There might even be a bit of the supernatural thrown in!

------

Each Drawing From Top to Bottom

-Carlos and Sammy with obvious crushes on each other, but are too dense to see that the other likes them too. At least they can talk to each other and are pretty good friends (looking at you Marinette!)

-Sammy in her daydream dance ballgown. Of course, this story has a 'The Big Dance' and of course, our main girl has to daydream about attending in a dress her parents can never find, much less afford. Too bad she isn't a budding fashion designer.

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Some Single Character Illustrations!

From left to right:

-Samantha (Sammy) in her everyday clothes.

-Aubrey the perceived rich-girl nemesis. Very rich she (her parents) is (are), nemesis? Eh, well....

-Mimi- twin #1 and one of Aubrey's creepy minions (not for the reason you think)

-Bibi- twin #2 and Aubrey's other creepy minion (I said not for the reason you think!)

There are more characters to come, like Sammy's friends and more of Carlos. I just have to draw and colour them in tediously, but surprisingly relaxing (ly?) with coloured pencils.

New Redesigns of Some Old (old) OCs!

I had this comic I used to draw for my sister to read when I was about 8-10 years old. It was called Sammy's World and was about a girl named Samantha, her two best friends, her crush on a nice boy and the rivalry for said boy's heart that she had with her arch nemesis, a spoiled rich girl.

Now doesn't that storyline sound familiar? *cough* Miraculous Ladybug *cough* *cough* Dork Diaries *cough* *cough* Anything disney *cough* the 2000s in a nutshell *cough*.

I'm rewriting this for fun and I'm going to make the story more silly and light-hearted. There might even be a bit of the supernatural thrown in!

------

Each Drawing From Top to Bottom

-Carlos and Sammy with obvious crushes on each other, but are too dense to see that the other likes them too. At least they can talk to each other and are pretty good friends (looking at you Marinette!)

-Sammy in her daydream dance ballgown. Of course, this story has a 'The Big Dance' and of course, our main girl has to daydream about attending in a dress her parents can never find, much less afford. Too bad she isn't a budding fashion designer.

------

Some Single Character Illustrations!

From left to right:

-Samantha (Sammy) in her everyday clothes.

-Aubrey the perceived rich-girl nemesis. Very rich she (her parents) is (are), nemesis? Eh, well....

-Mimi- twin #1 and one of Aubrey's creepy minions (not for the reason you think)

-Bibi- twin #2 and Aubrey's other creepy minion (I said not for the reason you think!)

There are more characters to come, like Sammy's friends and more of Carlos. I just have to draw and colour them in tediously, but surprisingly relaxing (ly?) with coloured pencils.

The Wizarding World did not stop existing after The Boy Who Lived. The prologue of the books say as such. Encouraging and confirming that wizarding life went on after the series. In fact, the world was much bigger than just Harry Potter and went on much longer. Though its world building was full of whimsy, much was left undiscovered or in the margins.

A Wizard’s Hearthstone will be my additions, extrapolations, and edits to the magical world of the Harry Potter universe set in the 21st Century.

Starting first, with the legendary school itself.

🍁Hogwarts🍁

Hogwarts is a wild, magical place of learning. Filled to the brim with adventure and history. The old stomping grounds of many a great wizard and a place of wizarding history both old and new. However, not all were too pleased about the students fighting against the dark wizard terrorist group and their horrifying resurrected leader. Nor the subsequent deaths of numerous of its student body and staff.

It’s safe to say that such a thing would leave many educators and parents in an outrage after the smoke had cleared. For all of Hogwarts defenses, its once prestigious lessons were criticized and its magical armor torn asunder. Big changes were quickly made to respond to the outraged call of the wizarding people en masse.

Magical defenses were reenchanted and purged of any holes it its spell work. Secret passageways discovered and marked. Students and staff are now required to keep an identification pendant keyed to their magical signature to be allowed entrance. Among many other new and developing defenses.

The Forbidden Forest is now monitored by a new group of magizology rangers. Who provide safety, education, and preservation of the magical creatures that stalk the ancient woods. Students are no longer brought there for a fear mongering detention, but to instead lead by the Rangers to keep the forest cleaned up from trash and to understand the incredible importance of an ecosystem working together in tandem.

The Thestrals who pull the carriages are kept in a sturdy barn and wide open pastures. Monitored by a ranger and occasionally the Care of Magical Creatures Professor to ensure both their safety and others.

However, perhaps the biggest change was done to how the education was carried out. With Hogwarts being criticized, so was its tradition. No longer are students organized into their houses based on their 12 year old personality, it is now decided based on learning style and values. Think of them like learning programs where students can thrive and find like-minded individuals. There are other factors that decide your house such as learning style, level of preliminary education, learning pace, ect.

Every student gets the same amount of care, and a lot of the classes look similar due to the professors, but the way things are taught are catered to what program/house they’re in.

Students in need of an even more personalized education program will also have accommodations organized with the head of house to meet their needs. Parents will be informed and can be involved if necessary. (Extremely special situations will also include the Headmaster/Headmistress)

There is also the ability to transfer houses if the need arises. A discussion between the Head of Houses, Student, and Parent is arranged to provide the best understanding and support for the student.

Houses are still decide by The Sorting Hat, but its sentient nature has allowed for an explanation to it of the changed curriculum. It now provides a quick test for the students that allows it to understand where they would best thrive. It does still take into account personality, but it’s less of a priority now than in years past.

…More to come about the individual changes to the houses!

First, thank you very much for your response ! Also, I apologize for any mistakes, I'm not a native speaker, but I'll try to map out my thoughts as well as I can ! Also, for anyone reading, spoilers ahead for s6 (El Toro de Piedra).

On the Adrien = love thing, I see what you mean, I guess I just tend to ignore certain messages the show seems to push and interpret some things my own way (keeps me sane). s1-s5 already made me so skeptical about Adrien's parents, but s6 is just making them look worse to me, especially Gabriel. Him being involved with the cult they introduced in s6 (idk if you're caught up with that) makes me go "yeah no that guy was still weird even before his wife's death ? And she's maybe on it too ? They both wanted to reform the world ?" or maybe that was after Emilie's death who knoooows.

I guess a reasonable "fanon" interpretation of Emilie and Gabriel would be that while they DID love Adrien, they're still shitty, self-centered people and parents who always projected their own dreams/wants onto their kid, whom they wish to shape into the perfect little man. However, near her death, Emilie seemed to have semi gained some self awareness which is why, in her final moments, she tells Nathalie to change Gabriel's mind and to let Adrien choose who he wants to be. Idc if the show wants me to think that she was a good mom, but to me that seems to indicate that she only had a change of heart towards the end. So she was somewhat controlling at first, but finally understood that she could not mold Adrien into just who she wanted him to be. I guess making her a semi decent mom is a more interesting thing. It also makes her a more complex, realistic character.

So, maybe Adrien is made of multiple complex emotions : His parent's love, his mom's desire for freedom as you said, but also her desire for him to be a "better" version than her, destined for bigger, great things (to go with that theme of her projecting onto her kid). So I see him breaking free from Gabriel's control as a first step, which gets him some extra power, like shielding the ones he loves since he's so attached to his identity as a super hero ? Make him go like, marie-sue style and face off his dad in the finale ? Well, at least it has to be impactful to signify his emancipation from his father's control.

Felix being a copycat makes a lot of sense to me, I think he's naturally a genius (was made that way), which is why he is skilled at so many things. But him being a shape-shifter would add to his manipulator aspect a lot.

As for Kagami, truthfully I'd love for the show to release more information about her or her mom, since we don't even understand fully Tomoe's motivation, or even who actually made Kagami. Her father maybe, since he seems to be absent ?

Globally, Miraculous is a real mess to rewrite, because you have the sort out a looot of stuff. They have so many good ideas but they always execute them poorly or drop something right after being on the good track. I still think it's entertaining, and they seem to be fixing some stuff in s6 although it's a bit late lol.

Sentimonsters are beings made from a single emotion and Adrien's emotion is heavily implied to be love. Sentimonsters can also have any random power the writers decide to give them and have been established to sometimes get powers their creators didn't intend (see Feast). That is the ultimate setup to use the power of love to empower Adrien and yet the show gives us nothing.

(See power of love rant for more)

BEST NEW YEARS WISHES TO YOU ALL!!

now time to start writing and planning out a story...

I’m trying to think of a specific type of reference/phrase.

Off the top of my head, I can think of

“Scooby dooby don’t”

and

“The Lion the witch & the audacity of this b*tch”

Can y’all think of any others with this type of energy?

Ink drawing of ideas for improvement for my city

I’m not a city designer this is just what I think would be cool - don’t come for me lol

Diff things u can see looking closely:

-solar panels shading a pedestrian crossing (we have a lot of ppl who walk on the side of the hwy)

-rain runoff goes into garden w/ grab n eat plants

-support columns have wedges on sides for nesting since the birds are already shoving themselves into the crannies of the underside

-water mill since we have a fairly big river

-buildings have smaller-scale wind turbines and/or solar panels to support their energy output

-more plants in the city itself! Not just pollen producing trees

-there’s a light rail that goes thru the nearby cities

-continuing to protect the “protected wildlife” areas

I've had this little idea in my head for a while now, so I decided to sit down and plot it out.

Disclaimer: This isn't meant to be some sort of One-Worksheet-Fits-All situation. This is meant to be a visual representation of some type of story planning you could be doing in order to develop a plot!

Lay down groundwork! (Backstory integral to the beginning of your story.) Build hinges. (Events that hinge on other events and fall down like dominoes) Suspend structures. (Withhold just enough information to make the reader curious, and keep them guessing.)

And hey, is this helps... maybe sit down and write a story! :)

“You will never be lonely again”

Her

“I’m afraid of her. She’s always there. She tells me I’m ugly and stupid, and appears whenever I feel good about myself to prove me wrong. I’m really afraid of her She even appears in my dreams, when I close my eyes I see her, when I open them too. I have no idea when would she appear. And it’s scary. She is scary. And i want her to leave me alone. But she will never do. She will kill me one day and that is for sure” “Who is she” “Me. I am really afraid of myself. I am really afraid that I can’t stand myself, I am really afraid to even close by eyes because I’d see her . Does that even make sense?” “Bin-ah, I really don’t want to be scared of myself I really want to love myself Bin-ah, Please save me.”

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #10

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 

“Huh?" 

He’s kidding me. Now he’s got to be kidding me. why would I be tutoring him? And how would that even be beneficial to me? And how would I get mom to accept meeting with a boy in the weekend? And when did he even give a shit about studies in the first place? 

"That’s right” Hanbin put his hands in his pockets.

“Are you crazy mom would never accept” I replied.

“come on mothers love me” he said and I rolled my eyes.

“give me that phone” he said as he snatched the device from my hands.

“Hey!” I tried retrieving my phone back from him as I watched him easily unlocking it And accessing the contacts.

“How do you even know my secret pattern” I asked, still struggling to get my device back.

“You can say I spied" he simply replied.

“Hello Auntie!” Hanbin suddenly said and I realized he had already dialed mom’s number. My jaw dropped as I froze. 

Oh crap. 

I’m doomed. 

“Don’t worry, I’m Hajin’s classmate" 

*oh goodness* 

"Auntie you know how your daughter is a good student and all, and I’m not that good with maths. So I wanted to ask if it was okay if she’d tutor me this weekend…. yeah in my house" 

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU CRAZY” I mouthed to Hanbin as I ran to take the phone away from him but he had always been way faster.

“don’t worry my mother will be there. She teaches here and Hajin knows her…. yeah, yeah I’m sure…. it’d be very nice if you accept Auntie please?” Hanbin kept talking and I almost slapped him for the tone he was using, I mean was he just doing aegyo to mom? I’m so getting questioned when I get home. 

“Thanks Auntie! Have a good day!” He finished and hung up.

“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE FREAKING DOING– UGH” I scolded Hanbin as he finally gave me my phone back, the huge idiotic smile never leaving his face. He knew he just threw me in trouble. 

“Booking myself a tutoring session?” Hanbin casually answered, as if it was the most logical thing on earth. God can I slap him. 

“what the hell I’m dead meat tonight” I scoffed and eyed him disgustedly.

“Oh come on she said yes what else could go wrong" 

"My life could go wrong! she was probably being nice just because–” I was cut off by Hanbin literally pinching my lips shut and that’s how I turned into a seal making the weirdest sounds, whining how much it fucking hurt. What the heck goes on his mind when he does stuff like these? And the fact that he was my goddamned freaking crush made it worse since Kim Hanbin was the king of skinship. 

“Rule number one; don’t whine over plotwists.” He said and I looked at him as if he was crazy.

“when life throws lemons at you, you make a lemonade” he explained.

“More like you throw them back at Kim Hanbin” I grumbled and he turned to me.

“See? You can’t even accept a plotwist of lemons then what about real life problems!” Hanbin almost scolded me and I had nothing to say.

“You’re tutoring me and that’s part of the plan. This is your first step, deal with it” he added and left. I huffed and exited the rooftop soon after 

- 

“So who’s that guy who called?" 

"A classmate” I answered mom before taking a bite of my muffin.

“And you really know his mother?" 

"Yeah she taught me before”

“Be careful though” my mother quietly said then took a sip of her coffee 

“Hmm” I replied and went upstairs.

- 

I sighed one more time as I looked down at my outfit; a very plain black skirt matched with a red flannel, black stockings, shoes and purse. I was waiting for Hanbin to appear for about ten minutes now, what a penctual human being.

Clutching my hands tighter against my notebook, I looked around once more for a trace of Kim Hanbin. 

“Hey, let’s go" 

"Hi I’m fine thanks for asking” I scoffed at Hanbin as he came and tried dragging me with him two seconds after. I mean, I swear to God there are other ways to accompany someone other than shoving them everywhere.

“Yeah yeah drop them formalities. the bus is going" 

"Wait what bu—” without even being able to finish Hanbin grabbed my hand and ran towards the bus a few meters away from us. 

Wait. 

Okay what the hell. I was supposed to wait for him here because I didn’t know where he exactly lived. 

This wasn’t how it worked. This wasn’t how any of this worked. But there was something I was sure of and it was that Kim Hanbin needed to stop casually touching me all of a sudden because even though I could say I’m chill with him now my heart still skips a beat whenever he held my hand or touched my cheek. 

“Where the heck are you taking me” I whispered to Hanbin as soon as we were seated down And got my forehead flicked almost immediately.

“remember rule number one” was all I got from him afterwards. I wrinkled my nose at him as I rubbed my sour forehead, hoping Kim Hanbin wasn’t taking me to the infinity and beyond. 

- 

“…You’ve got to be kidding me” I said in disbelief as the two of us stood in front of the huge gates of…. well, Lotte World.

“Such a shame to waste a good day like this studying huh?” Hanbin said giving me the famous ‘ha? Waddaya say?’ Look and I stared at him dumbfounded.

“But what the hell what do I do with this notebook now, and how am I supposed to survive here with a skirt, and why didn’t you even tell me to dress casually–” I started ranting, since I looked more like an emo human being in that colorful place, then soon got cut off by an annoyed Hanbin.

“Rule number one you rascal,” he snapped, “First i swear to god you won’t die holding a notebook inside Lotte World. Second,” he smirked, looking down at my skirt and I gulped, “don’t worry I’m a gentleman I don’t look under skirts” Hanbin added and soon got hit on the arm, but finished talking nevertheless, “ouch, and third I wouldn’t mind even if you came in your pajamas to be honest." 

Long story short, Hanbin dragged me around every game around there, an excited him and an ever so done me. 

"Its about time we ride this” he said as soon as we stepped out of the spinning cups, me still stumbling to regain my balance. I looked up to where he was staring and my brain broke the emergency button. The roller coaster. 

“No no no no wait wait no no look we’re NOT riding this” I told Hanbin as I tried to stop him from walking towards the game, which he seemed not to be bothered by at all. Gosh why the heck was he that built up. 

“Why not” he simply replied.

“Because I’m so dying up there and you’re going to pay my funeral and tomb fees then get jailed after" 

"Stop with the nonsense” Hanbin finally uttered after having enough of my whining, reaching the boarding platform.

I stopped at my tracks, “No I’m not getting in I swear Kim Hanbi–” I suddenly shrieked as Mister super gentleman literally held me by my waist and threw me on the chair, taking a seat immediately after to stop me from escaping. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t going to pass out at that moment. Not only because I was living my last few minutes before the ride started, but also because Kim Hanbin was so fucking touchy he needed a slap on the face, or someone to tie him to a chair and punch him, punch him multiple times. And the latter sounded more pleasant. 

I would bet all of Steve Jobs’ money everyone was not only staring at us, but also judging, and thinking we were together. The last one didn’t sound too bad but it wasn’t true so it was the worst. If he did this to me I wonder what Mirae is facing.. 

“Oh fuck” I whispered as soon as the machine started advancing more and more towards the peak, tightly gripping on the railing as if my life depended on it; well, at some point, it did. 

“WAIT I NEED A COUNTDOWN” I almost yelled to Hanbin since we were reaching the summit and everyone was screaming by that time and I sure as heck wasn’t ready for whatever was coming next.

“RULE NUMBER TWO: FORGET ABOUT ONE TWO THREE” he yelled back like a mad man and threw his hands in the air, a huge smile on his face as the machine took a dramatic shoot to the bottom. 

I shut my eyes and screamed my lungs out. 

#11

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #5

#1 #2 #3 #4

It was a nice day. It was one of those autumn days that are exceptionally less chilly. The sun would occasionally pay the sky a visit and it was kind of warm. Well, that’s what someone would think. But personally, I found it a bad day. A horrible day. Isn’t everyday horrible anyways? Life itself is horrible. But I didn’t mind as long as I was able to deal with its crap. I wouldn’t mind a tornado or a tsunami taking me away though just saying. I was walking to school again with ByungJoo as usual. He Stayed a bit with me in the classroom before the math teacher entered and he had to go. lesson started, and I was honestly in no mood for math. The lesson was about Spacial Geometry. It was ridiculous. And I was more than sick of my teacher being busy shushing everyone more than actually progressing in the lesson. “Okay now attention!!” She said as she stood up, after giving us five minutes to try on a task, which everyone was apparently ignoring and was chatting with their friends. “Everyone look here! Soojung, pay attention, Jaebum put that phone down- Hanbin what are you looking a—” the teacher stopped talking and my head shot up from writing as soon as I heard Hanbin’s name. I turned to him and he gave the teacher an innocent look before looking down. I looked at my teacher and a playful smile was on her face as she stared between me and Hanbin and in no time everyone was looking at me “Huh?” I quietly muttered, I was too immersed in solving the task that I didn’t know what was happening “Hajin, be careful huh” my teacher said with the same playful smile and I glanced at Hanbin and he was still looking down, a small smile that ressembled more of a -awkward- smirk on his face this time. Was he looking at me? I looked down at my notebook again expressionless, I just hoped I wasn’t blushing so I’d look like I showed no emotion to what just happened. Its not like this never happened before. I’ve noticed him looking at me more than twice. I think I’ve mentioned that. But from what I know about Hanbin he wasn’t the type to let off his guard, let alone the teacher noticing him. He sure interacted a lot with girls. It was always the cool side of him, but never the affectionate. Why was he staring at me like this? Is he that bothered by the fact that I am not all over him? Did he need to talk to me? Was he just spacing out? (Since the lesson is about space, get it?) And that’s how and for the morning period, my mind was filled of thoughts about Hanbin, Hanbin, and more Hanbin. Mondays have always got on my nerves since I had a full day, let alone my Philosophy teacher and her weird annoying rules she suddenly makes up basically to make us hate her even more. And so, by noon, I was on the verge of chopping the head of anyone who touched me. “Hajin, hold up I need to talk to you” my Literature teacher told me as the bell rang and everyone was hollering out of class *ugh what now* I thought as I went up to her desk “Whats wrong with you? Your test answers disappointed me” she started and I almost made a face “And you went out early. I thought you encountered the topic before and answered fast, but I didn’t like your answers at all” she added “Its just not of me to think twice when answering” I replied quietly, I was seriously in no mood that day, let alone that literature was never my thing “Were you sick?” “… kind of” I muttered “I assume this won’t happen next time” she said as she got up from her chair and went out “It won’t, ma'am” I whispered as I bowed at her and huffed as soon as she was out of my sight “Wow calm down there your Highness” Byungjoo said as he saw me furiously stuffing my belongings in my backpack. “Piss off Byungjoo” I hissed as I made my way to the rooftop. I could feel him following behind me as I walked up the stairs. Byungjoo just never knew how to leave me alone. “What happened?” He asked, keeping a safe distance between us as I sat on my usual spot “None of your business” I hissed hoping he’d get the message that I’m not welcoming any company. I wanted to be alone. I needed time for myself. All the pressure around me was frustrating and I wanted to run away from it. Everyone was expecting the best from me. I was a goddamned human too. Why wouldn’t they expect others to do excellent too? Why wouldn’t they expect others to be responsible and hard working too? Why were they all almost depending on me? Wasn’t I allowed to wrong? Many similar thoughts lingered around my head and by the time, tears were Streaming down my cheeks. 

It was all so frustrating. I wanted to run away from all these ideas. I wanted somewhere to escape to and find peace. Somewhere where I can feel safe. And where no one can hurt me. And I immediately found that somewhere as Byungjoo’s arms wrapped securely around me. He pulled me close quietly as his body radiated heat against my freezing one. Byungjoo just stayed there, silent, rubbing circles with his thumb against my right shoulder blade. 

I liked it in his arms. It felt warm and secure. And for a second, I remembered that it wasn’t only Hanbin that mattered in my life. It was Byungjoo. Byungjoo had always been there for me. Whether I was in a surprisingly good mood or my usual dull attitude. He never really complained when I was cold to him. He knew me too well to. He knew too well that in the end, I’ll end up crying in his arms, where he comforts me and tells me everything will be alright and that I’m stronger than any obstacle. 

I ducked my head deeper in his chest as I effortlessly leaned against him, sobbing quietly.

“I’m tired Byungjoo. I’m tired of all of this. I just can’t anymore. It’s too much” I muttered between my sobs, and if it was someone else they wouldn’t get any of what I said. I mean let’s be logical, what I said didn’t make any sense. It was damn blurry yet I knew that even if he didn’t show it, Byungjoo knew what I meant. He knew that the world scared me. He knew I was insecure. The only thing he was oblivious of was Hanbin. And at some point of that moment, Hanbin was the last thing I could think of, after he was the only thing filling my head this morning. Byungjoo whispered comforting words soothingly against my hair, leading my sobs to tone down. I finally circled my arms around his waist and was ready to stay like this forever. Because at that moment, I wasn’t feeling alone anymore. 

And nothing really mattered more than that.

#6

L.I.E: Love is Exacting#4

#1 #2 #3

I bluntly walked home, mind in deep thoughts thus occasionally bumping against Byungjoo who was walking next to me. I knew he found it weird, but didn't talk. I was glad. Because I didn't want to talk about it too. Let alone to Byungjoo. 

I've heard it this morning. It was about Hanbin. And I feel so stupid for not knowing this earlier. My whole life was a lie. Hanbin wasn't dating Nayoung. He wasn't. He fucking wasn't, for the love of God, why didn't I happen to hear this anytime before? He and Nayoung were just close friends. He was dating another girl though, another girl that the only thing I knew about her was that her name was Mirae; damn it. I didn't know her. Never saw her. Never heard of her. And I hated it. 

Thinking Hanbin was dating Nayoung made me almost estimate his ideal type, someone like Nayoung; wavy hair, plump lips, petite height and cheerful spirit. However I didn't now this Mirae. How did she look like? How was her personality? Was she short or tall? Fair or tanned? Did she have big puppy eyes or-- 

"Hey watch out" I was brought back to reality when Byungjoo grabbed me by the wrist, moving me aside as I almost hit the pole. I seriously was so deep in thoughts to know where was I walking. 

"Thanks" I muttered 

"Pay attention to your steps okay?" Byungjoo replied and silence fell again 

"Do you wanna talk about it?" He said again, not really demanding, but just friendly offering 

"no" I replied, Byungjoo was the last person I'd tell about this, well, ahem, after Hanbin, but you get what I mean. 

We parted ways as we reached my house, bid goodbyes and both went in.. 

"I'm home" I quietly muttered, enough for someone in the kitchen or the living room to hear. 

Pushing the door to my room open, I threw my backpack somewhere and took off my uniform's jacket, throwing it also over the bed as I laid down. 

I sighed. 

I was tired. Mentally and physically. And I honestly felt so frustrated about Mirae. I was ready to hack into Hanbin's phone and know how did she look like. I was this pathetic. I'd never even try to deny. 

I wanted to know how did she look like. I wanted to know what kind of girls did he like. And I was more than ready to change my style to that. Kill me. I was this insecure. I wanted to impress him so bad. I wanted to date him so bad. Yet look at this, I'm the girl whom he thought was quiet and shit like everyone did but now he thinks I'm bratty as fuck. Great. 

Slipping under my blankets, I felt a lump forming inside my throat, and I knew what was coming next. My eyes got watery. My nose and cheeks felt hot and in few seconds I felt a drop of water sliding down my temple. I cried. A lot. I've always did. For ridiculous reasons. For nonsensical reasons even me didn't know. I was this lame. I made a big deal out of everything and in the end my anger and frustration would turn into tears. 

After a while my eyes felt so heavy and my throat hurt from keeping my sobs silent, and I soon drifted to sleep. I couldn't care less if mom called me for dinner, I'd just tell her I was feeling queasy. And I was more than happy I didn't have homework because my head hurt way too much to deal with studies. 

 -

I woke the next morning looking dead panned. My eyes were way too puffy and eyeliner was everywhere; that’s what you get from sleeping with your make up on Kim Hajin. Washing up quickly I took a new clean uniform out of my closet, noting to myself to wash the other one that evening. Drying my hair had always been a pain in the ass because it gets so annoying and hard to tame however today I had no time to run a Straightener through it all so I just did my short bangs and secured the rest with a clip, today was going to be fucked up anyways. 

I hoped make up would hide my puffy eyes as I put more concealer than usual and drew my liner down longer to give a puppy eye effect which would make the left appearing puffiness look natural, well, I hoped. 

Messily finishing off I put my books in my backpack and hurried downstairs; Byungjoo was already bitching about how late it was. On our way I tried my best looking anywhere but at Byungjoo so he wouldn't notice, or else I have to go through a questionary. Mentally cursing, I remembered that I didn't bring my hoodie as it was cold and I was straight out of the shower. But well I already mentioned that this day was going to be fucked up. 

 - 

 It was reccess time and I went up to the roof again, Byungjoo's teacher didn't let them leave since they had a test so I was alone. 

"Hey" I quickly turned and it was Hanbin. and I could swear this was the fastest I ever reacted to a call. Man he startled me. This is the first time I come here in recess time how did he know I'd be here? Or was he even searching for me? 

"Hmm" I replied trying to sound as null as possible, that was my way of doing "seen" in real life. 

"Is anything wrong" he asked as he walked closer 

"you looked off" he added and I bitterly laughed, he actually noticed, but he was indeed funny. 

"Everything is always wrong" I answered and I felt him staring at me longer than normal and I was getting a bit nervous. 

 "What's wrong with your eyes?" he asked again and I felt his cold hand against the apple of my right cheek. His touch sent a shiver down my spine and my heart pounded faster. I looked up at him. Shit he just noticed. 

"Huh? What?" I tried sounding as clueless as ever 

"What do you mean by what, you look like a beaten squirrel" he said, looking surprisingly concerned and I chuckled 

"Hey, you really know nothing about make up. I just drew my tear line deeper today" I made up, sounding natural as I lied; I've always did. Yet I didn't expect him to notice, some of my classmates commented at it as antear line, why did he have to notice otherwise. 

"Is that so? Alright" he bought my bluff and I mentally pumped my fist. 

It was getting chillier and I saw myself getting sick tonight. And that was confirmed when I quietly sneezed and Hanbin looked as if he couldn't hold his laugh. 

"Bless you" he muttered between his chuckles and I wrinkled my nose. My sneeze was always quiet and high pitched. 

Soon enough Hanbin took of his hoodie and put it over my shoulders, pulling the big Hood over my head, it was reaching my nose so I was seeing nothing but I bet I looked ridiculous. 

"Hey I'm okay" I pushed the Hood up enough to lock eyes with him 

"Are you even talking back" he said and I stayed silent, taken aback of his reply. And it somehow reminded me of what happened with Byungjoo the other day, but Byungjoo had a reason. Or did Hanbin actually-- 

No. 

No he didn't, Hajin. Hanbin left the roof and I trailed far enough behind him. I was screwed. I was way too screwed. What if his girlfriend saw me with this hood on? What was wrong with him? Was he intentionally putting in problems? I don't even know the girl so I'd hide from her, it might be any girl I don't know. I just hoped no one would notice the missing logo because I had the exact same dark gray hood but with a little V on the left. 

Yet I felt my heart stopping for a moment as a girl walked into the classroom and her eyes landed on me for an unexpectedly long time. 

"Mirae!" I heard Hanbin call and the girl took a longer look at me before she marched to the back the room. 

I sighed in relief and that was when I realized I was actually holding my breath that whole time.

It was her, Mirae. I was sure now, she felt suspicious for a moment. Yet I didn't see her face. I was way too nervous that I kept my eyes glued to my desk, having nothing but a blurry vision of her skirt. 

Oh well, guess matching Hanbin's ideal type will have to wait more.

#5

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #3

#1 #2

“So this is where you vanish to lately” it was Hanbin. He had ascended the rooftop few minutes after I reached there. I had started spending more time here since me and Byungjoo came for the first time, I started liking this place so much, whether it was with or without Byungjoo’s company, I never failed to have lunch here everyday. But this wasn’t it, Hanbin was up here today, and he seemed quite interested in the fact of finally finding out where I’ve been going to. I let out a chuckle and gazed back at the typical gloomy cloudy sky of autumn. “What makes you care” I muttered, but he seemed to have a wide hearing range since he soon replied “Curiosity took the best of me” he simply stated, casually leaning on the a/c unit’s shade I always sat on, hands deep in his pockets. It was the same way Byungjoo sat but I especially found it attractive when Hanbin did it. Almost perfect. Yet so many questions lingered inside my head at that moment Why was he here? Why did he wonder where did I go? Why is he suddenly being comfortable around me? Why- Snap out of it Hajin, he already said it, curiosity took the best of him, don’t wander too far silly. “Shouldn’t you be having lunch now” I asked, not really waiting for a specific answer, I never did “Is this a dismiss” he chuckled “Take it however you want” I replied, never really making eye contact I turned to him, noticing he was staring at me for more than five seconds now “What?” I asked as he had an impressed look on. He let out a short laugh “Hey, are you really Kim Hajin?!” He bewilderedly questioned and I looked down at my uniform “Atleast that’s what my name tag says” I sarcastically answered “You’re actually acerbatic” he said, sounding fascinated by the discover. I almost slapped myself. Almost. But I mentally did though. This was Hanbin. My crush. And the guy I’ve always wanted to talk to. This wasn’t Byungjoo. My best friend. The guy that I can be opened to. What am I doing? Basically wasting my chance with him. Impressive. I didn’t know how it worked, maybe I felt weirdly way too comfortable with him that I could easily show him my real side. Maybe I was just so confused on how to attract him that I fucked it up being sarcastic. Maybe I thought being bitter would make him interested in me. Either ways Hanbin was probably judging me hard right now yet I didn’t care at all for unknown reasons. “Took you long enough to figure out” I murmured “Why do you put on that mask then” I didn’t answer. In fact, I didn’t have an answer. I didn’t know what to say. Hanbin asked such a question my brain stopped functioning. What was the use of this fake behavior. A part of me knew, but another didn’t. “It just… worked out like this. I became the Kim Hajin everyone knew, and burried the real me away” “Why” “You don’t ask why Hanbin. Everyone had issues in their lives that led them to certain decisions” He paused. “..Are you happy like this” I stayed silent. Kim Hanbin had the ability of making my mind a total mess in a span of a nanosecond. I never hesitated answering any question. Never. Yet look at me now, all pathetic for one. “As long as I’m following the standards, I am” The bell rang. And be honest I was more than glad to go and study Physics, mark this as a historical event please. I won’t deny that I’ve always wanted to talk with Hanbin at least for a short while, but now I’m desperate to escape. Hanbin asked precise questions. As if he knew everything. As if he could see through me. And I wasn’t sure if I was feeling comfortable or not, because as much as his questions made me feel fidgety, I was able to maintain my genuine attitude in front of him, I wasn’t building up an image in front oh him, I broke my walls in front of him. And I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. “Aren’t you assisting” I asked as I jumped off the brick shade, ready to leave “I don’t think so, I don’t feel like physics” Hanbin casually answered and I took that as a no, heading downstairs “Hey” I stopped, gazing at him from behind my shoulder “You’re interesting, try to talk more” I chuckled “I won’t promise a thing” I replied as I proceeded my way.

So it was a good thing in the end.

#4

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #2

#1

I knew he liked me, Byungjoo did. He wasn’t really that obvious, but I’ve known him enough to figure out. He was my neighbor for thirteen years now, and the first and only friend I made when I came to their neighborhood when I was four. We were quite close as kids I mean I used to do everything with him, play together, study together, I used to rely on him in everything, and had to buy him the same thing of anything I bought, he defended me the whole time and never left my side as we grew up together. I honestly felt grateful, no lie, but now we grew up, and things changed. We aren’t kids anymore. A simple touch isn’t meaningless anymore. Since we graduated middle school I started noticing, Byungjoo wasn’t the same anymore, he eyed me differently, behaved around me differently, even his tone of talking to me changed. That was enough for me to realize that it’s not the same anymore. Byungjoo didn’t see me as a best friend anymore, but as a girl. And I honestly felt guilty because I really didn’t mirror those feelings. I liked Hanbin. Though I knew I had no chance with him, my heart kept longing for him pathetically. I knew this was going to finish some day by me rejecting Byungjoo and never having Hanbin. And I’m sure Byungjoo would start distancing himself from me after and I really don’t want that. I only had Byungjoo. And loosing him wasn’t on my to do list. I actually lied, heh, I’m sorry. I haven’t always been alone after all. Byungjoo was always there, at least in the background. Checking on me between periods -as we studied in different classes-, having lunch with me, walking me home often and having the weirdest viber conversations. Byungjoo was actually the only person I was opened up with. I could freely talk without fearing him nor his reaction. I honestly felt comfortable around him because I could show my real self in front of him. What I liked about Byungjoo the most was how he was different from the others. Although he had known me for a long while, he wouldn’t just barge in when I’m sitting alone in silence. I almost think he reads my face. Whether I’m alone and liking it, or needing someone to talk to, or just a silent company. He knew me way too well. Although I was never the talkitive type. Yet I guess he just got used to my system, and unfortunately grew affectionate towards it. I sat almost cross legged -I was never good at that- over the a/c unit’s brick shade, slowly and gradually taking bites of my sandwich. Byungjoo had apparently thought it was nice to go to the rooftop and have lunch. This is both of us’ first time getting up here and if we get into trouble it’s totally his fault. Well it was pretty and comfortable here though, it was quiet and refreshing. Something Byungjoo knew I liked and that’s probably why he brought me here. And I was feeling glad he never really talked unless it was necessary. And that he got me up here because I honestly would never do that alone. I zoned out staring at the ceiling, well I pretended to, trying to look oblivious of Byungjoo intensly staring at me, I never really liked to ‘catch’ him while he’s at it, I didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable around me so I’ve always let him be. Biting the inner of my mouth I secretly wished he disliked me instead because I totally hated the idea of hurting him, I hated it so much that I refuse the occurrence of the process. I had finished eating by the time Byungjoo called me, offering a sweet. “Don’t even try to say no because I’m not taking that as an answer” he said as I opened my mouth to refuse. I chuckled. “Sassy. Thanks” I silently replied, placing the candy in my pocket. He knew well that I needed something sugary between sessions. he probably won’t be attending class this afternoon that’s why he’s handing it to me now, he never came on Wednesday afternoons. He needs to stop ditching secondary subjects. Me and Byungjoo stayed in silence for a good while. Just enjoying each other’s company. This time he was more of concentrating on the floor, suddenly finding it more attractive than me, well honestly it was, I’m funny I know. His straight eyebrows furrowed and his pink lips slightly perked up; the typical face Kim Byungjoo made when he was in deep thoughts. I guess this time it was my turn to stare at him. From how the soft winds gently played with his blond hair and to how he rested his back on the edge of where I was sitting, legs crossed and hands in his pockets. Byungjoo was good looking, I’m not even going to lie about it. He was so good looking I actually questioned why didn’t I fall for him instead. I mean I’m not that superficial but let’s be honest, he’s nice, senseful, funny and responsible, and being good looking was like the icing on the cake. The cake that had been in front of me since I was four yet I never thought of tasting it. “What?” Did I stare for too long? “nothing. Just being creepy” I quickly averted his gaze and heard him chuckle “Ugh it’s cold” I muttered after few moments but soon regretted it because I had Byungjoo’s attention focused on me as he quickly took off his blazer and placed it over my shoulders “Hey I was just saying” “Just wear it, I don’t wanted to be blamed if you get sick” he hinted at how mom always told him to look after me as if I was five. “Lets go down” he said as he pushed himself off the short wall and started walking to the door, not even bothering to look back as he knew I was following behind him. “Hey” he turned “Your jacket” I said as I approached him more. He was going out now so he technically needed it more than me who’s going to stay under a roof. “Keep it on” he answered as soon as I laid my hands over the blazer to take it off “But people will misunder–” I started as I pushed it off but was soon cut off by Byungjoo placing both of his hand firmly on my shoulders, putting the jacket back on “Let them be.” he replied, intensely looking straight at my eyes and I felt terrified for a second to be honest. “Take care” Byungjoo added before letting go of me, then inserted his hands back in his pockets, quickly descending the stairs as I stood there like an idiot. I bit my lip.

#3

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #1

He sat at the back of the class, earphones plugged and not a single shit given about the world. I didn’t really mind. I sat on the first table by the door and was class president. I had a bad habit of leaning my back on the wall not my chair so I technically had a perfect view of him; if only he wasn’t sleeping with his blazer over him the whole time or not even attending class. He was a bit taller than me, as I was a somehow tall girl myself, oh well I didn’t really mind this too, why am I even mentioning that. Many girls were probably envying my perfect spot and would pay me to take that desk. Lets face it though, he had a girlfriend, I mean come on, he looked like it. But he also looked like a player, I mean let me reformulate that; he knew he was good looking, and the fact that he thought every girl would be fawning at him with a glance annoyed the shit out of me, because he keeps staring holes into me, probably expecting me to care, but I didn’t, hell why would I, I don’t boys that’s a first, second I’d rather die in a dirty hole than be interested in him, yet he didn’t like it, he wanted me falling for him and I knew it, his arrogant self wouldn’t let him sit and watch how Kim Hajin ignores his existence while the rest of girls were all over him. Kim Hanbin just didn’t know how different I was.

I’m usually lonely on lunch time, well let’s face it, I’ve always been alone in everything, funny isn’t it? I didn’t really mind. And I slowly grew comfortable to the silence. It was my best friend, and I almost hated when someone interrupted that, probably one of my classmates “kindly” offering the quiet shy girl company, giving a famous “why are you sitting alone?”. It was because I enjoyed being alone the most, I enjoyed silence’s company the most. Silence was nice. You could always talk to silence. Yet it would never judge you. Music was nice too, I liked music. Ballady hip hop. Yes I didn’t look like it. I looked more like someone who’d listen to Barbie songs honestly. but well they say what you show is not always what you hide. People thought I was quiet because I disliked them, was complexed or just because I only minded my studies, I don’t blame them though. I actually disliked them all anyways. no one was worthy as a friend. But come on let’s be honest; I don’t even see the use of having a friend, I mean I can manage alone. I’m pretty fine alone. I am totally in no need of fake human beings by my side that act nice in front of me. And I’m also in no need of calling them my friends just because I saw them five days a week. I was growing annoyed of the fuss in the classroom. I was the type to pack a few snacks and have them for lunch in the classroom while others ate in the canteen. That place was way too crowded and noisy for me. However today was different, we had a math test this afternoon and so, many of my classmates stayed in class to “study”; Our teacher was strict as a clock. And no matter how much I tried ignored the girl that sat behind me calling my name around ten times now, she wouldn’t shut up and I was ready to shove a knife into her eyes, too bad I didn’t have one. Sorry not sorry for being sadistic. But that girl annoyed me; not like everyone didn’t. She was new, and probably didn’t know me well. Although they found it weird, my classmates grew used to me being in my own world, and never really bothered to talk to me between periods or when I’m having my earphones on, hell they wouldnt even dare, but I see she didn’t get it yet, well I hope she does before I get jailed because of her. Having enough I quietly got up and placed my backpack on my chair before pushing it under my desk; no one dared to touch my stuff so I didn’t really mind leaving it there. “Hajin are you okay? You actually got up!!” One of my classmates exclaimed, as if she just realized I actually had legs. Well I was known for not leaving my desk since I come in the morning unless a teacher told me to do something. I saw no need in wasting my energy, my classmates got up between every period, roaming around or peeking from the door to check if the teacher came. I gave her a small smile before secretly scowling at Hanbin and his girlfriend at the back of the classroom, hands intertwined and mirrored cheesy smiles. They were the definition of disgusting, oh well, not like he didn’t intertwine hands or initiated skinship with other girls. I wonder how his girlfriend is okay with that, or if she does even know. On the other hand I was kind of surprised how my classmates easily bought my fake smiles. I mean wasn’t my cold attitude obvious enough? Poor kids, thought I was the pink angel. I headed out of class, no where to go in precise. I just needed somewhere quiet, which was hard to find by the moment because you’d probably find a couple by each classroom. Ew. I looked once more at those stairs and halted my steps. Should I go? They lead to the rooftop, I had no idea how it looked like but I was hella sure it’d be quiet up there and that it’s going to be nice. Thinking twice I resumed walking. I was a coward, who am I kidding? I never took risks because I was a coward, I always followed the rules because I was a coward, I never talked to my classmates because I was a coward. I was afraid of rejection, afraid of people, of their judging, their deadly stares and terrifying whispers. I let my insecurities overcome my likes. I was a weak person, I knew it, yet I did nothing about it. I let my weakness control me, I let people’s opinions manipulate my life. Kind, nice, shy, studious; that’s what they thought I was; no. Thats what they wanted me to be. Mute, insecure, antisocial; that’s what I saw myself as, after trying to match their expectations. It wasn’t that people didn’t dare to talk to me when I’m with my earphones on. It wasn’t that they didn’t dare to touch my belongings just because they were mine. It was that they didn’t care, I wasn’t important, I was nothing, and I knew it. I was afraid of Hanbin too. I wanted to impress Hanbin and I knew it. I liked him. Yet I kept fooling myself that I didn’t, that I was cool enough to not care about any boy, that I was just different and he wasn’t my style, that I really didn’t want him to be interested in me and get close to me like my other classmates. Hanbin didn’t want me to fall for him, he didn’t even care about my existence. I was jealous of them and I knew it. Why are those girls close to him and I’m not? Why does he initiate the talk with them but never talks to me unless I was the only one in class and he needed to ask about a teacher? I really liked Kim Hanbin and I more than knew it. Yet the weak person I am told me to shut up and deal with it. I knew I had a chance of getting of close to him, what was easier than starting a conversation with Hanbin? Maths? Physics? Building a jackpot? Well everything was easier for me than that. I was going to finish my last year in high school crushing on Hanbin without anyone knowing but silence, yet guess what? I knew it.

#2